Song: Beauty from pain by Superchick
My head rest on the softest texture ever. I feel like I am surrounded by clouds, all fluffy and white. I'm surrounded by pure softness, an amazing incredible feeling. I must be in heaven. I'm not hot nor cold. There is a light weight on top of me as if holding me down in place. A blanket of pure fluff.
My head feels light. I try to open my eyes but the right side refuses to open. The other eye wants to stay closed due to the brightness in the room. It's so freaking bright in here. So I close it back...back to darkness. Someone in the distance is talking loud, sounds of being on a speaker, maybe an intercom. Something about room 216...nurse needed in 216. I hear machines around me. One of them keeps beeping. Beep-beep-beep. Dear lord shut it off. I want it to stop.
My head starts to throb. I didn't succeed. I can't do anything right. His voice echoes in my mind... 'You're worthless,' 'no one cares about you,' 'you can't do anything right,' 'you deserve to get your ass kicked, 'I won't kill you today;' I try to block him out. God I hate him. No one should hate anyone but I do; I hate him.
I hear the door open and people are walking shuffling around the room. One is a nurse, I feel her touch my arm; then walk around the bed. "She seems to be resting well. Everything is going to be ok. I'm going to give her a little something for the pain." I don't see her but I know she put whatever pain medicine in the IV. I hear her walk out of the room.
It doesn't take me long to realize Mrs. Banks voice. She holds my hand. I love the softness of her hand and how when she touches me I feel loved and cared for. "Cecilia I'm here. I'm sorry...sorry for not being there. I wish you would have waited for me in my office." Her voice falters towards the end and I know she is crying. I hear the sadness in her voice along with sniffles and I caused this. Please forgive me for hurting you.
"Mrs. Banks you think she is going to be alright?" Another voice comes from my right side. He is here, but why?
"I do...it's going to take a while but I think she is going to be fine....just fine." She squeezes my hand.
I feel him come closer to the bed. I try to open my eyes but something pulls me under. I know it's whatever the nurse had given me...I dose off.
I wake up later and hear them talking. They are still here. How long have I been asleep?
"I'm going to go get something to drink would you like anything?" Ask Mrs. Banks.
Weston replies, "Water will be fine, thanks."
I hear the door open and close. Weston is still here. His is holding my hand. He starts to talk out loud. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. Will you ever forgive me? I found your note in my pocket. Funny thing is I remember you writing it and placing it there I just forgot."
He is playing with my fingers. "I remember...I remember everything. We talked about the beach; do you remember that? You talked about wanting to feel the sand between your toes. You have never been to the Ocean and I told you I would take you. When you wake up...when you get better I'm taking you. I promise you..." He trails off and I hear a sniffle. He as well has been crying. All because of me.
I feel a tear glide down my cheek, then he moves closer to me. He must be watching me because his hand comes up next to my face and he wipes the tear away. His hand so soft against my skin.
"Don't cry baby...come on open your eyes look at me. I know you hear me...please. I need you to see me. I need you to see that I am here....I'm here."
I force my eyes open to look at him. Well the one eye. His face lights up and he has tears in his eyes. His smile is contagious and I try to smile back at him but it hurts.
The door opens and Mrs. Banks walks in. She rushes over to the bed. "You're awake...thank God! How do you feel?"
I shrug. "I'm sorry I missed the play."
She shakes her head, "Cecilia it's just a high school play; there will be more. How are you?"
"I'm okay."
"Are you really?" she knows I'm not. She is use to my famous words that I'm always ok.
"I will be." I try to sit up but the pain is unreal. I try not to cry out.
"Don't move. Here I will move the bed up ok." She pushes a button on the side of the bed and it starts to rise up. It moves gently up, thank goodness because I am trying to hold in the pain. Once up into sitting I look at her.
"How bad is it this time?"
"Well it could be worse. The good thing is you will heal from it."
"Mrs. Banks...how bad is it?" I ask her again.
"You have a broken rib, and a bruised kidney. A thin line fracture in your right leg...multiple bruises..." she trails off.
I already knew that. My father came home to teach me a lesson to keep my mouth shut. I knew the moment I heard the crack that my rib was broken and that's why it hurts to breath. I want to know about my arm. I know it has to be bad. I remember holding the piece of mirror. I remember bringing it to my skin and the first cut. I just don't remember after that. How deep...how long. I just don't have visions past the first cut into my flesh.
"My arm...how bad is it this time. It must have been bad because I am here?" I look down at my left arm and it is wrapped from the wrist all the way up to my elbow.
Her eyes fill with tears. "Around forty-five stitches." She reaches for a tissue. "I wished you would have talked to me first."
"Stop..just stop...please." I know I sound disrespectful, I don't mean to be. "There is nothing you could have done. Even if I talked to you I would have done it anyway. It was already going through my mind before I even got to school. I'm sorry I disappointed you. I disappoint everyone. I'm not perfect." A few tears flow down my cheek.
The door happens to open and a man walks in with a white coat. I assume he is the doctor. "Good afternoon, how is our little fighter today?"
I wipe my face with my right hand. "Other than the pain...I'm ok. I have a headache."
"We will get you something for that alright. I'm glad you are awake. I'm doctor Threadgood has anyone talked to you about your condition."
I shake my head yes.
"OK well...A therapist will be in to see you later today alright. But at the moment there are people outside that need to ask you questions. Are you up for it?"
"Not really but whatever."
When he leaves the room, an officer comes in with Mrs. Lasher. She smiles at me. "Good afternoon Cecilia, we meet again."
"I told you; you can't stop him from hurting me no one can."
"I'm sorry Cecilia this should not have happened."
"You all say that but nothing ever happens does it?"
She gets quiet and looks at the officer. He takes over. "If it's alright we would like to ask you a few questions. Do you mind if we talk alone?" He looks over and Mrs. Banks and then at Weston.
Mrs. Banks looks at me. "We will be right outside this door if you need me yell understand and I will be right here okay."
When the door closes they both sit down. "Can you tell us what happened?"
I tell them everything, from the moment I got home till I sneaked out the bedroom window.
"And you mother...where was she when this was going on?"
"I don't know probably in her room. I don't know it's not like she has ever helped me before."
"She lets him beat on you?"
I smirk. "She has never once stopped him; sometimes she even watches."
"How long has this been going on?"
"Ever since I can remember. He hates me. He has always hated me."
"But why would he hate you?"
"I don't know because I'm alive...why else?"
They look at each other confused and puzzled by my statement. "Because you're alive?"
"My mother had me..I survived. All the others she miscarried. Although I do remember when I was little there was a baby but I don't know whatever happened to it. It cried so much and one day I woke up and he was gone?"
"He?"
"The baby...I don't know what happened I was so young at the time so you will have to ask them." I don't know why I just told them about the baby. I have never spoken a word about it, ever. I watch as he writes down on his pad.
"So is this the worst he has ever beaten you?"
"Years ago I had a broken arm but we said that I had fallen while playing...I'm sure his cracked things and damaged organs from kicking the shit out of me but this is the first time my head has made contact with a mirror. He tries not to bruise my face because people like you will ask too many questions."
"I just don't know how he got by this long and not getting caught?"
"Well when you move around so much and change schools no one says anything. We found this house really cheap and I guess that why we haven't moved yet."
"So why did you never come out and tell anyone?"
"Why...no one can save me. Everyone says they will or they say things will get better. People mean well but they can't stop him. You think you are going to; you're not. No one can stop the monster from coming after me."
He closes his pad of paper and looks at me. "Well Cecilia he is in custody and he is not getting out not this time."
I laugh, "You say that now but you watch he will find away. And you think this is bad wait till you see me when he is done with me. Matter of fact next time you won't see me I will be six feet under."
"I promise you he is not getting out."
I roll my eyes at him, "Not to be disrespectful to you sir but I will believe that when I see it."
They both stand up. "We will be back in touch..try to rest up alright."
They leave the room and Mrs. Banks and Weston come back in.
"Is everything alright?"
"Sure."
"What is it dear; I know something is bothering you?"
"Nothing. It's just everyone promises that everything is going to get better and it's not. I can't get away from him and he will be back for me it's just a matter of time."
"Cecilia I'm not letting anyone ever get to you again." Weston says.
"Can we please change the subject?" I ask.
"Of course..what do you want to talk about?" Says Mrs. Banks.
"Eating...I'm starving." I smirk.
Mrs. Banks smiles, "That's a good sign. I'll go let a nurse know you're ready to eat."
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Sorry such a long chapter. Please forgive me. I hope you enjoyed it though. Thanks guys for reading.