Chapter 26
Zen
I don't know how in the hell I got in my bed, but when I woke up this morning I was there. It was really weird, because my shoes and jacket were off and hung up. I honestly don't even remember going to sleep last night.
Thinking about yesterday only gave me a headache. I mean how childish could two boys actually be? They may not have noticed that I noticed everything, but I definitely did. I didn't even really go to the bathroom, I just listened to their entire conversation. King was being his self, and sometimes his little cocky attitude really pissed me off, but that's just who he was. Ian was being dumb, just because he isn't the only boy in my life. And the little slick comment he made about me being 'his' had to be handled. I wasn't his or anybodies I was my own.
Just because we made up doesn't mean I trust him, because I don't. King really had a point about some of the stuff he said. I just wished they would've been nicer to each other. I don't even want to talk to Ian after last night. He always thinks someone is against him or something.
I watched King walk to his car. Ian pulled me aside looking at me like I was dumb. "Why you doing this? You know I'm leaving tomorrow morning and you wanna go home with him?" he almost yelled. I rolled my eyes. Here his jealous ass go. "Ian I already told you. He going right home. It only makes sense" I said calmly. I was not about to argue with him tonight.
"And you know what you was doing tonight. You really starting to act like a lil hoe" He said half mumbling. I heard every word he said loud and clear though. Who the fuck does he think he is? "Excuse me?" I said giving him a chance to correct himself. "You heard me. I came here for you, while you all in somebody else face" He kept yelling. I rolled my eyes. "Ian why you even tripping? It's not like we together"
I told him that I didn't want to be with him in the first place. If I wanted to flirt with other boys I would, even if it was in front of his face. He obviously wasn't thinking about me when he was all up under Carmen. I would say this shit out loud, but I'm not like him. I don't like to hurt feelings. "You know how the fuck I feel about you though" he yelled. He looked like he was about to grab me or put his hands on me in some way.
This nigga must've lost his mind. The fuck he raising his voice at me for? And I wish he would touch me. "And your ass knew exactly how I felt when you were fucking Carmen. Didn't you?" I spoke my mind. I don't give a fuck how bad it made him feel anymore. I don't care how hard it hit him or none of that. The fact of the matter is, it still happened
This features softened and he looked at me like he did the night I caught them in his bed. "I thought we were over that Zen" he said as I shook my head rapidly. I defiantly wasn't. Not yet anyway.
I sighed "Ian. You really shouldn't have even came. We're over. We were over when I left Chicago, and we were over when we had sex. It's all done. I was just confused with my feelings at that time" I admitted. At this point it was clear. I thought I could give Ian another chance, but I just can't. It's too hard to even look at him still without seeing her in his eyes. I thought I could let it go for love, but I just couldn't it was tearing me apart inside.
"You don't mean that shit Zen. We letting that shit go. The past is the past." He said softly trying to pull me into a hug. I pulled away and looked back. The tears were threatening to fall and I couldn't hold them back. "Yes I do. We just can't be together. After all the hurt and pain you put me through I can't take it. And I know you Ian. And I know you probably were messing around with her again even after I found out. It wasn't even like y'all only did it one time. It was more. I just can't trust you"
The truth was finally out and layed on the table in clear colors. Ian thought for a second. I thought he would try to fight back, but he didn't he just nodded and kissed me on the forehead. That was his way of waving his white flag. Surrender. I don't know if we would still be friends or if he would even be in my life at all, but one thing I know is me and Ian will probably never be officially together.
His car had came just then and he walked over to it, getting in without saying anymore words. I stood there for a moment after he left, wiping away a few tears and trying to get myself together. As hard as I wanted to cry I couldn't. I don't know why, but I was more angry than sad. I walked over to King's car, and got in without saying a word.
I reminisced on last night's events. It was a hectic night, with a disappointing ending that slowly turned into something good. I'm glad King took me to his mother's house. It was exactly what I needed a home cooked meal and a house filled with love.I could definitely see why King was such a mama's boy. She was the sweetest thing.
I'm glad I ended up going with King instead of Ian. King just gave off this whole new vibe that I would probably never get from Ian. I don't know why I didn't choose earlier. I checked my phone seeing that I had a text from King.
It's cool if I come by a little later?
I texted him back, telling him it was okay. I needed to forget about yesterday with anything. And with King I'm sure he had something in store.
Ian
My plane finally landed and I was exhausted. This whole week has been crazy as fuck. It went from bad to good, and then bad again. I don't know where Zen and I stand, but after last night I don't think we should stand anywhere.
I went all the way there to make everything right and it was for a while, but she has obviously found someone else. Who am I to get in the way of that? I noticed something about this week. Zen will pretend her ass off and lie to herself about her own feelings until the end of time, but she can't fight them and until she makes it right for herself it eats at her.
That's just not something you can see, the person you love suffer from. I probably will always love Zen, but me being around is just confusing her. If it is meant to be at the end, I'll let her come to me. I can't keep chasing her like this. I admit what I did was wrong at the beginning, but if we're being really honest we weren't together then and we never have officially been. Zen was something special, and she did deserve to be happy. I ain't like that nigga King, but he was right.
I exited the plane and walked outside. I had called an old friend, Tiara, to pick me up. I needed to clear my head, and it's been a minute since I had fucked with her. It was better than a drink.
Tiara was a childhood friend, that was always here. I may not have had many friends, but she was defiantly one of them. No matter how long we didn't talk she was one of them chicks that would ride till the end. We had so much history, and she always used to help me with my problems when we were younger. I used to have the biggest crush on her, but as we got older I realized that we were better off as friends. The feelings are still there, but I know she doesn't feel the same way, so it doesn't matter.
I spotted a white Jeep in the lot and walked over to it. Before I could even reach halfway there Tiara had already ran over to me and jumped in my arms. "Iannnn" she squealed. I dropped my bags and embraced her in my arms. "Damn girl, you ain't that light" I said, laughing.
"Nigga shut up" she said thumping me in my head. I rubbed my head a little and then frowned at her. She stayed beating up on people. She has always been a tom boy "Just for that you gotta get my shit." I said walking to her car. She started to pick up the biggest one of my bags. She could barely carry it, it was so heavy and she was so small. "Ian! Get your ass over here and help me" She yelled.
I did as she said and we packed everything in her trunk and then got in her car. She started it and pulled out the lot. She started on the road, and we were gone. I knew the car ride wouldn't be that silent. She always had questions and I knew she'd have tons of them, since I haven't really talked to her since before I even met Zen.
"I was starting to think you had forgot about me. You know how long it's been since I talked to your ass?" She started. I nodded in understatement. We haven't went that long without talking in a while. "My bad, it's just been a lot of shit going on." I said sighing. She frowned a bit probably already knowing something was wrong "What you fuck up this time?" She asked, and I knew she was serious as hell.
"Why it always gotta be my fault, damn?"
She gave me a look, and then turned a corner. "Because it's always your fault"
"I'll tell you everything if you just take me to get something to eat. Damn I'm starving." I said as she stopped at a stop light. She nodded and the rest of the ride was silent.
We made our way to a Mexican restaurant, her favorite food. I swear this girl could live off of Mexicans food for the rest of her life if she had the chance. Tiara parked the car and then got out first. I looked her up and down, I couldn't lie she had body like wow.
I licked my lips. She has definitely grown since our elementary days. More than I had expected. I followed behind her restraining the urge from grabbing her ass. We found a table and sat down.
As soon as we sat down she gestured for me to talk. At first I hesitated a bit, but then I figured I should just get everything off my chest. I started from the beginning when I met Zen at the party. I explained to her about the Manny situation. The phone calls, and dates, and how close we got.
When I started to explain the whole Carmen thing, she frowned. I told her about the drinking incident and Zen's sister, mama, and father. Her frown finally turned into a smile when I told her about the ride to the airport and the gifts and the frown was back when I explained how broken I was. The story went on as I told her about how I kept Carmen around till the time I let her go. I finally ended with telling her about the trip and the amazing sex we had and then to last night.
When I was done I had realized that I had been talking for damn near an hour. Through this whole conversation we had gotten and eaten our meal, and were about to pay the ticket. Not once did Tiara interrupt me through. She gave me her undivided attention as I spilled out everything. Zen and I had been through a lot of shit actually and I was just now really realizing it.
"You really fucked her best friend Ian?" she asked. I shrugged nonchalantly. That part of my life was long gone and over. "You know you did fuck up really badly" she said.
"What are you going to do now?" she asked looking me in my eyes. She grabbed my hand and caressed it with her small one. "Forget about it and move on. I can't linger, I've tried"
She nodded a bit. "I would tell you to chase after her if you really love her, but it seems like you've done all the chasing" she admitted. I nodded my head agreeing with her. I'm all chased out.
"So let's say she comes back to Chicago and wants you back. What would you do?" she asked. I thought for a moment before answering "I don't really know. I don't want her to just think that she can just have me whenever she wants. We've been on and off too many times. First she wants me and then she doesn't and then she does again. I don't even think she really knows" I said.
"Well only time will tell now, but if it matters then I think if she comes back then you should give it a chance. She may have steered you wrong before, but you have to think from her perspective and it sounds like she's had a pretty fuck up life. And that girl was her best friend for about a good ten years. If I was her I'd be confused too, shit. If she does come back just tell her how you feel and tell her you just can't be her go to boy, and that your serious" She explained. I knew exactly what she was saying.
I had never thought to look at it from her side before. I mean she she has been through a lot in her life, losing people from left to right. I just couldn't be another person to hurt her life or make it any more complicated. I guess Tiara saw the look on my face, because she came out of her booth and sat next to me. She draped her arm around my shoulder and patted my back a little.
"It's going to be okay. It takes time." She said. I chuckled a little "And when the fuck did you get so wise?"
She thumped me in the head again and rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to help your dumb ass. Now let's go" She said. She payed for the meal saying that I've been through enough shit and we headed to her car.
I'm glad I did call Tiara and not a nigga. This situation was some girly type shit that no nigga would probably know what to tell me.
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Zen
"Why you always playing?" I exclaimed. King had came over and brought me a bag of Sour Patch Kids, but he ate all of them on his way here. I punched him in the chest. He knew how much I liked those, and his punk ass gon eat all of them "You buying me some more" I pouted throwing the bag away and sitting on the couch.
"You a fucking baby. It's just some candy" He laughed. I wasn't laughing at all. I was craving the whole bag, and I only got three out. I pushed him slightly to no avail. He didn't even move a little.
"But anyway what you wanna come over here for?" I asked with a slight attitude. "Damn, a nigga can't see how you doing?" He asked, looking offended. "I was trynna be considerate of ya cry baby ass" he said referring to last night and the mood I was in. I ain't take it to heart though, I know he was being his childish self.
I shrugged. I did want King here, I'm just still pissed from yesterday. "So you gon tell me about what happened last night or nah? Cause if we being honest that's really what I came here for" He said, sitting on the couch getting comfortable.
I rolled my eyes. "Nosey ass, but I guess I'll tell you" He nodded and say down on the couch getting comfortable. I sighed and the thought about where to start. It was no secret that King didn't like Ian, and I didn't want to give him any reason to dislike him more, just in case they have to deal with each other again someday.
"Well last night after you went to your car he was just coming at me on some disrespectful shit. He said I was acting like a lil hoe. I didn't even know how to respond to that. He was just going off left and right about how he came for me and I was all in your face"
"Damn. So what you say?" He asked
"I just told him that we weren't together, so therefore I can do whatever the fuck I want. And then I ended it all" I said tears started to come to my eyes. I know it was the right thing to do, but it still makes me sad.
It's all just a mess with Ian. I can never figure out my feelings for him. It's like I let my guard down, only to put it right back up. I don't want him to think he's just my 'go to boyfriend' but shit I just don't know. I guess I'm just scared that's he's going to hurt me again.
By now I was crying my eyes out just thinking about how confused I was. Why does my life have to be so hard? King ran his thumb over my cheek wiping away a few tears.
I smiled thanking him. "Look Zen" he paused thinking about what he was about to say. "You know I don't like this nigga, but I'm not about to sit here and lie to your ass either, and you know that. I don't think you should run back at ya first instinct. You can't be playing no games to nobody like that. If I like the nigga or not I would be saying this nobody need to be played with and that's exactly what you doing. Sitting around her giving false hope and selling dreams" He said, wiping a few more tears away. I didn't think I was playing games with Ian, I just think that I was figuring out my feelings.
"You doing this to ya self Zen. I understand he fucked with your feelings, but it's shit you have to let go. If you held on to every bad thing somebody did to you, you wouldn't even be living ya life right. Y'all both at fault here. Nobody more than the other, but it ain't just him Zen. It's you too."
I groaned. He was exactly right and I hated him for it. This was just a downfall of having somebody that won't lie to you. The good think is they won't lie to you, but the bad thing is they WON'T lie to you. I buried my face in a pillow.
It just wasn't Ian's fault and now I've dragged other people in my problems. I just don't know what to do. I was just so emotional. I screamed in the pillow, before throwing it to the side.
King was still staring at me like he was before. "I'm just saying Zen. You know you got some shit to get together" he said.
I pouted "I know. I just don't know what to do. I don't know what's right" I admitted.
We stared at each other long and hard before he started to speak again. I heard him at first, but then I just kind of muted him out staring at him. My feelings were all over the place, but some how I calmed down just watching him talk.
I never noticed how sexy he was when he talked. His thick plump lips were just so juicy. His perfect facial structure complimented the little bit of facial hair he had. Even though it wasn't much, it was sexy just like it was.
He didn't have a hat on today so his black hair was out and curlier than I had seen it before. It just looked so perfect to run my fingers through. Every once in a while he would lick his lips in between words. The way his thick tongue swiped across his lips was starting to get me going a little. I could only wonder what else his you he could do.
His mocha colored eyes bored into mine as he spoke. I could see a slight spark in his eyes making them sparkle just a little but more. He smiled out of no where. I don't know what he was talking about, but I'm glad I saw that smile. His teeth were perfectly aligned and as white as ever.
A perfect smile in a boy was one of my many weaknesses.
My eyes left his face and traveled down his body in his slight sitting position. He had on a basic V-neck that fit perfectly. His muscles look toned just right, and I could only imagine the perfect set of abs underneath his shirt.
My eyes went further down to his waist and lower. His basketball shorts showed off his print just a bit, and I could tell he had something big down there. I don't know if I wanted it, but it sounded good right now.
After every second I examined him he looked even sexier. I don't know if it was a in the moment thing or if it was because Ian was gone, but I found myself wanting King right here and right now more and more.
A clapping sound broke me from my trance. "Zen! The fuck you thinkin' bout that's so distracting?" King said.
I shook my head, and swallowed. "Nothing" I said. He gave me a knowing look and I looked away quickly. I figured King was only talking to me because I was new. He probably didn't have any feelings for me what so ever and never would. The only reason he was being nice to me was to show me around Phoenix so I wouldn't be so lonely.
I don't know how he feels though. He was hard to read. I could be completely wrong. Or maybe right.
I desperately wanted to just smash my lips against his and not stop until we were both naked in my bedroom, but I couldn't do that.
Even though I wanted to.
So much.
"What were you talking about though?" I said trying to take my mind off of my many sexual thoughts. "Not shit. I was just telling you that ya need to be thinking, but you not 30 and married so you also need to be living your life. Don't hold back on shit" he said.
I nodded in agreement. I really did need to live my life and do what I wanted to do before I didn't have the chance to do anything else again.
With that in mind I went on instinct and hopped in King's arms finally connecting our lips.
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Tiara in the MM
Cliffhanger! Y'all hate me right? Lol
🎶Music: Dueces (Remix) - ChrisB, Drake, T.I., KanyeW, Fab, Andre 3000
Blame it on Me - Chrisette Michele
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