"Bastard!" I screamed, throwing everything I could get my hands on around my room. How dare Lysander do that to me? Bad enough he had to kiss me, but insinuate that I had feelings for him? What gave him the right to kiss me? I'd made it clear time and time again where my affections lied. I told him no. I'd thought he at least knew the meaning of that word. What happened to respecting my marriage? Even as I raged, a heat remained in my belly and color flooded my cheeks. I could still feel the phantom of his body pressed against me, the heat of his mouth on mine. It sickened me how my treacherous body reacted to him and it made my anger burn all the worse. "Pompous ass!" I roared.
The door opened just as I hurled a bowl at it. It whizzed by dreadfully close to Cerise' head and smashed against the hall wall behind her. She looked down at the shards of clay pottery then at me, her eyes large and glistening. She hurried inside, shutting the door tight behind her. "What happened?"
"I'm sorry," I said with a wavering voice. "I thought you'd be with Demetrius tonight. I wasn't trying to hit you." I wanted to scream and cry and roar all the same time.
She flew to me and held my arms firmly in each hand. She looked me directly in the eyes, a look of complete dread on her face. "Never mind that. What happened, Matilda?"
It took me a moment to muster the words. "Lysander kissed me." The words flowed from my mouth easily once I let them out. I turned my eyes away as shame washed over me.
"He kissed you? Was that all? Was that all that happened?" She asked, her hands tightening around my arms bruising tight. I couldn't help but notice that she sounded almost relieved.
"Isn't that bad enough?"
"Worse things have happened here. I was afraid Lysander was more like his father than I thought." She swallowed hard and my eyes were drawn back to the scar on her throat. She smiled softly at me, her relief now evident. "I'm glad you're unhurt." Taking me by the hand, she drew me down onto my pallet. We sat across from each other with her squeezing my hands in her own. "Now, tell me everything so I know how much to hate him."
I went through everything, leaving out nothing. What he'd said, what he did, how I'd felt. What he accused me of. She listened silently, squeezing my hands when I came to the bits that were difficult to admit. "I should have told Knut about him. If he'd known that Lysander tried to kiss me back at The Upheaval, we might have killed all the faeries years ago."
"Forgive me for asking this," She began, looking at me sheepishly, "But why didn't you tell Knut?"
"I-I don't know," I shrugged. My memory went back to that day, to that moment when he'd wished me luck and leaned forward. I'd thought he was going to kiss me then and I'm sure he meant to but changed his mind at the very last moment. He'd kissed my cheek instead. "I guess I felt indebted to him back then. As faeries go he's not awful. Well, he wasn't. He helped me save Knut. Without him, I probably never would have reached him in time."
She tilted her head slightly. Her rich brown hair fell over her shoulder as she studied my face. "Are you attracted to him?"
My insides seemed to burst into flame at her question. My skin burned as if a torch had been set against the nape of my neck. I yanked my hands back and clutched them tightly in my lap. "I admit that this is all my fault. I flirted with him six years ago, but it was a ploy to get him on my side. And like everything else, it blew up in my face. I love Knut. I would never betray him. Not like that nor in any other way."
"That's not what I asked you. I know you love your husband. That's not in question. I asked if you found Lysander attractive." She said. I scowled at her, clenching my teeth behind silent lips. "If you did, no one would blame you." She went on when I gave no answer. "Lysander is intelligent, proud, and ambitious. All things you seem to admire in men. Not to mention, he is extremely good looking if you can forgive his height."
"I don't like handsome men." I spat, clawing at my skirt and fisting the scrap of fabric in my hands.
"No, but you do like powerful ones." She said, smiling softly. "And power, Lysander has in spades."
My belly twisted and bile burned the back of my throat. Maybe...maybe she was right. Maybe I did like Lysander in a certain way. When I'd pictured who I would marry as a girl, my imagination had conjured someone very similar to him. Beyond wealth or looks, I'd wanted someone passionate...dangerously so, even. The kind of man that took power with his own force and blood. The kind that toppled kings.
"Stop making that face at me, Matilda." She squeezed my cheeks in an effort to make me stop scowling. "All I'm saying is that if you do feel attracted to him, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You were very young when you were married, yes? Have you ever known anyone else?"
"As in the biblical sense?" With my cheeks squeezed tightly between her fingers, my voice came out strange. I shook my head. I remembered Tova having a similar conversation with me many years ago. She'd told me Knut had been too impatient, that I hadn't been ready for what he was asking of me. Perhaps she was more right than I'd realized at the time. I'd barely been seventeen when I'd married Knut. I'd consummated our marriage on our wedding night because I'd believed and been taught that that was simply what was expected of a bride. Not because I'd loved him then. I didn't. My attraction to Knut had only come after months of treating intimacy like a friendly past time. When it finally did come, it was never his face or body that drew me in. I started to find beauty in the color of his eyes, those pits of darkness that had once frightened me, the way the light brought out the silver in his grey hair. I found it in his voice and way of speaking, his sense of humor and drive to perfect his craft. More than anything, it was his devotion to me that made my heart open to him. He treated me as if I were the goblin king and him one of the created. I was his goddess and I enjoyed the power he bestowed upon me. It made me feel special, unique and worthy. Worthy of love. Worthy of living. I bit the inside of my cheek. I wasn't sure if he could make me feel that way anymore or even if he still wanted to worship me. I didn't deserve it. Not after everything I'd done to him.
"Do you think I care about Demetrius at all? No, I hate him as much as any other faerie, but I do think he's handsome. It makes seducing him easier, allows me to enjoy it rather than retreat into my mind." Cerise explained, her eyes taking on this far away look. "Love and sexual desire are two very different things," Cerise explained. "They can both coexist and remain completely separate. Just because you're married and in love with one man, doesn't mean you can't be sexually attracted to others. I'm sure even Knut has looked at other women and thought that they were beautiful. It's just thought. It only becomes a betrayal if you act on it."
"That's the problem!" I shoved her hand away and buried my face in my own, raking my fingers back through my short hair. "I didn't end the kiss. He did. I feel like I...like I let him." My nails dug into my scalp painfully. "I miss him so much, but whenever I think of Knut now, all I can think of is what he lost because of me. I've already let one of his heirs die. How am I going to face him, knowing I've betrayed him, that I've hurt him even more than I already had?
Cerise yanked my hands down from my face and held them on my lap firmly, making sure I could not hide again. "You love Knut, don't you?"
"Yes," I answered without the slightest hesitation.
"Do you have any desire to be with Lysander?"
"No." I shook my head firmly.
"Then what are you worrying about?" She asked. I blinked at her in confusion. "You've been away from your family for months. You're lonely and still hurting from the betrayals of your friends and the loss of your child. Lysander kissed you. Don't hate yourself for not reacting quick enough. Even if you're attracted to him, you did nothing wrong. You refused him and he ignored your wishes. Nothing that has happened has been your fault. Besides," She shrugged as she stood up and began readying for bed, removing jeweled earrings and bangles of gold. "He'll be gone from your life very soon and there's no need to be concerned over a dead man, is there? You do mean to kill him with the others, don't you?" She asked, taking golden pins from her hair. It tumbled down over her shoulders and down her back.
I picked at my short locks self-consciously. It had grown out a little, but I kept getting Cerise to cut it. For as long as I was here, I wanted to look as unattractive as I possibly could, now more than ever. "He's now at the top of my list, right behind Titania and Demetrius."
"Good." She settled in, sighing as she curled up on her side. "Matilda?"
"Hmm?" I murmured, laying onto my back beside her. I stared up at the ceiling, my fingers still picking at my hair. I wondered if there was some way I could style it so that it would look more feminine for Knut. I wanted him to think I looked beautiful when he saw me in the flesh. My heart hammered against my ribs as his silhouette conjured itself in the dark shadows of the ceiling above me. How would he look when he came for me? Would he grin at me and laugh or would he be snarling like a beast, too preoccupied with killing my captors to notice that I had primped for him? Would he even care once he found out how dispicable I was?
"What will happen to the humans here? Do you think Knut will kill us along with the faeries?" Cerise asked, whispering to me as if confessing a secret.
I wasn't sure how to respond at first, but after a moment, I settled upon the truth. "He might. I suppose he'll ask me and I've yet to decide." I sighed. "You've been so kind to me during my time here, but after Tova..."
"I understand if you don't save me." She smiled at me, strangely content at this news. "Just promise me that you will kill the faeries first. They take us when we're young so we won't recognize their lies. They feed us stories, promise a world where there is no suffering, no hunger or pain, then give us nothing but. I don't care what happens to me so long as my last moments are spent watching you drag this kingdom asunder. The satisfaction I will feel as I watch them fall from the sky will be well worth my death."
"Aren't you afraid?" I asked.
Her lips pulled away from her teeth. They glistened in the dim light coming from under our door. It was a grin that belonged on the face of a goblin, not this beautiful human girl. "Not as much as they should be."
The day of the Winter Solstice began early and violently.
The door of our room burst inward. It slammed against the wall, exploding into splinters. Cerise' scream echoed it. My eyes snapped open at the loud bang, but before I could even sit up, guards had sprung upon me and wrenched me from my makeshift bed, twisting my arms painfully behind my back.
"Stop it! You're hurting her!" Cerise screamed. She threw herself at the guards wrangling me, trying to pry me from their grips. One of the guards answered her heroic efforts with a blow. He slapped her so hard she went spinning onto the floor, knocking the bowls and her few trinkets off of a shelf above her, sending them crashing against the floor.
"Leave her alone!" I roared at them, bucking and kicking as they dragged me out into the hall where Titania waited.
She was dressed for a battle. She wore a female version of her guard's golden armor, but with swirling runes decorating the plates at her shoulders and a red tunic beneath. Her long hair was braided back, making the hard lines of her face stand out all the more. A helm bearing a sun-shaped crest on its brow was tucked under her arm.
"What's with the armor?" I cackled. "You don't honestly think you can fight back, do you? Nothing in this world can save you from what is coming for you, Titania."
"That may be so, but when my enemies come, I will be fighting alongside my sons to protect my home and people. Whether we defeat you or die, we will do so together. I refuse to sit back and wait for news like I have in every other war. This one is of my own making and I will see it through to the end, every horrific bit of it." Her stormy gaze shifted to my guards. "Shut her up and lock Demetrius' little favorite in her room, for her safety." The guard shoved a gag between my jaws, punching me in my stomach when I tried to fight it. They bolted our door from the outside. I could hear Cerise roaring and pounding her fists against it as I was dragged away.
I was taken to the throne room and chained once more with the same ones that had bound me when I first awoke in The Summer Branches. The room was lined with guards in full armor and carrying swords and shields. An entire team surrounded me, facing outward to drive back anyone that may try to break my chains. Demetrius stood at his throne in golden armor of his own, his with a white tunic beneath it. He was already wearing his helm and his body was tense, ready for the fight ahead. The sun that burned between his antlers was small and dim. I could only faintly hear the roar of the sea's tide. I looked between the legs of my guards out towards the nearest open side of the room to the sea. It was faint now, its magic pulled away from the palace more than I'd ever seen it. In The Winter Branches, the snow fell too heavily and it was too dark to actually see the tide's retreat, but here there was nothing to hide it. Here, you could watch their power leave them to mortality's mercy in all its wonder.
There, looking out at the same view, was Lysander, dressed in a copy of his mother's garb. He, like his brother, was already wearing his helm and his hand was on the hilt of his sword, ready to draw it.
"Is everyone in position? Have the children been taken to the safe room?" Demetrius asked his mother.
"They're there. Aurora and her group are with them. Everything is set. I do not believe Knut will attack, but if he does, we are as ready for him as we can be." Titania stood before her son. She reached out and touched his cheek, her expression softening. "Fight well, Winged Stag, King of Summer Skies and Stormy Seas. May your soul shine as brightly as the sun today and for always." He lowered his head and pressed his brow to hers in a silent show of affection. "You've made me proud. I want you to know that." She whispered to him.
"Thank you, Mother." Demetrius murmured back, hugging her tightly.
I made a groaning sound through my gag.
Lysander turned his head towards me. Our eyes met. "Are the shackles too tight?" He asked.
"Her shackles are fine. The tighter the better." Titania growled, glaring towards me with hatred. "Leave her be, Lysander."
He crossed the room to me anyway, ignoring her. The guards that surrounded me stood their ground for a moment. He glared at them with eyes full of flashing lightning and that was all it took. They moved out of his way. "Let me see them." He knelt behind me. I could feel him touching the shackles, jostling them. They warmed a little and hummed, "Good luck." Lysander whispered in my ear, then the shackles suddenly fell silent. I shifted my arms, feeling something different about the chains. They felt lighter, almost brittle. I was sure if I yanked hard enough they would snap. "That's better, isn't it?" Lysander asked, flashing me a grin when I turned to look at him. He returned to his spot, watching the tide of power slip away and I retreated into my mind to begin plotting.
Lysander was helping me, it seemed. Whatever the reason for it, I would use it. I scanned the room, counting the guards, noting the openings in their defenses. They had me surrounded by guards, each of them well armed and well trained. Even when their power faded completely, it would be foolish of me just to attack. I needed to be patient, wait for Knut to begin his onslaught, then when they were all falling down dead around me, I would make my run for it.
As I was mulling over my plan, the whole world went quiet and seemed to dim within the span of a breath. The star between Demetrius' antlers vanished, the faint roaring of the tides fell into a whimper and every soul within that room shuttered as mortality washed over them, like ice cold waters.
Titania and her sons watched the open sides of the room, they drew their swords, slipped into fighting stances, and no one so much as breathed. Fear had them in its clutches and it was squeezing them with all its might. Five minutes passed...then ten...then thirty. Slowly their guards dropped and my unease rose, twisting my guts into knots. "You see, I told you it was a lie." Titania giggled, sneering at me. "Knut isn't coming. It was all just a ruse to force us to return her."
"Mother, quiet." Lysander hushed her. He cocked his head and listened. "Do you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Titania asked.
All the color seemed to drain from Demetrius' face. "That scratching sound." Demetrius clenched his sword tighter and ran to the westward side. I heard it for just a moment, the scritch, scritch scratching of claws dragging across The Hollow's bark. Just as Demetrius neared the edge, the horde arrived. Lesser goblins crawled their way over the side of the palace, clawing their way up with sharp claws in a wave of bodies. Their devilish faces were contorted into sinister expressions. They crawled over each other, every single one eager to do its task. During the solstice, all the seed could manage was the protection of Knut's life. He couldn't create goblins or summon them, so Knut had done the next best thing. He'd spent the last months preparing an army and marched them all the way to the palace.
The royals flung themselves at my subjects, swinging swords into that mass of bodies. My guards pressed in around me, intent on making sure I remained in chains. I had thought that once I saw my people, I wouldn't be able to wipe the smile from my face. I thought I'd be overjoyed, but instead, I grimaced and trembled. Dread chilled my insides as I watched the faeries cut the goblins down. Their bodies fell and lingered. They didn't turn to mist.
"They can't return to the seed! We can push them back!" Demetrius shouted. "Hurry, we cannot let them reach Matilda!" He swung his sword in a sweeping motion, cutting a swath through the bodies pouring in.
We had Bran. Why was Knut wasting his time with a physical attack? It made no sense. I went ice cold all over. Something was dreadfully wrong.
I looked out the eastern side where Lysander was half-heartedly slashing at the goblins and kicking them back over the edge. "These are just the fodder. The smarter ones haven't even reached us yet." He let out a scream as a goblin sank its teeth into his shoulder. Snarling, Lysander reached back and stabbed his thumbs through the goblin's eyes and flung it over the edge. I heard it scream all the way down. Holding his hand over the wound, he snuck me an apologetic look. He extended his wings. "I'm going to scout. I'll see if I can find Knut. He can't be far behind. Do you have things here under control?" He asked Demetrius.
"Go!" Demetrius shouted back, ripping biting goblins off his back and stomping them beneath his feet.
Lysander took off, flying off a ways then turning upwards as if to hover directly over the palace dome. I had to wonder whether he was actually scouting or if he was leaving the battle to make it easier for the goblins to reach me for as soon as he left it turned into absolute chaos. The goblins poured in, overtaking the fairies gathered in the throne room. Behind them, I could see winged goblins struggling with countless Seelie in the skies, blocking the sun with their numbers. The air was full of goblin laughter and screeching. I reveled in it, like a favorite song I hadn't heard in too many years. Still, my ears strained for a familiar voice. The one I most wanted to hear.
The goblins kept coming, no matter how many they killed. None of them returned to the seed. The number of Knut's creations was just that great. That knowledge didn't comfort me. It made me wonder what he'd been preparing for.
Soon the fairies were in tatters, all of them barely standing. Blood poured from ragged bite wounds and bruises swelled their faces and blotched their skin without their healing magic. Many of the soldiers that had crowded the room were now dead or dying, gasping through torn open throats, squirming as they tried to stuff their entrails back inside their bellies. I was down to only four personal guards.
Even this gave me no delight.
Titania, her left eye swollen shut and blood dripping from a busted lip staggered as she continued to help Demetrius take on the onslaught. It was obvious that she wasn't used to fighting without magic. She had no skill with a sword. She just swung it and hoped it met flesh, but she somehow held her own even while trained soldiers fell beside her. She screamed when the man beside her fell, his throat chewed out by goblin teeth. "Where is he? Where's Bran? What happened to your pet god?" Titania snarled back at me, her one good eye bulging out its socket with fear as she slashed her sword wildly at the things, trying to still save the already dead man.
I wish I knew.
I was going to find out.
I yanked my arms apart, snapping the metal like it was made of brittle wood. My chains crumbled away like dust at my feet and with a triumphant shout, I was free.