Five full days and two partial days.
That is how long I have been there.
Every meal just gets worse.
My first breakfast here has so far been the only time I have been in that room with other people after a meal.
It seems to just take me longer to eat every meal that is put in front of me.
They have improved their food options to be more suitable for my diet.
Meaning every meal is closer to everyone else's.
Meaning every meal contains more calories each time.
I have yet to entirely finish a meal.
And I am not sure if I will ever reach that point.
I asked Jamie to not sit with me here after breakfast.
I told her I needed a little bit of alone time.
As alone as I can be with someone staring at me through a window.
I stare at my legs.
Shorts day.
Why must this be a thing?
Upon discovering none of my shorts fit, Jamie rushed to find a pair that do.
Here I was thinking I could get out of this.
I was hoping to never wear shorts again.
No one needs to see me in shorts.
No one needs to actually see the skin on my legs.
The skin that covers an endless amount of fat.
Luckily they allow wearing a long sleeve top, so I guess this could have been worse.
However, all the tops I have, or all the tops anyone here has, are rather short, meaning the shirt cannot act as more of a dress.
The entirety of the incredibly short shorts and all of my legs can be seen.
I wish I was anywhere but here.
I wish I was home.
I wish I was sitting in my bedroom right now.
I wish I was in school, listening to a teacher go on about nothing.
I wish I was with Justin, laughing with him as he teased me, or even crying as he confronts me.
I miss spending time with him.
My family was right, he is really nice.
But were they right when they said he wasn't a liar?
"Miss Stevens, a visitor is here for you." The lady watching me says as she enters the room.
I enter the visiting room, expecting to see my parents waiting for me.
Instead, Justin Allen sits in front of me.
Slowly I walk over to him.
I sit down next to him, putting my feet up on the chair with me.
I don't want him to see my legs.
I don't want him to see all my fat.
"You came." I say to him.
"Obviously, Sierra, how could I not?" He questions with a smile.
"Have people been talking about me at school?" I ask him.
"What? Sierra, why the sudden interest in high school gossip, I thought you didn't care about it?" He asks me.
Gosh, why must the light reflect in his eyes that way?
The sun isn't even here.
"I was just curious, you told me people talk about me, I was wondering if they still are." I explain to him, trying to defend my question.
"Kind of, I think people thought you were just on an extended vacation last week." He explains to me.
"Oh." I reply, not really knowing what else to say.
"How are you doing, Sierra?" Justin asks me.
"How am I doing? Let's see, I am locked up in a prison, they are forcing food down my throat, watching me after every meal, and every minute in between, they tell me what to wear, what to think, who to be. Most of the other girls are nice, but some take out their emotions on others and it is hard, being here." I admit, crying.
"Sierra, are you okay?" Justin asks me.
"My parents sent me away here, they treat me like a prisoner. They stare at me every meal. Each meal is harder than the last to eat, every bite makes me cry, all these words of encouragement seem like lies, and I just feel like I am only getting worse." I admit.
"Sierra, this journey is bound to be hard, but know that we are here for you. Your parents, Hannah, your friends, me, we all want to see you get better." Justin explains. "What are you leaving out? Because I can tell there is more." Justin adds.
"It is nothing, just stupid teenage girl drama." I explain to him.
"What is it?" He questions me.
"There is this girl, Penny. On my first night here, I heard her with her friends in the bathroom, they called me pretty and she disagreed." I start. "The next morning we were at the same breakfast table. She told me that she didn't think black people can develop an eating disorder, then asked me how my parents can afford such an expensive rehab clinic." I continue.
"Sierr-" Justin starts before I cut him off.
"Everyday she makes these little comments to me. Something about my race, she just can't get over the fact that I am black for some reason." I vent. I'm only half black too, I mean, sure I'm a bit darker than your average light skin person, but I'm still half white.
"Sierra, not everyone was raised in an environment like us. My grandparents are very racist." He tells me.
How could anyone related to him be racist?
"In their time that is what they thought was right, I guess. Sierra I cannot make an excuse for racism, but I can tell you, that you are stronger than it. You are perfect Sierra, and you cannot let some girl who was raised with different beliefs impact you." He tells me.
"Justin, I miss home, I miss my dog, I miss school, my friends, I miss annoying you in class, not surrounding by people who think that we can bond over the fact that we all starve our selfs. I miss you, Justin." I cry.
In response Justin pulls me into a tight hug.
I hug him back.
I suddenly feel safe.
I feel as though everything is going to be okay.
"Sierra, everything is going to be fine, it's going to take some time to realign yourself, but I assure you that in the end everything is going to be okay, you can overcome everything you are being faced with." He tells me.
"You keep telling me that, everyone keeps telling me that, but I just can't believe it." I say to him.
All these people are telling me things, but my mind is saying the opposite.
"Sierra, we all want you to get better, we want you to finish the school year with us, to be back home." He says.
"Who is 'we'?" I question, who else that he knows would want me back at school?
"Me, your friends." He elaborates.
"Have you talked to them, or something?" I ask him, none of them ever really talk to him.
"A few of them, when they visited your parents my name was brought up, they knew I saw you in the hospital, so they asked me a few questions." He explains.
"Oh." Is all I can reply with, not knowing what else to say.
"Time for lunch, visiting hours are over." A lady announces.
"You will come back, right?" I ask Justin as he stands up.
"Obviously, Sierra. Everything will be okay, just please, don't give up." He says before hugging me.
At that, I am dragged away to the cafeteria.
When I enter the cafeteria I sit at the table I always do.
"What was a white boy boing talking, and even touching you?" Penny asks me with a disgusted look on her face, as soon as I sit down.
"Because he is my friend, and I don't know, not racist." I inform her.
"You mean he pities you?" She asks me.
"No, I mean he is my friend and cares about me, I am sorry if you cannot get it through your head that some people are actually decent enough of people to not discriminate others." I fire back at the very annoying girl.
"You need to learn how to shut your mouth." She tells me.
"You need to learn how to be a decent human being. But I guess neither of those are very likely, right?" I ask her.
I hate this place.
So we gave these presentations a while ago, and someone kind of in my class(him and one other person take it as kind of an independent study due to scheduling) asked me to share a presentation I did on Google slides we him. So they presented it during another class I have with the teacher. It was the same presentation. The wording was changed, but the theme and pictures were identical.
And they got a 100.
These kids in study hall are currently smashing apples on their heads?
Also I have to work at 6am in Black Friday, send help.