I stood by my bedroom window admiring the beautiful scenery. The cute little birds singing in melody. The bright sun gleaming on the nice shade of blue sky. It was a perfect day for not such a perfect mood. Several months had passed by since I last heard of James Dawson. What once felt like a nightmare slowly started to feel like a faded dream somewhere deep in my memory. I shifted my gaze from the sky to what use to be James room. A half smile formed on my face as tears rolled down my eyes. "No matter what..I'm going to take good care of you..I won't allow any harm to come your way..I'll give you all the love I'm holding inside..The love your daddy once refused..It's all yours now..I'm going to stay strong for you..For us", I softly said as I caressed my big tummy.
I wasn't ready to be a mother. I still had so much to learn but I wasn't going to give up easily. I was going to fight with all my might. I might've lost the love of my life this time for good but I wasn't going to lose the beautiful human-being that was moving inside of me. I thought I knew what true love was when I met James. I was wrong. Even though I'm not able to see her or touch her yet, she's already stolen all of my thoughts and heart. I had never experienced such powerful pure love. To imagine I would be holding her precious little body against mine in just a month in a half had me so impatient. I wanted to see her smell her kiss her and hold her. She was the last gift James left me with before he left.
I was going to love her a hundred times more. I always wondered would she look like me? Or would she look like him? I couldn't ignore the thought of the day I would look upon that beautiful little face and seeing James in it. It would hurt me yes. Maybe even break me a little each day. Though she would be part of him that I would keep with me till the day I died. I was always grateful for that and I never once regretted my pregnancy. As a matter of fact having her inside me made me feel strong. I felt like an undefeated champion. No matter how many punches life through at me, I always stood back up. I had too now that I had someone worth fighting for. I wasn't going to give up on her..Not a chance. I wasn't going to run away from my problems like her dad did. I was going to stick by her through thick and thin. Even if we had to do it alone. As long as she was beside me nothing in the world would bring us down.
Graduation had passed along with several laughters and emotional goodbyes. No one knew I was pregnant except close friends like Ashanti, Amy, Miles and well my family. I wasn't worried of Miles telling James anything because he had disappeared on his best friend too. He really meant his goodbye not just to me but to everyone else. To my surprise my Father had taken the news of my pregnancy lightly. My mother however went on an emotional rollercoaster for days. Some days she was happy she was going to be a grandmother while other days she would curse James name. At the end of the day I knew she wanted to meet my baby as much as I did. We both kept counting down the days we would finally be able to meet her little angelic face.
Both Ashanti and Amy were crazy happy to be young aunties. They always came by bringing homemade gifts or cute tiny clothing from stores. Not to mention the tasty pastries Amy would bake for us. As my belly grew I tried not to be seen by people outside. It was a small town and I was trying to prevent from anyone saying bad things about my baby. I didn't care what they thought about me being such a young girl pregnant with no support from the baby's father. I wanted to keep my child's name out of their wicked thoughts and boastful mouths. Miles came around often to see me. He had absolutely become such an important person in my life. He was sweet and always thoughtful. He would put my needs before anyone else's. Miles became someone I cried out too when it was all becoming surreal.
He became my shadow always helping around and taking me to the doctor appointments when my parents couldn't. Heck people that didn't know us would've thought we were a couple. Although what we had was only a solid beautiful friendship. I couldn't help but hurt a little knowing that it could've been James. Every time I was craving something Miles would do his best to bring it to me. No matter what time of day he always picked up his phone. Not once sending any of my calls to voicemail. He was there for me beyond a hundred percent. I disliked admitting to myself but after time I noticed just how much I relied on him. He was such a wonderful soul that I sometimes wondered why I couldn't have fallen in love with him instead of his best friend. My life would've been so different.
The last time I had seen Jake was back in graduation day. I still remember that last sad broken look he gave me before he left with some girl I had never seen before. Weeks later Amy found out he was back to dating. It was that same girl I had seen him with. I was glad he wasn't alone anymore. Though I had to admit it hurt me a little to know he moved on with someone else. Somewhere in my heart I still loved Jake and I was always going to love him no matter what. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones but I would find myself missing him at times. I also visioned how my life would've played out if I had gotten married to him.
Miles- Hey....May I come in?
Jazmin- Sure.
Miles- Your mom told me I would find you here..
Jazmin- Yeah..I was just admiring the beautiful day outside..
Miles- It is a nice day..Um are you feeling okay though?..You seem kinda down..
Jazmin- I'm feeling fine..Just..Thinking as usual..
Miles- Hm...I have an idea..I wanna take you somewhere..
Jazmin- Where?..
Miles- *Smiles..It's a surprise..I'll be waiting for you in the car.
Jazmin- Wait Miles..I don't want to wear a large sweater..It's so nice outside..
Miles- Then don't..Leave that pretty dress you got on..
Jazmin- No are you crazy! You can totally see my belly!
Miles- *Laughs..Jazmin people are going to find out sooner or later..You can't hide your baby once you have her..Or are you planning too?
Jazmin- No of course not!
Miles- Then come with me..Let's give all these small minded people something to talk about..
He pulled out his hand towards me while giving me a smirk. I grinned back and grabbed my purse. To hell with it! He was absolutely right about everything. I was done hiding from everyone. It was as if my power-mode switch turned on and my worries got shut off. I was going to face everyone's criticism and shocking face expressions but I wasn't going to be alone. I had my baby girl backing me up with strength and will. I also had a wonderful caring gentleman by my side. I could face anything and anyone. I was ready.
Jazmin- So where are we going?
Miles- You'll see..
Jazmin- Can I get a clue?
Miles- Umm nope.
Jazmin- Ugh really Miles??..You know I hate surprises..
Miles- Did you always?
Jazmin- (No I didn't..I use to love them when I was with the one I loved..)...Okay fine I'll shut my mouth..
After a few minutes of driving we finally arrived. He helped me out of the car and led me by the hand to an amazing view. Right before us were mountains as huge as the eye can see. The sun setting was a nice light shade of orange with purple. I giggled as butterflies flew all around me. It was such a peaceful breathtaking view. We stood there gazing at the beautiful scenery for a long moment. Still holding hands I squeezed his gently. He turned to look at me and then I met his eyes that had a bright shine under the sunset lighting. "I really am blessed to have you in my life..No in our lives" I said while holding onto my belly. "I'm the one that's fortunate enough to have such amazing ladies in my life..Because I know she'll be just as beautiful as her mother" he replied while putting a hand on-top of my belly.
Jazmin- Miles can I ask you something?
Miles- Anything..
Jazmin- You think I'll make a great mommy?
Miles-(I can't believe she would have a single doubt in her mind)....You will be a fantastic mother...Why do you ask?
Jazmin- I..I don't know..It's just that..Well..(I felt my cheeks covered in hot tears..I hadn't noticed I was crying all along)
Miles- Hey there don't cry..You'll do fine..
Jazmin- How will I do fine if I won't even be able to look into her eyes that day she asks me where is daddy?...How can I possibly answer that..I won't be able to break her little heart by telling her he left me!..He doesn't even know about her...He never once bothered calling me..I don't even know if he is still alive..I won't be able to take the pain that will form in her small eyes..
Miles- Hey relax..You can't be this emotional it's not good for the baby..Listen to me..(I cupped her face with my hands and gently turned her face to meet mine..Damn she had beautiful eyes..They seemed to glow even more with her pregnancy)...I will be with you every step of the way..I won't ever leave you both alone..
Jazmin- But it's not fair for you Miles!..You need to make a life of your own too!..You can't just take on your friends package and be left to deal with it!
Miles- (I can't believe she thinks that way about me..Isn't it clear enough that I want you..I need you..I love you)....You and this beautiful baby your caring...Are not a package...You both will never be a burden to me..I love spending time with you and I know I will love her the same way I-
Jazmin-...The same way you what?..
Miles- (I felt as if my heart was beating a hundred miles per hour..This is it..I gotta do it!..Don't coward out!....But...What if I scare her away?..What if I never get to have her this close to me again..No I can't risk the possibility of not being a part of their live's..I can't)........Um.......
Jazmin- Well? Don't stay quite silly..What were you going to say?
Miles- Um...The same way I care about you..I will love both of you like what you both are..
Jazmin- Which is what?
Miles- Uh..Hey it's getting dark out here..It'll be dangerous for you to get down the hill..Come on give me your hand I'll help you..
Jazmin- Wait..Miles can I ask you another question?
Miles- Um..Does it have to be now?..I don't want the darkness to catch up on us..It's too risky..
Jazmin- Why are you doing all this?
Miles- What do you mean?..I thought you liked the view?..Plus I thought smelling the fresh natural air would be healthy for you and the baby..
Jazmin- Of course I enjoyed seeing the view..but that is not what I meant...
Miles- (I was afraid of asking)...Um..Then what did you mean?..
Jazmin- You are clearly not sticking by my side because of James..He never reached out to you either and well he was more a friend of yours then I was..So why are you doing all this for me?
Miles- I..Um.....
I could see him breakout in nervous sweat. He couldn't even look me in the eye. I knew something was up but I wouldn't dare bring up my silent thoughts out loud. He couldn't be in love with me. It would be impossible he is such a great catch while I'm a wreck. He knows I gave my heart out to James his best friend. I wouldn't be able to accept anyone else anymore. I also doubt I'd be capable to bring another man into my baby's life. Then hear her call him daddy and kiss him..hug him..play with him..share aspirations and feelings with him. Things she should be sharing with her real Father. Though in reality I was just being a hopeful naive fool. That could never happen. James left feeling such powerful hate over me. He despises me now. In his eyes I was the cause of his mother's death. If he saw me as a murderer..How can I possibly imagine he would accept my baby.
Miles- Hey you see that?
Jazmin- Huh?
Miles- ...That light..Coming from where I parked the car...Oh shit someone is trying to take the car!!
Jazmin- Wait!
I saw Miles turn to run after the light. Fear of him getting hurt kicked in. I tried to reach for his shirt. Not aware I was holding onto him he made a sudden fast move ready to run. I tried not to lose balance but it was hopeless. I tumbled down only rolling a couple steps far from where I was standing. Miles came running after me rapidly holding my arm so I wouldn't catch speed. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and back. I couldn't get up. My eye sight was also getting blurry. I kept holding onto my belly screaming in agonizing pain. 'Please hold on in there my baby..Please don't be hurt!' I wished to myself as I rubbed my belly.
Miles- Hold on Jazmin please try and hold on!
Jazmin-....Miles I can't lose her..I can't!!
Miles- Listen to me! You both are going to be okay!..I won't let anything bad happen to you girls!
Jazmin- Ahh my belly!!...It hurts so much!..Miles please save my baby!!! Please!!
Miles- Jaz someone is coming..Just hold on a little longer okay??...You will be alright I promise you..
I couldn't visually see straight anymore. The sharp pains I was feeling were so strong I couldn't even breathe well. The thought of losing a precious soul..a part of me in flesh and bones. I couldn't even bear the thought. I refused to lose her. So I fought hard to stay awake for the both of us. She needed to know I was not weak. I was not going to be defeated without giving a good fight. She had to live. There was so much she needed to see. So many people anticipated the day they would get to meet her little beautiful eyes. My Father had plans to teach her how to fish like he taught me. My Mother wanted her to taste her delicious cupcakes one day and teach her how to bake.
Ashanti wanted to teach her how to be tough and not get easily fooled by any guy. Amy wanted to show her that a princess could truly find her happily ever after. Miles he wanted to take her everywhere. He mentioned working hard to be able to take us on trips. He wanted her to see the whole world. We all wanted her to be a part of our lives. She needed to live and I needed to fight for us. Suddenly I heard Miles voice like a faraway echo in my ears ask someone a question "What are you doing here??". I opened my weak eyes once more to see a pair of worried light blue eyes staring back at me.