"I am not her brother." He pushes me away from him and smooths out his shirt. "Never have and never will be." My eyes widen. "Not the reuniting moment you were expecting? I'm sorry Devyn, but you've never been a sister to me." He looks me directly in the eyes for the first time and I immediately feel exhausted. All this time I've been trying to deny it. Tanner loves me...but not as a sister.
When we were younger he confessed to me that he had a crush on me before we became a family and he couldn't stop his feelings. He told me when I was half asleep and I've finally realized that wasn't some messed up dream I imagined. He was for real. As kids we don't understand what love is, so as we grow our parents show us what it means to love family and what it means to love someone else. I always thought Tanner's feelings would change their course, but sadly, I had to realize now that he was never going to love me like a sister. Why does my life have to be so fucked up? It shouldn't be this complicated. Right?
"Is that why you ran away?" He sighs. I can tell he doesn't want to answer. Especially in font of all these people when we both know the answer is yes. "Come here." Lucius steps to the side and Tanner comes and sits next to me. I pull him into a hug immediately. I know I probably shouldn't, but he's my brother. I can't just stop loving him. He grabs me tight masking his face in my hair. He loves me and he's hurt that I don't love him back. Love makes you do crazy things.
"I'm sorry." His voice cracks.
"I don't know if he raped me or not, but the evidence doesn't look good right now." Tanner kisses my neck before pulling back and I try not to look surprised. He turns towards Mikhail and Spar.
"Did you kill him?" I notice he ignores Lucius completely. Are my feelings that obvious that he hates Lucius for them?
"No, but he isn't coming back." Tanner stands up, apparently not happy with that answer as he glares down Spar.
"I'm going to go find him and find out for sure and if he did....I swear I'll to kill him." I stand up and grab his hand. He stares at our hands before meeting my eyes.
"As much as I would hate him if he did, don't kill him," I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking.
"Why?" His grip tightens around my hand.
"A strong person will always forgive while weak ones never will." I give him a sad smile as he nods. Mom was one wise woman. "Promise me that no matter which way he admits, you won't kill him." He nods. "Say it." He looks up and rolls his eyes.
"I promise." I pull him back into a hug.
"Thank you." I can feel him smile. If I thought my life was interesting before, today just made it worse.
* * *
"How are you feeling?" I hear someone whisper, touching my cheek. I open my eyes to see Lucius looking down at me. This was the first time he's spoken to me since he, Tanner, and Spar had gone back to the river to track down Alcove. I must have fallen asleep waiting for them to come back.
"Did you find him?" I begin to sit up, the blanket falling to my hips. When did I change? I grab the shirt and stare at it confused. "When did I get this?" Lucius grabs my hands, stopping them from pulling at the shirt and forcing me to look at him.
"After we left you fell asleep on the couch. Mikhail brought you up here thinking you would be more comfortable." I look back down at the shirt. Shit! "Don't worry Kat put the shirt on you." I take a deep breath and smile thinking of how silly I must have looked just now. I turn back to Lucius, but he's no longer looking at me. I squeeze his hands in mine knowing he's trying to find the right words to say.
"Tell me." I whisper. "Did you find him?" He nods still not looking at me. I'm starting to grow nervous every second he ignores me and keeps that defeated look on his face.
"Should I worry about giving birth to wolf babies?" He finally looks at me, eyes wide.
"No, no. He didn't rape you. You got the bruises from when you tried to fight him, that's why he drugged you."
"Aha I knew it!" His eyebrows crease not understanding my relief in this statement.
"I felt like I had been drugged and I was right. I'm just too good at this. Maybe I should become an investigator." Lucius smiles and I reach my hand out, cupping his cheek. "There it is." I smile back at him as he slowly leans his face into my hand, lifting one of his to cover mine.
"I'm sorry. I bet this wasn't what you were expecting when you decided to be my friend."
"Actually if I'm not mistaken, you chose." I laugh thinking back to his first day. "And no, it's way better."
"How?" He sounds doubtful.
"There have been moments I've wanted to beat the crap out of you, moments I've wanted to help you, and moments I was scared of you, but I never expected that you would be the one to save me. Physically and figuratively. I always thought I'd never find someone who could deal with me and yet you do. Some days are probably easier than most." I blush as he nods. "But you have noticed more about me than anyone else ever has and you're willing to come and rescue me from not only my dungeon and but even after I was a jerk to you. I honestly couldn't have wished for a better friend. You came into my life unexpectedly, but I have enjoyed every moment of it."
"Even the part where you found out I'm not human?" I touch his hand.
"I don't feel fur." I brush my thumb across his cheek. "I don't feel fangs." I put my hand over his heart. "I feel only the heartbeat of a good man." He begins shaking his head before I finish.
"Just because I don't have fur now doesn't mean I don't have any." I smile, a chuckle escaping my lips.
"Nobody's perfect." I smile but he still doesn't look up. "I don't care what kind of car you drive. Where you live. If your clothes are this year's cutting edge. If you're the best-looking guy in the world or the richest. All I care about is what you say. They're the only things you will ever own. The only thing I will ever remember you by. So I will not fall in love with your skin or bones or fur." I chuckle. "I will not fall in love with the places you have been. I will not fall in love with anything but the words you say. You could be Frankenstein and I would care less." He looks me in the eyes for a long moment before he begins to move closer. Slowly he moves his head until his lips gently brush mine. I feel my insides explode. My blood boils hot as I lift my hands and tangle them in his hair. His hands in turn find my neck and waist. I can't stop the moan that escapes my lips. I feel Lucius smile against my lips. This feels so right. The kiss deepens and I become lost in the feeling of this man. His muscles, his warmth, his heart. He stands up, my legs wrapping around his waist as he slowly brings me back down onto the bed. I lightly pull his hair and a deep moan escapes his lips. I devour every feeling I can from him and after what seems like hours, he pulls back.
"Don't let me go." I whisper.
"Never." He leans down and kisses my neck before rotating on his side and wrapping his arm around my waist. For the first time in forever, I will finally be able to sleep. I finally feel safe. I finally feel like I matter.
* * *
"Oh my gosh." I smile shyly at Jess as Lucius and I walk up to her hand in hand. "When did this happen?" You can tell she's not even the least bit shocked. She shipped us since the very beginning. I'm going to need to speak to her about this. What did she see that I didn't? I look up at Lucius to find he's already looking down at me smiling. I blush, the smile on my face growing in size.
"Over the weekend," I say, turning back to Jess.
"Well, it's about damn time." She puts her hands on her hips as my jaw falls open. Lucius' booming laugh fills the silence. I let go of his hand and glare at him. He sobers up quickly as I turn back to Jess. "As your best friend" she puts her arm around my shoulders "it is my duty to watch out for you and" she stops walking and looks at Lucius "if you hurt her, I will end you." I laugh, but Lucius turns completely serious.
"I will never hurt Devyn." Jess and I exchange a look as he pulls me out of her grasp and puts his arm around my waist. Jess' smile growing tenfold.
As we walk into our class everyone stares at us, even Mr. Angelino. He looks like he's going to have a stroke any second and it takes everything I have not to laugh. I know it's wrong, but his face looks so ridiculous I don't understand why everyone else isn't thinking the same thing. Oh right, they're all staring at us.
Today turns out to be a partner work day. As Lucius and I talk about our project, which we are going to ace, because it just so happens that he's a werewolf and knows everything (although I'll never admit that to him), Lucius messes with the rings on my fingers as I jot down some notes here or there. About halfway through class the intercom in our room comes on.
"Mr. Angelino, can you please send Devyn down to the office please?" Mr. Angelino cocks his head in the direction of the doors.
"Take your stuff with you." I mentally thank Mr. Angelino for trying to make me look stupid. The class starts whispering the moment the intercom goes off. It isn't a secret that my uncle is the Principle, so it isn't hard to see where this conversation is going to lead. Lucius looks at me with concern and me not caring what anyone's going to say, I lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, whispering "I'm going to be okay" in his ear. He smiles as I walk out the door shocking everyone into oblivion. I guess it isn't everyday Devyn Fredericks decides to have a boyfriend. Considering it was my plan to stay single, but let's just say Lucius is worth breaking that promise.
To my surprise when I walk into the office, Melody is nowhere to be seen. She's always at her desk, but today her computer doesn't even look like it's on and that's never happened the three, going to be four, years I've been here. My uncle's door opens right as I turn down the hallway. He doesn't look happy and not being able to help myself I gulp. I'm sure he could sense my nerves spike as he shuts the door behind me, closing me off from the rest of the world. I sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk as he returns to his rightful place on the opposite side.
"Do you know why you're here?" I mentally roll my eyes (because he's watching me).
"No, I can't say that I do." His eyes narrow. Honestly there's no legit reason I should be in his office. I haven't done anything wrong. If he knew I was lying about spending the night at Jess's house then he could have said something over the weekend. He doesn't need to pull me out of class.
"You disobeyed me." My eyebrows crease. What the hell is he talking about? He didn't give me a rule book or anything close to one, so I'm not sure what I could have done that could violate his sense of authority. "What did I tell you about that boy?" Oh, so it's one of those conversations. I stand up.
"If you're going to try and have the sex talk with me, then I'll let you off the hook. Mom gave it to me before she disappeared and then dad gave me one five years ago." He responds as if he didn't even hear me.
"Sit down. You're not leaving this office any time soon, so I suggest you sit back down." I slowly lower myself back into the chair. He's definitely losing it and I've only been living with him for a week. Wow, this is a new record. When my mother first disappeared my dad had to be admitted into the town mental hospital, so I lived with a foster family so to speak. They lasted about three months before I was put in a different one. It was always the same problem. I didn't talk and I was always out late doing who knows what. That's actually when I got a job. I wasn't as irresponsible as they thought.
"Why am I here?" I don't try to hide the shake in my voice. I expect him to say something, but instead a smirk takes over his face. He stands up, walking around his desk until he's standing behind me. I don't turn my head, deciding I rather not know what he's doing. I use my peripheral vision to watch him when I can and rely on my other senses when I can't. He very slowly sets his hands down on the back of my chair making my heart race anticipating the connection.
"You've disobeyed me." My eyes narrow as he leans down, his mouth next to my ear. "You've been a very bad girl." A shiver runs down my spine and I try to stay still afraid he'll catch on, but he straightens back up and walks back towards his desk. "You are to never see Lucius again."
"Well that's going to be difficult since we go to the same school."
"You will not talk to him or his brothers ever again and for the time being Jess is off limits as well. When you learn to obey me, you can talk to her again."
"Excuse me? You're not the boss of me and quite frankly I don't like what you're insinuating. I will talk to Jess if I want and I will see Lucius again, as well as, his brothers." I surprise myself with how calm I sound, because on the inside I'm anything but.
"There will be certain punishments if you disobey me." I put my hands on his desk and rise out of my chair, my eyes narrowing.
"Do not threaten me. I don't belong to you. You have no right to tell me who I can and cannot talk to. You're not my father; you're not even my legal guardian, so until you get your act together I'm staying at Jess's house." He smirks.
"As of ten o'clock this morning, you're now under my custody." I straighten, utterly shocked. "I was surprised too, that your dad handed you over without a fight." I start to back up as he stands up, moving closer to me. "As of ten o'clock today you belong to me. As of ten o'clock today you must obey me or I will be taking certain actions to make you listen." He was about four feet away from me when my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket and answer it right as Ted connects with my side.
"Let go of me." I could hear someone calling my name through the phone as I try to keep the phone out of Ted's reach.
"Give me the phone, Devyn." We both fall to the floor as he climbs on top of my back reaching for the phone.
"No, I don't care what you say. I don't belong to you." My elbow is just about to connect with his face when he maneuvers out of the way. I've never seen him move so fast.
"That's enough." He pulls me down by the waist, putting one hand over my mouth and using the other to take the phone, straddling me to keep me from moving. He hangs up immediately, but doesn't let me go. "There's so much you don't know about your mother. So much you wouldn't understand." I stare at him, eyes wide as his eyes change colors. I'm not joking. I swear I'm not imagining it as he snarls at me. Holy shit! This can't be happening. Just when I think all hope is lost Lucius and his brothers barge into the office. "I was wondering when you would show up." He looks up at Lucius, a smirk on his face.
"Let go of Devyn." Ted looks back down at me then back up to Lucius.
"No, I don't think I will." In about two seconds I'm standing. I feel dizzy, my vision going in and out of focus. The four of them enter the room and shut the door behind them.
"Let her go." This time it's more forceful.
"I knew from the moment I saw you, what you were. You don't keep your sent hidden as well as you thought you did." All of their eyes widen in shock and that's when I realize what all of this is about. Lucius said I was in danger and I didn't know why, but when I saw my uncle I panicked. Now, it appears that I've always known. He put his mouth next to my ear once again. "You could have been great. You were the best fighter I'ver trained and your mother wouldn't let me change you. She wanted you to grow up oblivious to the past she had been trying to outrun. It's a shame it caught up to her."
"You're lying." I practically choke. He shakes his head.
"She kept a lot hidden from you." He shakes his head again and turns me around to face him. Lucius takes a step forward, but stops when Ted tisks at him. "She couldn't protect your brother though." I gasp.
"It was you. You were the one in the woods." He cocks his head.
"How do you know?"
"I'm not stupid. In those years of my obsession I became a good tracker. I found Tanner's blood in the woods and too bad you did a horrible job of cleaning up after yourself. The police didn't believe me, but I always knew there was something bigger happening here." He looks shocked but keeps himself composed.
"Looks like you have it all figured out, but there's still once piece you haven't figured out." I look at him confused. "Where are all the girls?" My eyes widen as he pushes me at Lucius and jumps out the window. What the hell is going on? Why am I such a damsel in distress? If I'm such a good fighter why can't I ever be matched with someone who doesn't have insane amounts of strength? I'm so frustrated that I don't let any of them help me up. I storm out of the office before anything else can be done.
"Devyn?" I keep walking.
"How could I be so stupid? The signs were there and I was too blind to realize it. All this time and I've been living with a killer. That's just awesome." Lucius turns me around and hugs me. He holds on even when I try to push him away. Eventually I have no fight left and wrap my arms around him, holding on as if he'll disappear. "How could I not see it? It was right there in front of my face and I ignored it. All this time I thought it was a mistake, just bad timing, but it turns out my mother knew one day things would go badly and yet here we are, no guidance from her, no truth to be found, and..." I break off as Lucius pulls back and looks at me. I'm seriously losing it. I used to be so strong and now I'm just another pathetic girl who can't protect herself. I should have been taking pre-cautions. Wait. I look down, forgotten memories taking over my mind. My mother left me a note. A letter came in the mail two days after she disappeared and I was so shocked it was from her that I threw it in my desk drawer afraid to read it.
"I need to go home." Lucius is about to object when I clarify. "No, I need to go to my dad's house." Lucius's brothers go back to my uncle's office to see if they can find any information about the missing girls and get rid of any evidence they were there while Lucius drives me home. The convenience of Melody being gone is unbelievable. When we pull up to the house I freeze. I start to panic. After all this time, I'm finally going to open the letter. Lucius turns off the car and turns to get out when I grab his arm.
"Can I go in alone first?" I can't look him in the eyes. He reaches over and lifts my chin.
"Take as much time as you need. Call when you need me." I nod. He kisses my forehead before I open the door and walk up to the house. I unlock the door and walk in making sure the door locks behind me. All the lights are off. That's strange, my dad rarely ever leaves, but I guess with the whole change of guardianship, he's drinking or something. Maybe this is what he's always wanted...freedom....from me.
Ignoring the fact I'm in the house alone I walk upstairs to my bedroom. I practically run to my desk and pull out the letter. I hold it to my chest as I sit down. I slowly open the letter, all the while holding my breath and right there on the very pages I'm holding is my mother's handwriting.
My dearest Devyn,
If you are reading this letter, then I am no longer with you. I am sorry I had to leave so suddenly, before getting the chance to explain. I thought I had a couple more years, but my past caught up to me.
There is so much I didn't want to tell you. You were so young and I didn't want to move too quickly by feeding you too much information at such a young age. Please do not think I abandoned you. I had to leave before they found me. If they did, they would have killed you. Now, that you're older I know you will understand that I left to protect you. I love you with all my heart and I pray that you will not hate me once I have told you the truth.
Years ago, before I met your father, I fell in love with my high school sweetheart, Mark. He was adventurous and a little dangerous and I loved it, but I didn't realize the risk when I agreed to marry him. The 4 years I had known him, I never once knew that he wasn't human. It turns out I fell in love with a werewolf. When I got pregnant I worried about what my kid would act like and if I'd even live through the birthing process. His mother told me that not every human woman did. He kept his true self-hidden from me. It turns out he imprinted on me, but he never really loved me. He loved another girl, Maria. And as wrong as that love was, they still loved each other. I found out he had been cheating on me since the moment we had met, so I decided it was time to leave. I went to the airport while everyone was out hunting and I flew to many different places, never settling for long, afraid they would catch up to me. I ran away afraid he would teach my child to become a monster.
I lied to you about your brother, Luke. He didn't die after child birth. I gave him up for adoption. I was afraid and I wasn't sure how I would help him grow up when he would be part monster. One of my old friends, Nate, Mark's best friend agreed to help me find a family that could take care of him and be able to control him. We gave him to another werewolf family in Bradford. It wasn't until he was 14 when he came looking for me. Honey, your brother Luke is Tanner. They renamed him at birth for his protection and I was to lie and say he died after child birth, so if I was ever caught, they'd never know about him. He is so much like his father. He has a very short temper and once he feels a certain way towards someone he can never change it. That's why when he found out he was adopted he wanted to find his real mother. When I went to take him back home, I found his parents dead. It turns out, Nate told them where he was and when they didn't find him, they killed them. I knew they weren't far off my track, but Tanner was so lost I had to stay longer then I should have. I put all of you in danger and I am so sorry. I hope you can learn to forgive me.
I found out about you a couple months later. I had already met Dan by then, but I am so sorry honey, I don't know who your real father is. I am almost positive it is Dan, but I became less sure with your fighting abilities and your tracker instincts. I am sure you developed them, because of all the time you spent with Tanner, but I am not 100% positive.
Your uncle Ted is also not your uncle. He saw Tanner shift one day in the woods and came to help me out. I couldn't be more thankful to him for helping me, but during the time we spent together helping Tanner control himself he fell in love with me. I was already in love with your father, so I told him I couldn't leave him. That is when he asked me if he could change you. Just one bite from another werewolf would change you, but I refused. He helped me stay hidden; however when Mark came to town he wouldn't help. He told me to leave and he would watch over the two of you, only now I am sure he will not keep his promise.
Don't let him take advantage of you, Sweetheart. As a little girl, he watched you like a hawk, so I can only pray that he hasn't touched you. I know this is a lot of information, but I'm afraid I don't have much time.
I love you with all my heart and one day we will be re-united.
Yours always,
Mom
I can't look away. I feel like my mind is about to combust from all this new information. 1. My mother fell in love with a werewolf. 2. Luke is Tanner and he's the son of said werewolf. 3. Mark has been hunting my mother because she ran away with his son. 4. Tanner and I are half siblings, but related none the less. 5. Tanner is in love with me and now I know why he'll never leave me alone. What a disgusting family trait to have. 6. I could very well be a werewolf. My father is unknown even to the one person who should know and 7. Ted isn't my uncle. He isn't even related to me. He wants me and not in the appropriate way.
I start hyper-venalating and just as I'm about to lose myself completely Lucius barges inside and tries to calm me down. He never once tries to take the letter from me, but I know he wants to know what it says. Before I know it I'm crying. Tanner was never the lost one. Mom was just so busy worrying about him that she didn't realize how broken I would become, how utterly lost and defenseless I would become. Tanner loves me and always will. I will never be able to love him the way he wants. Will he always be waiting on the sidelines? There are so many questions I have for him, but I know I'll never have the guts to ask. After all this time Ted wants to own me. Mom says he watched me, but I don't want to believe it. He was so angry that mom disappeared, but I guess he was putting on a show and by the sounds of it, he didn't use to be the principle. He lied about that too. He wanted to watch me. He's been so angry with Lucius and now I know why.
He had the power to change me, so why didn't he? It's been seven years and I never once knew the truth about him unless...unless he set up Tanner's blood and his fur to help me realize the truth. He's been waiting for me to know. Waiting for the right moment to make his move. That's why he didn't want me to be with Lucius. He wasn't worried about me getting pregnant or any other realistic fatherly concern; instead he was worried that if Lucius and I had sex, he would never be able to have me.
I'm in such a hysterical mood that Lucius has to carry me back to the car. I try to move, but my body doesn't respond. I can see how worried Lucius is, but I still can't find the right words to say. Oh hey, my name is Devyn and Tanner is actually related to me and he's the son of a werewolf who's been hunting my mom because she left him while she was pregnant and then she isn't sure who my dad is so I could actually be a half breed too. Oh, and Ted isn't actually my uncle. He wants me to have his babies. There does that sum everything up? Just thinking about it freaks me out. What is happening? I'll admit my life has never normal, but come on. Was all this really necessary?
By the time we get to his house it's already dark. Kat opens the door before Lucius even shuts the car off. I slump against his chest as he carries me into the house. There's no fight left in me.
"Lucius what happened?" His mother is hysterical.
"She read a letter from her mother." Kat's eyes widen as Lucius sets me down on the couch.
"She knows." It's a whisper but I still hear it.
"Know? What do I know?" Kat sighs and takes a seat on the table facing me while Lucius' eyebrows crease and his eyes darken. "I'm not sure where to start." Not being able to control myself, I respond.
"The beginning would be a great place." My eyes narrow as Lucius takes a seat next to me. Based on his reaction, he's just as confused as me. I grab his hand and he gives it a gentle squeeze.
"We didn't come here because this was our old home." Lucius tries to interrupt. "Let me finish honey." She takes a deep breath. "Devyn's mother asked me to come check on her. Spar and I decided I was going to go at the end of the month but when Nik got into trouble with another pack's son, we decided it was best if we all came here."
"How do you know her?" My curiosity once again gets the best of me.
"Ellie and I met in San Antonio. It was a couple months after she had started running and I could smell Mark's sent on her."
"You know Mark?" I can't help but interrupt, again.
"I'm his wife's cousin." Well, fuck.
"Maria." Kat looks at me, shocked. "So you're Mark's cousin too?" She nods before continuing.
"Your mother told me what happened and I told her that it was best if she gave the kid to another family. After hours of arguing she agreed. We contacted Nate, she told me they were best friends, but I told her I trusted him. Turns out I shouldn't have. We ran into Mark and his pack about five years ago, but Nate wasn't with them. They must have killed him when they didn't find Tanner, but Nate must have never told them about Ellie's affiliation with us, because they never once said anything." Lucius looks confused. "That's the night we sent you and your brothers to a friend's house." Lucius nods, understanding. "A couple months ago, your mother came to our house" Lucius straightens "she looked tired and she was sick. We helped her get better and before she left she asked me to come check on you. She said she didn't trust the man who was protecting you. I'm so sorry. It looks like we showed up a little too late." I start shaking my head before she's finished.
"You weren't late. If you weren't here I'm positive I would have belonged to a man who only wanted me for sex or whatever since I was a kid apparently." Lucius turns to look at me. Yep, one of the shocking truths out. "But I'm so new to this; I'm not sure what to do. I don't know what I am." I whisper the last part, but I know they can hear me. Their animal ears don't miss much. Kat leans forward and grabs my other hand.
"Together we will figure out the truth." I can't help but smile at how positive she looks.
"Thank you." She squeezes my hand as I let go of Lucius's. I re-positioned myself until I'm leaning against him. He reaches over and grabs my hand. Kat leaves us both there to think about what she told us. About how we were meant to meet. About how we were meant to be together. Okay, that last one is a little out there, but mine as well start believing that my mother has always been there, secretly giving me everything a girl like me would need. I just wish I knew if I was normal. Well, as normal as anyone can ever be.
"You look like your mother." Lucius whispers. I look up at him. "You have her eyes and hair." He lifts his hand to put a piece of hair behind my ear. "She was so weak and tired, I thought she wasn't going to make it. She was dirty and had to be carried inside. It took her three days to recover. She would talk in her sleep about you, but she never said a name or anything, so I had no idea." He looks me in the eyes, his palm resting on my cheek. "I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault. It's not like she told you everything. There's no way you could have known." I take a deep breath. "There's so much I need to tell you, about what my mother told me, but I can't." I put my finger over his lips when he starts to speak. "When I get it figured out and I understand it, I'll tell you." He nods as my fingers slide down his lips. He moves his hand into my hair and pulls me closer until our lips touch. It's a sweet slow kiss that makes me feel weak to my knees. If I was standing I would fall. I don't know what it is about this man, but he makes me feel things I've never felt before. It makes me feel powerful, but also scared. Very scared.
I should feel like my whole world is falling apart, but I don't. I should feel like everyone has betrayed me, keeping secrets, hiding their real desires, but I'm not angry or upset or even emotionally traumatized. If anything I feel like I finally understand myself. There are so many things that have been unclear, but with everything that has happened, I feel as though this is the beginning. I've been too worried and depressed, trying to live for my mom that I never once thought that she was living for me. Together, even when apart, I knew we had a bond that couldn't be broken. I know I'll see her again.
The police called to tell me my Uncle disappeared and I did pretty well at acting sad. I even shed some tears and screamed a little bit. It was all pretty convincing, but I know better than to think he just up and left. Now that I know the truth he'll stop at nothing to retrieve me and I guess there's one thing I can actually thank him for. My training and combat skills. I'm not as defenseless as he's hoping. He's aware of my werewolf bodyguards now, but if the time comes when I have to make a decision, I will go him. If it means keeping them all safe, then I'll do whatever's necessary. Even if that means giving myself over to Ted. I can only hope Ted hasn't caught on to just how far I'm willing to go to protect them. My mother told me as little girl that I was too kind. She was right, but now I know my limits. I know who I can trust and who I can't. Plus I can count on Max to keep Jess safe. They've been hanging out quite a bit and she's the type of girl who never cares about age. She cares about the heart, because the heart has no color or age. It has no limits. Love is love.
Sometimes I worry about what the future will bring, but I'm not afraid of a fight. I've never been one of those girls that cowered in the corner when the lights went off. I've never been one of those girls that backs down and waits things out. If I want to get things done, then that's exactly what I'm going to do.
It feels weird living at the Doetsch's house. It seems like just yesterday Lucius and I met and now we live under the same roof. Circumstances made this happen, but a part of me still laughs at the thought that my mother did this on purpose. She knew Lucius and she must have known that we would hit it off, but what I still don't understand is imprinting. Mark imprinted on my mother, but loved Maria. I can't help but compare myself to Maria, because one day Lucius will imprint with someone and I'll have to wait on the sidelines. I did some research and the only way to stop an imprint is to get the female pregnant. I don't know if I could let Lucius sleep with another woman even if it would end his agony sooner. Apparently if the two don't mate they'll die. It's amazing Mark lived so long. Waiting four years like that, but it did say that in rare occasions the males doesn't imprint with the woman right away. Is it possible Mark imprinted with her only a couple months before Tanner?
Oh no, how am I going to tell Tanner. How am I supposed to break the news to him that he's Luke and that we are actually half siblings? Well, hopefully half siblings. That would make his love for me that much worse, because then he would know almost 100% that I would never love him in the same way. At this rate, I don't know if I'll ever fall in love. Lucius is great, but I don't want to give him my heart if he's just going to break it right away or maybe after we have a family, he'll imprint and that would destroy me. I can't imagine ever being in Maria's place, but ironically enough I'm more then halfway there. The moment I let him in completely, will be the exact moment I may regret it. I guess most couples; even just human ones have similar issues. Commitment issues.
"You've been very quiet recently." I look up to find Tanner leaning in the doorway. Lucius and I share a room now. His parents know we are a couple and in all honesty they know we won't do anything. I'm not like that and from what I've seen he isn't going to push it. We're just going to let things fall where they may.
"I've had a lot on my mind." I look back down to mom's letter in my lap. It's closed but her words still repeat over and over again in my mind. I've read it so much that I have it memorized now. Lucius has been very patient knowing that's exactly what I need. How does he read me so well?
"You don't have to go through any of this alone you know." The thought of telling him makes me panic. Today's the day. Tanner must see my determination, because he walks in the room, closing the door behind him. He takes a seat in Lucius' desk chair. "What is it?" I finally look at him.
"There are some things that you don't know. Some things mom never told you. Things I didn't even know until" I lift the letter. His eyebrows crease and I can't help but think back to when we were kids. I don't think I've ever seen him so confused in our entire lives. "When you found out you were adopted you came looking for mom, didn't you? Mom didn't find you in a slide like the two of you have been saying." His eyes narrow.
"It was a little white lie. What does it matter?" He eyes the letter and I put it in my hoodie pocket.
"Mom told me that they found your adoptive parents dead five years before she disappeared, which was around the same time she adopted you into the family." He doesn't say anything, but when I look up he's still looking at me with incredulous eyes. "When did you first change?"
"After mom disap-" I cut him off.
"The truth. Tell me the truth." He sighs and runs his fingers through his hair.
"When I was five." He sighs. "I didn't think much of it until I saw them shift. They were both light colored and I was dark. They said it was just the crazy way genetics worked, but every time we all went out, we did everything different and that's when I knew they were lying. They told me four years later, a month before I came looking for mom." He looks down.
"Then I at least know we are half siblings." His eyes shoot up.
"What?"
"We have the same mom." His eyes narrow once again as he rises.
"Why don't you sound positive?" There's a flicker of what looks like hope in his eyes. Why does that make my stomach drop? What is he hoping the outcome will be?
"We're related through mom, so that makes us half siblings, but she told me that she isn't sure who my father is, so we could share the same dad too." I can't stop the venom that laces it around the last couple of words.
"But you haven't shifted." I've been thinking a lot about it, but so far I've come up with nothing. Instead of responding I shrug. It's possible to be a late bloomer, right?
"Honestly I can't answer that, but I'm trying to figure it out."
"Why? Why can't you let it go?" My eyes widen before narrowing as I stand.
"It may not matter to you, but I'd like to know who my biological father is. I'd like to know if deep down I have DNA just like yours. I'd like to know the truth about what I am." He's about to respond, but I shake my head, silencing him. "I want to know the truth. The real truth. Not some made up story to make me sleep at night, but the hard cold truth that I very well might be the daughter of a murderer." He takes a step forward, eyes narrowing.
"So you think you won't be able to accept yourself if that's true?" He takes another step closer to me. "So you can no longer accept me because my father is trying to kill mom?" His eyes narrow as he turns to leave.
"I need to do this for me. I need to find out the truth, because I want to know who I really am." I sigh and sit back down. Tanner surprises me by walking back and kneeling in front of me.
"I have no doubt you'll figure this all out, but what if it's not what you want to hear? What if you are his daughter, my sister? What if nothing turns out the way you are planning? What if we aren't related at all?"
"Well, I'm just going to have to take that chance. The truth will set you free, right?"