"You have punished me long enough, you have punished yourself long enough. Return to me, I beg"
~ Melissa De La Cruz ~
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Aabha had woken on the morning of the wedding, filled with a nameless dread, she could not finger it but knew that something would happen that day and that anticipation gnawed at her. She had not been able to sleep for most of the night and could not stop thinking about Shaurya. She kept thinking about their conversations, his confession, her fears and his parents' faith in her. She was in conflict, as were her heart and mind, and though she tried to rationalise her emotions, her heart would sprout new fears. As night slipped into day, she had no clarity and when she found everyone enthusiastic about the wedding, she turned melancholic; the evening would also bring Shaurya's presence. She wanted to see him and yet did not want to meet him.
She looked at her hands in despair, Ishaani had even managed to have the mehendi artist paint Shaurya's and her names on her palms and her henna dyed palms, with their intricate auburn lines that traced and entwined their names together, seemed to be mocking her. Confused and hoping to find comfort in something familiar she had worn one of her old dress, one that she had bought during those early shopping expeditions with Ishaani, who had insisted that Aabha add a few Indian dresses to her wardrobe. She had been very uncomfortable with the ghaghra selections, the idea of exposing her entire midriff did not seem appealing, till she chanced on the combination of net and silk blouses, where the plain silk blouse had a net overlay which extended till her knees. She had loved the idea, though the net top had high side slits.
She slipped into the simple, almost plain, peach dress, a memory of simple days and peaceful life, thinking about the evening and how it would be to wear the rich silky, intricately embroidered ghaghra that had been selected for her. It was a deep blue, worked in silver and pearls, a colour that had been selected by Ishaani, keeping Shaurya's preference in mind. Aabha did not need to be told that, she knew Ishaani and Shaurya quite well, and she did not look forward to wearing a colour which he loved.
Even more disturbing was the thought of having to face Shaurya. There was no way she could make an excuse, she would have to be beside Ishaani throughout all the ceremonies and would not be able to avoid his presence, for he too would be there for Reyansh.
Aabha had spent the previous day in absolute misery and had not made any effort to even hide it. All the women were busy with the final preparations for the wedding, so few paid much attention to her. But then there were so there were many last-minute things to be done that her mother had to enlist her help, though Mahua did take a few minutes to talk to her, " It is not fair that Ishaani has to bear the brunt of your moping. I know it will sound unfair, but then you have been away for three years, Aabha, and though it was right to leave then, you cannot do the same thing now. If you do it now, it would be running away. And yes, I have an idea of what happened, Ishaani told me about the party and Shaurya's confession. It does change everything, now, does it not?"
Aabha nodded, unhappy with Ishaani telling her mother yet relieved, "Maa, I do not know what to do. How can he fall in love with me without remembering who I am? What does it mean for us?"
"Aabha, I am not blind to your feelings and doubts but I cannot help you in your confusion, you have to sort it out yourself. It is easy for all of us to give you advice and yes, all of us would have the same thing to say, 'that you do not have to worry about anything now, you love him and he has fallen in love with you, so there is no problem.' But I know that you do not see it that way yet, as I said, I cannot help you at all, you have to decide what to do. And maybe if you focused on something else, it could help you relax so that you would be able to think it out better?"
Aabha sighed, 'so much for hoping that she would get an easy answer. '
Unable to refute either her mother's logic or the request, she allowed herself to be made an unwilling participant, though, as the afternoon wore on, she did wonder where Ishaani had disappeared to.
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Ishaani was not blind to Aabha's distress and she held no grudges against her sister for missing out on the Sangeet and also for being less than enthusiastic about her wedding. She could guess why Aabha was despondent but decided that she had done everything she could, she had even met Shaurya and had given her version of their love story to him, and it was now up to Aabha to take the final step. But then towards evening, when she saw that Aabha was sinking deeper into melancholy, she sat beside her and holding her hand, said, "Aabha, I am sorry, I think I have been too selfish and hasty, not to understand how much of a strain it must be for you. Do not bother about anything, what every onesays. And I know how you feel about getting dressed, see those rich clothes and heavy jewellery, do not wear them, I only want you near me when I get married. Will you do that for me?"
When a stunned Aabha nodded, Ishaani wiped her tears away and suggested that Aabha should take a walk on the beach as it might calm her. A grateful Aabha gave Ishaani a hug and headed out.
The minute she stepped on the beach, her feet had pulled her towards the sea line, it seemed they had a life of their own and she was powerless against that lure. She knew it was him the minute she saw his silhouette against the scarlet sky as he stood, steeled against the rushing waves. Still unable to stop, she continued to walk towards him, her bare feet noiseless in the loose sand, even though she was unsure of what she would do or say. He must have sensed her presence for he had turned even before she reached him. As she came to a sudden halt, she saw the lines of pain etched across his face, pain that she was responsible for and she felt her eyes fill with tears.
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When Shaurya saw her, he closed his eyes in desperation, he could see how hurt she was and he hated that there seemed to be no end to the amount of torment he caused her but then with a tremendous effort, collected himself. Thrusting his hands in his pockets, hoping that it would keep him from holding her and kissing those tears away, he pleaded, "Aabha, please, just hear me out. Reyansh has told me everything; about how we met, fell in love, got engaged to be married and how fate intervened. There were a few other things that Ishaani told me about. It helped me understand some things a little better though I am still confused with others.
I will admit that I still do not remember those days which we spent together and I can see the hurt in your eyes. And I can also make you some of your fears. You are scared of trusting me, for if I could fall in love with you again, without remembering us, how could my love be trusted? What if tomorrow I fall for somebody else?"
Shaurya realised he was right when he heard her gasp but he wanted to finish what he had to say so he rushed on, "But Aabha, do you not see, that this very paradox is the answer to all your questions? Irrespective of what happens, you are the only woman I will fall in love with, this lifetime or another, this reality or any other different reality. Circumstances and timings can only delay or hasten the inevitable event, but nothing can change the fact that we will always fall in love with each other. Can you not see this simple truth?
Maybe with time I will remember, maybe with time I will not, but then nothing changes the truth that I have always loved you. I loved you then and I love you now, and though I am sorry that I do not remember then, I know I cannot live without you now. I cannot apologise enough to make you trust me again, Aabha and at the same time I do not know how to make you believe. All I want is one chance, you do love me too, I can see it your eyes, masked by the pain I have caused you. Can you give us another chance?"
This time it was Aabha who closed her eyes and as he saw misery deepen in her face, he felt he had lost everything. Unable to face her any longer and uncertain of what else he could do, Shaurya walked away without waiting for an answer.
Aabha felt him walk past her and she wondered how he could read into her eyes, know what she thought, but then he always could see her to the very depths of her soul. He was right, that was what she had been afraid of, Nisha and Tanushri had been convenient excuses her mind had latched on to. She had taken Shaurya's words literally and had wanted their love to survive till infinity, go on forever and live beyond eternity. When he had forgotten her, she had felt betrayed, irrationally so, but then she could not help thinking that they had failed. However, now when she heard him she realised that infinity, eternity and forever, those were mere words and she made the mistake of limiting her feelings to their definitions and had convinced herself that she was fated to be unsuccessful in love.
It was at that moment that Aabha began to realise that she had failed because she wanted to fit emotions to equations and not because destiny was against her. It was her insecurities that held her back and not doubts about Shaurya' feelings for her.
And we are at the end, just one more update to go. I know it is shorter than the previous ones, but I could not fit the rest here, without making it too long. Hence one more update and we finish with their tale.
love,
Nyna