Being drunk isn't always bad. We need it, or at least I do. Sometimes it's a good thing. It helps us loosen up, and do what we'd never do sober.
It was one of those nights, where it was a good thing.
Dave and I, we were absolutely trashed. We had to cling onto one another for balance. The drunken physical contact made me feel warm and gooey inside.
We had finished our short walk across the lawn, to the side of the house. But considering our conditions, it felt like a marathon. We slumped down onto the damp grass. We both got out our own cigarette packages. I had camels, he had Marbolos.
I dug around in my jean pocket for a lighter. "Shit.." I mumbled, realizing i left it at home. "Wanna use mine?" Dave offered. I nodded, then put the cigarette in between my teeth.
He bit his lip as he lit the cig dangling from my two front teeth. "Thank you." I slurred, sighing happily. We giggled as we smoked, our stupid drunk minds taking over.
I leaned my head on his shoulder. A sudden feeling of warmth and security fell over me. I felt weirdly safe with the person who hurt me most. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, pulling me closer.
I smiled against his Bad Brains shirt. "You're so warm." I whispered, laughing. I felt his smile against the top of my head. "You too."
I looked up at him. I could see his comforting chocolate eyes shining, even in the pitch black. "You're so fucking beautiful." I said lowly.
He wore a half, sly smile. "No, that's you," he whispered. I put out my cigarette and crawled onto his lap. I felt a bulge at my thigh as I straddled him. He put his hands on my hips, our faces only inches apart.
Of course, I felt appalled with myself, but I didn't have much self control.
He leaned a little closer, the tips of our noses now touching. I know its wrong, I know. But I still need him.
I still love him.
I kissed him with intensity. The feeling of his lips against mine felt like a relief. He groaned softly as I tangled my fingers in his hair. He moved his hands underneath my sweater. They were warm. I closed my eyes, letting out a sigh of pleasure.
"Its g-getting a little chilly," I stuttered as he kissed my neck ferociously. "We'll go to my car." He said in between breaths. "No! We aren't having sex in your car!" I whisper yelled, laughing.
"Lets drive to my apartment!" I suggested, snapping my fingers. "That's too long. I wanna make love to you." He whined, taking my hand. "No its not. C'mon. Are your keys still in your pocket?" I asked, standing up.
"Yes." He answered, sighing heavily. "You're such a drama queen." I said, rolling my eyes. He got up, and followed me to his car. I slid into the passenger seat. A few short seconds later, he was in the drivers seat.
He started the car, pulling out of the driveway with speed. He continued down the road, even faster. "Dave! You're gonna kill us!" I laughed, grabbing his arm. He turned to me, grinning like an idiot.
"We'll be fine." He scoffed. I giggled, shaking my head. After a couple minutes of driving, he spoke, his eyes still on the road. "Can I finger you?" He asked nonchalantly. I gasped. "David!" I cried, elbowing him.
"C'mon, please? I need something to hold me over." He whispered. We stopped at a red light. He immediately leaned over the console, kissing my earlobe. I bit my lip, and groaned.
"Fine. Just don't kill us." I said, pulling my skirt up. "Yes!" He hissed, taking one hand off the wheel. My heart rate quickened out of what was about to happen, and fear of him killing us.
He wasted no time, digging his hand into my panties. I gasped as he rubbed my clit in circles. With every bump we went over, the feeling intensified.
He eventually plunged two fingers inside of me. I moaned, gripping onto his arm. He moved his fingers faster. My breathing hitched. It felt so amazing. "Do you like that? Hm?" He growled into my ear, his eyes still on the road. "Y-yes." I stuttered.
As we went over a speed bump, his fingers went even deeper. "Shit!" I gasped, my mouth falling open. He smirked, chuckling.
As each second passed, I was working my way up closer and closer to an orgasm. "You're so tight." He hissed. I laughed through my moaning and groaning. "Dave.." I gasped. "Are you gonna cum?" He asked in a taunting voice. Just as I felt it coming, he withdrew his fingers.
"Dave? Wh-what the fuck?" I yelled. He tipped his head back, laughing loudly. "We're right about to park! Calm down. Im gonna make you wait." He said with a sly smirk.
I was still catching my breath as he parked. "Not cool." I grumbled, rolling my eyes. He snorted. "C'mon." He said, opening his door. I shut mine with force. "You're such a diva." He retorted, taking my hand.
I scoffed, and retrieved my keys from my back pocket. I turned the key in the door, and pushed it open. I dragged him into my room, pulling off his shirt. "Someone's excited." He teased, taking off my sweater.
I rolled my eyes, and pushed him onto the bed. I crawled on top of him, running my hands up and down his chest. I loved having my hands on him. "I like this." He said. "Me too." I muttered before kissing him.
He rolled over, taking charge. He pinned my wrists above my head, kissing my bare chest. I moaned, tangling my hands in his hair.
He unbuttoned my skirt, yanking it off of my legs, then did the same with my panties. My heart and mind were racing. It had been a year, but it felt like I had spent an entire life time without intimacy.
I leaned down, pulling down his pants and boxers. He put his hands on either sides of my face. "I still love you." He whispered, kissing me again. Tears filled my eyes. I went into a state of shock. Hearing those words...they made me feel like someone actually cared.
"I love you too." I said, a single teardrop rolling down my cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb.
He then slowly pushed himself inside of me. The grip I had on his shoulders tightened. I felt like I was in heaven. It was my fucked up fantasy.
"God, you're so tight." He groaned. I wrapped my arms around him tighter. I felt safe in his embrace. He stared me dead in the eye as he made all my pain go away with each thrust.
The pleasure started to build.
I moaned, sitting up slightly to kiss him. Our sounds were muffled by each others lips. He pulled away, dragging his hand up to my neck. He held it gently, but firmly.
This turned me on more, if even possible.
"Fuck.." I moaned, my hips grinding more. "You feel so amazing, baby." He muttered, tipping his head back. I spread my legs wider, and pressed myself up against him for more pleasure. I gasped. The sensation felt otherworldly, even though I had experienced it a countless number of times in the past.
Beads of sweat began to drip off of him. His pace was wildly fast now. I felt myself losing control. "Fuck, I'm gonna cum." I hissed, keeping eye contact with him. "Yeah, cum for me, doll." He panted, his thrusts growing with more power and force.
My eyes rolled back, and my nails dug into his sweaty back. I was a yeller, to say the least. Dave continued to thrust. His mouth was open wide, his eyes shut. "Julia..." He moaned, gripping my hips.
I felt like I could've reached another orgasm as he came inside of me. He groaned and grunted as he released. He withdrew himself from me.
As we lyed in each others arms, I didn't know what to feel. Sure, it felt amazing to be in his arms, but it felt utterly sinister of me. I was doing just as Rosie had when I was with Dave.
I was ruining a relationship.
"I'm a whore." I whispered, my eyes growing wide with realization and fear. "What?" He asked, sitting up. I slowly faced him. A look of perturbation was painted across his face. "You're in a relationship, and I know it. But I still had sex with you," I mumbled, rubbing my temples.
"No, don't say that." He plead, pulling me onto his lap. My chin trembled, my eyes becoming filled with tears. I buried my face in his neck, wanting go to a far away land with him. "We should run away." I muttered, sniffling.
"I wish we could, doll,"
I raised my head back up, putting my hands on his cheeks. I stroked his face softly with my thumb. "We could go to France. Or what about Coney Island? I went there when I was 5, before my sister was sick. Its my favorite childhood memory." I rambled, crying even more. Dave smiled sadly, kissing the tip of my nose softly.
"We can't, Julia. We have responsibilities." He whispered. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I shut my eyes, hugging myself even closer to him. He rubbed soothing circles into my bare back.
"C'mon, let's lay down." He suggested. I wiped my eyes and nodded, sliding myself off of his lap. We pulled the sheet over us, and settled into our own little world. His arms were wrapped around my waist in a protective grip. He would plant tiny kisses on my head every once in a while, and stroke my hair.
You never realize how much you miss something until it returns.
Even if its return is for one night only.