Edited
After my first lesson with the girl who I found out was named Chloe, I veered around to the lunch tables. My heart felt heavy in my chest, and I could feel my eyebrows knot together in thought. Who was taking the children and how? Why only at night?
A part of me pitied Chloe. I had told her a lie, a lie that gave her hope. I had told her that Sarah was out there, safe and in capable hands. I had said they would be reunited. But even I knew that would never happen. I didn't know where the children were, all I knew was they weren't coming back.
"Renee!"
I looked up sharply to see Aleena beckon at me from a lunch bench. I smiled weakly and walked over to drop my bag down beside the table. I slid into my regular spot with a grunt.
Her eyes narrowed. "Well you look even worse than you did this morning."
I shot her a look. "Thanks Aleena."
Aleena gave me a light chuckle. "I'm just saying. You're glancing around the school grounds like you just found out your dog died." She furrowed her eyebrows in thought. "Speaking of dogs, how is yours?"
I ripped out my sandwich and glanced at her in surprise. "I don't have a dog. You should know this by now."
She let out an exaggerated sigh, tossing her curled hair behind her shoulder. "The dog you thought was a wolf."
I took a bite out of my sandwich, noticing Aleena was watching my every move like a hawk. I rolled my eyes and gave her the rest of it without a word. She ripped into it savagely.
I chewed slowly before finishing. I suddenly lost my appetite. "I wouldn't know."
Her brown eyes met mine. "His owner probably found him." She spat out crumbs as she talked and studied them ruthlessly before swallowing her food.
"Very funny," I hissed sarcastically. She responded by swallowing another mouthful of my sandwich.
"I thought so," she replied. I didn't offer any more comments which gave her the opportunity to examine me. Her pupils looked me up and down, her fingers loosening on the food to place it down beside her. "Why are you so invested in this wolf?"
I shrugged, picking at the loose strands in my sweater. "He's a comforting sight. He seems to be the only sane thing these days."
Aleena rose an eyebrow. "A wolf is a comforting sight? That's not worrying at all."
I felt my lips thin into a frown and I yanked out a strand harder. Aleena caught the movement and finally her playfulness disappeared.
"What's the real reason? Anyone with your past wouldn't go near a wolf." Her eyes flickered involuntarily to the scars on my wrist. I pulled my arm under the table.
"I don't know," I said, and truthfully I didn't. I didn't know why he intrigued me so much, or why I saved him from starvation weeks ago. Maybe it was because of the vulnerability in his gaze, or his yellow eyes that kept me curious.
Aleena pressed her fingers idly into the bread to create small holes. "I've read somewhere that people seek out the things that nearly killed them previously for a thrill."
I felt my hands scrunch into fists under the table. "You think I'm interested in my wolf because I was nearly killed by one?" I couldn't help the irritated tone of voice to slip out of my mouth.
Aleena rose an eyebrow at me, her lips pressing together. "Don't go all defensive on me, I'm just trying to figure you out."
I eyed her off, taking in her frown and studious gaze. "You've tried to figure me out for years and its never gotten you anywhere."
Her pupils narrowed ever so slightly and her hand stiffened. "You've never been this distant in years."
I swallowed down the angry words that threatened to spill out and instead stared at her hands. Her fingers were stumpy and square, fingers made for battle, not creativity. Aleena's whole appearance gave off that aurora. Her face was also hardened, her eyes matching her stony gaze. I used to compare her to a leopard. She was graceful, and walked like she dominated. Boys fell for her looks and humour but deep down she could never be tamed. She was a free spirit, and although she used it to her advantage, I knew it would eventually be the arrow through her heart.
"Renee, stop dreaming about Aaron for two seconds and answer my question." I snapped to attention and saw Aleena waving in my face. Satisfied I was back in the present, she slouched back to regard me. "This is what I'm talking about. One minute you're with me, the next you're in some other dimension."
"I have a lot on my mind," I said back against her interrogation.
"So do I but I'm still trying to engage in conversation," she snapped.
I rolled my eyes. "What was the question?"
She paused for a few minutes, tapping her fingernails on the wooden table. "What does your dog look like."
I felt myself blink in surprise. "Since when do you care?"
"Since its important to you," she looked me up and down again. "I don't know what's so significant about an oversized dog but if you think he's worth sparing from being shot then I'm all ears."
I watched her suspiciously but deciding she was telling the truth, I went on. "He has white fur and these luminous yellow eyes." He's also the size of a horse and nearly killed me once. I spared the details, ignoring the way Aleena's eyes kept flickering to the scar on my wrist. I hadn't realised I moved my arm.
But then a memory tugged itself into my mind, bringing with it several images. The red tinge on his paw, the way the crimson colour had dried against his white coat. His fearful eyes.
"The last time I saw him; he was covered in blood."
Aleena stiffened again, her frown tilting into one of confusion. "Blood?" she echoed.
I nodded, wishing the memories of him faded to nothingness. "I saw him in the woods. He wouldn't let me near but I still saw it. His paws and tails were coated in it."
I met Aleena's gaze, her eyebrows scrunched together in thought. "That's probably normal Renee. Aren't wolves' predators? He probably caught a deer or something and the snow hadn't rinsed it off."
I felt myself frown. I had thought of that possibility but something still just felt wrong about it. The way he had looked at me, it was as if he was ashamed. Like seeing him so wild mortified him.
Instead of piling Aleena with my worries, I slowly nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense."
Her lips twitched sympathetically. "Don't worry Renee; I'm sure your stupid dog is fine."
I opened my mouth to reply when a figure came into view, hovering behind Aleena quietly. I narrowed my eyes against the shadow and recognised the face immediately.
Jake, Aleena's last hook up.
I flashed him a smile that I was sure seemed more like a grimace. "Hey Jake," I announced, hinting to Aleena that he was behind her.
Her mouth quirked and she gave me a knowing look. I knew what was about to happen.
"I'll catch you guys later." I hastily rose from my seat to grab my bag before walking away. Jake smiled gratefully at me before shuffling around to take my place. As I turned around, the last thing I saw was Aleena flash him a pitiful look.
The amount of times a boy would return to our table, begging for something more, something meaningful was enough for me to know the drill. Leave Aleena to let them down slowly, pretend nothing happened, wait a few days and the next boy would be there.
It was sickening. Aleena broke hearts as a form of punishment. I could tell it was her way of personal torment. Destroy them so they hated her. Shatter their hearts so she could feel something, anything. Guilt, remorse, shame. It was a tactic that was killing her, not only emotionally but mentally.
I walked aimlessly around the oval, supressed in my own thoughts. Worry drove me to keep walking. I was worried for Chloe, Aleena, Aaron, Miss Anderson, Mum, my wolf. Everyone I loved or hated or mutually could deal with was a cause for concern. My heart ached for my wolf for the hundredth time. I wished to melt into his coat, to let my fingers slid through his fur. I wanted to breathe in his foresty scent and get lost in his yellow eyes. And I wanted answers.
I glanced up as I neared the edge of the oval. From afar, I could see a lean figure press against a tree trunk, his legs sprawled out in a semi awkward way. As he sat, a light breeze ruffled his curls. Isaac didn't seem to notice, instead he continued to stare distantly out over the oval. His eyes shone in the sunlight, the rays illuminating every colour in his irises. He was beautiful, I thought to myself, shocked. It was true, when his face was slackened, his eyes free of any anger, he was striking.
Isaacs lips were parted slightly, his hands resting next to him. His body portrayed a sense of relaxation but as he lent against the tree, his expression was one of worry. I took a step forward, still out of his eyesight. From here, I could see the crease in between his eyebrows which most likely meant he was deep in thought.
He looked different from the last time I had seen him. His shoulders were sagged in downfall, portraying a sign of defeat. However, he looked impossibly taller from the length in his torso and legs.
I couldn't see the boy who had tried to hit me in the locker rooms a few weeks ago. I could only see a boy who looked lost. I continued to stare at him, watching as he half lidded his eyes. He was hurting, but from what, I would never know.
The school bell caused me to jump, snapping me out of my thoughts. In hopes of him not seeing me, I quickly strode away towards the main entrance, the breeze stirring my hair. I swallowed against the nerves that stirred deep in my chest.
It seemed like everybody was changing.
I walked into chemistry to find several eyes watching me. I narrowed my eyes against their stares, lengthening my stride. If my father taught me anything, it was never to succumb to others objectifications.
Miss Anderson glared at me from the front of the classroom, her lips peeling back into a smirk. "I'm surprised you managed to make it to class today Miss Argent."
I tried to resist the urge to reply but my frustration once again controlled the words that slid out of my mouth. "And why is that?"
I continued to walk towards the back of the classroom, conscious that Aleena had not yet arrived.
I heard Miss Anderson chuckle from behind me. "Considering last lesson you only lasted fifteen minutes, I wondered whether or not you could possibly bare a full sixty-minute lesson."
I swallowed down my rage, attempting to hide my anger. Apparently it didn't work because after I sat down, Miss Andersons grey eyes were shining with pleasure. A familiar presence put me on edge, but I didn't need to look sidewards to know why.
Aaron remained silent next to me, his gaze firmly on Miss Andersons. I could tell he wanted to say something, to defend my dignity in the form of a sharp response but Miss Anderson was watching him challengingly, as if hoping he would retaliate. He let out a light snort that only I would've been able to hear and dropped his gaze.
He turned his attention back to me. "You weren't on the bus this morning," he remarked casually.
"I decided to walk," I stated plainly, reaching over to place my books on the desk.
His eyebrows furrowed. "In this weather?"
I shrugged coolly. "The cold never bothered me anyway."
He stared at me, his mouth dropping open mockingly. "You did not just quote Elsa."
"And you did not just imply that insultingly." My lips titling into the beginnings of a smile before the feeling of being watched caught me off guard. I looked up to see Isaac studying me from his desk. His hands were clenched into fists and upon me meeting his gaze, he turned away to engage in conversation with Chelsea.
I frowned. "Sometimes I wonder if there's something on my face with the amount of staring coming from him."
Aaron didn't need to look up to know who I was talking about. "Don't worry about him," he answered but his jaw was clenched.
I disregarded it as Miss Anderson began speaking. "Today, we will be conducting an experiment. Can one member of each group please come and collect the materials and ingredients." Miss Anderson gestured to rows of flannels, tubes and small containers filled with substances. "This isn't particularly related to the kinetic molecular but it is crucial for everyone to know how to conduct a proper investigational experiment." Her gaze swept towards mine as she smiled thinly.
"Renee, would you like to collect ingredients for Aaron and yourself?" Her voice was too high, as if she was calling to a dog. I rose from my spot nonetheless and ambled over to the materials. Her piercing gaze followed me but I ignored it to retrieve the tray. As I turned around I caught Isaacs expression on his face. It was one of interest, one that gave off the appeal he was curious. I continued to walk, forcing his expression out of my mind.
The rest of the class began to collect ingredients before Miss Anderson started talking again.
"I've already wrote all the instructions on the board. Treat this experiment like an exam. If there are any spillages or breakages, you will be given a dentation. If there are injuries, don't expect any sympathy or pity. It's your fault if you get hurt." She raised an eyebrow at me as she spoke, "Begin."
I went to reach for the first ingredient as did Aaron. His knuckles gently brushed my fingers and I reefed them away like I had touched an electrical current. He rose a thoughtful eyebrow but didn't question my reaction.
I pulled over a flask and placed it on a tripod that hovered over a Bunsen burner. Without a word, Aaron flicked the burner on and a blue flame immediately appeared, slowly heating up the bottom of the flask. I then poured the designated amount of hydrochloric acid into it, watching as bubbles rose against the glass. Aaron focused on adjusting the flame of the Bunsen burner so I reached over to retrieve the next ingredient. It was secured in a white cylindrical container and I turned it in my fingers to read the label.
The container slipped from my fingers, rolling across the table to halt against Aarons resting hand. My heart surged into my throat, and I felt my eyes widen in fear. Aaron glanced at me, his green eyes one of alarm. He didn't say a word and lifted the container to read it. From here, I could still see the word engraved across it.
Silver.
Aaron looked up sharply to meet my eyes. "What's wrong Renee?"
I tried to swallow but my throat had died, my tongue sticked to the roof of my mouth. All I could do was ignore his question. With fumbling fingers, I prided to container away from his hands. I never told him I was allergic, but I couldn't voice the truth because I could feel Miss Andersons eyes on me.
"Renee," Aaron said from under his breath.
"It's fine, I just misread the container," I snapped back. He studied me before nodding slowly. I cleared my throat and unscrewed the container with shaky fingers. I gritted my teeth, willing my hands to steady themselves but they continued to jerk, causing the silver powder to nearly tip out. I felt Aarons strong fingers gently take the container away, his eyes trying to catch mine. I didn't meet his gaze and instead focused on calming my racing heart.
It's fine Renee, you're not going to react with it. But a part of me couldn't stop replaying the pain the pencil gave me.
Aaron reached upwards and tipped the silver powder into the heated flask. Great clouds of grey immediately rippled against the acid. I stared at it, my stomach knotting against itself. I couldn't justify anything; all I knew was I was sitting a few centimetres away from a substance I was severally allergic to.
"Renee, you look like you've seen a ghost. Is everything okay?" Aaron tried again, his voice low.
I bit my lip and forced myself to meet his eyes. "Yes," was all I said feebly.
The flecks in his eyes danced, but they only caused my heart to drum faster. I tore my gaze away to my books, attempting to write down the reaction from the silver to the hydrochloric acid. My hands jerked my writing into twisted words, causing them to be unreadable. I willed myself to calm down and my nails dug into the sides of my pencil.
I heard Miss Andersons footsteps approaching. I refused to acknowledge that she was there.
My thoughts swirled. Could I have an allergic reaction from the fumes in the air? I wanted nothing more than to jump from my seat and escape the suddenly intoxicating room.
I only just managed to pick up on the sound of metal against the bench. I looked up just as the beaker balancing on the tripod fell, shattering directly on my hand. The hot contents spilled onto my hand, trailing in between my fingers. I stared at it in terror before pain erupted up my arm, causing me to cry out. Acid and silver sizzled away at my hand, burning the skin away. I focused my blurring vision on Miss Anderson who stood in front of me, her lips pulling into a crazed smile.
"Oops," she whispered, flashing her crooked yellow teeth.
Suddenly hands snatched at mine, tugging me towards the tap on the side of the bench. I let Aaron pull me to the sink, shock numbing my ability to register what was happening. The rest of the class had risen from their seats, circling our table with wide eyes. Isaac stood at the back, his height enabling him to see. He was staring at my hand with wide eyes, his cheeks paling.
Water hit my hand, rinsing away the leftover acid but my hand was red raw, pulsing painfully, bringing tears to the back of my eyes. Chelsea gasped, her hand risen to her open mouth delicately. I saw another girl turn green, her eyes fluttering as she let out an inaudible noise.
A small whimper of pain escaped my lips as Aaron scrubbed at my hand with a thick cloth, his face set in harness. My knees trembled and I forced them to steady.
"Everyone calm down!" Miss Anderson rose her voice, however her eyes still remained on mine. "Renee just had an unfortunate accident." I usually would've snapped back but I was biting my tongue hard enough to draw blood, ensuring I didn't make another noise. I couldn't let her see how much pain I was in. I couldn't let her see she got to me.
Distantly I could hear Aaron say something in my ear but I wasn't focusing on his words. I was staring at the grey haired woman in front of me and the gleam behind her eyes. There was a darkness behind her irises, one that wasn't humane. Numbness rushed through me.
Miss Anderson gave me the fakest smile she could muster. "Renee, go to the bathroom and wash your hands. I'm sure it was only a small splash of acid."
Aaron, apparently giving up on getting a response from me, rose his head. "We used hydrochloric acid. She could have serious damage to her muscle tissue."
She responded with a thin lipped frown. "Miss Argent is very capable of washing the acid off herself Mr Payne." Her eyes travelled to where he clutched my hand.
A muscle in his jaw jumped. "She needs to go to hospital."
Miss Anderson responded with an amused chuckle. "I'm sure Renee will agree that she would prefer not to go back there so quickly."
I rose from my seat with wobbly limbs. I swallowed down a noise of agony. "Both of you stop speaking as if I'm not here." I winced as Aaron retracted his hands away. My eyes scanned desperately for Aleena but she mustn't have come to class. I adverted them back to Miss Andersons. "I'm fine."
She regarded me with catlike eyes before turning to the class. "Everyone else, please return to your seats and continue your experiments." A few people glanced at her reluctantly, but under her hard gaze, they slowly slipped back to their seats. All except Isaac. He was watching me with his silent, haunted gaze.
I turned away, clutching my burning hand.
"Renee, let me go with you," I heard Aaron say but he was quickly halted by Miss Anderson who assured him I was capably independent. I strode out of the classroom, refusing to look at my hand. I let the tears build, feeling them settle against my eyelashes.
I smashed open the bathroom door, relieved to find no one was in any of the stalls. I reached the sink and shoved my hand underneath the cool water. It helped, but my hand still continued to burn. Flakes of my skin washed down the drain, mixed with the slight trace of blood. I gritted my teeth, feeling a single tear slid down my cheeks. The veins along my knuckles that led up my arm had risen to the surface of my skin, twisting a trial of blue spider webs up my skin. My hand continued to throb, but gradually it began to ease.
I stood there for several minutes, calming my racing heart and finally, I turned off the tap. I glanced upwards to stare at the mirror.
A pale faced, brown haired girl stared back. Her lips were parted as she breathed heavily. Her eyelashes were wet with fresh tears and redness rimmed her pupils. I barely could recognise myself.
I stiffened as a light noise came from one of the open stalls. I spun around, the movement hurting my arm but I ignored it to walk forwards. I couldn't see anybody, but that didn't tame the curiosity and dread that settled like fog into my heart.
"Hello?" I asked softly, rounding the corner to glance inside the last stall. Someone was sitting on the ground, their head buried in their hands. "Are you okay?" I reached them, realising with shock that the figure was actually a little boy.
His legs were curled into a sitting position, his tiny hands cradling his face as he sniffed. Blonde hair sprung upwards, and his body trembled as he breathed.
I bent down slowly, reaching out with a tentative hand to gently touch the shoulder of the boy. "What is your name?"
The little boy looked up to meet my eyes, his eyes widening. His cheeks were soaked with tears, his eyes still clouded with them. "Fin," he replied quietly, his voice shaking like his tiny body.
"What's wrong Fin?" I copied his sitting position, wincing against the pain in my hand. He sniffed in response, his bottom lip trembling.
"I lost my bestfriend." His voice was soft, his gigantic blue eyes searching mine cautiously.
"You lost your bestfriend?" I echoed in confusion.
He nodded solemnly, another tear escaping his eyes. "Yes, I can't find him."
I rubbed his back, my heart skipping with sympathy. "I'm sure he's somewhere around here." I cooed softly, trying to understand the depth of emotion in Fins irises. It wasn't sadness, but fear that was encased in his glass like eyes. "What's your friends name?"
A second tear slid down his cheek but I gently brushed it off with my thumb. His sniffed again. "Colton," he said slowly, his voice wavering.
Numbness scorched my bones and my hand throbbed indignantly. I tried to still my racing heart. Colton Bland, the youngest child to go missing a few days ago. I didn't know what to say, my mouth wasn't responding to my thoughts.
Fins blue eyes pinned against mine, encasing me in a sea of aqua. They were gorgeous eyes, with small dots of green embedded deep into the irises. Around the rim was a slim stretch of black, as if his eyes truly were a sea, encased in a raging storm.
I swallowed down the feeling of uneasiness that chilled me like icy water. "I'm sure he will come back." My words seemed as hollow as Fins gaze.
"Where do you think he's gone?" The way he spoke, it made my heart shatter into a million pieces. Words buzzed around my head and I had to quickly swallow to extinguish them.
"You want to know what I think?" I whispered, searching his big blue eyes with empathy. Fin nodded sharply, a tear dripping from his pale cheeks. "I think he's gone on a big adventure."
His eyes lightened at this, his frown curving slightly. "He has?" His voice sounded so small, it took all of my effort not to just curl around him and protect him from society.
"Yes he has. He has a mission to do," I continued hopefully.
"What is his mission?" He leaned closer, his tiny hands pressing into mine.
"His mission is to find the hidden crown in the big bad forest," I made up trying with all my might to ensure the smile remained on his lips.
Fin stared at me, his expression one of utter interest. "But what happens if he gets lonely in the forest?" He asked softly.
I smiled weakly and moved my hands from his cheeks to his tightly scrunched fists. "He won't get lonely; he has a friend."
"Who?" Fin squeaked, leaning in even closer to hear me.
"He became friends with a wolf. A big white one that has really fluffy fur."
He smiled at this, flashing me his perfect grin. "A wolf?"
I nodded, feeling my lips tilt into a smile. "Yes, Colton and the wolf went on a journey to find the crown. They didn't want to tell anybody because it was a big secret."
He was so delicate, his eyes shining with awe. He reminded me of a wren, its beauty in its smallness and blue feathers.
Fins eyes were blazing with life, his smile broadening.
"He wanted to surprise you when he returned so he could give you the crown," I said with a weak smile.
"He's getting the crown for me?" His voice was barely above a whisper but I understood it perfectly.
"Yes he is." I wrapped my fingers around his tiny fists, ignoring the pain in my hand. And then he did the most surprising thing I would never have expected. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around my neck. I could feel his heart beat strongly through his chest to mine as we hugged. I tangled my arms around him, feeling his small body mould to mine. A wave of protectiveness for this small boy enveloped me and it took every cell in my body to push away the feeling.
"I can't wait for him to come back." Fin whispered against my neck, stirring my fly away hairs.
"Me too." I said softly back as he pulled away. His eyes were no longer filled with tears. Instead they gleamed in the dimness of the bathrooms, representing his happiness.
"How did you know Colton?" I asked mainly out of curiosity. Fin didn't look like he was anywhere near the age of a grade nine student.
"He was my neighbour." Fin replied cheerfully as he rose from his crouched position. I nodded with a smile as Fin walked over to the bathroom door.
"I think I know where he is gone now."
I cocked my head. "And where is that?"
Fin smiled at me whilst opening the door, only just reaching the door handle. "He's gone with Fang."
"Fang?" I asked curiously, walking over to hold to the door open for him.
"Yeah, the big white wolf. Fang and Colton are best friends." He flashed me another brilliant smile. One that filled my heart with a sudden emotion I couldn't recognise.
Fin gave me a small wave before he walked out of the bathroom. I watched his short legged stride veer from the hallway to another part of the building before he disappeared from my view. As my eyes followed his, a shadow caught my attention. It was near the edge of the lockers. Under my gaze it suddenly slinked away in the opposite direction from Fin. I didn't catch their features before they vanished, leaving me to question whether or not I had seen reality or just my own imagination.
Lying, it seemed, was the only way to stay hopeful. I had made up a story for Fins sake, ensuring his broken gaze mended itself. Earlier that morning I had assured Chloe her sister Sarah would return. I always had hated lying, even turning against my mother for it but now it seemed it was the only thing I was good at.
I just couldn't tell the truth. I couldn't look into Fins blue eyes and say that words that haunted my dreams. Colton was dead. So I added a figure of reality into my story. My wolf, or Fang as Fin called him. It was the only factor that didn't fill me with guilt for stuffing Fins head with a massive lie. I preferred my wolf to be nameless, it portrayed a greater sense of mystery. I believed that if I named him, the wildness about him would disappear. I hated the thought of it.
I broke away from my thoughts to look up at the trees that lined the back garden. He still hadn't returned, although I had noticed that the snowflakes had started to become heavier and thicker. The snow was taking longer and longer to melt away in the mornings. The clouds were becoming darker, moulding into a thicker volume. Winter was coming. And very fast.