Annyeong~
This was sitting in my drafts for quite some time as filler if I shouldn't have been able to update Moving on time... But since that's finished it's time to clean it out😊
It's a bit different than my usual story plot...
I was in this very special mood when you want to cry without a special reason.... And yeah, I needed something to let my emotions loose and that's what happened...
Don't blame me if you get emotional ;)
P. S.: The mood gets perfect if you listen to 'Scenery' while reading.
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“Hey Kookie!” Taehyung’s voice shouts out the video, making Jungkook jump in his place.
“How are you doing, bun? Well, as I know you, you’re probably bailing your eyes out right about now. But don’t worry; you’ve always been beautiful when crying.” He winks into the camera with one of his unique boxy smile. His expression changes for a bit when he gets a sudden thought: “You are crying, right? You better should be! Kookie, if you’re not crying right now press stop and put the video away! It’s not yet for you to see, got it? Put it away, right now! I mean it.”
Jungkook couldn’t help himself but to chuckle slightly through his tears upon Taehyung’s quirkiness. Only he would actually film and leave this on a goodbye-message.
“Okay, now that we’re alone now Kookie-from-the-future, let’s talk for a little now, shall we?”
A little sob escapes Jungkook’s lips when he’s reminded of Taehyung’s ability to use one and the same word multiple times in the same sentence. His clumsiness in speaking and his dialect have always been things Jungkook had teased him about but adores wholeheartedly. Adored.
“You probably know as to why I made this video, right? Taehyung continues, not giving Jungkook time to reminisce further.
“Yeah man, I always loved to be the centre of your attention so I made a video where you have to watch me and only me! I hope you still have that whipped expression on your cute face that you used to give me all the time.” he chuckles before he turns more serious.
“Jeon Jungkook, actually I made this to thank you. Thank you so much for making me enjoy life to the fullest! I can leave without regrets only thanks to you. Our shared time may be a little short but those seven years were that more intense. You made me love every single moment of it and therefore it appears to me like I know you for a way longer time now than I actually do.
It may be sad that we’re not able to spend more time together, believe me no one regrets that more than me... But I’m especially sorry to you! I guess you must feel devastated when you watch this. But as for me, I will be able to spend the rest of my life with the one I love; most people don’t get to do that therefore it could be worse.”
Jungkook’s tears pour down freely and it is hard to see anything through the stream of water. He harshly wipes them away and continues to watch his love through blurry eyes.
“Don’t get me wrong, you know I’m not cool or cold enough to not care about my death. I contemplate like everyone else in my situation as to why it has to be me and why it has to be now and such. But... it’s like this now, I can’t change anything with sulking. Instead I’m grateful that I was able to meet you before it was too late. I’m grateful I met you and you can’t even imagine how grateful I am that you love me. I know it’s not fair to you, since you’re left behind but know that you gave me a whole universe! You gave me you and you gave me the best of myself as well.” Taehyung laughs upon his own words.
“This sounds why too strange and arrogant! But well, it’s the truth. You’re endless love for me makes me also love myself, ‘cause I love everything you like. You gave me the best of me. I just hope you love yourself just as much because if one person deserves to be loved, then it’s you! The sky shall be my witness, I do!" Taehyung’s stare with which he gazes at the camera makes Jungkook think for a short moment he’s actually here, still breathing and telling him like so often how much he loves him.
“Actually, I think I will tell you to love yourself some more after I finish this video...”
Jungkook remembers the moment very clearly when Taehyung asked him casually one day if he loved himself. He understands now why Taehyung reacted so intense when he said he liked himself but wouldn’t call it love, that he had doubts sometimes and that he got insecure a lot by what other people thought.
“Anyway, Kookie please know that I love you endlessly. You’re the most perfect human creature on this earth. More like in the whole universe and you deserve all the love there is, don’t ever think else wise! I wish you all the happiness there can be!
I know right now it must be kind of unimaginable and I’m sorry that I’m the one to inflict this pain in you. Believe me I wouldn’t if there was a way... “
For a short moment sadness flickers over Taehyung’s face and it tears Jungkook’s heart in thousand little pieces to know that he went through all of that alone. He had never once said even a single word about his illness to him until the day he collapsed.
“I’m sorry to cause you pain but you once said that one needs to experience sadness to know happiness. You experience sadness now, you know what it means to lose something, so appreciate the happy times that follow. Don’t ever feel bad for being happy without me or forgetting over me for a moment. I love your smile – way more than your tears! So I want you to be happy. Please promise me something: Promise me to live your life. Don’t dwell over me and live your own life. Be happy, be sad, be angry, be amused and don’t be afraid to love again.”
Taehyung’s sad smile is so heartbreakingly warm that Jungkook sobs uncontrollably.
“And before you go on protesting, I’m not asking you to forget about me. Hell, I’m too egoistical for such heroic statements. You know I love attention and especially your attention so I can’t ask you to forget about me. Instead I ask you to remember me in only the good ways. Keep me as a happy memory. Whatever might still happen, please remember me as the happy person I am right now!”
The smile on Taehyung’s face is now genuine and accompanied from his signature V-sign he often did for pictures; he really had been happy in that moment.
“That’s the main purpose of this video actually. I heard it normally ends pretty badly for people with this type of cancer. If I could I don't want you to see me at all that miserable but I think I need you at my side way more. And I know you would never forgive me if I wouldn’t let you be there for me so if you have seen me miserably in my last moments I want you to forget about it. Remember me as I am now. Get your grey brain cells working and search for the happy memories; I know you can do it, Kookie!Fighting!” The tears still stream down Jungkook’s face when Taehyung makes an encouraging fist and it is difficult to breath around the thick lump in his throat but he doesn’t even mind anymore.
“Hmm, what else is there to say? Oh yeah, I wasn’t finished yet. Like I said, don’t forget about me but move on. Keep me as a good memory and get back to life. Do what you enjoy! And promise me to not lock yourself up but go out and meet people. Please take care of the gang for me. Say Seokjinnie hyung, Namjoonie hyung, Yoongi hyung and Hoseokie hyung how much I care for them and that I wish them all the best. They should know how much they mean to me, they’re more than friends after all, they’re family! And tell them I said to spoil you!” Taehyung smirks and winks at him mischievously.
“Also please take care of Jiminie. I'm pretty sure he will have a really hard time to cope with this. I love the idiot but his heart is way too big. I don’t want it to crumble because of this so look after him, all right? Force him to stay with you and the gang all the time, don’t let him mull all alone. He needs some time for himself too of course, so let him grieve but don’t let him be for too long. I think Yoongi hyung will look after him just fine but it doesn’t hurt if you could do so too from time to time.“
Jungkook knows that Taehyung is genuinely worried for his best friend who was actually more of a platonic soulmate than a friend. He had accepted the fact long ago and embrace him in his heart as well. And Jimin did look like crap today, so Jungkook swears to do as Taehyung asked and visit the elder a bit more often than usual in the time coming. He doesn’t mind that it also is part of Taehyung’s plan to get Jungkook be with people like that. It’s not what he wants to do since everything he craves for is to crawl under the cover of his bed and watch that video currently playing over and over again. But he knows it wouldn’t do him any good. He needs to be with people he likes if he ever wants to stop feeling like his heart is torn out of his chest, shredded to pieces and set on fire before feded to animals with dull teeth who can only gnaw on it, spitting it out not able to swallow it due to the bitter taste it leaves behind.
“Also, please tell my family that I love them and that I will always carry them in my heart. Mom loves you almost as much as me so she'll be worried about you. Don't make her worry too much, she's already got enough worries on her own.” Taehyung continues.
“And now to you, my love. You know I’m not good with words, I can’t express how much you mean to me or how thankful I am to know you - but it’s definitely more than should be possible. I love you over the milkyway and back, Jeon Jungkook.”
At the last sentence Taehyung looks directly at the camera as if he was looking in Jungkook’s eyes and once more Jungkook feels as if Taehyung is right by his side. He keeps the staring for a long time but it still feels too short for Jungkook’s longing soul. He knows it must have cost Taehyung a lot of patience to stay still for that long and that he did it only thinking about him - not having to pause the video but being able to actually see him breathe and blinking, seeing him alive while keeping the eyecontact... He appreciates this moment the most.
“Tae, I’m home.” Suddenly Jungkook’s own voice came out from the video, shouting somewhere in the back. Taehyung gets startled; for a second he seems slightly panicked then he looks at the camera with the most mischievous and happiest smile he had in store.
“You’re past self just came home. Never thought I’d make you have a guest appearance on this video message but well... You sound like it was a good day and I think it’s best to let you see how happy of a person you can be. Don’t ever forget this side of you, Kookie.”
With this Taehyung turned his chair around and yells to the past Jungkook that he’s in the bedroom. Only seconds later past Jungkook appeares in the door with an actually happy smile on his face; how long would it take him to smile like that again? Taehyung gets up and walkes over to his past self which embraces Taehyung tightly and kisses him. Taehyung giggles but doesn’t protest and Jungkook almost gets jealous of himself for being able to kiss the man he still loves so dearly.
“What are you doing?” Past Jungkook asks.
“Oh! I was just creating some cheesy vlog for our future selves, you know like a time capsule.”
“Eh? What for?”
“Not telling you just yet.” Taehyung giggles. “You’ll have to wait patiently to find out in the future. If you’re well-behaved I’ll show you sometime.”
Jungkook has totally forgotten about it until now, too much happened since then. But now seeing it again he vaguely remembers the scene.
“Say hello, Kookie. Tell your future self how happy you are right now.” Taehyung orders him while they still are in each other’s arms.
Past Jungkook sinks one arm so he can face the camera but keeps the other arm on Taehyung’s back, pulling the elder along to the front with him.
“Hi there! Nice to meet you, I hope you kept good care of yourself! Whatever may have happened in the meantime, please know that I am truly happy right know and that I genuinely love this man here in my arms. So make sure to treat him well, got that, future Kooks?”
Jungkook doesn’t miss the fleet expression of sadness that crosses Taehyung’s face this time. He still can’t believe he was so blind to never notice something wasn’t right with Taehyung until it was too late. The day Taehyung collapsed at their date was the second worst one in his life, because on that day he got to know that his lover had an incurable disease in end-stage and that he got only a short time left. The worst one was six days ago when his heart actually stopped beating. And no, the time in-between wasn’t nice, the cancer did affect Taehyung’s naturally happy personality and Jungkook couldn’t decide whether to be angry he hadn’t told him sooner or to grieve over his loss. They still had their sweet moments and Jungkook is glad for them, but he wishes they’d have had more. He can now understand at least why Taehyung chose to not tell him sooner – they had been happier, freer when Jungkook was unaware. But it was so unfair to Taehyung who now smiles blissfully again into the camera and kisses past Jungkook on the cheek.
“You better do! Love you eternally, Kookie. Never forget that.” Taehyung says, first facing his past self then turning around and saying it once more to him.
“I love you eternally, Kookie.”
His past self looks a bit confused over the seriousness in Taehyung’s voice since he had thought it was only a little gag, something you’d do for fun to look at after years and laugh at your stupid past selves. If only he had known!
“And always remember, I wanted it like that. I hope you can understand.” Taehyung continues.
“What’s going on? What do you want to be like what?”
“You’ll know soon enough.” Taehyung replies, kissing his cheek once more before he grabs his chin and turns his head to kiss him on the lips. It was a soft, gentle but long kiss full of feelings. When Taehyung finally separats himself from past Jungkook’s lips he turns to the camera once more with a tender smile.
“I think it’s time to say my final goodbyes now – I plan to spoil you rotten tonight.” He winks at the camera and it was clear that past Jungkook was a bit puzzled on how to react. First he was just looking forward to the promise that Taehyung just made before he remembered his every move was recorded and since he didn’t know who else would get to see the video he got embarrassed and tried to avoid the camera by looking at the door. It was only coincidence their bedroom was in that direction but of course Taehyung wouldn’t let a chance slip to tease him.
“Seems like you already can’t wait anymore.” He chuckles whereas past Jungkook looks at him and wants to protest but is interrupted by a quick peck to his lips.
“Well then, I won’t make you wait any longer.” Taehyung turns to the camera one last time. “I’m going now. Remember the promise! And what I asked of you before and always know that there wasn’t one moment I didn’t love you. I’m absolutely sure I still do since you stole my heart and gave it back stuffed to the brim with yourself. Your existence is the solemn reason I made it so far. I’m loved and I’m happy, there is nothing I could want more. I love you, Kookie! Annyeong~”
Taehyung waves smilingly at the camera before he turns it off and ends the video with that. Jungkook just sits there crying for a long time, remembering all the good times they shared. This last gift of Taehyung is at the same time the best and cruellest he had ever given him. But Jungkook loves it wholeheartedly. It was his. He made it exclusively for him. And after all, this was Taehyung on the screen. His dear, loved Taehyung...
But
“Hey Kookie!” Taehyung’s voice shouts out the video after Jungkook pressed the replay button once more.