Creepy dude on the bus just called me babe. Unless ur Kim Namjoon don't call me babe. This has been a PSA
//cue loads of inline comments calling me babe
Chapter Fourteen: Don't
It was the last day of school before the third years went on leave to study for exams. The sun had decided to make the day a real belter, and I was damp with sweat just walking from the train station to practice in the morning. It had made me sad. My last ordinary practice.
Of course, after exams were over I'd return, in preparation for the summer tournament, but it wouldn't be the same. That whole period would be tinged with sadness, for me.
Walking to the empty classroom my friends and I usually ate lunch in, I noticed a smallish group, probably about five or six, of girls crowded in the hallway. I frowned, noticing that they were first years and therefore shouldn't even be in this part of the school, but upon hearing the clamour decided I definitely couldn't be bothered with dealing with them. The teacher would deal with it. I shuffled on past them, only to be halted in my tracks by a voice.
"Noona!" I flinched, stuttering in my steps. Subtly, I glanced around. Definitely talking to me. I flexed my fingers- they were stiff from practice- and turned around.
Jungkook stared at me from in the middle of the group of girls. Momentarily, I paused, piecing together what was going on. From the lunchboxes in the girls' hands, they were fighting over who would eat lunch with him. I staved off the urge to roll my eyes.
"Jungkook-ah." I responded, somewhat shortly. His eyes were begging for assistance, but a large part of me wanted to leave him there. I couldn't seem to help the inherent annoyance I felt for him. His upper lips twitched, eyes wide. He looked like a startled animal. I sighed, and closed my eyes. "What are you all doing hanging around the third year classrooms?"
"What does it matter to you?" The girls were staring at me coldly. Wow, okay. "We just want to eat lunch with Jungkook-oppa."
Suddenly united against a common foe (me), the other girls nodded. I sighed again. "I don't especially care about that." My face screwed up in annoyance, "Ya, have some manners, though? I'm your elder."
A couple of them flinched at that. It was thoroughly ingrained into our culture to be polite, after all. That, and this was a prestigious school. Being caught being rude had more severe repercussions than at most schools.
"So what?" The, seemingly, bravest pushed on, unfazed as my eyes narrowed. "Age doesn't matter when it comes to love."
I choked at that. Laughing a bit as I coughed, I managed to sputter out a, "What?" They thought I was competition. Jungkook looked very uncomfortable. "Listen, I don't know what you think..." He could probably tell that I was considering just leaving a great dose more seriously, now. The pleading look on his face grew more intense. I straightened up, and sighed heavily. "But I'm supposed to be tutoring this dongsaeng right now. So...."
"Yes!" Jungkook finally mustered the ability to carefully squeeze through the cluster of girls. I didn't miss how he was practically behind me when he walked over. "I'm very close to failing math."
"Aw... can't we come too?"
"Yes, I'm so bad at math!"
I balked. So was I. I was not giving up my lunch time to pretend to tutor first years with my very shaky knowledge of mathematics. "Sorry, but no. You'll be too much of a distraction for Jungkook-ah. One at a time."
"But-"
"One. At. A. Time." I said tiredly, but firm. I smacked the back of my hand into Jungkook's chest, partly to emphasise my point but mostly for the sake of venting my frustration. "Or do you want him to flunk out? This meathead's only good at exercise."
That seemed to do it. Mumbling their dissonance, they finally cleared off. I sighed, pinching my nose, then turned to the boy that had now moved a more comfortable distance from me. "I suppose you can join us in the classroom."
"Eh?" He seemed surprised.
"What? If they see you now they'll know I was lying." I said, stuffing my hands in the pockets of my skirt. He licked his lips nervously. "It's not a permanent fix, though. Today's my last day."
I began to head to the classroom once again, beckoning for him to follow. He seemed uncomfortable, as he always did around me. "Thanks."
"It's fine." I grumbled, almost able to feel how empty my stomach was. "You had such a pleading look on your face. I'm not heartless."
"Ah... no. I just..." he pressed his lips together, eyes flicking to look up at me then back to the floor again. "Well, I didn't think you liked me very much."
I flinched. Crap. Now I felt like an ass.
While it was true I was usually pretty annoyed when I saw him, it wasn't his fault. I usually prided myself on being easy to get along with, friendly to new people. But, given the situation...
Well, even I wasn't stupid enough to miss that Jin-oppa was using him as a way to avoid being alone with me. Somehow this deer-in-headlights looking dongsaeng had gotten caught in the crossfire.
"Noona..?" I realised I'd been staring, and shook my head, smiling wryly. "Sorry. I don't dislike you. I just... I've been a little on edge lately." I paused as he rose his eyebrows a little. "Say, are you really flunking math?"
He fidgeted sheepishly. I laughed. Despite his shame, he seemed to brighten a bit. He may have been the quiet type, but he was evidently more bothered by people's opinions of him than most would realise at first glance. I felt even more guilty for my unconscious treatment of him at that. He grinned, and I blinked. "Wah, a cute smile! Jungkook-ah, I see why all those girls are so obsessed with you."
He jumped at my blunt compliment, colouring a little. "That's..."
I snorted. "Don't get ahead of yourself, dongsaeng." I emphasised the word, "This noona is not susceptible to your boyish charms."
He looked relieved, running a hand back through his hair. "Good. I've... had enough."
I laughed again, pulling open the door to the classroom at long last. Hyunseo and Yeon-il looked up, expressions becoming surprised as they noticed my company. Jungkook once again seemed to be using me as a human shield. He really was more like a shy pet than a human. "Jungkook-ah, meet Hyunseo and Yeon-il." I stepped to the side a little so he couldn't hide anymore, and shut the door behind him. "Guys, I rescued a stray."
Jungkook shot me a disgruntled look. I just grinned.
"Ah, Jeon Jungkook?" Hyunseo was staring at the brunette boy, "As in, flipped-his-senior Jungkook?"
I looked at him in surprise. Jungkook waved his hands sporadically. "No, no- well, yes, but it sounds worse when you put it like that..." I just stared at him, and he rubbed his nose, "I'm in the Taekwondo club."
"Ah." I just sat down, drawing my lunch out of my bag. He still stood by the door, looking awkward. I stared at him. "What are you doing? Sit down."
He did as he was told, and I snorted. "Wah, really like a puppy." He scowled. It was then that I noticed him eyeing my food. I narrowed my eyes at him, protective of my lunch. "You... what are you looking at?"
He pouted. I was taken aback. He really was getting comfortable with me fast. "Noona, I didn't get to get my lunch from my locker..."
We locked in a staring match for a while, and I groaned. "How much are you going to ask of me today?" How was I so weak to those big, doleful eyes? "Fine. You can share. Half."
It was a pretty big lunch. Seokjin always made too much. Luckily, in this occasion. The boy grinned super wide, and dug in.
I just at my food, grumbling to myself in my head, then caught sight of my friends, who'd been watching us wordlessly the whole time. Yeon-il frowned. "Ya. How do you keep attracting handsome guys? It's like you're a magnet for them or something."
I scowled at her. "I am not. Who are you even talking about? Him?" I nodded my head to Jungkook. He didn't even notice. Every now and again he mumbled something about how good the food was.
"Yes!" My friend was exasperated. "First Seokjin-oppa," I couldn't help the flinch at that- and that, Jungkook did notice, giving me an inquisitive look with a mouthful of food, "And then we meet Taehyung and Jimin, who are both gorgeous, if you didn't notice," I rolled my eyes. Yeah, sure, they were pretty nice-looking, but who really cared about that? I didn't see what she meant. They were my friends. "And now this guy! Who just so happens to be really popular with the first year girls, in case you didn't know. Heck, he's cute! Even I might fall for him!"
Jungkook, who had been chewing away happily, froze, looking up. I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Chill dude she's just being blunt. You're good." He looked at me nervously. I grinned at Yeon-il. "You've scared him, now."
She sighed. "My point is that I don't know how you don't realise it. At least be a little awkward for God's sake!" I just shrugged. I couldn't help being an outgoing person. Even if they were attractive, they were still people. "Or is it that you don't notice because you're too absorbed by someone else?"
She finally got to me with that. Hyunseo nudged her lightly. "Hey, too far."
My face was too red to say anything. Jungkook looked obliviously between us. Sometimes, my friend could be a little too blunt. Swallowing, I said, "Maybe that is true. But it's not gonna happen, so what does it matter?"
Yeon-il's expression fell. "Ah... sorry. I didn't mean anything by it."
I shook my head and smiled lightly. "Don't worry about it."
Lunch drew to a close, and we all packed up to head to class. Pausing outside the door, Jungkook smiled at me. "Thanks for sharing your lunch with me, Noona."
I sighed, but smiled. "Hey, y'know calling me Noona makes me feel responsible for you. You didn't really give me much choice."
He just laughed a little. "Sorry." I shook my head again.
"Go on, go to class. You gotta pay attention if you don't want to fail." He nodded vigorously, and turned.
"See you later!" He called behind him, and I sighed through my nose, smiling a little, pained. Guess he was coming over tonight, again. I couldn't help but deflate a little.
The atmosphere was palpable in afternoon classes, everyone awaiting the bell. Last classes. Last day. Everyone was jittery. I wasn't so much as others. I still had practice after, and felt sadness. Sure, getting out of these classes would be great, but it meant that my time was almost up.
I couldn't help it. When practice finished, I cried. I was normally so put together with my team, I was Captain, I had to be strong, but I couldn't stuff the tears down. Some of the others got teary when they noticed, my fellow third years bursting out crying too. "Not cool, unnie! You're gonna make me cry!" Joohae had exclaimed, eyes already watering.
It was sad, and emotional, and even Coach looked a little welled up. She gently reminded us that we'd be back after exams, and we still had the summer tournament- and that was where it really counted. She was planning to work us harder than ever.
Stretching my arms, I looked around the moderately full carriage. People coming home from school, from college, from work. Businessmen in suits. A woman with a baby. I wondered if any of them had faced the bleakness I was feeling in that moment. My eyes were probably red and puffy. They sure as hell were sore. It was actually pretty hard to not begin crying again, but I didn't want to be that girl that sobbed dramatically on the train.
I was fully prepared to finally let myself break down once I reached my house, but soon sucked the tears back as I realised that Jungkook sat in my living room, staring at me. I flinched at his expression. "You beat me back? Don't you have club after school?"
"Not on Fridays." He answered, fiddling with the corner of the textbook as he continued to stare. "Noona, are you okay?"
I smiled lightly, "Where's Seokjin-oppa?"
"In the kitchen." Nodding my thanks, I went through. Even if he was still being awkward with me. Even if he was going to react in a way like that to me. I still, in my vulnerable state, wanted to be near the one person that had always been there for me.
"Aish, I'll be back in a minute, Jungkookie, don't be so impatient-" he cut off as he glanced over his shoulder, playfully annoyed expression transforming. "-oh! Ju-eun. I thought..."
"You thought I was Jungkook. I know." I said, unable to move my eyes from him, even though he looked away uncomfortably.
"How was your day?" He asked, fingers wrapping around the edge of the counter as he turned to face me. I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it with a sharp intake of breath. I suddenly felt overwhelmed.
"Good." I hiccuped out, and his eyes were fast to come back to my person. Agape, he seemed to be mentally flailing as I wiped away the tears that streaked down my face. Wiping them away did nothing, they were quickly replaced. "I-it was good."
"Oh, Ju-eun... today was your last day, wasn't it..?" Every trace of discomfort was swept away, and he moved closer to me, voice soft. I reached out for him unwittingly. "I'm sorry. I forgot."
I just shook my head as he let me hug him. Clutch him, even, like he was the one thing keeping me from spiralling down a cliff face of despair. His hands hovered, then dropped to his sides. "Oppa... I'm sorry I keep... making you so uncomfortable." I mumbled where I could, having to force the words from a clenched throat. I seemed to be crying so much lately. "I've become horrible..."
"It's..." he swallowed. "It's not that, I..." he sighed. His hands held me back by the shoulders, looking me in the eyes. There was something there, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He looked pained. "I need to get back to Jungkook." I sucked my lower lip into my mouth, between my teeth, an action he seemed to pay attention to, before looking away. "Calm down a bit and wash your face. Then come join us."
"Wait, really?" I blinked in surprise, and he gave a rueful smile. I wiped my eyes.
"Yeah." He didn't say anything else, instead leaving the room. I paused a moment, confused by his actions. Wasn't he avoiding me? I exhaled, weary from crying, then went to the sink to splash some cold water on my flushed face. It felt good on my eyes. After taking a brief moment to collect myself, I grabbed a milkshake from the fridge and joined the two boys in the living room. Jungkook was sat on his knees at the coffee table, looking concentrated, while Oppa leaned over him. Both looked up as they heard me approach. I went to my bag and got out one of my exercise books.
"I'll study too..." I mumbled awkwardly as I sat down, taking a sip of my milkshake and then opening up my textbook. "I have exams too, you know..."
Jungkook's lips twitched in a slight smile. He seemed happy that I had joined them. A fresh dose of guilt for my previous behaviour toward him washed over me.
I worked silently, tuning their voices out easily enough. It would have been better to study in my room, but if I was left in silence with my own thoughts I'd definitely start crying again. Was it ordinary for a high schooler to be this broken down over graduating?
"Ya, are you even paying attention?" I flinched at the sudden scolding tone as I took a swig of my milkshake, looking at the two sat across the small coffee table from me. I eyed Jin in confusion, then noticed Jungkook staring at me.
No, not at me. My milkshake. Was he for real? I frowned, whining, "Not again..."
He turned full force of his pleading eyes on me. He really was like a puppy. Begging food off me. I could sense a theme establishing, and I wasn't happy about it. But I was weak. "Noona..." I winced.
Sighed, I shoved the half empty carton toward him, "Fine... just take the straw out-"
He didn't bother, sucking at the banana milk cheerfully as he returned to his sums. Jesus. "Jungkook-ah! Gross!"
"What?" He asked, oblivious, and I pursed my lips, colouring a bit. Was he really this dense?
"Ah, a shameless dongsaeng." Jin muttered, having watched the whole situation unfold. His eyebrows with knitted, eyeing us. "When did you two suddenly become close?"
"Noona rescued me from some clingy girls." Jungkook said, scribbling something down with one hand, clutching my banana milk with the other. "And shared her lunch with me. Noona's the best."
The grin he flashed at me was so genuine that my breath caught in my throat. Was he really this innocent? How was I supposed to respond to such genuine cheeriness? I was used to dealing with sarcasm, not this... this purity. Wasn't he supposed to be popular with girls? Ordinarily wouldn't a guy like that be a playboy at his age? Instead, all I saw was obliviousness. A wholesome person.
I groaned. "Ah... think about what you're saying, would you? I really will end up babying you."
He just smiled sweetly (A/N: A PURE BABY) and drained the last of the banana milk, crushing the carton. "It's probably a good thing that today was your last day, though, Noona." He said, placing his biro down on his exercise book. My gaze flickered to Jin-oppa a moment, weren't they supposed to be studying? Why was he so quiet all of a sudden? "Those girls told everyone about what happened and now everyone thinks we're dating."
I choked on air. Even if that was the case (and I definitely believed it, with how fast rumours circulated around our school), why would he say that so calmly? Did he feel no embarrassment? "Wh-what? Did you tell them we aren't?!"
Expecting him to nod, I nearly headbutted the table when he fidgeted and shuffled in his spot. I narrowed my eyes. "Jungkook-ah..."
He scratched the back of his neck. "Well... I might've sorta... not said anything..."
I scrambled to my knees, leaning over the table. He leaned back slightly. "Jeon Jungkook! Why?!"
"Well.... I thought that maybe if they thought that those girls would back off a bit..." he mumbled, uncomfortably, "Plus they're a bit... scared.. to mess with you?"
That surprised me. "Eh? They are?"
"Apparently a lot of the first years know you, they call you 'Volleyball Unnie'." He wiggled his eyebrows a little. A slumped back into a sitting position. "You're pretty famous yourself. Did you really knock a girl out in first year?"
"It was an accident!" I exclaimed immediately, still embarrassed from that event. "She caught the ball with her face, okay?" Sure, my aimed had been off, but I didn't mean to hit her...
"Ah, and the times you've lost your temper and looked like you were gonna kill someone," he said, musing, "I heard about that, too. Apparently you're pretty terrifying to them."
I expected Jin to laugh at that. He usually did. His face was strange. I fidgeted. "I don't mean to be..."
Jungkook grinned brightly. "It just means they know you're strong." He said. "It's the same reason why guys don't mess with me at school." He sounded strangely adorable saying that. It was like if a soft bunny rabbit tried to front up and look tough. I rolled my eyes at him.
"As if." I scoffed, "You're a twig."
His eyes glinted at that. "You wanna bet?"
I poked my nose up in the air. "I bet your thighs are nothing compared to mine, namja-ai."
He scowled at being called a little boy and stood up. "I can crush a pumpkin with my thighs!"
"I can crush a watermelon! Try again!" We both abruptly realised what we were doing and laughed. He sat down.
"Seriously the best." He laughed. Then, he looked rueful. "I'll tell them the truth if it really bothers you, noona." He fidgeted. "To be honest, I didn't say anything at the time because it was too embarrassing..."
I sighed. "No, it's fine. I won't be there anymore, so it doesn't really matter." I gave him a pointed stare. "But if I hear any unsavoury rumours, you're going to catch these hands."
He laughed. "Do I seem like the type to kiss and tell to you?"
I grimaced, turning a bit red. "Shut up..."
"Uwah, a blush! Cuteee!" Jungkook grinned. I glared at him. Suddenly, Oppa stood up.
"Ah. Sorry." He was looking firmly away from both of us. Still, his expression was odd. "I need a minute."
I expected him to retreat to the kitchen, but he went upstairs instead. I heard the door to the guest room close. Jungkook and I exchanged glances. He rose his eyebrows in question. I shrugged in response. Getting to my feet, I said, "I'll go see what's wrong."
I hesitated knocking when I reached the closed door, listening for a moment. I was surprised at what I heard. Jin, who was usually so firmly against vulgar language, was cussing himself out. I rose my eyebrows, pushing the door open. He jumped, turning to look at me.
"Ju-eun." My name was more of an affirmation. His face was damp, the ends of his hair clumped together. Had he washed his face? Why?
I approached, warily. "Oppa, are you okay?"
He sighed quietly. I nibbled on my lip, and he watched me, carefully. His eyes closed. "I'm fine, Ju-eun-ah. Go back downstairs."
His voice was strained. He turned his back to me. My heart hurt. "You don't seem fine..." I moved a little closer.
"Just go hang out with Jungkook for a bit. You two are so alike, right? I'll be down in a minute." His voice was cold. It made me flinch.
I stepped a little closer. I was scared; scared of rejection, scared of the tone of voice he was using. But if something was troubling him, I wanted to be there for him, like he always was for me. "Oppa, if I did something wrong... I'll go study upstairs, so you and Jungkook-ah can study in peace..." I reached toward him, placing a tentative hand on his arm, wanting to comfort him in whatever small way I could.
He shrugged me off.
"Don't." His back was to me, hands firmly planted on the windowsill. "Don't... be like that."
"Like what?" He heaved a sigh, seeming more troubled than I'd ever seen him.
"Always... assuming you did something wrong." I pulled my hand back, shocked, "And... touching. The touching."
"I... I don't understand..." he met my gaze, suddenly, and it swallowed my words.
"Because it makes me want to kiss you." He said, hotly, dropping down to rest on his elbows, head hanging. He scrubbed a hand back through his hair. My throat was thick, body frozen in the sudden, maximised tension of the room.
"Wh- what are you saying?" I said, awkwardly, heart racing as I stepped backward, away from him. His fists slammed against the wall, once, and he turned around, eyes burning into mine.
In one stride, he closed the gap, large hands falling onto my shoulders. "I like you, Ju-eun. But..." his voice was choppy, cracking, eyes full of emotion. "You're so young, too young, and I'm responsible for you- it's a conflict of interest..." seeming to realise his grip on me, he flinched back, pulling away. "I can't... we can't.... it's inappropriate..." he turned away, "But you act so caring and look so beautiful to me now and I just... don't know if I can control myself anymore. I can't see you the way I did anymore." He sucked in air. "Why did you have to make me see you like this? I... shouldn't see you like this. It's wrong... I'm wrong... I'm not acting how I should as your carer..."
"Oppa..." I crossed my arms over my chest, uncomfortable, then bit my lip, stepping closer to him, mustering all the bravery I could. He was staring at my mouth. A thousand "what if"s ran through my head as I reached out, hesitating briefly, then making purchase on his upper arm. He flinched, staring at me, but I just looked down, shamelessly holding onto his sleeve.
He sighed, heavily, frowning at me. But, gave in, arms coming to wrap around me. He rested him chin upon my head, and I buried my face in his chest, inhaling. Even my actual house didn't smell as much like home as he did.
- - -
Well fucc
Hi hey you hbu go listen to Jin's covers they're amazing and I love him and honest to god 10/10 high notes
((Literally I listened to Crystal Snow for the first time fully yesterday and deadass. I cried.))
So yuh thassit for now fuccin long ass chapter again
Pls leave a comment in memorial of my lazzy ass sitting writing this for four hours while getting distracted by getting emo over music