Hildegund
AFTER LEAVING THE meeting at her father's shop, Hildegund had found Adso easily and took back the sword. She left him without answering his barrage questions, and she was now lying in bed, the long slender instrument tucked under her arm. She held the blunt blade as other young girls might cradle a doll.
And now she had a legitimate reason to have the weapon. Maybe she could find someone to teach her a few moves.
A mix of emotions buzzed in her chest as she lay in bed trying to fall asleep. She tried to focus on her breathing and let the dreams drift her away, but her mind was too busy jumping from thought to thought like a spring-green frog bouncing from one lily pad to the next.
She had always wanted to ride a horse. To swing a sword. To ride out into adventure. That's what she and Adso always played. They went into the woods to track dragons and slay beasts. To travel to undiscovered lands and save damsels in distress. "Or what about poor farm boys in distress?" she often teased Adso.
On these imaginary treks she had always been a girl with her cousin, running side by side. The possibility of being a boy out in the world had never entered her mind. It was too outlandish. Even in play there were certain lines that you didn't cross. Although sometimes she dreamed that she was a boy; when she woke up the disappointment was so crushing that she wanted to cry. Or simply disappear.
Now her dream would literally come true. As a boy she could ride into a new town as brash and bold as she pleased without having to withstand perplexed looks from strangers and without worrying that her behavior would shame her father. She might even be able to make him proud. She could momentarily be the son he yearned for without being the daughter whom he couldn't control.
It was heartbreaking to know that she would be riding off without Adso. He was the one person who accepted her without question and who she could always be herself around. Who knew how time might transform them both? They were on the cusp of adulthood—as her father liked to remind her—and during her absence everything could change. Adso might find a sweetheart. His older brother Maricus had started to court a girl earlier this year, and now he was so obsessively love-struck that he was almost unrecognizable.
Hildegund tried to push these thoughts from her head. She and Adso would be friends forever. They were cousins, and nothing could change that. Besides, she still had months before they headed off. She would be ready by the time they left. There was much to do, and as she finally drifted off to sleep she dreamed of the magical adventures that awaited her in the future.
* * *
Hildegund woke up smiling broadly and quickly ran off to tell Adso everything.
Adso was in the town square, walking with his mother through the market. Hildegund just caught sight of his profile as he and his mother walked up to another vendor. Aunt Anna was doing her daily shopping, and Adso was already holding loaves of bread and bunches of apples.
"Come and get your turnips!" a merchant shouted.
"Fresh baked bread! Get it hot!" another added.
Farmers wheeled barrows across crowded streets while small dogs scurried underfoot. Hildegund scooted her way through the crowd, ducking around carts and through stalls, trying not to step in anything too gross. "Adso, Aunt Anna, wait up," she called out. The boy turned with a grin, and her aunt gave her a friendly nod.
"Come to help carry the groceries?" the tall light-haired woman asked, a smile forming at the corner of her mouth. Her voice was warm and her figure was full and motherly. Her eyes were dark ripe blueberries, the same color as Hildegund's mother's had been. Anna had been the older sister. Her house was full of boys, and she always enjoyed the company of her niece.
"If you would like, Aunt Anna," Hildegund smiled.
"I think we've already visited every stall in the market," Adso complained loudly.
"Hildy, would you help my son carry that satchel back to our house? This is my last stop, and I will catch up with you shortly." The woman gave Adso an exasperated look and turned back to the merchant to discuss the price of his goods.
When the two children were out of earshot of his mother, Adso asked, "So, are you going to tell me about yesterday or not?"
"Adso, you are not going to believe it," she began as they walked around a bend and out of the town square.
"That bad?" he interrupted, his eyes widening in expectation.
"No, nothing like that," she started again. The buzz of emotions from the night before still lingered in her chest. "Father and Grimbert have decided to go on pilgrimage to the east, and," she paused dramatically, "I'm going too!"
"Wow, a real adventure!" He had a look of wonder in his eyes as he then asked, "Am I invited?"
"Oh, Adso, I wish you were. That's the worst part. Having to say goodbye to you." The excitement of the previous moment quickly fizzled away. Their conversation paused as they continued to walk towards the edge of town. The streets here were less busy and easier to navigate. Stray dogs curled up in corners, laundry hung on ropes strung across rooftops, and they could hear the sounds of women singing as they prepared evening meals.
Adso broke the silence as they headed off the road and onto a path through a fallow field. "When are you leaving?" he asked, a pleading look in his eyes.
"I don't know. Several months. Maybe even a year. There's lots to plan for." She bit her lip and scrunched up her eyebrows as she sat down on a large tree stump that stood a few steps from the path.
"That's a long way away. We will worry about goodbyes later," he said consolingly as he sat next to her. "What do you need to do to prepare?"
Hildegund took a deep breath and turned to look her cousin square in the face. "They want me to dress as a boy," she said in an even tone. She studied his reaction and was relieved to see his lopsided smile.
"Uncle Richart suggested that? After he tried to forbid you from playing with me because I'm a boy?" he scoffed.
"Actually, Father Christianus suggested it. My father and Grimbert agreed that it would be safest for me to travel in disguise."
"It won't be much of a disguise for you, now will it?" he said with a hearty laugh.
Her excitement returned and a deep warmness filled Hildegund's stomach. "I don't think I've ever been so happy and scared about a single thing in my entire life. The idea of being able to be myself and not get in trouble is so ... so ..."
"Liberating?" Adso suggested.
"Yes, freeing! Fantastic! Wonderful! But, what if it's discovered that I'm really a girl?" she bit her lip again and hesitated.
"Well," Adso started to say before Hildegund interrupted.
"Would you teach me how to act like a real boy?"
"Are you kidding me? You don't need any help there." Adso laughed again.
Reflexively, Hildegund balled up her fist and punched Adso on his shoulder. He dropped the satchel he was holding on his lap and apples rolled everywhere.
"Hey!" he yelped, "Help me pick up these up before my mother whips us both." Adso grabbed his now empty bag, and they started gathering the spilled apples.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you so hard. But I'm serious, Adso. I could get into serious trouble if I'm caught."
Adso softened his tone, "Hildy, I wasn't trying to tease you. You run as fast as me. Scream as loud as me. And I think you hit harder than I do," he said rubbing his shoulder, "As long as you look the part, acting it won't be a problem."
"I also need to learn to ride a horse and fight with a sword," she said as she placed the last apple into the bag that Adso was holding open for her.
"Well, those are skills I lack as well," he replied, kicking at a loose stone at the base of the tree stump as they both sat back down.
"You're right. I doubt my father or Grimbert are very skilled in those areas either, and they are respected men," she said, her confidence building.
"Well, your father is a respected man," Adso began with a chuckle.
"You better watch it, cousin, my father trusts Grimbert with our lives."
"That doesn't mean you should," he said, his face now serious.
Hildegund didn't particularly like Grimbert either, but she didn't understand Adso's naked distrust of the man. Before she could think of a suitable response, she heard their names being called. She and Adso turned their heads to see Aunt Anna walking towards them. "Adso, come along. You too, Hildy, if you would like. I need help with supper," the woman implored.
The two cousins rose in response and walked briskly back down the path, knowing they would have to continue their conversation another time.