Sleep had been elusive and thoroughly drowned in misery. When it came, it only decided to stop by to say hello before heading off again. Another short visit in a year of hoping one day it might stay a little longer.
The sun crept through the window like a family member that shows up at a Christmas party and no one seems to know how you're related. Friendly. Unwanted. Annoying.
I lifted myself from under the covers, my body aching from the night before. I trudged to my closet, figuring the earlier I was up, the better. Maybe I'd have time to read after I was done making breakfast. I pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans before walking downstairs, careful not to make much noise. Jean wouldn't be up yet. He liked to sleep in.
I searched through the cupboards for something to eat, finding a box of cereal, a carton of milk, and a few nearly spoiled eggs. I'd have to go to the store later. I sighed, figuring that cereal and milk were the safest choice, pouring a bowl for Jean and myself. I brought them to the table, setting them down and going to get my book. I read a few pages, occasionally eating a spoonful of cereal. I had already finished a chapter by the time Jean came down the stairs, running a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Good morning," I said as cheerfully as I could manage. He just groaned in response, walking over and sitting down. "You didn't make coffee." he grumbled.
Coffee. I knew I had forgotten something. I swallowed nervously, watching his face carefully, looking for the familiar twitch of anger, the blaze of fire in his eyes. But he hung his head, his gaze downcast. There was a tense, palpable silence before he picked up his spoon and brought some cereal to his mouth.
His hand left a harsh sting on my cheek and I bit my lip, keeping myself together. "My cereal's soggy. Don't you know how to do anything?"
I didn't respond. Jean suddenly grabbed my face, yanking my chin up to face him. I almost grabbed instinctively at the hands around my throat, but stopped myself before I made things worse. "Look at me when I talk to you! Now answer me!"
I trembled as I opened my mouth, trying to form words around the lump in my throat. I wanted to say something witty. Something that might make him stop. But I knew that would only make him more upset. "N-No." I croaked and he finally let me go. I gasped for air, coughing a bit. He sneered. "Stupid bitch."
The insult was said under his breath, but I still heard. And it still stung. He grabbed his bowl and threw it in the sink. I stared at the dark wood of the table, trying to blink away my tears. "I'm going out today. Stay here." he said gruffly, pulling on his shoes and heading for the door. I heard it open and slam shut and then he was gone. I let a sob escape me, grabbing a fistful of my hair and shaking my head gently. Why did I have to mess everything up? Why couldn't I just do one thing right? I make coffee everyday, why did I have to forget? Why today? After last night?
I wiped my tears away and stood up with one last sob. Maybe I'd go see Eren today. Jean told me to stay home, but I needed him. I needed an escape. I grabbed my phone and sent Eren a text asking if I could come over. After receiving the usual reply, I hurried to the bathroom and grabbed my hidden tin of makeup. I dabbed at the purple around my eye and the pink on my cheek, covering them both. When I finally looked presentable, I put on my shoes and started for Eren's house.
Eren and I had been best friends since we were young. We used to hang out all the time and tell each other everything. But then along came Jean. And then all that stopped.
Eren didn't like him from the beginning. He called him horseface. Or, more formerly, the asshole. He didn't know about the beatings. But he didn't need to know. Jean loved me and if Eren knew, he wouldn't understand. He'd only be concerned for me. Maybe even try his idea of helping. Which actually wouldn't be much help. Jean just lost his temper sometimes. That's all. And I only get in the way, so of course he'd be mad at me. It was my fault.
I knocked on the door and was met with a familiar face and a familiar smile. "Hey, Armin! Come on in, Mikasa's watching that stupid soap opera again."
"I told you, Eren, it's quality material, you just don't give it a chance!" Mikasa called from the living room. "Whatever!"
I giggled and Eren held the door open for me before closing it behind us. "Well if you don't mind, we'll just leave you to it, then." Eren said over his shoulder as he led me to his bedroom. "Yeah, yeah, get outta here."
He took my hand and brought me up the stairs and into his room before shutting the door. He turned and smiled at me and I felt the ache of my muscles fade a little. "So, back again so soon, Arlert?" he said, referring to the day before.
"Oh, you bet, Jaeger."
"Couldn't get enough of me, huh?"
"Enough of you? Impossible."
We laughed and Eren gave me a playful shove. "Hey, wanna play Mario Kart?"
"Sure, if you want me to whoop your ass."
"I'll do all the ass whooping, thank you very much."
"Is that a challenge?"
"Maybe."
"You're on." I grinned, reaching for a controller. Things were just so easy with Eren. I could actually be myself and sometimes I even found my mouth speaking for me. Our time spent together was like a narcotic — one I took whenever anything got me down. It brought me back. It kept me sane. Every time I fell, he'd be there to pick me right back up again and make me able to face another day. He was the reason I survived. What I lived for.
"Alright, no cheating this time. I know your tricks."
"Do you?"
Eren gave me a playful glare and I giggled. "I know you inside and out — don't underestimate me."
I laughed, selecting my character. "Whatever, Eren." I mumbled under my breath. With that, the game was on, both of us starting off on my favorite track, rainbow road. I would laugh at Eren's face when I sent him off the edge and groan when he pelted me with shells. We had finished four rounds, both of us winning two. A serious competition had started now. It was the tiebreaker. And Eren was going down in flames.
The countdown and then it was back to the track for another few laps of epic dueling between us. I gave it my all, managing to get into first place. Eren tried to take me down, but I held strong. We got closer to the finish line, Eren's kart behind me in a close second. I couldn't let him win. Not now.
When I crossed the line first, there was an overlap of a screaming of 'yes' from me and 'no' from Eren. I threw my arms into the air, falling back on the mattress and swinging my legs in triumph. Eren hung his head, seemingly melting into himself. I sat back up. "You cheated." he said, picking his head up to give me a glare and a pout. "No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No, you just can't deal with the fact that I'm better than you at everything."
"Not at Sonic you're not."
He laughed and I smacked him with a pillow. "Hey, that game is hard! You can't see anything when you go that fast!"
"Why do you think Sonic has to run so fast? Do you think he's running to the hospital because his wife's having a baby? Dude, I totally just figured out the entire game."
"Eren, last time I checked, Sonic wasn't married."
"Oh."
I giggled. "I bet he's dating Tails."
"Tails?"
"Yeah, have you seen the way they look at each other?"
"I don't think they ever do, Eren."
"Lot of erotic eye contact."
We both laughed and I gave him a playful shove which surprisingly caused him to lose his balance. He tried to push me in return, but I fought him off. He grabbed my wrists as he went down and I followed after, falling onto his chest, giggling softly. We lay there until we lapped into a gentle silence and I lifted my head up, meeting his gaze, feeling something warm in my chest. I held the contact a moment longer before sitting up, turning my head and pushing my bangs out of my eyes.
"Hey, Armin, you wanna stay over tonight?"
My heart suddenly sunk. Jean. He told me not to leave. What if he was home already? I patted my pockets, a knot tying in my throat when I came up empty handed. I grabbed Eren's phone instead, checking the time to see it was already two o'clock. "Sorry, Eren, I've gotta go. Jean's probably worried about me."
He furrowed his brow. "Why would he be worried? It's just me."
I bit my lip. "He went out this morning. He probably doesn't know I'm gone — I didn't text him. He might freak out if he comes home and I'm not there."
Eren nodded, something flashing in his eyes, but it was gone so fast, I wasn't sure if I had actually seen it. "Alright. Well, if you ever wanna come over, you can."
"Thanks. I appreciate it."
There was a silence then. Not an awkward silence, more of a comfortable, peaceful silence. He stared at me and I stared at him, smiles beginning to creep onto our faces. "Alright. I'll walk you out."
I nodded and we walked down the stairs and into the living room. I said a quick goodbye to Mikasa, who was still glued to the television screen, and we went out onto the front porch. "No car?" Eren asked, only now noticing the lack of a vehicle in his driveway. "I walked. Jean took the car."
"He doesn't have his own?"
"He doesn't drive."
Eren seemed confused and I just shrugged. He let out a breath, his face becoming serious. "Armin, are you okay?"
I felt my pulse quicken and I swallowed. Did he know? Was my makeup fading? I pulled a fake smile. "Yeah, why?"
Eren shifted, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. "I dunno. You just seem . . . different. Like something's on your mind."
I shook my head. "Don't worry, Eren. I'm fine."
He gave me a hard stare and I twisted my fingers together, hoping he would drop it. Thankfully he did, shrugging lighty. "If you say so."
He suddenly wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into him with a firm but gentle grip. I returned the hug, breathing in his scent. It was like cinnamon and vanilla and there was something so uniquely Eren that reminded me of home. Like this was where I was meant to be. But it wasn't. I was supposed to be at the house, like Jean had told me. I shouldn't have left. But it was Eren. And I needed another dose.
He pulled away and gave me a smile. "I'll see you later?"
"Definitely."
He took a step back and I began walking down the driveway, towards the road. Towards my house. Towards Jean. I turned around and Eren gave a small wave which I returned before he disappeared into the house, probably to annoy Mikasa. I stared after him, frozen on the sidewalk before I realized I had somewhere to be. I decided to run, despite the whining of my injuries, because whatever happened, I didn't want more. As I ran down the street, I hoped and prayed to any deity I could think of that my car was not in the driveway.
Someone must've heard me because when I finally turned the corner onto my street, I didn't see it or Jean anywhere. I let out a sigh of relief, bending over and leaning on my knees, trying to catch my breath. He wasn't here. I was safe. I unlocked the front door and went inside, shutting it behind me. I checked the time. Only two thirty. Good.
My stomach grumbled and I went to the kitchen in search of food. Jean would probably get something to eat with his friends or whoever he was with. If he wasn't alone. I sighed, realizing I had forgotten to go to the store. I guess we'd have to get take out for dinner. I grabbed some leftover pasta and put it in the microwave. When it was warm enough, I took it out and started eating. I could've just snuck out to the store, but I had already risked enough by going over to Eren's house and I didn't need to test my luck any further.