Joseph
THE TRIAL HAD BEEN DIZZYING, and Adso's embrace anchored him back to the ground. "We can go home," Joseph said, his voice full of both relief and excitement.
The sun was high in the sky now, at the midpoint of its daily trek. It was a cheery yellow and a few fluffy white clouds bobbed above, floating on the slight breeze. The air was a perfect temperature, but it wasn't just the weather that warmed him up. The other men encircled him and Adso, their hands slapped his back and squeezed his shoulders. He was free; the ordeal was over.
"Let's get out of here," Adso exclaimed as he released Joseph from their hug, but Joseph had a hard time deciphering if his tone was one of joy or anger. He seemed teetering on the precipice of both emotions.
"Where to, my young friend?" Pascual's jubilant voice asked.
"Anywhere but here," Joseph responded with a smile. Adso draped an arm around Joseph's shoulder and the two cousins led the way down the street.
As they walked down the wide stone boulevard, Joseph couldn't help but notice how much Adso had grown in the half a year since they had parted. Whereas they had once been nearly the same height, Joseph's shoulder now barely reached Adso's armpit. And that wasn't all that had changed. His chin was more prominent, his nose broader, his hair coarser. Recognizing these developments stirred something inside Joseph. Was it envy?
For most of his time in Tyre, as awful as everything had been, he'd been confident in his disguise. So confident that it no longer felt like he was hiding anything. In fact, it had felt like for the first time in his life he was being seen for what he truly was. But walking along with his cousin reminded him of his flaws. His thin-boned frame and fair complexion would probably trap him into always looking like a young boy. Worse, people would start to see him as a girl. He began to doubt the plans he had thought of while sitting in his cell.
"I can't believe you killed Sir Hugh's murderer, yet didn't get an ounce of gold of the reward," Nikolaus guffawed behind them, breaking the silence.
Joseph heard Grimbert grunt in response.
"Hey, what about poor Joseph? He actually spent the night in the Rallac's filthy dungeon," Adso shouted back over his shoulder, his seriousness incongruent to the light-hearted kidding of the merchant.
"True enough," Nikolaus laughed, ignoring Adso's harsher tone, "That bald man and his friend did nothing but recognize the necklace, yet they get the gold. Doesn't seem fair."
"Whoever said the world was fair?" Lorenzo retorted as the group turned down a shady side street.
"Let's just be grateful that our young friend Joseph was released, and no harm came to him... or Grimbert," Pascual added. "Oh, and here's a good place for a celebratory drink." He stopped outside a quaint brick building with green shuttered windows and waved everyone towards a wooden doorway.
It was a small establishment, and only a handful of old men sat in a back corner, sipping from mugs and playing checkers. The group took seats around a large round table. Pascual started to walk over to the counter, but Grimbert stopped him. "It's my turn to buy a round."
Lorenzo and Nikolaus exchanged a look, but Pascual just smiled. "Great! Let me know if I can help carry the mugs over once they're poured."
"I wonder what's with him," Adso muttered.
"Escaping death is no small thing," Joseph shook his head knowingly.
"True, cousin." Adso squeezed his shoulder. "You've been through more than I can imagine."
Joseph realized that Adso truly did have no idea. He wished they could be alone and have a chance to really talk. Even if Adso hadn't experienced the grief, horror, hunger, and absolute misery of the last months, he would at least try to understand. And he might even have some insight over how to remain as Joseph.
Grimbert brought over six mugs, sliding one over to each person around the table.
"To freedom!" Pascual hurrahed, raising his mug in the air.
"To freedom!" everyone toasted in agreement.
The young cousins sipped on the frothy ale. Joseph wasn't a fan of the bitter taste and took long pauses between drinks. The four older men, however, sucked down their mugs with a fierce thirst. Nikolaus bought a second round, Lorenzo purchased the third, and Grimbert then ordered the fourth refill of their mugs before either Adso or Joseph had emptied even half their cups.
Alcohol greased their tongues and the conversation now swayed from polite banter to a slurring litany of drunken proclamations.
"What I don't understand," Nikolaus was practically shouting at this point, as though the alcohol had filled his ears and he had no way of determining the volume of his own voice, "Is why you gave that cursed necklace to Joseph in the first place."
"I didn't know, I swear I didn't know..."
"No one believes you," Nikolaus interrupted.
"Listen, listen, I know I've made mistakes..."
"That's good to know," Adso cut in.
"Hey, hey, let me speak," Grimbert's face was red with ale, "I know I've made mistakes, but I've learned something."
"Pray, what?" Adso asked.
"I learned-I learned that..." his voice trailed off momentarily, then his eyes connected with Joseph's, "I'm really truly sorry that I abandoned you. My mind was so muddled with grief over Richart that I wasn't thinking clearly. He was like a brother to me, you know."
"Yes, and he was truly my father," Joseph's reply was barely above a whisper. He wasn't about to accept Grimbert's drunken apology after everything that had happened.
"I know. Of course he was. Of course you were probably overwhelmed by grief as well. And whereas I crumbled apart under the weight of his loss, you rose up and survived. You really are one tough kid."
"Especially for a girl," Nikolaus snorted, practically falling off of his stool.
Joseph's face burned. He wanted to shrink into nothing and disappear. Grimbert's mouth hung open comically, and Pascual's and Lorenzo's faces were scrunched up in confusion. Adso pushed back his stool and was on his feet looking ready to fight.
"Nikolaus, how drunk are you?" Grimbert reprimanded after his initial pause.
"Pretty drunk," the man laughed, "Sorry."
"Is someone going to explain the joke?" Lorenzo asked.
"There's nothing to explain. Your brother-in-law has had too much ale," said Grimbert, dryly.
"I need some air," Joseph announced, inclining his head at Adso. He then stood and the two cousins walked out the door.
Outside, the afternoon sun was jarring after being in the dimly lit tavern for so many hours. They squatted against the building and Adso tried to be comforting, "Don't worry about Nikolaus. He's inebriated out of his wits, and the other two are so deep in their cups that they won't remember what he said."
"It doesn't matter," Joseph sighed.
"Of course it matters. You're upset."
"No, I mean, once we go home everyone will know the truth, because, well, I'll be home. I only became Joseph on this journey."
Adso didn't respond right away. He started to pick at his thumb nail, his mouth pinched in concentration. "Is there something you need to tell me?"
Joseph bit at his lip before answering. "All I wanted was to come home. I can't begin to explain the shame of living on the streets, or how scared I was being all alone in a foreign land. But now that it's about to be over, and I'm so close to home, I guess... I don't want to say goodbye to Joseph."
Adso turned to look at him, "You don't have to."
"If I go back to Loconge, I will! I'm Richart's daughter," he spit out the word, "And everyone knows it. In a few years they'd marrying me off and - and," his voice cracked as he swallowed back a sob, "And I think I'd rather die than live that life."
Adso put his hand on Joseph's knee. "I just got you back, cousin, I don't want to lose you again. We were going to go out and save farm boys in distress, remember? I've even been practicing with my sword."
"Oh yeah?" Joseph tried to smile, wiping at the tears that had pooled in his eyes.
"Yeah, I'm sure I'm not as good as you, but I'll get better."
"I haven't had my sword since - since Grimbert deserted me in Tyre."
"What about Grimbert?" Grimbert stepped out from the doorway, leaned against the wall and slid down onto his heels.
The cousins both scowled at his intrusion, but he seemed oblivious.
"We were having a conversation," Adso stated flatly.
"I'm sorry about Nikolaus. That was rude. Did Lorenzo and Pascual even know?" Grimbert turned to Joseph.
"Why are you apologizing for him? Did you tell him about the disguise?" Adso asked.
"No. When would I have told him? No, he knew Richart, so, he knew Hildegund."
Joseph flinched at his old name. "See?" he addressed Adso, "If I go home everyone will know me. I'll have no choice but to stop being Joseph."
"You don't want to go home, now?" Grimbert scratched at his beard.
"I know you won't understand, but, it's not that I don't want to return to Loconge. It's that I don't want to return to Hildegund."
"You're right, I don't understand, but," Grimbert paused, furrowing his brow. When he continued, he spoke each word slowly and deliberately. "I do understand not wanting for myself what other people want for me."
"It's not fair," Joseph sighed.
"Your father loved you, you know."
Joseph nodded, "But he didn't understand either."
"No, but he loved you regardless."
"And you betrayed that love when you abandoned Joseph to go seek your revenge," Adso's anger flared.
Grimbert swallowed, "That's true enough. I do owe you."
"There's nothing you can do," Joseph sighed again.
"I wish there was. I truly do."
Joseph paused. Maybe there was a way for Grimbert to make things right. "When I was in that awful cell last night I did a lot of thinking. You know, I know my letters and numbers. Papa let me help a lot with the shop."
"Yes, and?"
"And I was thinking that maybe instead of going back to Loconge I should try to get an apprenticeship somewhere nearby." Joseph glanced over at his cousin.
"I- That's a great idea." Adso flashed his crooked grin. "What do you say, Grimbert?"
"Well," he started and then paused. "Maybe I could get you an apprenticeship as a weaver. I could say that you were my nephew or something. I do have a lot of nephews. No one would have to be the wiser."
"Is that something you could really do?"
"I could certainly try." Grimbert nodded slowly. "Yes, I think I could."
Joseph was practically buzzing with possibility. "What about you, Adso?"
"I guess it depends on where Grimbert can get you an apprenticeship. Maybe I could work there too. Or at least visit. Then, when you become a journeyman, we could go on adventures together."
"That does sound like a nice idea," Joseph grinned. "So, you really think it's possible, Grimbert?"
"It might take a bit of time, but yes, I do."
All remaining dread left him. The caterpillars of worry that had burrowed inside his chest metamorphosed into butterflies and took flight. He almost felt lightheaded with relief. There was no guarantee behind Grimbert's words, but there was promise.
The trio stood and returned to their seats in the tavern. The Italians had continued to drink in their absence, and Nikolaus's earlier comment had either been forgotten or simply been moved past.
Joseph and Adso sipped slowly from their mugs, relaxing in the knowledge that right now everything was just as it should be. They had each other, they had a plan, they had hope.