Thranduil: Maeron! Aradan!
Guards: *stepping forward* Yes, my lord.
Thranduil: Clearly, I am not going to get anywhere with whats-his-name
Legolas: ....Thorin?
Thranduil: Yes, that. Anyway, guards, please bring me the large one.
Maeron (Guard): The large...what, my leige?
Thranduil: *slight irritation* The PIE! No, the dwarf, Maeron, the large dwarf...
Aradan (Guard): Sir...but...
Thranduil: But what?
Aradan (Guard): They're all rather large.
Legolas: *laughing*
Thranduil: The vastest of the vast, I mean. Forgive the confusion.
Guards: Yes, right away. *they leave*
*5 min later*
Guards: *panting* Here we are, my lord.
Thranduil: Whatever seems to be the matter?
Maeron (Guard): He was...difficult...to subdue.
Thranduil: *disdainfully* It's a dwarf, Maeron, not a Ringwraith.
Legolas: Ada!
Thranduil: Everybody calm down.
Maeron (Guard): Forgive us, sir, but..
Aradan (Guard): He possessed quite a large...frying pan, my lord.
Thranduil: A what?
Legolas: I believe he said a frying pan.
Thranduil: Well, that does complicate things.
Aradan (Guard): Here he is *pushes Bombur forward*
Thranduil: Thank you. You may go.
Guards: *bow* *leave*
Thranduil: Now, Dwarf, why were you and your company in my forest?
Bombur: ...I'm hungry.
Legolas: Why do they all say that?
Bombur: Well, I am. If I could just have, say, a piece of bacon or some salt I could make a quick stew in my frying pan...
Thranduil: What's with the frying pan...?
Bombur: Its a metal vessel with a long handle used for cooking, usually over a-
Thranduil: I am perfectly aware of the nature of a frying pan, Dwarf.
Bombur: My name is Bombur, by the way.
Thranduil: Your name to me is of little importance. How in Arda did you get that frying pan past our security?
Bombur: I...um...put it under my coat...
Legolas: Other than... all that stew you consume...what else do you have under that coat of yours?
Bombur: ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS
Legolas: It kind of is
Thranduil: Well?
Bombur: Well....I just...have some string and a picture of Graía and..
Thranduil: Who's Graía?
Bombur: *turns marroon*
Legolas: AHA YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND
Thranduil: That's interesting. But honestly don't care.
Bombur:....I also have a map of Hobbiton, six old turnips, and some parsley.
Legolas: Is that it?
Bombur: No. Also some pepper, a few good stones, a gold coin, some dried pig's ears...
Thranduil: Pig's ears?
Bombur: Pork is pork, is it not?
Thranduil: It's not.
Bombur: Anyway, I also-
Legolas: Can you not?
Bombur: Fine. *hmph*
Thranduil: Other than discovering the intriguing contents of your...jacket...overcoat...thing, I have learned absolutely nothing.
Legolas: I can bring the SKIN REAPER
Thranduil:......
Legolas: *runs away cackling*
Bombur:....