Bog Off Shoplifting

Divorce

I was beating mine own meat when my DADDDYYYYYYYY bust a nut into my room and he said to me with his face TRACEYYYYYYYYYYYYYY you little WILLY, ME AND    Y O U R     M U M ARE GETTING A DIVWHORCE!!!!!!!!! I was like well confused because my daddy leovs me he gives me spankies and willy in my bum bum WHENEVYR I WONT. I was so angry I decided to go shoplifting. My bwest friend Uwu Jones came wiv me tae Pondland where we woz gonna lift up a shop. We stole sum adult nappies because dat's what u need in lyfe and a ten inch massive ribbed GIRTHY pulsATING  S U R F B O A R D. Then we walked directlee into the road be coz road safety = chode safety, but then suddddddddennlyie Uwu Jones mi only friend got WHACKED IN THE FACE with a CAR AND diED. I Had a little cry and shoved my surfboard up my massive dusty cavernous ARSE and went on home to instantly DIE.