NO BOUNDS
RUEN
Laughter filled the Evans' home. Mr. Evans and Michael were sharing a bottle of wine while Amelia begged off.
His arms around his wife's shoulder, Michael told everyone how he met Bella.
"Poor Bella didn't know what hit her." Amelia teased her brother.
Everyone laughed except Michael. Not seeing the joke, he threw her a pillow.
Catching it before it landed on her face, she chose to sit on an armchair - not wanting to sit with me.
Still giving me the cold shoulder.
She's been avoiding me ever since the awards night. Sleeping on the farthest end facing the opposite side of the bed, she barely touched me.
"So, how did you guys end up together?" Bella asked.
The room suddenly fell quiet.
Someone should make a living out of making rules for family night discussions.
Questions like that must be banned.
Touchy subject.
Bella wasn't aware so how should that question be answered.
No one dared for a minute until...
"We ended up together because Michael met you," Amelia said.
I could almost imagine Seth mentally slapping a hand over her mouth to stop incriminating words from escaping.
Sensing a tensed Seth, Rosaline came over to her husband and hugged him, willing him to keep his cool.
This could go downhill very fast.
If Amelia was overly passive with regards to me before coming here, now after talking to her father, she's downright pissed.
"You see Michael was to marry her." She laughed, mirthless.
What's gotten her in a twist?
"It wasn't supposed to be me." The corners of her mouth upturned in self-reproach.
So much for 'I love you's...
Michael's mouth hung agape as a bewildered Bella turned to him for an explanation.
What is she getting at?
Was that a thinly veiled jab?
'...someone no one would ever love!'
Well, two people can play this game.
"Amelia pitying discarded 'ole me, married me instead," I said, meeting her gaze as she swung her head in my direction. "Saving the day."
Infuriating woman!
A couple of weeks ago she was all doting and attentive, one minute she's dismissive and now attacking.
"I guess we should call it a night." Rosaline finally said. "Bella needs her rest."
Without bidding her family farewell, Amelia stood and went out the door.
I should be barred from family dinners.
After apologizing for ruining the night, I went after Amelia. Feigning sleep by the passenger seat, her eyes stayed close on the way back.
We prepared for bed in silence.
Remaining quiet until we settled for bed, she resumed her new sleeping position - curled up and with her back against me.
"Why are you so angry?" I asked. "Tell me so I could do something about it!"
My outburst was met by the sound of night insects.
Finally giving up the idea of having a meaningful conversation with her cold back, I settled on the opposite side and turned away as well.
"Bella's looking healthier." She broke the silence.
"Uhuh, she is."
Now what?
"The twins must be behaving better."
"Unbelievable, she's having two." I couldn't wrap my head around that. It's gonna be hard to keep up with one, let alone two. An unconscious shiver wracked my body.
Noticing it, she asked. "You said you wanted a family. Wouldn't you want to have a baby with me someday?"
A baby...
The rest of her words were swallowed by Ria's.
'A monster's child that's what you are!'
I bolted upright gasping for air. "No children will be borne from me."
"You don't want to build a family?" Still back against me.
'You remind me of him.'
'Every time I see you, God forgive me I - by gods, I want you dead!'
"No child will come from me." Stepping off the bed, I stood in front of an open window. I couldn't stop shaking.
Amelia stopped talking. Another silent moment ensued.
"I see." She finally said.
With your back against me?
What exactly do you see, Amelia?
"Dad said you signed him the power to act in your stead."
"Yeah."
"Your grandfather said he'd keep his part of the deal even when the marriage is dissolved."
Where is this heading?
I bit back my tongue.
"He said it was your implicit request that he do so regardless of whatever happened between us."
"Yes."
The chains were unlocked.
So what will it be?
Save from the maddening beat of my scared heart, I laid back down on the bed quietly.
Are you gonna stay?
"I'm shooting a new movie out of town for the next few weeks - months maybe."
Almost a week before October ends...
Months?
It was never a matter of how long you were staying, it has always been a question of when you were leaving, Amelia.
"Just tell me when you do", was all I could say.
* * *
AMELIA
First week.
I came to the location bright and early; Eager to start work. Did my part and played it well. The director, artists, and crew were beyond happy.
Any moment now, she'll call and assure me that everything's alright.
Everything is ok.
Second week.
Texting to update and ask her how she was, I waited for to reply to last week's messages.
Done and tired of waiting for her to call, I made the move to call her again. Hurt and angry, mostly angry, I threw my phone on the floor when she didn't answer.
John bought me replacements for each one I wrecked. One hit the wall as quickly as I laid my eyes on it. The third one I must have left several feet under the lake.
Everyone steered off me and my terrible temper.
Stop ignoring me!
Third week.
One phone call. No, make that one text even just to say 'hi'. I will leave everything behind and come running back home. No more acting, working crazy schedules and out of the country—heck, no out of town either.
Whispering 'I love you' every day, I wouldn't mind if you choose not to say them back.
I can deal!
I wouldn't even bat an eye if Penelope comes over occasionally. She could come join us for lunch or tea time. She'll be welcomed. Dinner if she must.
I won't go bat-shit crazy, promise.
As long as I have you, it's ok even if...
'I love you too, Pin.'
Oh please, dear no.
Just not that...
I couldn't take that!
Fourth Week.
Going through the motion of shooting, eating, and sleeping, I kept on waiting for her to come.
"Come on, Lia!" He tugged the blanket off.
Another day started with tears, I curled up in a ball and cried. John held me as I did.
"Stop thinking about it." He gently rocked us back and forth, trying to find the words to placate me. "It's gonna be better in time."
He had to literally push me out of the bed every morning and then struggle to put me back to bed at night.
"Don't torture yourself." He knelt beside me as I sprawled on the hotel floor.
Days passed in a flash.
"The first half of the shoot ended. We will resume after the holidays."
Who am I kidding?
Fifth week.
Not wanting to go back to an empty home, I decided to spend my birthday and the rest of the holidays back in my cabin.
"Are sure you're staying here, Amelia?" John lugged my bag inside as I stacked the cupboards and the refrigerator. "They're expecting you back home."
"I just wanted to rest, John." I joined him in the living room.
* * *
Later that morning, I sent him off. As one last request before he finally took off for the holiday, I instructed him to give a package to Ruen.
"What is this?" He asked.
"Something I should've done a long time ago."
Could have saved us both time and a lot of hurt.
"I signed it already." I led him out of the cabin and into his car.
I had my lawyer draw them up and sent to me by courier so I could sign them. I thought I'd have the courage to give it to her in person but I chickened out at the last minute.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" He had his head out the window.
"It isn't," I told him. "Far from it."
"Then why?"
"I'm resigned to the fact that I will never get what I want, John." I waved him off.
She's not coming.
* * *
Deciding to forego supper, I brought pillows and a blanket on the couch in the living room. Lighting the fireplace up, I was about to rest under the cover when loud successive knocks thundered.
I opened the door to find a livid woman.
"Rue—"
She pushed past me and entered. I found her standing by the fire.
I want nothing more than to hug you tight.
Opening the envelope, she produced the document and handed it to me.
"I signed it."
My hand shook as I took it from her; I wanted the offending paper gone.
"Guess you're finally rid of me." Repulsed, she watched the dancing flame. "So much love, Amelia. Just a month of learning that the arrangement no longer holds... Or is it that you just fancied yourself in love with me in passing?" She sneered.
"Don't you dare imply—"
"Imply what?" She had her arms crossed and looked me up in defiance. "I am saying that you don't. Not really. You're—"
"I love you!" I cried. "Don't try to tell me how I feel!"
"You love me so much that you filed for divorce?" She said in disbelief.
"This?" Holding up the paper in my hand, the edge crumpled as I tightened my hold. Reading the header saddened me. Seeing her signature on the line, I knew that this wasn't what I wanted.
Resolved, I threw the paper into the fire.
"What are you doing?" She screamed at me as if I had gone insane. "Are you crazy?"
Maybe. Only if I don't try and hold on to you one more time.
"The first time I saw you at that dinner table I could see that you wanted to flee. Then they started talking about marriage and you kept silent - resigned. Nodding, smiling, and saying a little 'yes' at the right moment, you looked like an automaton."
"You're no different." She said, her voice devoid of emotion. "Between the two of us, you were just the better actress. That wedding night, you finally showed how you truly felt."
"I have no excuse for that. Finding myself married to a woman? I bitched out." I held my hands up in exasperation. "Hell, I pictured myself marrying a million times but not once did taking a wife feature in it. I was not bisexual - not homosexual either. So forgive me if I struck out in frustration and confusion."
"I know."
Knowing but not understanding.
"You don't understand! That changed when I lived with you." I started pacing the room. "Indifference gave way the night I came running in your room and held you in my arms."
"Compassion." She nodded. "Any decent human should be capable of drawing out that emotion. Don't mistake it for love, Amelia."
"Believe me, I didn't. I didn't think myself in love with you then." I saw her recoil at that. "I felt it when I first saw a masked woman playing on stage."
Her head whipped up in confusion.
"I didn't readily recognize it. I don't have a suitable name for what it was then." I met her gaze. "I was so entranced by the woman that I had unwittingly decided to seek her out. The unspeakable feeling of rage and, yes, jealousy came rearing its ugly head when I saw Stouffer towering over and pinning her against the wall."
I didn't know why but that made her shiver. Even at such proximity with the source of heat, she wrapped her arms around herself.
That made me come to her.
I didn't care if she shunned my touch, I will hold her.
And I did.
That initial fear of being turned away dissolved the instant she closed the remaining gap between us by meeting me halfway and wrapping her arms around me.
I miss having you in my arms.
"I was elated at the same time even more confused to learn that it was you." We stood in an embrace as I rested my head on top of hers. "Falling out with Marcus relieved me and scared me too. Mostly scared of the budding feelings you incited in me. The green-eyed monster in me lashes out when someone ever came close to you while I didn't dare."
She cuddled close and settled her nose at the crook of my neck.
"The thought of you drowning set me reeling. I deluded myself into believing that I was distressed at the break up more than the thought of losing you. Numbing myself with alcohol, I -, with a false sense of boosted confidence and wounded pride, I took you right here." I kissed her forehead. "If I had hurt you in any way, I'm sorry, Ruen."
"You didn't." She finally met my eyes. "My bruised and blistered feet hurt though." She offered a weak smile.
Chuckling, I kissed the tip of her nose. "Everything I did and didn't do was to try and prove to myself that I didn't love you." I kissed her cheeks. "You wouldn't understand how I felt when I saw blood on John's clothes the morning after you were admitted."
I took a deep and steadying breath. Living the moment as I held her.
Tomorrow, I might not do so as someone else will.
"Relieved to know you were not lost to me, I thanked God." I ran my hands on her back. Delighted in the feel of her beneath my palms. "Dread replaced it the moment I heard Penelope's words on the line. She said the words I never did as I kept on wavering."
"By the time I told you how I felt, Penelope was already in the frame." I let her go and plopped down on the couch. "In every possible way I can, I did everything to make you feel it. I even hoped that if I say it over and over it would make up for the times I didn't."
"You didn't even believe me let alone told me how you felt. Hearing you say, you love her hurt." Placing my hand on the pillow, I grabbed it to my chest as the tears that I have been shedding for the past week rolled down again in streams. "The words I've been dying to hear were said to someone else."
Burying my face into the pillow, I cried.
* * *
Sitting down next to a crying Amelia, my heart pounded in gladness. Happy for her words but not for her tears.
Both feet crossed up on the couch, I gently coaxed her to put the pillow down. My heart broke at the sight of her sadness. I kissed her lips.
Pulling back, I caught a single tear before it fell from her eyes. "Thank you for being honest. Now it's my turn."
I took her hand and placed it on my chest—atop my beating heart. "I love you, Amelia."
"You do?"
"With all my heart." I reclaimed her lips again.
I found myself flat back on the couch as Amelia laid her body on top of mine. Kissing me with all the pent-up fervor in the month we were apart, she never broke for air.
"I'm not letting you get away now." Murmuring, she rained kisses on the side of my neck down to my collar. I gasped when I felt her giving me a love bite below my jaw and ear. "Mine."
My phone rang.
Before I could take it, Amelia had her hand in my pocket and fished it out.
Frowning, she sat up and held the screen flashing Penelope's name to me. "Why is she calling?"
Her scowl deepened as I straightened up and took it from her. I positioned myself on her lap as I accepted the call and put it on speaker. My lips hovered on hers ready to kiss her if she speaks out of turn.
"Rue? You there?"
"Yes, Pin." I smiled at the way Amelia's chest heaved against me. "You called?"
"Oh, I was wondering if Mim and I could head back home now. It's getting dark and cold out here. You've been in there long enough so I guess Lia's not gonna kick you out anytime soon."
We could hear Mim and Pin laugh.
"Yeah. We're great." My hand made its way under Amelia's shirt. The heat of her skin calmed me. I gave her a short chaste kiss on the lips. "Thanks, guys. I owe you again."
"Anytime, Rue." It was Mim this time. "I'd rather drive you up here than see you mope around."
Traveling up, I cupped Amelia's breast. I almost moaned out loud.
'No bra?' I mouthed at her. I shook my head and pecked her lips when she just smiled seductively.
"You can resume the smooching and canoodling, Rue." Pin said. They laughed again. "Bye."
I tossed my phone on the table
"Questions?" I asked.
"She didn't call to get you back."
I shook my head.
"But you love her."
"As a friend. Mim as my family." I kissed her cheek. "And you, I love you as my wife."
I saw her smile widened.
"We clear?" I asked.
"Very." She placed her hands on my waist and squeezed.
I resumed my roaming hand below her shirt. "Anything else?"
I showered her neck and bare shoulders with kisses as she racked her brain for questions.
"Children?"
I froze. The familiar fear coupled with shame gripped me.
Feeling me going distant again, she made me face her. "Our family? You don't want children me? Soon?" I could feel her withdrawing in apprehension.
"I'd love any child that would come from you," I assured her.
"You don't want to carry?"
"I'm scared." I wrapped my arms around her neck.
"We'll face it together."
"I'm a monster's child," I whispered. "A monster -"
She took my arms off her and looked at me questioningly. "You're not—"
"Stouffer is!" I cried. "Half of his wretched blood courses in me."
"He's -"
"He raped Ria."
Amelia paled. "And he tried to take you too?"
"No. He went after Ria again." I rested my head on her shoulder. "I stopped him and tried to kill him."
"I would have too." Amelia held me close.
"I destroyed him though," I told her. "With Mim and Pin's help, we served it to him cold."
"He deserves it. I hope he rots in jail too."
We stayed wrap in each other's arms; me straddling her as she kept me close.
"That's why Ria's left you out." She murmured.
"The reason behind the fear of the uncertainty in your feelings about me." I hugged her tighter. "The people who should have loved me in the first place didn't. How sure will I be that you will? You might run scared again. Ria did. She said she loves me but she was terrified at the same time."
She got me off her and pulled me into the bedroom. Once there, she gently laid me on the bed and hovered atop me.
"I will not speak for them." She caressed my cheek. "But I can tell you now, I love you. I'm done running. Lesbian or not, labels be damned, I know it has to be you."
I sighed as she kissed me. The truth in her words was felt, and it felt wonderful.
"I love you." She repeated, "Ruen, just you."
"I love you too, Amelia."