Chapter Nine
Monster Monday
"She's a killer."
"A murderer."
"Did you hear about Casey Arnolds? She killed her because she was jealous."
"Jealous of what?"
"Probably her friends,
"I never liked her anyways,"
"Now now girls," A blonde steps forward, towering over her companions due to a mixture of tall-person genetics and heels, "It's so rude to gossip." She looks at me directly, it's not like I'm incognito either, the feathers in my hair certainly aren't as prevalent throughout the student body as I thought they would be. Nobody has any first of November day spirit anymore.
"But you're the one who saw her kill the bird." Another girl protests. Kill the bird? For my credit, I haven't killed any birds in my entire life.
"Incorre-" I begin to say, willing to provide evidence to support my claim of innocence.
"What? That was just innocent speculation, I never actually saw her kill the poor dear, she was just holding its dead body. Assumptions were made. Isn't that right, Stein?" I realize she's talking about Bluie and note the strange temperature drop that follows. Ah, it's just Gwen's clammy hand clamping onto my wrist,
"Well you know what they say, assumptions make asses out of you and me, but mostly you."
"Asteroids." I had a few beat too late, earning some confused glances from the girls and a professional eye roll from Gwen.
"Come on Stein, let's go find you boyfriend."
"Boy-space-friend or boy-not-space-friend? But we have to wait, they asked me a question."
"You don't have the answer the question."
"But isn't it my duty as a student to answer questions?'
"No."
"Okay." I turn to the girls, "To answer your question I actually have no idea. Bye-bye now." I decided it was my duty anyways, after all Gwen isn't a very dedicated student and may mislead me, unintentionally or otherwise.
Gwen drags me down the hall, as though she is running for the whispers that only get louder as we pass by.
"Is something wrong?' I ask, glancing around the crowded hallways, there seem to be more people than usual, maybe it's my imagination. Then again, I don't have to imagine as, upon counting I realize there are, in fact, more people present.
"Yes, there is something very wrong." Don't say it.
"What would that be?" I ask, training my eyes on the floor, count the scuff marks, count the tiles, count the scratches and dents.
"They're all talking about you like you're some sort of convicted felon who murdered fifteen people." And she said it,
"And?" Ah, the denial route.
"And?' Her voice is a whisper, deadlier than her usual shouting, "Are you pretending not to know what's wrong with this situation or should I explain it to you?" I flinch at her tone, it's familiarity is lost on Gwen. You should go.
"I should go." I reply, abruptly turning around, hoping she doesn't try to prevent me from leaving. She tries to stop me. I feel her hand close around my wrist. It's just Gwen, it's just Gwen. Are you sure? I can't force myself to turn around, but I feel my breathing becoming uneven. And you thought you were fine. I quickly twist around, and she's there, for just a moment. Eyes like ice, her same smile twisting her lips, her long platinum hair.
"Let go!" I slap her hand away, and then Gwen stands her place nursing her reddening hand. I run.
I end up in the school bathroom, sitting atop the toilet seat cover with my knees hugged to my chest. I count to three over and over again, trying to regulate my breathing. This last happened over a year ago, and it wasn't nearly this bad: you're only getting worse. I'm about to leave the stall (it is very dirty and I can see through the cracks between the doors and the wall where the hinges are) when the door opens and girls walk in, so many of them at once too (so is the girls go in groups to the bathroom a true phenomenon then? That seems strange), so I reflexively jump on top of the toilet to hide my feet.
"I can't believe there is a murderer in our school." One squeals and my breath hitches. Don't get caught.
"We need to get her out of our school."
"And if that doesn't work we can always prove her into showing her true nature and turn her in."
"We could be heroes." I start to shake. Maybe we should teach them a lesson. I shake my head furiously, just wait it out, they'll leave. I manage to identify a few by voice, the others I don't know. They'll be done talking soon, I just have to block it out until then. But they don't leave, my legs go numb and eventually foot slips against the side of the toilet, making a ear-grating squeaking noise.
"Someone is eavesdropping on us!" The pig girl squeals (her main communication is grunts, snorts, and squeals and I don't know her name so it's a valid identification). I hear footsteps approaching each stall, opening them one by one, like in those dramatic movies. I'm in the second to last stale, so, as they finish checking the next one and silently unlock the door and vault over to the next stall, landing lightly on the toilet and silently locking that door. They finish checking and proceed to give the other girls the all clear, but they mumble about it being creepy and end up leaving more quickly than they probably would have. I slip out of the stall, taking a breath as I do so.
"So it was you." The blonde girl from earlier appears, they called her Amanda, "I had a hunch." She looks over me appraisingly and I back into the corner.
"Ha, someone as pathetic as you could hardly be a murderer. But I have no problem getting your a-"
"-teroid" I add, too low for her to hear.
"Out of my school. Having someone like you around is bad for our rep. So meet us by the football field after school or I'll tell everyone about everything." She doesn't know anything.
"You don't know anything." I see my mother's sick smile warp my face in the mirror and fight down the bout of nausea that comes with the resemblance. More similar than you'd like to admit, you two are.
"Is that right?" Amanda's expression mirrors mine, "Well guess what, Mary Helnick, I know more than most. You look so much like your mother." She leaves me standing there. She knows. She knows. She knows. I vomit in a disgusting toilet for the second time in my public school career, but this time it isn't because of a hangover.
I attend my classes until lunch, dodging Alan and Gwen by leaving early and coming in as late as possible. I know I should offer them an explanation, any lie will do. Liar liar. But what if she's already told them. If she knows that much then she can easily find out that they do not know that much, she wants me out, and what better way than having my own friends kick me to the curb? At least she doesn't believe you're a murderer. I decide to find them before then, if for no other reason than the belief that they deserve an explanation, even if it isn't true. But they aren't there when I get there. Instead I find them in a hallway, whispering in the corner.
I hide between the lockers, listening. I've always been a good listener.
"She's been acting weird(er than usual), do you know if anything is wrong?" Gwen's voice is low, but it carries far enough for me to hear it.
"No, but at my house she got cut with a knife and started acting really weird, she gets frightened of random thing. Maybe she's schizophrenic or has a bad cause of anxiety?"
"No, there is no way, she doesn't even act li-"
"Like what?"
"Today, she panicked when I grabbed her arm. But when she looked at me, it was like she was seeing someone else."
"When she was drunk she started crying and begged me not to take her home to her parents."
"But-no, oh my god." Maybe you should clear up the misunderstanding.
"But haven't you noticed? She looks like she's hiding from something and I seriously doubt this is a new occurrence, she's been homeschooled for most of her life: she probably wasn't well enough to attend public school." So close, just someone, not something.
"So maybe it goes back further than we thought?"
"Further than we can imagine." They're so close, throw them off of your trail. I take a deep breath and take a step forward, ready to feed them a line about being bullied a little bit and never really getting over it but I end up on my knees.
"Huh, my legs aren't working." I sigh, because just for a moment I'm okay with that, just for a moment everything is still alright. And then I hear his voice.
"Stein?" And everything is not alright.
"Hi!" I raise my voice an octave to be cheery and wave a hand. Gwen appears behind him, an eyebrow raised and her mascara suspiciously smudged. Her hand shows signs of bruising.
"Why are you on the floor?"
"I'm searching for a daddy long legs that stole a piece of my granola bar and I can't find him. You two weren't at lunch." Alan offers me a hand and a take it, but, even as he pulls me up and places me on my feet I end up on the floor again.
"Are you okay?" Alan and Gwen both start fretting over my fall, I made sure to land mostly on my hand, I hurt Gwen so it's only fair.
"I forgot to mention that my legs don't seem to work currently." I bonk myself on the head a few times as a show of 'silly me' and spend the rest of the day silently going to class and following Alan and Gwen, I might as well keep it for as long as it lasts. But I can't help but to make sure to bump into walls with my already aching hand. It's only fair.
I tell Alan and Gwen to wait for me at the library, even though we could've walked there together, because I have school business to attend to. It's not a complete lie. I wait in the middle of the football field, only looking up when I know I'm surrounded. My eyes meet Amanda's, then the eyes of the person protecting her, Brandon.
"You kept me waiting." Put them in their place. It's only fair. It's only fair. The girls brought reinforcements, most likely jock based, they're surrounded by guys. Amanda, who is definitely the lead girl,walks up to me and slaps me across the face. Pathetic.
"How dare you talk to me like that?' Her voice is shrill, she's obviously only doing this for entertainment, she's not even actually offended. She's acting. Teach her how the real deal acts. I don't realize it until it's too late, but suddenly I'm the voice inside of my head.
"Don't think I haven't done my research, I've pieced together quite a lot of information about you." Once again the smile spreads across my face, only it's so much more convincing now.
"Maybe you should kneel at my feet and lick my shoe, then I may spare you." Amanda still thinks she's in control.
"Ah, maybe you should be the one kneeling. Amanda Heartland, maybe I should let the authorities know about your little side business? Prostitution, to teachers no less, is not a very respectable occupation. Neither is drug dealing for your deadbeat cocaine addict brother." A laugh escapes my throat as Amanda steps backwards, it's only a tiny movement and she knows it betrayed her,
"Boys, get her." She snarls and I cast a bored glance at her little reverse harem.
"You," I single out a blonde closest to me, a burly one, "your mother abandoned you in a trash can, isn't that right? No wonder she didn't want you." I stand on my toes and whisper a little extra something in his ears. He drops to his knees. No, stop.
"Jason Holiday, funny that they call you holiday when you've never seen the outside of your house except to go to school, especially with your numerous phobias of females, mirrors,and peanut butter getting stuck to the roof of your mouth: how much Xanax do you take for that?" Wait, they don't deserve this.
"And lovely Grant Wood, Jason may be the leading prescription drug user here but you have him beat in the illegal category. Steroids? Really? Why do something so dumb for your career in sports when your grade point average is too low for you to technically play on the team."
"What about this one here?" I gesture to pig girl, "Those boys may be guilty of too many drugs but you certainly haven't taken enough. I wonder what those little wrists of yours look like under all of those bracelets."
"And Brandon," he flinches, as though he had hoped I would pass over him, "Maybe if you stopped sticking your tongue down random girls throats you'd actually be able to form meaningful relationships. Instead of just being, what was the phrase? Oh yes, friends with benefits with girls like this." I nod at Amanda.
"And you have a fat head!" I go around, taking down every single one before walking away and making my way to the library. Halfway there the little voice stops talking for me and I catch my breath. See, now they're all put in their place. I always do a job well, maybe you should let me make more decisions.
"No way." I clap a hand over my mouth when I realize I answered aloud, my mind races, not once have I made this mistake before. Worse and worse and worse, you aren't getting better. I think about all of the things I said and I feel sick again. By the time I've entered the library I've already crafted personalized apology notes for each of them in my head.
"What's wrong?" Alan asks, standing up. I glance at the clock, it's way past the time we were supposed to meet, he said he wanted to pick Isa up from school.
"Let's all go get Isa." I nod towards the car, we carpooled this morning. I turn on my phone and find a bunch of missed calls from Alan and Gwen, a strange text from Rolland, and a voice message from Susan that I listen to then play on speaker for the others.
"Hey Ma-Stein, sorry I can't get used to that nickname. Bear with me. Anyways, Hal and I have a short business conference, could you spend the night at Gwen's house? If her parents are okay with it of course."
"It's official, sleepover at my place." Gwen declares, the sparkle back in her eyes. Alan just sighs,
"Please take me home first before going on whatever weird shopping spree you have planned in preparation for your sleepover."
"Are you kidding? You're coming too, bring Isa this is going to be epic. Also Rolland probably wouldn't survive with this much estrogen around, he needs you as a balancing force."
"Yes, because you are the epitome of manliness." I add, giving him a thumbs up, "But you're still too skinny." I poke him in the stomach to emphasize my point a bit. He turns a bit red in response and covers his face with his hands.
"Speaking of, what base have you gotten to."
"I've gotten a homerun." I beam proudly, recalling the one time I got Hal and Susan to play softball with me. It was not as pleasant as I thought it would be; my parental units are very competitive. Gwen's jaw drops and Alan's mouth starts opening and closing, forming rapid fire words in what I assume is spanish without making a sound.
"Okay we need to calm down." Gwen starts, taking deep breaths
"I am calm." I reply.
"Not you." She turns to Alan, "She's probably being literally, right, I mean there is no way you're man enough to do that with her. And she probably wouldn't have done that with anyone else."
"P-p-probably?" Alan replies, clutching his hand to his chest and breathing unevenly.
"Are you having a panic attack? Are you okay?" I reach up to measure his pulse but he grabs my hand,
"No, I'm fine just...flustered."
"There, there." I pat his head with my free hand and follow a smirking Gwen to the car, making sure not to let go of his hand.
"Stranger danger. This is stranger danger." Isa casts one glance at the car full of her brother, me, and two redhead twins (one of which was found wandering the sidewalks on his way home from work like a bum) and walks away.
"Isa please get in the car, I'll give you candy!" I shout after her, leaning out of the window.
"Please don't say things like that at an elementary school." Alan covers his eyes in embarrassment (I've gotten good at discerning his embarrassment, it is an often occurrence, maybe I should try to do something about that).
"Why, that line always works in the books?"
"What kind of books are you reading?" Gwen screeches, her voice forming a multiple octave harmony with with that of her brother.
"Well this particular instance was a thriller/tragedy. The children who got in the car were not treated very well at all; it was quite terrible."
"Why would you use that line then?" Alan appears to be attempting to sink into his seat and perhaps disappear and make an escape from the car.
"Because it works." I roll my eyes at him, obviously it works, or else why would I use it?
"Okay fine Isa, I don't have any candy I just wanted to lure you into the car." I call and, at this point, even Isa looks kind of suspicious.
"Excuse me ma'am, but what are you attempting to do?" A teacher-looking lady walks up to the window and levels me with a look. One of those looks that only female adult mothers (or teachers) can muster.
"I'm attempting to get Isa into the car."
"Okay okay Stein," Gwen grabs me and pulls me away from the window, "Alan take care of this." Alan composes himself and steps out of the car, not even stumbling a little bit.
"Hello Miss Heather, I'm sorry for the commotion. We've just come to pick up Isa and Stein here has a rather...morbid sense of humor. You know high schoolers. How is your daughter?" The teacher looks at him appraisingly as I mumble "I wasn't trying to be funny, I was trying to get her to get in the car." She sends me a glare before letting out a sigh.
"I suppose all high schoolers can't be as responsible as you. My daughter is fine, she and Isa are almost inseparable, I had to promise her ice cream to stop her from crying when it was time for Isa to go home."
"Yeah, Isa talks about her all the time. Well we have to go, tell Lizzie I say hi." He picks Isa up quickly, she doesn't even try to protest (she'll never admit it but she loves it when Alan dotes on her, all her talk of maturity is for naught). He gets back into the car and I scoot away from the window she he and Isa can sit next to me.
"Give me the child, I want to braid her hair again. I'm going to be a pro." I motion for him to hand Isa over and he shakes his head with a decisive and stubborn abruptness (Isa herself sticks her tongue out rudely).
"No, I'm keeping her. She even told me I was better at braiding than you." He sticks his tongue out at me, imitating his sister. They're teaming up on me.
"Gwen rally to me! We must war with the Cardonas and reign victorious."
"Rolland take the wheel, I've been called to action." The car swerves dangerously as Rolland and Gwen climb over each other and switch positions.
"That was decidedly dangerous. Alan do you yield?" Alan's eyes have practically rolled into the back of his head (he must have had quite the scare) and he nods vigorously.
"Good, Rolland you can give me the wheel again." Gwen says,
"No, I think I want to drive."
"If you don't give me the wheel I will take it from you." Gwen growls.
"Fight me." Five exceedingly dangerous minutes later we arrive at the house of Gwen, she's at the wheel when we do.
I knock on the door hesitantly, I always knock before entering another's domain (unless Alan lives there, then I don't have to knock as he is technically my property so therefore his domain is my domain).
"Why are you knocking while I'm trying to open the door?" Gwen asks, nudging me out of the way,
"Because I have manners." I proceed to slip past her once the door is open and make a beeline to the fridge. I may have forgotten to eat a few times so I should catch up on that. But then it occurs to me that I don't know where the fridge is and that there are much shinier things in the room nearby. I push open the slightly ajar door to find an armory.
"Oh my lord everything is so shiny and polished." Well it was shiny and polished, until I proceeded to rub my hands all over them, because touching things assures that they are real and, in this case, that they really were that reflective and shiny.
"Oi! Get out of the armory you sticky-fingered fustilugs!" A voice that is neither Gwen nor Rolland booms, It was the voice I heard through the phone on early day, the one talking about excalibur.
"Oi you old gnashnab, we ain't in your bloody armory and fustilugs is for women, you sonofa-" Rolland's voice is cut off by a scream shriller than Gwen's, perhaps a younger sister, and decidedly old insults. Old English ones, to be precise. A huge shadow fills the door frame, blocking out the light that was allowing the armor to look oh so shiny (I can't help but to be disappointed by this new development). I turn around and find a man with fiery red hair and a lumberjack (yes, lumberjack, like those bearded burly men who chop trees and have really thick eyebrows) build wearing a full set of armor in the doorway.
"Gwen's dad?" I ask, stepping forward to poke the armor.
"Gwen's dad." He confirms, hosting his sword-filled belt proudly.
"Is that excalibur?" I point to the biggest of his swords (he has one strapped across his back and two at his belt). He raises an eyebrow in a Gwen-like fashion.
"Indeed young maiden. Would you be Stein?"
"Yes. You did well with your daughter, but maybe work on your next child's personality a little more. Both of yours are a bit weird."
"No wonder they're friends with you." he replies, grinning and I nod,
"I am nodding in confirmation."
"I can see that." Behind him appears a tiny lady with brown hair (so that's where Gwen got it from) and a baby bump, I knew she was pregnant from the way Gwen's dad's eyes sparkled when I mentioned him being a dad.
"Is this Gwen's friend?" She asks, she has a soft voice but I can tell immediately how shrill and loud she can make it, I bet it's eardrum shattering.
"Yes. You should name this one Morgiana." I point at her stomach and the Gwen parental units exchange looks.
"That is absolutely perfect!"
"We needed a new name for the little one, the ones we had in mind didn't seem to fit." His bushy eyebrows only serve to make his facial expressions more obvious, he approves (note to self: eyebrows are very expressive).
"I thought it might be appropriate." I nod in approval.
"Let's take her to meet the rest of the family." Gwen's mother suggests.
"Meet the Blackwoods! Presented by the house patriarch, Rufus Blackwood!" Rufus spreads his arms out wide, presenting four children, all four of which have red heads (only one is dyed and I'm not pointing any fingers but Gwen's hair isn't red naturally).
"I'm sorry sir Rufus, but the house leader is the one who makes the money. Therefore I am the house matriarch, Penelope Blackwood, and these are my successors: you already know the twins, Gwen and Rolland-
"How come Gwen is first?" Rolland protests,
"-Rolland and Gwen."
"How come Rolland gets to be first because he complained?"
"Shut the f-"
"-udge-popsicle"
"-up." The matriarch's face remains impassive as she says this in a soft a gentle voice, but it is somewhat more frightening than yelling (even Rufus is shivering in fear). "And the next oldest is Evaine, she's in middle school, then there is Merlin, I reckon he's the same age as Alan's little sister, and in here is little Morgana, my favorite child because she has yet to complain like a little bi-"
"-nominal function?" Penelope smiles at me warmly before turning to Gwen,
"Does she always censor swear words?"
"Yes." Gwen replies, she looks bored at this point.
"Mom didn't mention Jo-" Rolland starts to whisper into Gwen's ear
"Shhh, she'll hear you. His name is forbidden here, if you mention him you'll be banished too." Penelope narrows her eyes in the twins direction but remains silent. I cast glances between the children and their parents, Gwen got her height from her mom and her build from her dad and Rolland got his dad's height and his mom's build. Evaine looks like a mini Penelope (redhead edition) and Merlin is just small and cute, too young to tell. I spot Isa clinging to Alan's leg and glaring at Merlin and a lovely thought crosses my mind.
"We can unite the houses!" I blurt out, getting both confused looks (the minors and Alan) and sparkling gazes of admiration and understanding (Penelope, Rufus, Gwen, and Rolland: the adult Blackwoods).
"Do tell us more." Penelope sips out of a pewter goblet (filled with what looks like red wine but smells like cranberry juice, I suppose it is for effect) and Rufus places a crown on her head.
"Isa and Merlin can enter a marriage contract to unite Blackwood and Cardona and then Alan and I can unite Cardona and Thompson houses and by law the Thompsons and Blackwoods will be related!"
"A respectable notion." Rufus nods,
"A flawless plan to keep peace between the families." Penelope agrees.
"To future daughter in law Stein!"
"To Stein." The Blackwoods echo, raising imaginary glasses.
"Wait, you can't marry off my sister, don't I get a say in this?" Alan protests,
"Nope." I am handed my own goblet of cranberry juice and a tiara is placed on my head as I crouch before Isa, "You do get a say though. Would you like to unite the Blackwood and Cardona houses?" She grins widely, showing off her slightly crooked teeth,
"Sure!" I smile back and pick her up,
"I shall tend to our young bride, someone prep the groom." I carry Isa upstairs, following Evaine (who acts as a handmaiden) into an elaborate bedchamber.
"I have a few gowns from when I was younger." She opens a closet, revealing both modern and medieval clothing. She pulls out a lovely white dress, marred only by a rather large blood stain.
"Can she be a zombie bride by any chance? Because this dress is adorable but I had a death scene in it and it's kind of...gory?"
"I don't see why not. Please, fetch me some flowers." I wave my hand dismissively and she bows, hurrying away as Isa puts on the dress.
"Aw you're so cute!" I pat her head and untie her braid (I bet Alan did it, it's too perfect).
"Alan come help me braid Isa's hair!" I shout, hoping he hears me from downstairs. He opens the door a few seconds later,
"I'm not sure I want Isa marrying into this family, they are related to Gwen, after all."
"That matters not, you're practically engaged to Rolland, you can't have forgotten about your budding bromance." He stands silently, trying to formulate a valid argument and, upon finding there are one, changes the subject,
"So what do you need?"
"Help me braid her hair." I hand him a hair tie and grab a comb off of the vanity, running it through Isa's hair, "It's a good thing you straighten it for her or else it'd be hard to style." I admit, although I would never complain about a small child with Alan hair.
"Yeah, I don't want her to get picked on for her hair. And it gets caught on literally everything and I have a feeling she wouldn't like that very much."
"Why would people bully her over having hair like you, your hair is magnificent." I sigh, I'll never understand public school systems and the children that populate it. I pull a ring pop out of my dress pocket (because pockets are important and so are dresses) and slip it onto Isa's hand.
"Eat this until it looks like a ring with a fancy ruby diamond." I instruct her and turn my attention back to Alan, who is focusing on a very elaborate hairstyle.
"Did people make fun of you when you were younger?" I ask because, based on the combined lack of self confidence paired with the fact that he has no reason to lack self confidence (if you know what I mean) it would make sense.
"No." I'm about to call him out on his horrible lying (if you're going to lie, do it well) when Evaine returns with a bouquet of flowers and a few red roses.
"This will complement the bloodstain on her dress perfectly, thank you." Evaine nods before hurrying off.
"Bloodstain?' Alan asks, looking very alarmed,
"Yeah, the dress was used for a death scene so there is a huge stab wound on the front. It's fine though, the bouquet will cover it." I weave a rose into Isa's hair before letting Alan continue his job and returning to my task: shredding the roses.
"Why are you picking off the petals?" Isa asks, waking up from what I assume was a nap (it's not surprising, Alan's hair braiding sis very soothing, I'm definitely going to make him braid my hair tonight, and Gwen's: she needs to relax).
"So the flower girl can throw them."
"Who's the flower girl?" Alan looks up from his work for a second, seemingly running through the family in his mind to find out who would suit the task.
"Rolland."
"Ah, makes sense." I dump the petals in a bucket and hand Isa the flowers.
"Ready?"
"Yeah." Alan sighs, tying his sister's hair and giving it a little tug to make sure it stays in place.
"Let's go unite some families!" I pump my fist like they do in television and Alan follows my lead (much less enthusiastically)
"Yay."
Gwen stands at the end of the yard (which has been set up with an oriental rug in the middle of the law, lined with a few chairs from a dining table with a makeshift stage and a throne at the end (for no apparent reason at all). Gwen sits down in the throne. Now it makes sense.
Merlin stands at the end of the rug on the stage, dressed in a little tux (complete with a cape and a wooden sword), Penelope and Rufus sit in the audience, and Rolland stands off to the side with a table cloth wrapped around his waist like a skirt and high heels.
Evaine sits on the ground read to play the wedding theme on a toy keyboard with only two octaves on it as Alan stands, holding Isa's hand. I quickly take the (now wedding ring-esque) ring pop from Isa and pull out an old ring from a completely eaten one before moving to the front with Gwen.
The song starts and Rolland walks down the aisle like a runway model (if runway models skipped and tripped), throwing petals into the air out of a beach bucket before dumping the extras in a pile at the foot of the stage. Alan follows him, walking Isa carefully and giving me a reproachful glance as he goes to sit in the audience next to the flower girl.
"Okay, wanna get married my dudes?" Gwen stands up, and glared down at Merlin and Isa. Merline nods and Isa says yes while wearing her adorable toothy grin.
"You're married. Now kiss." Gwen shuts the book she was holding (I assumed it was the bible but apparently it's just the legend of king Arthur) with a snap and Isa gives Merlin a peck on the cheek. Causing him to turn red.
"Rings?" Gwen gestures to me and I hand one to Merlin,
"Do you swear to always respect her and love her until death do you part?" Merlin pulls out a piece of paper and writes "Yes" on it, I glance at Gwen and she mouths "Mute",
"Now put the ring on her finger." He does so.
"Now Isa, do you promise to be nice to your man and respect his integrity?"
"Yep."
"Ring." I hand it to her and she puts it on his hand.
"Yay the houses are united!" I cheer, picking up Rolland's dumped petals and throwing them in the air. Everyone cheers and begins to clean up before meandering off.
"Looks like your little sister got married before you did." I nudge him in the side and he gives me a look,
"You know, I can probably help you out with your debilitating lack of a wife if you take me out on a date or two or five or sixty-seven."
"I might accept that offer." he smiles for a split second before his face drops,
"I'm related to Gwen." He says it so dejectedly and hopelessly that I have to pat him on the back,
"Well lucky you because, as it is said, "blood can't harm blood" so she can't pull off the murder scheme she's been planning."
"Oh yeah you're right. Wait, what?"
"Nothing you need to worry your pretty little head about." I pat his hair,
"Now kiss!" The twins yell at us from the distance. So I lick his cheek, he makes the same expression as the first time: a slightly confused and shell-shocked look complete with widened eyes, a slightly open mouth, and knitted eyebrows.
"That's some kinky sh-"
"-enanigans!" Gwen censors Rolland for me, I knew she approved of my ways.
"It's party time!" Gwen's dad roars from inside the house and I drag Alan back inside. A wonderful end to an almost disastrous day. Keep this while you can.
Author's Note:
Have a good day today!