dedicated to @blushoseok
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August 11, 2018
Kim Residence
. . .is what it said on the cardboard.
Jeongguk stood in front of a small two-story house, his hands shaking and sweating uncontrollably. It's been a while since he came here. It has been five years, actually.
Jeongguk looked around and noticed one thing: after all these years, Taehyung's house still looked the same. With their white-painted gate and oakwood fences, their house still appeared to be cozy and homey. The porch was decorated with different exotic plants and a wooden rocking chair stood far at the edge.
He wondered, Is Taehyung still the same, too?
Jeongguk was so lost deep in his thoughts that he didn't even realize the door flew open. He froze.
"Is that you?"
Jeongguk's heart began to race. Just hearing that voice makes his whole body shiver because of fear.
There was only one person in the world who owned that voice.
"H-Halmeoni?" Jeongguk stuttered.
Right in front of him stood Taehyung's grandmother. It's been ages since he last saw her. And it's also been ages since he got a scold from her.
Their high school days were filled with Halmeoni's lectures for their ridiculous antics. She was their mother; their guardian. Taehyung's parents worked on a farm and his grandmother had taken care of him since then. And because they hung out a lot, he also got closer with Taehyung's relatives. However, when they started dating, it morphed into something even more better: a family.
Jeongguk watched Taehyung's grandmother, Mrs. Kim, walk toward him. He flinched as he saw her raising her hand. He closed his eyes tight and prepared himself for a whip on the face, but it never came.
Instead, he felt a hand on his shoulders.
He slowly opened his eyes.
Jeongguk saw Mrs. Kim, her hand resting on his shoulders as if she was giving him a pat. Her eyes looked sympathetic and it made him wonder. Why didn't she slap me?
"Why did ya only visit now?" she began. "I thought you already forgot about me, ya ungrateful child."
Jeongguk rubbed his neck. "I'm sorry, halmeoni. I've been very busy, so..."
There was a long battle of stare before Mrs. Kim finally spoke, "Hmm. I understand. Well, why don't we go inside first instead of standing here? I'm gettin' cold."
Jeongguk followed Mrs. Kim inside. Like the exterior of the house, the interior also didn't change. It looked exactly the same as before. It was as if he was back in time, which was five years ago.
"Sit, I'll go get some tea."
Jeongguk sat on the large cream-colored sofa and looked around. It's so quiet. Usually, it'd be noisy with Tae around.
Hold on, where is Tae?
After a couple of minutes, Mrs. Kim finally arrived with a tray with a traditional teapot set upon it. She poured some tea into Jeongguk's designated cup and passed it to him.
"Careful. It's hot."
Jeongguk carefully grabbed the teacup's handle and blew the steam off. "Thank you."
"First of all, what are ya doing here?" she questioned as soon as she sat down, her forehead crooked. "Aren't ya busy?"
"No." Jeongguk shook his head. "I came here to see Taehyung."
Mrs. Kim stared at him for a few seconds before finally speaking. "Well, ya came at the wrong time. Clearly, Taehyung's not here."
Jeongguk frowned.
"Where is he, halmeoni?" he asked carefully.
"Why do you think I'd tell ya? You're my grandson's past lover. Ya left him to pursue that dream of yours. In fact, I should be kicking ya out right now, ya know."
Jeongguk looked down. So she does know. Of course she does, she's Taehyung's grandmother.
"But I'm not going to, because my grandson loves you very much," she spoke in a soft voice, her eyes gradually shifting to a solemn expression.
Jeongguk felt a pang of guilt in his chest. What did he do to deserve this? Clearly, he didn't. He was the bad guy here. They should've thrown unpleasant words at him, hurt him emotionally and physically, and showed him how selfish of a person he was. Is. After all, he was the one who hurt someone. He was the one who broke Taehyung.
But they didn't.
Indeed, Taehyung grew up in a caring and loving household. How he wished he did too. If he did, would he still be the same person right now? Would he still be egoistic? Would he still leave the person he loved and loved him for his dreams?
"Halmeoni, I'm very sorry."
Mrs. Kim cocked his head to the side. "Why are ya saying sorry to me?"
"Because I hurt your grandson so much," his voice cracked. "Halmeoni, I just realized that after all these years, I still love Taehyung. Right now, if I am to decide between my dream and him. . ." Tears escaped from Jeongguk's eyes. "I would definitely choose him."
Mrs. Kim felt her world collapsed. Of all times, why now?
"Halmeoni, please tell me, where is Taehyung?" He looked so lost and defeated. Mrs. Kim couldn't take the image of someone as broken as a shattered glass that can never be mended whole again. It reminded her of her own grandson at the time when Jeongguk had left him.
However, Mrs. Kim can never hate Jeongguk. Everyone deserves second chances, she thought.
"Halmeoni, please tell me where your grandson is. . ."
And so, she decided to tell him the truth.
Mrs. Kim gave him a sympathetic look, her eyes beginning to tear up as well. "Listen, Jeongguk," she began. "Taehyung. . . Taehyung has passed away."
And just like the Earth was bound to do someday—Jeongguk's world stopped.
•••
Jeongguk didn't stop running.
He heard Mrs. Kim calling his name, telling him to stop and listen, but he never did. Instead, he ran like his life depended on it. He ran like there was no tomorrow and after tomorrow. He ran and he never stopped.
Images of Taehyung flooded his mind, memories of him flashing back as if they were in a nonstop slideshow.
"Jeongguk-ah, to me you're like that one star; a Polaris. You shined, and like the northern star itself, you gave my life direction."
Jeongguk bumped into someone. He didn't care. The lights were red when he crossed the street. He didn't care. The pouring rain began to drench his clothes. He didn't care.
All he could care about was Taehyung. . . Taehyung. . . Taehyung. . .
"Jeongguk! Look at this
bunny, it looks just like you!"
"Ah! I can't believe I lost
again. How are you so good at everything, Jeongguk?"
"Jeongguk, you pabo!
I like you too!"
"Years from now on, I
wonder if we're still in
each other's lives. . ."
"Don't ever leave me, okay?"
"Jeongguk. . ."
"Jeongguk. . ."
"Jeongguk. . ."
Suddenly, it hit Jeongguk.
"When I die, this is where I
want to be buried."
"Eh? Why here, hyung?"
"Because this tree looks
so lonely. It looks like it needs a companion."
"You're so kind, hyung.
But that's just a tree. . ."
"Hey! This is not just a tree.
Like us, it's alive, too."
If Halmeoni was telling the truth, then there was only one way to find out.
•••
Jeongguk stopped in his tracks.
He fell to his knees and sunk into the wet puddle of mud. His shoulders began to tremble as bucket of tears threatened to fall out of his eyes.
Under the forlorn tree, there it was--a rectangular headstone with Taehyung's name engraved on it.
Kim Taehyung
December 31, 1995 - August 12, 2014
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