It had hit me once again. Taken over my thoughts and consumed my world. It shouldn't be like this, I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't feel as if the whole world is crashing in, surrounding me in cruel evil laughs. In the past two weeks I had tried to hide it, now I didn't bother. At this point, my lowest point, i couldn't care how many people noticed and pointed whilst whispering. I was done.
And this is basically how I went. This was my life when depression consumed me. It was at this point that I would make sick jokes about myself, muttering things like "the happiest person in the world huh?" Or "the best and most stable nurse on the planet."
When it came to myself, I didn't know how to stop. I suppose at this point that it was time for Colby to see me for who I really was in this state. A sarcastic, hurt, and damaged person.
Colby and I did actually get a lot of sleep last night, people in the neighbouring rooms had apparently rung the front desk and made noise complaints. Although the sight of Colby answering the door in a rushed pulled on pair of jeans with a furious look on his face was something worth recording. Of course Dean made fun about it earlier this morning at the airport. I have no doubt that he was one of the complainers. For some reason, we left Adelaide on a 6am flight to Sydney. I much preferred the afternoon flights. Colby apparently wanted to explore and go to the zoo as it was one of his favourite things about Australia, kangaroos. I didn't see the fascination with roos, unless they were boxing their mate in the middle of a street.
We arrived at our hotel which if possible, was even more fancy than the one in Melbourne. Glass everything, marble everything. All it needed now was a gold bath tub. They probably have one somewhere. Our hotel room was no joke, triple and a half of the size of my room at uni. It was nice that we were actually spending more time in Sydney so I could enjoy the spa bath that was probably big enough for six people.
We dumped our bags and I changed into something a little more fancy compared to my trackies and tee shirt from the flight. I suppose in one way I wanted to make a good impression if I was spotted with Colby. I wore a very similar outfit to the one on Colby and I's date, expect heeled boots and a different white shirt.
Our journey apparently began at the zoo where I found myself laughing behind the group of enthused wrestlers. Colby, Dean, and Roman were ahead of me, egarly taking photos of the animals on their phones. I walked slowly behind them with my arms crossed against my chest, wanting nothing more then to be sleeping. They stopped briefly at the snow leopards before rushing to find the kangaroos.
I must have looked really sad and depressed from the sympathetic looks I was getting. But this only made me angry. I didn't want their sympathy, they didn't even know me. They could shove it up an exhaust pipe. They boys didn't notice I was far behind them, they were too busy ogling at the big reds.
"He's got a six pack!" Dean said as I got closer. Roman was taking probably a thousand photos to show his daughter when he got back home, he was almost the dad I always wanted.
"Hey, where did you get too?" Colby asked, turning his attention away from the roo that was having a staring competition with Dean.
I didn't want to let on how I was feeling, I wanted Colby to enjoy the zoo as he had been looking forward to it so much. "Just walking slow" I replied not looking at him.
A hand held my face up, "are you sure you're okay? You can tell me anything." I was made meet Colby's worried face but I just played it down.
"Yeah I'm fine" I whispered, but I knew he didn't believe me. "I'm just a little tired" which wasn't a complete lie.
Colby went to say something else but was cut of by Dean screeching "oh my god! That one! His wanking himself!" He pointed to the big red near the back of the enclosure who was indeed giving himself a hand job. Dean clearly hadn't seen that video.
A few parents glared at Dean in disgust, not that he seemed to notice. "If we can do it, why can't they?" Roman asked with a raised eyebrow.
Are they actually starting a debate on this?
Colby interjected before it could go any further. "Come on, give him some privacy" he nodded in the direction of the koalas.
How was it that every family place we went, Dean managed to always get it nearly get kicked out?
The boys each got photos with koalas. I never knew that Dean and a koala would get on so well. The furry animal wouldn't let go of Dean, it took two zookeepers to remove the koala from Dean's grasp. Colby was in absolute awe as he stared at the stoned animal on his chest. I think I took a hundred photos of the two of them.
"Come on" Colby nodded, motioning me to stand next to him.
"Wha-" Dean as he quite usually did, famously cut me off.
"Go take a photo looking like proud parents" he nudged me.
Awkwardly, I walked over and stood on the other side of Colby. It looked like we were new proud parents of the koala.
"Yess that's it" Dean encouraged, playing photographer. Yep, we were definitely going to be kicked out.
"look at each other!" He demanded, coming closer to get a 'family photo'.
"Look at each other like you're about to fuck Jesus" Dean snapped making my jaw drop in shock.
"That's it" he smirked. Colby blinked, stunned before handing the little guy back to the zookeeper.
"Awwwh, I was just getting started" Dean moaned, handing Colby back his phone.
"Yeah well look what you've started" Colby said nodding in the direction of security guards coming our way.
"Jesus Christ" Roman muttered before pushing Dean. "Come on, we've got to get out of here, again."
We took off very quickly, power walking though the zoo towards the exit. We almost got caught as Dean had to photobomb as people took photos of the animals.
"Dammit Dean" Roman said as we clammed back into the car. Dean gave everyone a sheepish look before bowing his head.
"Sorry guys, I didn't realise I was that loud" he laughed before shaking his head.
"Fuck you're a lunatic" Colby shook his head.
This caused Dean to laugh even harder, "you know it."
Once we got back to the hotel, the boys spent their free time before Raw in the gym, and I spent it covered in bubbles on the spa bath. I had a sneaky glass of wine knowing it would be nearly out of my system by the time raw started. I was still in the bath when Colby returned from his workout, joining me before we both had to get dressed.
There was fans queuing outside the entrance already as we arrived. Colby had meet and greets whilst I prepared the treatment room as it wasn't fully set up yet.
Time was passing quickly and I had already done two pre match check ups, clearing them to wrestle. I took the free time before raw started to scroll though my social media as I had been so wrapped in Colby lately.
Firstly, I checked the third year nursing group on Facebook, to see how my classmates were doing in their final prac. Apparently I was the talk of the faculty. Many had seen me on Colby's instagram, which lead to many posts saying
"Isn't that the girl from group 5?"
"Isn't she in Logan's group?"
I had many emails, but I only replied to the ones from the head of faculty. I was about to change tabs when I noticed I had a email from my favourite lecturer.
My dear Caitey,
How are you doing? Have you put much therapeutic communication to practice yet?
I hope you're enjoying this opportunity, although I know you'll do just fine!
I hope your problems aren't getting in the way too much, and if they are remember you have a 10 per cent margin of special consideration.
Let me know how you are doing!
Regards
Elaine
I replied to Elaine, telling her all the different superstars I had met and all the different personalities and injuries I have come across so far. I even mentioned Colby as Elaine was like a second mother to me.
Lastly, I checked Instagram which turned out to be a mistake. Not only did I have thousands of follow requests, but those I previously accepted thinking they were harmless were in fact not.
With tears rolling down my cheeks I blocked each person and deleted every comment. From that moment I decided that I wasn't excepting any follow requests. The only ones I did accept were ones from Nattie, Charlotte, and a few other superstars and the WWE instagram account.
Obviously hate was to be accepted whilst dating Colby, but of all the times it had to be now. Never before had I felt so emotionally unstable that I wouldn't be able to do my job. Part of me wanted to go and find a boss right now and pull out completely, but I couldn't do it. So I sat in the treatment room on a bed I had just made with steaks of mascara running down my face.
I heard the door open and I just knew it was Colby. He rushed to my side, grabbing the box of tissues on the way.
"Why didn't you tell me it had got bad again?" He asked, drying my tears.
"I didn't want to bother you" I whispered, feeling ashamed.
I heard Colby sigh as he moved on the bed, cuddling me. "You're not a bother and I know that's how you feel. I just wish you would talk to me, I want to help you, but I can't if you shut me out."
I breathed out. "I'm sorry" I mumbled. "But I'm scared."
Colby looked down at me with a confused face.
"Scared of when you go back."
Can Seth handle the constant questioning of his trust?
Let me know what you think
Please vote!
Unedited.
Chapter 16 up later today