CHAPTER THREE / VOL. I, WE LIE TO OURSELVES ALL THE TIME
BY SEVENTEEN, Will Capote knows nothing about love, just that it is the muse of many poets and has ruined many others. The way she sees it, love is conditional—dependent on whether or not you still have something to offer the other person. It comes and goes on its own accord, not subject to any laws, just anarchy. And despite how much you might want to hold onto it, it never stays. You will be left mournful and alone, reflecting on where it all went wrong and clinging to the memories like they will give you life. Your heart will waste away but the rest of you lives on, stumbling through the motions like a bull in a china shop. You will be inconsolable and it will occur to you that nothing is absolute.
And then Will thinks that maybe love is a lie. Maybe we lie to ourselves so that we will feel less alone in the world.
When Will left Chiron, still seething and filled with more acrimony than before, she expected that the group of demigods would have dispersed entirely, but she is surprised to see Piper still on the couch, only now she's gained consciousness and is looking out the window, hand resting on the hilt of a dagger that Will hadn't noticed in all of the chaos. Against her better judgment she approaches.
"You found Katoptris."
Piper looks up in surprise, glancing behind Will at the hallway she had emerged from, and wondering how she hadn't heard a single sound besides her own breathing. Her fingers find the hilt once more and unsheathes the weapon slowly. "Yeah, Annabeth took me to the armory. It just felt right." She looks back down at the knife, glimpsing at her reflection before she thinks back to the scene that had played out in it earlier.
Will looks at it too. "That was Helen of Troy's parazonium blade. Those kinds of daggers were mostly ceremonial—to show power and wealth. Hopefully you get more use out of it than she did. It's always a shame to let a good blade go to waste."
"Well I think it's a pretty low bar considering she used it as a mirror," Piper chuckles.
Will does nothing, not even let out a pity laugh to soothe the uncomfortable air. "Yeah," she says finally.
"Uh, how'd you know its name? And all of that stuff about it?" Piper asks. She'd seen Will with her own dagger, much more intimidating than Piper's shiny, almost new one. Will's is stained with perpetual blood and the sharp edge gleams with peril.
Will shrugs. "Lucky guess," she says but they both know it's not.
"So," Piper begins hesitantly, after a moment passes, feeling meek under Will's gaze. "We weren't properly introduced. I'm Piper." She doesn't bother offering her hand to her, already knowing that she'll only be making a fool of herself.
"Will."
Piper tries to smile but the atmosphere is too stifling and she wonders how Will is unbothered by it. "Um, I'm from Oklahoma," she blurts, the nerves getting the best of her.
Will cracks a smile now. Piper sees it and her worry eases. "Okay, Oklahoma." There's a lull in the conversation and Will knows what she's supposed to fill it with. "I'm from here."
"Camp Half-Blood?"
Will nods. "I grew up here."
"But... but what about before you came here," Piper asks, genuine curiosity seeping through.
She sours at Piper's prying questions before remembering how Annabeth told her that not everyone's mind worked like hers. Some people asked questions to get to know people, not just to get answers. "I lived in Chicago for the first seven years of my life. Then I came here. This is my home," she says with finality.
Piper doesn't know what to say. "Right..." And then she remembers what she really wanted to talk about. "So... are you, like, into Jason."
"What?" There's repulsion laced in in Will's voice and Piper's curiosity is peaked.
"It's just that when we first arrived you guys were staring at each other a lot—or he was staring at you a lot. Maybe it's just my imagination running wild. I-I was just wondering is all." Piper, oddly flustered and almost ashamed of what she was saying, wouldn't look Will in the eye.
"Well, rest easy, Oklahoma. I'm not going after your boyfriend," Will reassures though there's nothing soft about the way she says it. It's jeering and cruel in ways that seem too natural.
Piper, ignoring the swell of embarrassment at Will's mocking, feels relieved but she's not sure if it's for the right reason. Frankly, Piper isn't sure what she's supposed to be feeling. The memories and feelings that live inside her aren't her own, and as a result they don't come to her like they should. She remembers kissing Jason under the stars and the feeling of euphoria when he finally did, but none of it feels like her. Everything becomes detached and none of the emotions that were fabricated felt like her own. "Right... boyfriend."
Will's lips quirk upwards even though they shouldn't. "You sound uncertain. Getting tired of him already?"
"No, no," Piper insists. "It's not that. I just... I don't feel like I should be with him. I don't know the first thing about him, only the memories I have, which honestly don't even feel real anymore. I know how I'm supposed to feel—like when I saw Jason looking at you. He looked at you like you were... everything—" Will fights the urge to roll her eyes. "And I didn't feel anything. I should have been jealous or hurt, but I felt fine."
"Then why'd you ask me about it," Will snaps suddenly, feeling a bubble of uncontrollable annoyance rise up.
"I don't know," Piper mutters. "I guess I wanted to see what you thought."
"What's it matter what I think?"
"I just—I don't know," Piper groans in frustration, rubbing at her eyes that threaten to spill with tears. She feels pathetic, crying in front of Will who probably thinks she's distraught over a boy. The truth is, it's everything at once. Her father, her heritage, being forced to feel things that aren't her own. It was unnatural and unwelcome, and Piper really just wants back the simplicity of the before. Before being a demigod, before her father's abduction, and before Jason. But the gods had not been kind to her.
"Stop crying," Will commands and the cruelty in her voice scares her. She sounds so much like her father that she stops, lowering herself onto the couch next to Piper, feeling an uncharacteristic amount of shame flood her body. I'm not like him, she thinks. I'm nothing like him. "Look, I know it must be scary... not knowing what's real and what isn't, which memories are yours and which ones are a lie."
"Our entire relationship was a lie," Piper mutters, eyes stinging with tears. "Everything was a lie, but that's not even what I'm upset about. I just don't know what to do. Is it even still salvageable? Nothing we had was real..."
"What's it matter?" Will shrugs, glancing at her reflection in Éleos, seeing the scar carved out like a mark of Cain. "We lie to ourselves all the time..."
WILL LEADS PIPER TO THE CAMPFIRE AND ABANDONS HER. Any sympathy from their previous conversation has since dissipated and Piper is left alone as Will retreats to her cabin. Campers heading towards the gathering pay her no mind, too focused on themselves or accustomed to Will's reclusive nature. The outside of the Ares cabin looks unusually still, dark and silent as though it is haunted, and the sharp edges and dark glass do nothing to help. When Will enters the cabin, avoiding the traps and mines in a way that looks like a dance, she can already sense that someone is there, dark eyes watching from the shadows.
Her hand twitches indiscernibly as she makes her way over to her bed, listening for any movements or sounds that will give her the upper hand. There is nothing but silence. Even still, Will can feel a presence behind her. Slowing her breathing and placing her hand on the hilt of her dagger, Will waits with practiced dexterity. And then she hears it: a single scuff against the floor that barely meets her ears. But it's enough.
In a single movement, Will spins around, sending her dagger through the air like a bullet. It punctures the beam of a neighboring bunk bed, a drop of blood seeping into the wood. Looking back at the dagger sticking out of the beam, Sherman raises a brow, seemingly unimpressed as he swipes at the blood on his ear. "You missed."
"I didn't," Will says, shoving past her brother to retrieve the weapon. She wipes the remaining blood on his shirt as she passes by him again on the way to her bed. "I knew it was you."
"No, you didn't," Sherman laughs, knowing just how to dig at her soft spots. There's no malice, just amusement as he crosses his arms, leaning against the beam that is still laced with his blood.
"Whatever," she huffs, sprawling out onto the bottom bunk with her boot-clad feet dangling off the bed.
"You missed our training session," he points out.
"Yeah, I know. I was busy being a good samaritan."
"In what way," Sherman asks with a disbelieving laugh.
"Taking one of the new kids to Chiron," Will says with an eye roll. She grows severe. "There's something off about him. I don't trust him."
"You don't trust anyone," he retorts.
Will doesn't say anything though it's true.
"Are you going to the campfire?"
"No."
"You have to," he insists, bringing a hand up to the shell of his ear that is caked in sticky droplets of blood. "You brutally wounded me."
"You'll live," Will mutters, shoving herself up from the mattress, long limbs sprawled in an uncontrollable manner.
"Will—"
"Just leave it," she snaps, throwing the boy a vicious look that should've sent chills down his spine. But it doesn't.
He softens. "That dream you had last night..."
"It was nothing."
"You woke up in a cold sweat. You were screaming, Will. You were crying," Sherman emphasizes, letting his arms drop by his side and a concerned expression slip onto his face. Will's insides twist.
"It was nothing," Will reiterates, looking at the scuff marks on her boots so she doesn't have to see the pity in his eyes.
Sherman looks at her, really looks at her—with her eyes like stones and hands trembling just barely. He sighs. "You really won't come?"
Will still won't meet his gaze. "Maybe I'll make an appearance later," she offers weakly.
He knows she won't but his lips lift up into a smile anyways. It doesn't matter that her words are a lie because he wants to believe. And for now that's enough. He leaves with a regretful look, watching Will stare up at the bed above her, hands running down her face with fatigue. Then he's gone and Will is alone, staring at the bottom of the bed above her that is marked with carvings of patterns that mean nothing but in all of their eclectic chaos come together to create a sense of wholeness. The weaponry on the wall casts shadows that should be haunting but only puts her mind at ease, watching the silhouettes form shapes and thinking that anything could exist in this darkness. It comforts her to know that life still exists in the shadows.
Her eyes are half shut when she hears it, still drowsy with sleep and half off the bed to keep her dirty boots on the floor; the sound of thunder roaring overhead, splitting through the silence like a scream. Her skin crawls.
She jolts up, feverishly scrambling for the door and peering out to see the amphitheater lit up with jagged sparks of lightning arching in the sky. Bad omens everywhere. With Éleos held tightly in her hand, Will takes the first step out of the cabin, the other hand still clasping the door knob out of something akin to fear. In the distance she could see the lightning stretching down to the earth, hitting the tip of the javelin that is clasped potently in Jason's hand. A cloud of smoke engulfs the scene, obscuring the sight from her vision.
Will hurries towards the smoke, entering the cloud without fear though just as soon as she does it disappears, revealing Jason at the center with his stormy eyes mirroring the sky. She glances upwards at the clouds hanging overhead.
"A little overkill, perhaps," Chiron says while swiping coals from his beard. "But you've made your point. And I believe we know who your father is."
"Jupiter," Jason states, sparing a glance at Will who had just arrived. He notices how her eyes won't rest on one spot, looking meek under the dark sky that terrorizes her. "I mean Zeus. Lord of the Sky."
The campers began to speak all at once, their voices blending into one. Will couldn't concentrate with the white noise buzzing in her ears and the sound of her own heart slamming against her ribcage. She'd never been afraid of storms before, or anything for the matter, unlike her mother who who always used to insist that storms were foreboding, bad omens, harbingers of destruction. But the comfort Will once found in the discord that it brings and the ugliness that it unearths is gone, and all else goes back to the angry skies that look down on her like this is her punishment.
"Hold on!" Annabeth shouts, looking to Chiron for answers that Will knows he won't give. "How can he be the son of Zeus? The Big Three... their pact not to have mortal kids... how could we not have known about him sooner?"
Chiron doesn't answer just as Will expected. She won't bother with him anymore—their previous conversation still fresh in her mind and striking a chord that burns with fury.
"The important thing," Rachel says, "is that Jason's here now. He has a quest to fulfill, which means he will need his own prophecy." Just as she finishes her announcement, Rachel collapses onto the ground as many campers rush around to prepare for a prophecy. When she opens her eyes again, they are brighter than the stars in the sky, emerald smoke foaming from her parted lips as she begins to speak.
"Child of lightning, beware the earth, the giants' revenge the eight shall birth. From the flames the boar shall rise, but be wary of this, the cold never dies. The forge and dove shall break the cage and death unleash through Hera's rage."
"Is that normal?" Piper asks, eyeing the campers who cart off Rachel's unmoving body. "I mean... does she spew green smoke a lot?"
"Gods, you're dense!" Drew sneers from the midst of the other Aphrodite kids, all looking like marble statues and reeking of saccharine perfume that invades every sense. "She just issued a prophecy—Jason's prophecy to save Hera!" Will tilts her head at Drew's outrage, momentarily forgetting about the remnants of a storm overhead. This isn't just bored prodding or adolescent cruelty. There's something personal about her resentment—insecure almost, like misplaced anger. Drew continues, her voice twisting into something vile. "Why don't you just—"
"Drew," Annabeth snaps, giving a warning look to the dark haired girl who grumbles something under her breath. "Piper asked a fair question. Something about that prophecy definitely isn't normal. If breaking Hera's cage unleashes her rage and causes a bunch of death... why would we free her? It might be a trap, or—or maybe Hera will turn on her rescuers. She's never been kind to heroes."
Jason rises, a strange yet familiar sense of authority surrounding him, seeming very much like his father in this moment. "I don't have much choice. Hera took my memory. I need it back. Besides, we can't just not help the queen of the heavens if she's in trouble."
A girl from Hephaestus cabin stands up. "Maybe. But you should listen to Annabeth. Hera can be vengeful. She threw her own son—our dad—down a mountain just because he was ugly."
"Really ugly," snickers someone from the Aphrodite section.
"Shut up!" Nyssa growls. "Anyway, we've also got to think—why beware the earth? And what's the giants' revenge? What are we dealing with here that's powerful enough to kidnap the queen of the heavens?"
After a moment of silent conversation between Annabeth and Chiron, the blonde takes a deep breath. "It's Jason's quest," she announces, "so it's Jason's choice. Obviously, he's the child of lightning. Typically he'd choose any two companions. But according to the prophecy there's three others that will be going on the quest."
Will can feel her gut clench with unease. Three is the sacred number and even Will finds that there is safety in that. The mention of four quest members causes a stillness to fall over the crowd. Everyone knows that nothing good would come from this. And how could it when there were so many bad omens?
Travis yells out, "Well, you, obviously, Annabeth. You've got the most experience."
"No, Travis," Annabeth shakes her head with a bitter undertone. "Every time I've tried, she's deceived me, or it's come back to bite me later. Besides, I'm leaving first thing in the morning to find Percy."
"It's connected," Piper blurts out, having a sudden surge of courage. "You know that's true, don't you? This whole thing, your boyfriend's disappearance—it's all connected."
"How?" Drew demands, standing up with her arms crossed, thin brows angled down in a sneer as her pink nails tap against her arm. "If you're so smart, how?"
Piper is silent before Will pipes up, feeling spiteful and cruel as she says: "You should bite your tongue while you still have it. Or have you learned nothing?" Will's eyes narrow in on the thin scar on Drew's hand that goes all the way through to her palm, a reminder of their last encounter and the depravity of Ares that courses through her. Her hand itches to grab Éleos. Drew flares back heartily but says nothing, seeing the familiar bloodthirsty glint in Will's eyes.
Annabeth steps in, cutting through the tension. "You may be right, Piper. If this is connected, I'll find out from the other end—by searching for Percy. As I said, I'm not about to rush off to rescue Hera, even if her disappearance sets the rest of the Olympians fighting again. But there's another reason I can't go. The prophecy says otherwise."
"It says who I pick," Jason agreed. "The forge and dove shall break the cage. Well, the forge is the symbol of Vul—Hephaestus."
Nyssa's shoulders slump. "If you have to beware the earth, you should avoid traveling over land. You'll need air transport. The flying chariot's broken," she continues. "And we're using the pegasi to search for Percy. But maybe Hephaestus cabin can help figure out something else to help. With Jake incapacitated, I'm senior camper. I can volunteer for the quest."
"It's me," Leo asserts, resisting against his siblings who try to pull him back down. He stands. "No, it's me. I know it is. I've got an idea for the transportation problem. Let me try. I can fix this!"
"We started this together, Leo. Seems only right you come along. You find us a ride, you're in."
"Yes!" Leo pump his fist, an action that makes Will roll her eyes.
"It'll be dangerous," Nyssa warns him. "Hardship, monsters, terrible suffering. Possibly none of you will come back alive."
"My bets on you going first," Will says to Leo with a cruel smirk that looks too natural across her soft features.
Leo's smile drops, unnerved by the girl's distressing words. "Oh," he mutters before looking around at the audience he has. "I mean... Oh, cool! Suffering? I love suffering! Let's do this."
Annabeth nodds. "Then, Jason, you need to choose the third quest member. The dove—"
"Oh, absolutely!" Drew interrupts, giving a blinding smile as she doesn't take her eyes off of Jason. There's something forced about her enthusiasm, like too many expectations to be met. "The dove is Aphrodite. Everybody knows that. I am totally yours."
Piper steps forward, not entirely certain of what compels her to do so. "No."
Drew rolls her eyes. "Oh, please, Juno. Where's the massive baby bump to go with that unfortunate flannel?"
"I had the vision of Hera; not you. I have to do this," Piper insists, gritting her teeth. She can feel Will's eyes on her which only spurs her on more.
"Anyone can have a vision," Drew scoffs. "You were just at the right place at the right time." She turns her attention to Jason. "Look, fighting is all fine, I suppose. And people who build things..." She looks at Leo in disdain. "Well, I suppose someone has to get their hands dirty. But you need charm on your side. I can be very persuasive. I could help a lot."
Drew's words had the desired effect on people, most of whom began to murmur in agreement. Will watches Jason's reaction to distract herself, fighting against the feeling that says Drew might be right. His expression reveals nothing.
"Well..." Annabeth starts. "Given the wording of the prophecy—"
"No!" Piper's voice sounds saccharine as she shouts, and Will's brow quirks as she realizes why, hearing the same siren song being sung just like before. "I'm supposed to go."
"Get over it!" Drew yells out at the crowd who seems to murmur in thought. "What can she do? She's been here all of—what? A day?"
Piper says nothing, looking more disappointed in herself than anything. And then she meets Will's gaze and can't even tell what she's feeling. She thinks it must be like this a lot—Will being just out of reach, never fully there, always on the edge of something.
"Well," Drew says smugly once no one speaks, "I guess that settles it."
The crowd shifts as a bright light floods the amphitheater, casting a heavenly glow over the wondering faces. Like the sun pouring down to earth, Piper is swallowed by the blinding light that fills up the room. Her lithe body is donning an ivory gown, draping down her legs and reflecting the light like a prism.
"What?" she demands, looking down at her body. "Oh, god," she utters. "What's happening?"
A stunned Annabeth points at Piper's dagger. Piper is hesitant to draw it but does so anyways, glimpsing at a face that's like hers but not quite. She finds it hard to recognize herself. Her hair is no longer in choppy layers and the makeup on her face enhances all of her best characteristics. She doesn't feel like herself at all.
"Piper," Jason voice breaks through the stunned silence. "You're a daughter of Venus." He's still in awe as the glowing light starts to dim and Piper wraps her arms around her torso anxiously.
She wants to feel good about this. But something about it didn't seem real. Like the appeal of Aphrodite's magic had won him over, or maybe to Jason, she'd never been anything more than a friend and all of this was platonic though the memories weren't. Still, Piper should've felt validated by this reaction or scorned by the rejection, but she felt none of it. Instead she looks to Will to see her reaction. Again, her expression shows nothing.
"No!" Drew cries out. "It's not possible!"
And then Will's lips twist into a smirk. Oh, what a cruel twist of fate.
"This isn't me," Piper protests. "I—don't understand."
Chiron folds his front legs and bows deeply to her, all of the campers following suit, row by row until only Will and Piper remain standing. "Hail, Piper McLean," he announces gravely. "Daughter of Aphrodite, lady of the doves, goddess of love."
Will then remembers the prophecy and takes a hesitant step away, not aware of Jason's eyes watching her with curiosity. Her mind is too consumed with other matters—of fire and slow decay and all things in between. She sees the same image that always ends with the ground consuming her body, sinking deeper into the earth from which it came.
Annabeth stands up suddenly. "Wait, there's still one more member. A child of Ares." There's a stirring around the campfire, each camper thinking about the chaos that will come from four people on a quest and how expected it is that a child of Ares will be the catalyst of disaster.
The Ares' cabin looks around their group. Many of them are young and inexperienced, and despite the predisposition to violence and bloodshed, they're still reeling from the recent war that has left scars on everyone. And with Clarisse away, it was apparent to everyone that Will was the best choice—a natural warrior who had ten years to hone her skills and already had an affinity for combat. But the problem with her is that she's a loose canon, not a team player, too volatile and detached to focus on anything other than self-preservation.
After a moment of silence Sherman stands up hesitantly, glancing towards Will's still figure. "Uh... I'll go."
Everyone now turns back to Will who has stopped trying to sneak off and instead seems uncharacteristically unprepared. Jason speaks up, staring at the impish girl with a sense of conviction. "I think it should be Will."
Shaking her head, Will says, "I'm not going." She was tired of doing the gods' bidding—tired of being a pawn to be used, not caring about whether or not she lives or dies.
"Will—" Annabeth begins before she is cut off.
"No," she insists. "Why should I?"
It's not unexpected of Will. Self-serving and antagonistic, she was never one for altruism or anything other than sheer brutality and chaos. Selflessness has never lived in her. Everyone always wants something, everything always has a price.
"Because it's the right thing to do," Annabeth retorts before lowering her voice so only the two of them can hear. "You asked Luke once, whether or not he thought you were like your father. He told you no. Do you remember why?"
Will's throat burns and her hands clench tightly though she doesn't notice. She swallows thickly, pushing down every emotion that threatens to arise. "Because there's good in me." She repeats Luke's words word for word, just like he'd said all those years ago. "Because my light could burn entire cities, but there would always be us..."
Will turns to their audience who watches with interest at the scene before them, though the actual conversation is lost on them. Jason, seeing the way her hands shake and her eyes look heavy, yearns to reach out and touch her, hold her hand or comfort her in some way. But he can't. He feels useless as she announces to the crowd: "I'll go."
And then she turns, walking back to her cabin with a heaviness weighing on her. The world is still and the shadows don't nip at her heels anymore. The shadows are just shadows and her sadness is just sadness. There's nothing more to it. But still, as she curls into her bed, looking up at the mess of carvings scratched into the wood, it looks like a messy city come to life and every inch of her itches to burn it to the ground. She tells herself that it's fine. Eventually this feeling will go away and the numbness will conquer every other inconsequential feeling.
It's a lie that she tells herself to feel less alone in the world, but it's a lie all the same.
Then again, we lie to ourselves all the time.
note: i changed the conversation that will and piper had a lot. before i wrote piper too annoying and boy crazy but after coming back when i was older and looking over it i just couldn't do that to her. i also want to delve deeper into how conflicted she is because of her fake memories and her lack of romantic feelings for jason because obviously fake memories would surely fuck with your head
ALSO LOOK AT WHAT I MADE!