I never thought I'd feel this
Guilty and I'm Broken down inside
Living with myself Nothing but lies
I always thought I'd make it
But never knew I'd Let it get so bad
Living with myself Is all I have
- World So Cold by Three Days Grace-
Day 3: Cold
World So Cold
Disclaimer: All Fairy Tail Characters Belong To Hiro Mashima
Natsu walked out into the cold pre-dawn air closing the door behind him gently, not wanting to wake up Happy. If his heart had not already broken, it would do so now as he abandoned his son figure without a word or a note goodbye. Just like Igneel had done to him. He knew it was for the best, he could no longer stay in Magnolia and Happy would insist on coming with him. He could not take him from Carla and Lily and all the people that he loved. Wendy would take care of Happy, of that he was sure. Eventually, he hoped Happy would come to understand why he had to leave.
He quickly checked to make sure he had all of his belongings with him before taking one last look at the place he had called home. The sign that read Natsu & Happy exuded a cheer he no longer felt. Still, he tried to feel something through the numbness that had settled into his soul the moment her screams had died, and he knew without a doubt that she was never coming back. He felt nothing, but then again he hadn't really expected to. How could he? He had killed Lucy with the magic that he had only ever used to help people or destroy enemies. He shivered as the chill in the air settled uncomfortably on his exposed skin. He would need to get used to this feeling, find nonmagical ways to fight it off.
Cold. The word meant both nothing and everything to Natsu. It was something that he had never really felt physically, yet it also represented the one person he loved the most. Natsu had never spoken those words out loud, never let him know how he felt, and now that he was leaving he never would. It was just as well, he was no longer worthy of love.
He examined the magic sealing bracelet he was wearing on his right wrist. He had not locked it yet, there was still one last task that required his magic. Then he would lock it and be burdened with his magic no more. He began walking towards the edge of town trying to beat the sun so that no one could see him leave. He almost succeeded. Ahead of him, there was one person who had remained sober through all the recent events, mostly because he wasn't old enough to drink. And he had been watching.
Romeo Conbolt stood at the edge of town. He had been standing in this same spot for several hours not quite sure when Natsu was going to try to sneak out of town but aware that it would be on this day. Lucy's funeral had been yesterday, and with the guilt the Fire Dragon Slayer felt, he was bound to take off.
"Where's Happy?" Romeo asked, his face saddened at the realization that he'd been correct. As it had gotten later, he'd started to hope that maybe he'd been wrong.
"He's at home sleeping," Natsu replied, looking down at the ground. He was not so far gone that he wasn't disgusted by his actions.
"You're leaving him behind? Did you at least tell him you were leaving?" Romeo demanded.
The way Natsu refused to meet his eyes was enough of an answer.
"Damnit, Natsu! You don't have to leave at all."
"You're wrong Romeo. I don't deserve to live here any longer, and Happy deserves a better life than what he would get where I'm going. I know he won't understand that at first, but time dulls all wounds. It certainly did that for me."
"Did it?" Romeo kept trying to catch his eyes but one week as a guest of the Magic Council had taught Natsu to evade many things, and Romeo was still only a boy.
"Here." He handed Romeo the envelope he had been planning on mailing from the next town over, "I was going to mail this to you anyway. You're to open this only in an emergency and by that I mean something happening to Happy, Gramps, Erza, Wendy or Gray. Take care Romeo, and take care of them."
He gave the boy that he'd come to love as a younger brother a hug and made his way out of town. He did not look back and as he walked he removed his Fairy Tail tattoo from his right shoulder. He was not sure if they could use it to track him and he very much did not want to be found. A click was heard as he locked his bracelet, removing himself from his magic and from his heat. He felt the cold seep in immediately and thought of the one he left behind.
'Goodbye, Gray. I wish you well, Ice Princess.'
xxx
Gray opened his eyes and instantly regretted it as the pounding in his head overwhelmed all of his senses and made him want to vomit. Looking around slowly, Gray tried to nurse the massive hangover he had woken up to. He was sitting on one of the barstools in the guild hall. He must have passed out at the bar again. Gray wasn't shocked, he had woken up here every day for the last two weeks.
The last few weeks had been anything but ordinary, and he had spent them drowning in a haze of alcohol that had impressed even Cana. He wrinkled his nose at the pungent smell of booze and sweat and was disgusted to realize it was coming from him. He was rather impressed with the self-restraint that Mira must have shown by not dumping a barrel of soapy water over him. He got up and headed home for a shower, a change of clothes and a hell of a lot of aspirin.
It had been three weeks since the accident and no matter how much he drank Lucy was still dead, and everything had still gone to shit. It was time to man up and get back to some semblance of normalcy. He was still alive, and he knew that Lucy would not have wanted him to drown in sorrow. That was just the way she was. She was always someone to look at the bright side of things.
Loke had taken her death especially hard. He'd not been able to stop it, none of them had. Not even Horologium. Natsu, of course, had taken it the worst. He blamed himself for her death, it had been his magic that killed her after all. No matter how much Erza and Gray tried to tell him it was an accident, the stubborn idiot wouldn't accept it. They had spent most of that first week as guests of the Magic Council.
The Magic Council took mage's deaths very seriously, especially if they happened while performing duties for a guild. They immediately launched an investigation into Lucy's death. Gray and Erza had been placed in separate cells while Natsu had been placed in a magic sealing stone until Lucy's death was finally determined accidental. He had been questioned daily, for hours at a time until Makarov had put a stop to it. Once they were released, they tried to ask him about what happened during the interrogations, but he refused to discuss it. They'd lost track of him after the funeral. They all returned to the guild for the wake, her friends from other guilds had also come to pay their respects. Her celestial spirits had all opened their gates to say goodbye to their beloved Master. Levy had read one of Lucy's short stories out loud, and then everyone had shared their favorite memories of Lucy, sharing laughs about her amidst their tears as they said goodbye.
Loke, Erza, Natsu, and Gray could not find it in their hearts to laugh. Her screams were still too fresh in their minds. Then the drinking had begun. Gray thought that Natsu had been there when they discovered the temporary bliss of forgetting that the alcohol granted them. He thought he remembered a fight breaking out between Loke and the Flame Brain, but he couldn't be sure. He was already drunk by then.
Gray couldn't remember the last time he had seen the hot head but figured it had been at least two weeks. Now that he had somewhat sobered up he went to go pay his rival a visit to check up on him. He wasn't exactly worried he told himself, it just felt unnatural to go that long without fighting the squinty-eyed bastard.
He left his apartment and headed towards the small house at the edge of the woods where Natsu lived with Happy, his Exceed. He spent the entire walk trying to figure out what he was going to say to Natsu once he saw him, trying to ignore the flutter in his heart that was trying to make itself known. By the time he reached Natsu's front door he'd still not come up with anything, he'd just have to wing it.
Gray knocked on the door and waited, but no one came. He knocked louder to the same result. Finally, he just tried the door and found it unlocked. Gray entered the house and did not have to look around very much to determine the house was abandoned. Natsu's hammock, as well as all his clothes, were gone.
Gray went in search of Erza, hoping for an answer. Not much happened at Fairy Tail without her knowledge. He attempted to ignore the dread that had settled in his stomach the moment he realized Natsu was gone. He found her back at the guildhall already drunk. Gray sighed in frustration, he wouldn't be able to get anything out of her for a while.
He looked around the guild until he spotted Wendy Marvell, a sometimes team member and a dragon slayer like Natsu. The dragon slayers usually kept track of each other, didn't they?
"Wendy, have you seen the Flame Brain? I'm itching for a fight." Gray asked nonchalantly, hiding the emotions that were now warring within him.
Wendy looked at him sadly and shook her head. "No one has seen him for weeks. We searched for him, but I don't think he wants to be found."
"Why didn't anyone tell me? I would have gone to look for him. Erza too." Gray growled.
"We did try to tell you, several times. You weren't interested in anything that didn't come out of a barrel." Wendy replied bitterly, "At first we thought the two of you'd had a fight, and that's why he left, but then we figured it had something to do with Lucy. He wasn't the same after--"
"Ok, thanks!" he interrupted rudely before she could finish. Guilt flooded him as he realized that while he had been wallowing in drink, Natsu had been drowning in his pain. With Erza out of commission, it would be up to him to find the idiotic lizard before he did something stupid. He rushed to his home to pack a bag, trying to ignore the ice cold panic that seeped into his soul at the thought that he might already be too late.
To Be Continued......
A/N This story will be continued in either Day 5's Prompt: Caught or Day 7's Sun.