The next few psychology classes were uneventful for Ava, but they were still intense. No matter where she sat in the large lecture hall, Gavin's eyes met hers. Then, he would smirk a little to himself, make a cryptic comment, and then flow right back into his casual and friendly self toward other people. It drove Ava a little bit crazy, but at least there was a good amount of physical distance between them. Luckily, she could do her assignments and exams online without ever having to directly interact with Gavin, and she figured the rest of the semester would be an easy one as long as she didn't happen to run into him outside of class.
Ava still felt like there was an element of danger to Gavin, and that still made her anxious despite how genuinely sweet he came off to be. She knew that she needed to remain wary of him just in case. If she let her guard down, she could put herself in more trouble than she almost already put herself in. Her steps had to be careful and mindful. One slip up could mean the end of her cautious tiptoeing around him, and that slip up came in the form of a bad grade on a class paper.
Ava stared at her laptop in disbelief at the C she had received on her psychology paper about the birth order theory. She explored the effects of being a first born child, figuring she could relate her findings to her own experience. She thought it had been a really good paper, but Gavin evidently didn't share her same thoughts. She looked up from her laptop as she sat on her bed with it on her lap, her eyes darting over to her phone to check the time. It just happened to be time for his office hours. She packed her laptop into her backpack and made the trek all the way from her dorm to the psychology building, moving up the stairs to the third floor where all of the professors' offices were located at. She stopped at 302 and knocked firmly, crossing her arms over her chest. Besides her mother, the only thing that got her up in arms was unfair grades. She had worked hard on that paper, had exposed some pieces of her life, and she still received only a C for her efforts and thought.
The door swung open a moment later, Gavin stepping into the open space, an unexpected smile crossing his lips. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" He murmured, tilting his head at her curiously.
"I would like to discuss my grade on my last paper," Ava told him, attempting to still come off as polite. She didn't feel the need to be as proper around him like she was around other professors. She had seen too much to treat him as such.
"Ah, yes. Come in," Gavin replied with a small nod, leading her inside of his small and dimly lit office. The stark white light from the hallway poured into the room through the open door, clashing with the soft yellow light flooding from his desk lamp. He sat in a cushioned chair behind his neatly made desk, his eyes trailing her as she sat down in a black chair across from him. "I could've emailed you my notes. You didn't have to make the trip over here," he commented, his eyebrow cocking up at her like he was intrigued on why she had come all the way to see him.
Ava hadn't even thought of that approach, but it was too late. She was already there in front of him, and it would be easier to argue her cause when she was there with him in person. However, it would not be easy to face his bold and charming nature. It still intimidated her. It wasn't like her parents allowed her to get used to boys, especially not when it came to men. "I just want to know why it deserved a C. I cited all of my sources. I provided a lot of examples. I just don't understand," Ava told him, opting to ignore his previous point. She refused to let him get under her skin just because he felt like he had something over her. Granted, he did, which was the ability to do what he did to that man to her, but she hated feeling so anxious all the time around him. College was supposed to be relaxing outside of the general workload and adult responsibilities.
Gavin reached into his file cabinet next to his desk, shuffling through a few folders and papers until he pulled out a printed copy of her paper. He placed it on the desk in front of her, various red and black marks adorning the paragraphs. "Your paper was great, but I want more. I know that there's more. Your personal experiences were ... shy. You left out necessary details to explain how you did or did not fit in with the birth order theory's claims regarding first born children."
Ava hadn't wanted to delve too much into the burden of being a first born child. According to the birth order theory, she had some advantages because of her being a first born child, but she felt like she faced more disadvantages than benefits. She took the fall and blame for everything. She was expected to do everything. She was expected to be perfect. It sucked being the oldest child, and she was pretty sure she made that somewhat clear in her paper. "Do I need to include an autobiography?"
Gavin smirked a little, noting the spice in her voice. "No, but I need you to take a few instances of your experiences and really delve deep into them. I've got surface details, but I need emotional and mental ones too. You're going to have to open yourself up," Gavin replied as he leaned back in his cushioned chair casually, crossing his leg at his knee as he gazed at her.
Open herself up to him? Ava wasn't sure how comfortable she felt doing that. He wasn't a particularly harmless person. Then again, he was a professor and probably had certain access to her information or he could find his way to it. She figured she might as well open up, get good grades in the class, and finish the course as quickly and painlessly as possible. She just wouldn't take another class with him again to avoid any more anxiety in her future. She had to deal with enough from home already.
"Let me write you a new experience. I'll show you how open I can be," Ava offered, figuring she could prove him wrong right then and there. She had worked so hard throughout high school, teaching herself how to express her thoughts and solve problems. This was a problem she was going to effectively solve by properly expressing her thoughts, and she had the perfect memory to write about that correlated with the birth order theory.
"Alright, show me," Gavin prompted her with a nod, watching her take her laptop out and open a new document to write on.
Ava placed her fingers on the keyboard and let them fly, her mind playing out a past memory between her and her parents back in high school. Back in her junior year, she caught a cold, one that made her feel miserable and tired. She could hardly get out of bed that day, which happened to be a school day. She had a test in her English class, but her mind couldn't even properly formulate what the date was because she felt so bad. Her mother told her to keep her head up and go to school, claiming she had to be a good model for her siblings. According to her mother, if Ava skipped school then her siblings would want to as well. She had to lead by example, and Ava ended up bombing the test because she felt so awful.
Ava crafted that story into her new paragraph, describing the pressure that she felt and how she felt like a failure due to being put up on that pedestal for her siblings to gawk at. She didn't want that pressure. She just wanted to be herself and for her siblings to be their own persons. Of course, she would help guide them a little, but that shouldn't be her job. Once she was done typing out everything, she checked over it quickly before turning her laptop around to show Gavin. "How's this?"
Gavin took a few minutes to read through her new edition, nodding silently as he read through her points. He pushed her laptop back toward her and crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned back in his chair. "That's what I'm looking for! Passion. Honesty. You applied psychology to your life."
Ava fought off a proud smile at his kind words, feeling a little lighter now from the praise. She hardly received it at home. School was the only place where people noted all of her effort and hard work. He would never know how much his words meant to her. "Well, psychology is an interesting subject," she murmured, her eyes trailing along his desk. She did find the class very interesting, especially all of the in depth thinking and theories. It stimulated her mind, forcing her to think beyond what she usually did.
"What's your major?" Gavin asked, tilting his head a little at her, a curious expression on his face.
Ava gave a small shrug. "I'm undeclared for right now. I'm still trying to figure out what I like and what I want to do," she admitted, figuring a professor might be a decent choice to talk to about majors.
"Well, you can definitely think like a psychologist. Stick around for class. I'll show the merits of a psychology degree," Gavin replied, flashing her a warm smile. "I'm going to email you the details for the next paper so that you can get a head start on it. I really want your ideas to pop out."
"I'll get started on it," Ava replied, offering a faint smile back before gathering her things and standing. She turned to head out of his small office before hearing his voice again.
"I'll change your C to an A. You deserve it," Gavin spoke up, prompting her faint smile to broaden a little.
"Thanks, Rivers," Ava told him before walking out of his office, immediately almost running into another body. She jerked back in surprise, her eyes lifting to see Jackie and Stephanie with their boyfriends. "Oh, hey, guys," she greeted them, her words rushing out in a single breath as she stepped away from Gavin's office. She didn't want them to see him in case they remembered his face from the other night. It wouldn't be worth all the trouble they would start.
"Are you okay? You seem flushed," Jackie asked, lifting her hand to feel the warmth of Ava's burning cheek.
Ava stepped away from Jackie's hand soon after her fingertips graced her skin. She smiled awkwardly and nodded. "I'm okay! Just got a grade changed. What's up?" She asked, attempting to change the suspect. Her eyes flickered over to Darren, who glanced from Gavin's office to her a few times. She wondered why he seemed so uneasy. He was typically one of the most laid back people that she knew.
"About to head to the dorm and hang out. You coming?" Stephanie asked, her arm remaining around Darren's side as his arm perched around her shoulders.
Ava adored her friends and liked their boyfriends, but she didn't like being a third wheel. It made her awkward, and she didn't want her awkwardness ruining anything for her friends. It was better for her to avoid the situation altogether. "Nah, I'm going to go to the library for a few hours. Catch you for dinner at the dining hall later?" Ava directed her question to Jackie, knowing that Stephanie would go off of campus to eat with Darren like she usually did. She wished she had someone to do that with or to just have someone to care about her like Darren cared for Stephanie. She had never experienced that sort of care in her life before.
"Definitely! See you soon," Jackie replied, reaching out to gently squeeze Ava's hand before leading Malcolm down the hallway along with Darren and Stephanie.
Ava glanced over at Darren one more time, noting the look of curiosity on his face. She still felt confused as to why he seemed so off. She brushed the thoughts away, opting to focus on getting some of her homework done. Her mind had been such a jumbled mess lately that she had been behind on some schoolwork. Then again, her life had never been as interesting as it was currently.
Once Ava set herself up at a table in the back left corner of the library, she started her history homework only half-focused, her thoughts straying to Gavin. As dangerous as he was, he was fairly perplexing to her. She just couldn't tell if his dangerous side or kind side was more telling of his actual character. What was more of an act? What was more genuine? She couldn't help but want to find out, but that meant venturing close to him, which could mean trouble for her.
Ava knew that she shouldn't be thinking about getting involved in any way with her professor outside of the class. However, she had first encountered him outside of class, so, in her mind, it didn't really count. She was just trying to figure out who the hooded guy in the alley was that night. Him being her professor was just a crazy coincidence, and she still wasn't sure if that would prove to be a benefit to her or a huge problem.