I back away further into the woods putting distance between us. It's gotten darker and I can no longer make out his shape but I can tell where he is with the help of the light he's holding. The soles of my feet press into the damp soil under me and I can hear twigs snap as I keep backing away.
I don't really know why I'm stepping away from him. Earlier in the day, I already convinced myself that Yann wouldn't lay a hand on me, yet here I am, creating more space between us as if afraid to be near him.
My back hits a tree and I stand still, watching him. He hasn't moved from his spot and hasn't spoken either since saying my name. He's like a phantom in the woods, silently observing me and honestly, it creeps me out a little bit and I wonder what he is going to do next. And soon I know what that is.
He talks.
"I would never hurt you, Tracy," he says.
His words don't really register through my dizzy mind. However, what does register is my first name. He's never called me by my first name before and I wonder what game he is playing.
"Why are you calling me Tracy?" I ask, my voice dubious.
It is an odd question to ask in this moment and I would like to see the look on his face right now. Surprise or annoyance? I'd vouch for the latter.
He takes a few seconds before he replies, "That's your first name, isn't it?" Surprisingly, there is no annoyance in his voice as he says the words.
"You know what I mean," I retort. "Why are you calling me Tracy now?"
I hear him sigh in the dark and the light goes up before falling back down, as if he just ran a hand through his hair. "I don't know, OK?" There is still no irritation in his voice as he speaks and I wonder if he's trying to keep it all at bay. "Can we go back? We were shit worried about you."
I scoff involuntarily. "Somehow I doubt you were."
What he does next has me pressing my back firmly into the bark behind me and wanting to make one with the tree. He walks to me and comes to stand right in front of me. He doesn't say anything at first. Then he raises the flashlight and shines it by the side of my face as to avoid blinding me. One hand reaches up and touches where the band aid is.
I flinch and he notices. He moves away from me and drops down the light.
"I'd never hurt you," he repeats.
I open my mouth to tell him I don't think he would, that the proximity of him is not what made me flinch – though I am not sure what made me – but the words stay trapped in my throat.
When he speaks next, his voice is uncharacteristically defeated. "Come on, let's go."
"I am not getting in a car with you," I say and stay where I am.
The thought of being in the same car as he scares me tonight and even though I doubt what's happened can repeat itself a second time today, I don't feel comfortable sharing a car with him. At least, not tonight.
He's very quiet for a moment. Then he says, "OK."
I walk behind him as he leads the way. We walk in silence, not having much to say to one another, really. Only the weird noises of the night and our feet on dead leaves and twigs disturb the quiet of the woods.
At some point, I hear him talk into a phone to Ellie or Will, "I've found her. We are coming back."
I wonder how come it's him that came looking for me and not Ellie or Will but I don't ask him. My steps are tentative, careful not to hit anything that could make me fall. I might be fully awake and the headache might be gone now, but any visibility is reduced as the night falls and I have to lean against the trees at times. As I look up at the sky and see the moon, I wonder how long I have been sleeping and how long they have been looking for me.
I'm not sure how long it takes us before we make it back on the road. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, Ellie throws herself at me and hugs me tight. In spite of our earlier fight, I find myself wrapping my arms around her and squeezing.
"I was so worried about you," she whispers in a broken voice.
Pulling away, I wipe the pad of my thumbs under her eyes and give her a reassuring smile, "It's Harlem, El. What could have happened to me?"
However, she is not in the mood for jokes and pulls me in for another bone-crushing hug and I realize that she was truly worried about me. "I'm sorry about earlier," she apologizes.
I rub her back soothingly to let her know it's alright. "It's okay, we can talk about it when we get home."
As we pull away, I see with the help of the moonlight Will finally making an appearance on the other side of the road. His strides are long and impatient and once he's reached me, he wraps his arms around me as he spins me around.
He cups the back of my head gently in his hands and bends a little to look into my eyes, "I was shit scared, Tracy."
"Sorry," I mumble.
He sighs and rubs his hands over his face the way he usually does when he's worried or concerned. Yann hands a phone back to Ellie and I realize it was her phone's flashlight that he was using earlier.
"Let's go home now," Will says.
We all proceed to get into the car and this time, I climb in the backseat and Ellie joins me, leaving Will at the wheel. When he notices Yann still outside the car, he frowns.
"Dude, get in. I'm starving."
Yann glances my way for a millisecond. It's barely noticeable. "I think I'll walk," he says and closes the passenger door.
Will is obviously dumbfounded. "What? You're like an hour away on foot, Yann. You're not gonna walk, man."
It's then I realize. He's doing this because I said I didn't want to be in the same car as him. He is willing to walk an hour to get home if it means granting my request. My heart squeezes in my chest in guilt and I am about to open my mouth to tell him he doesn't have to do it – I'd feel like a pretentious bitch if he did – but the look he gives me silences me. It's not one of his scathing looks but the severity on his face is very present. It's an order.
I slouch back against the backseat and stay quiet.
"I said I would walk, Will." He says more vehemently, "I need time to think."
And he disappears where I had disappeared earlier.
Will obviously is torn between going home and going after him. After a moment, Ellie sighs and tells him, "He'll be fine. Give him time."
I see Will clenching his jaw in powerlessness before driving away.
Ellie's arm comes around me and I lay my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes a little. She places her head on top of mine, and it makes me think of how we would fall asleep this way in the backseat of Dad's car after a tiring day at school. But no matter how much I try to think of my childhood to lighten my heart, it doesn't help in the end.
I feel like a pretentious bitch.
***
The next morning, I have a faint headache but it's nothing compared to the beating in my head I had yesterday. My tense muscles have relaxed from a good night of sleep and I feel much better than I did yesterday.
After Will dropped himself off, Ellie took the wheel and drove us home. Once there, we didn't talk much except to bid each other goodnight and walked straight to our rooms. I didn't even take a shower and as soon as my head hit the pillow, I was gone. I had a dreamless sleep and I blame it on the mental exhaustion I've endured the past few days topped by the events of the day.
The next morning, the first thing I do when I get out of bed is take a shower. I put all my clothes in the laundry basket and once in the shower, wash away all the dirt of yesterday. The water being drained by my feet actually has a brownish color to it and I refuse to think of where dirt might have ended up yesterday. I wash my hair and the color of the water is no better either.
I spend about half-an hour and only when I am fully satisfied do I step out of the stall. Quickly drying myself, I get dressed. I walk to the kitchen in search of food, my stomach rumbling after twenty-four hours of being food-deprived.
I find Ellie in the kitchen, fully dressed as if ready to go out. "Hey there, you're going out?"
She throws a smile over her shoulder as she says, "Yeah, Will and I have to discuss some things."
I cock an eyebrow at that. "Things related to Yann?"
I see her shoulders sag for a moment but her voice doesn't convey anything as she says, "As hard as it is to believe, not everything revolves around Yann."
I take a seat on the stool at the counter and watch as she fries bacon into the pan. "You're right," I say with my chin on my hands, "that's hard to believe."
She turns to give me a dramatic eye roll before throwing a kitchen cloth at me. "You're annoying sometimes."
Letting myself off the stool, I go help her with breakfast even though all I want to do is let her be my maid and do it all for me, from cooking to serving me. But of course, that will happen in another life. She would have gotten me on my feet if I hadn't done it myself.
Soon, we are sitting across from each other, in front of our plates of omelet and bacon and pancakes, the rich breakfast accompanied by a huge glass of apple juice.
We are almost done with our breakfast when Ellie switches the topic from the upcoming 4th of July fair to Yann. "You up for it now or do you want to wait until I get back?"
Curiosity is eating me up and I need to know what it is she has to tell me. "Let's get it over with."
Once we are done eating, we do the dishes quickly and go to sit in the living room. I tuck my legs underneath me and position myself against one of the armrests and Ellie does the same. We are soon facing each other and I am waiting for her to begin.
"First of all, I want you to know that I do not agree with what Yann did yesterday. I went to his house last night and told him that."
I nod. Then, "Wait, you went to his house last night? Like, in the middle of the night?"
"I had to know he made it back safe."
I nod. It makes sense for her to want to make sure he's okay. But I tell myself I must have been dead asleep for me not to hear the car. Unless she went on foot. I don't ask her that however.
"I was sensing a but in your previous sentence," I say and wait for her to continue.
She shakes her head at me, knowing I am right. "But, as I said, he did it because of what you said." Before I can interrupt her, she goes on, "He's got anger issues. He can get pretty violent."
At that, I bite down the snarky comment on my tongue and instead say, "You sound like you expected him to smash through the windshield or something." She remains quiet and purses her lips, and I gape. "You really did?"
She nods then shrugs, "As I said, he can get violent." She runs her hands through her hair in frustration for a moment, "Yann is complicated, Tracy. I don't like talking about him unless it's with Will because honestly, we are the only two people who know about him and understand him. Talking about him to you," she shakes her head before finishing the sentence, "you wouldn't get it. You have to be around him and know his story to get him, because if not, you'll be another judgmental person. And I've had enough of people judging him."
"Gee," I say to try and lighten the mood, "you sound like a mother hen."
She smiles at me but remains serious. "I mean it, Tray," she says – damn, she only uses that nickname in extreme cases and I was praying she wouldn't – and gives me a pleading look, "give him a chance."
I sigh and lean back. "I don't know." When her face falls, I quickly add, "I mean I could, I see Ollie in him sometimes. But when he keeps being so unpredictable and violent moreover..." I don't need to finish the sentence for her to know what it means.
"I know, and it took Will and me sometimes too but eventually, we did."
I can't help it. I laugh at that. "I'm sure it took you guys more than a summer to do that, seeing the way he is." When she doesn't say anything, I know I am right. "Look," I say and run a hand through my hair, "I'll try but don't expect me to try harder than necessary."
Her gaze snaps up to me at that. "And what's necessary to you?"
I don't let her faze me and carry on, "It means I will most definitely not be nice when he isn't and I most definitely won't keep trying if he keeps rejecting my efforts. There's only so much I can do."
She's not pleased with my words but she realizes that's all she is going to get today. "Fine, then."
"So," I start asking even though I doubt I'll get an answer, "why isn't he in college if he wants to go?"
She smiles sadly up at me and I can already hear her telling me yet again I can't tell you. But that's not what comes out of her mouth, "He can't enroll." She says.
I frown at that, wondering what she means when she shakes her head at me, telling me she's not going to say more than that. I want to ask another question but I've had my quota of Yann-discussing for the day.
I'm about to let my thoughts consume me when Ellie speaks up. "Now, will you tell me what that was all about yesterday? You not joining us in the water?"
I shrug and give her a vague answer, "I just didn't feel like it, you know?"
Ellie smiles at me with a raised eyebrow, "You have the nerve to lie to my face and hope that I wouldn't notice?"
Damn her. Best friends are evil sometimes. "Fine," I say with a roll of my eyes, "I just didn't want to get undressed before Yann. You know I can get self-conscious about my body sometimes. I obviously do not have yours," I say as I look at the dark contrast her black blouse creates with her fair skin. "And your skin too," I sigh.
She nods in understanding at the first half of what I say, before smirking at me, "It's not my fault if you ain't got neither the body, nor the face, nor the skin, nor the sex-appeal, honey. I have it all."
I take one of the cushions and throw it at her. "Whatever," I mutter. "What is it you and Will are gonna do, anyways?"
She pushes the cushion off her face and throws it back at me. "Helping with the fair preparations. We are on the committee. You wanna come?"
"Nah," I decline. "Not today, I honestly need to rest after yesterday. Still got a headache. Tomorrow maybe and if it's fun, I'll stay." I start smiling then stop. "Will Yann be there?"
Ellie gives me a reproachful stare and I can already guess her next words. "You said you would try." She says, "And no, he won't be there."
"I know, I know," I tell her with an apologetic smile – which isn't apologetic at all. "I just don't want to have to deal with him so soon."
"Yeah, I get you."
She gets off the couch and kisses me before grabbing her car keys. "See you later," she calls as she leaves.
"Bye!"
The front door closes and I am left alone. It doesn't take long before thoughts of Yann invade my mind. He can't enroll. That could mean a lot of things. He doesn't have enough money, he never finished high school: those two possibilities are the first that pop into my mind. Then shadier thoughts creep in, he's wanted for murder or burglary somewhere in the country. I dismiss those immediately, knowing that's not the reason why. If it was something that grave, Ellie would tell me. Right?
I lean on the couch and prop my feet up on the armrest where Ellie was just a couple minutes ago and rest my head against the other one. I close my eyes and place my hands over my stomach, resting like a corpse in a coffin. How morbid, I think and suddenly open my eyes, switching positions on the couch.
Yann. I wonder what all the mystery about him is. I picture his bearded face in my mind, the wind his hair floats in the wind, those tiny lines on his forehead when he frowns. And suddenly, I am not seeing him as Oliver anymore. I am seeing Yann as Yann. He is not Oliver.
He and Oliver are so different, on so many different levels. Physically, Ollie was lanky and his hair was cropped short. Yann is the whole opposite. He is much taller and has the body of a boxer, a fighter and I wonder if he gets into fights often. Probably.
Tired of thinking, I snuggle more comfortably into the couch and close my eyes, my hands under my head. I fall asleep.
I don't know how long I've been sleeping for when banging on the door resonates throughout the house and wakes me up. I jolt awake, a little lost before I find my bearings again as the pounding gets louder and more impatient.
"I'm coming," I shout, "jeez!"
The door opens and reveals the last person I expect to see there. Yann himself.
"Ellie's not here," I say and realize how rude that must sound. I didn't even say hi or good morning.
I'm about to make amends when he cuts me off by saying, "It's you I wanted to see."
I don't hide my surprise at that and quirk an eyebrow. "Me?"
He takes a step forward in response and pushes my hair out of my face. He stares at the spot where the band aid is and I can feel his thumb softly brushing over the cut. I don't flinch this time as he touches me. Instead, my skin seems to burn where his fingers graze and it's a wildfire that spreads throughout my whole body within seconds.
I see him clench his jaw before speaking, "Does it hurt?"
Gently, I shake my head. "No," I say.
He has let his hair down again today and droplets of water are dripping down onto his grey t-shirt. His blue eyes are fixated on the cut as he keeps looking at it and I wonder if he wishes it wasn't there, if he wishes yesterday hadn't happened.
I watch his chest go up and down as he sighs. He looks down at me and his gaze softens. Huh? He removes his hands from my face before taking a step back, restoring the distance that was between us before.
"I'm sorry about yesterday," he says as he runs a hand through his hair. "I never meant for you to get hurt."
"I know," I say. His eyes move quickly and they meet mine in disbelief or mistrust – I can't tell which – and I add, "As much as I do believe you should try and rein in your anger, I don't believe you would hurt anyone out of anger."
For a moment, he just stares at me. And his next words surprise me, "Maybe not you," he says, "but I've hurt people out of anger, Graham."
It sounds like both a confession and an apology.
Then he adds, "You don't know me." His eyes pierce through mine with something I can't quite decipher. "Remember that."
•••
Chapter 8, woohoo! This one is my favorite so far. What about you guys?
Again, thank you for all the reads, comments and votes. In other words, thank you for all the love! It means the world to me ❤️