I look back out the window as the trees breeze past us, all green leaves and sturdy barks. They look imposing and majestic, simply beautiful. The country road is narrow and Ellie has to slow down a bit. I roll down the window and put my hand out, letting the wind slip through my fingers.
I hear Ellie laugh right before she says, "You look like a freaking tourist, Tracy. You're only missing the hat and the shades."
I smile at her, turning my head to look at her in the rearview mirror, "I do feel like a tourist. So many things have changed here."
Will pipes in the conversation with a, "I doubt the wind has," and I stick my tongue out at him before we both laugh at his stupid words.
Unable to resist the need to stick half my body out the door, I roll the window down further and, sitting on the door, put my hands on the roof of the car. I hammer on the metal, hearing the groans of my friends as they beg me to stop. I let the wind blow in my hair and close my eyes, enjoying this feeling. Free and unburdened. It's a wonderful sensation and again, I find myself grateful that freshman year is over and that I can be here with my friends.
Back inside the car, I let myself fall and rest my head on Will's lap. He looks down at me fondly as he pushes my hair out of my face. He takes a few strands into his hands and he smiles.
"What?" I ask.
He smiles wider. "Your hair," he says. "It looks exactly the same as that day when you tried to curl it."
I sit up abruptly and hit my head on the roof, "Ouch!" I groan in pain and massage the sore spot.
I had a double date with Ellie at some point during our first semester. I had attempted to curl my hair but the curling iron was either defective or my hair is just that unruly. Either way, my hair looked like a bird's nest that afternoon. Ellie was video chatting with Will and when I appeared on the screen to say a brief hi – I swear it didn't even last two seconds – Will started guffawing loudly, saying I resembled those cartoon characters when they get their hair fried. And truth is, I really did. How does your hair even get spiky when you're trying to get it curly?
You know what? Don't answer that.
So when Will says in this moment that my hair reminds him of that day, I jump to the front of the car as I take the rear view mirror into my hands and use it as a mirror. I heave a huge sigh of relief. Will is only joking, my hair looks fine.
Ellie swats me away, telling me to go back to my seat if I don't want us to have an accident. Obediently, I make my way down and slap Will on the shoulder. However, he doesn't seem to notice because he is engrossed in his phone, his attention directed solely at whatever it is that he is doing on his device.
He has a frown on his forehead as he types a quick message before putting the phone back in his pockets. He looks out of the window, pursing his lips tightly.
I wonder what is bothering him so I ask him. "Are you okay?" Will turns his head and looks down at me. "You look preoccupied. Everything's alright?"
He nods and smiles at me, but it does not reach his eyes. "I'm fine."
Briefly he lifts his gaze and I see how he and Yann lock gazes in the rearview mirror. There seems to be an unspoken message between the two of them because Yann gives Will a hard look – a very murderous look – before giving a very microscopic shake of his head. But I notice it. Yann notices me staring and for a brief second, surprise registers in his eyes before he looks away.
Turning my head back to Will, I notice he is staring out the window, the frown gone from his face. However, his body is tense with frustration or anger, and his fists keep clenching and unclenching on his thigh.
I prop my body up and whisper in his ears, "I know you're lying."
He doesn't answer but I hear him sigh. I only get cozier in his lap, watching as the trees rush by in a blur. We are going on the outskirts of the town so there are no buildings in sight, just the trees and their leaves and the beautiful blue sky.
Minutes later, I feel the car slowing down and we are rocked by the driving of the tires on the road scattered with tiny rocks. I rise from my lying and stare out the window.
"Are we there?"
"Yeah, almost two minutes."
The four of us empty the car once Ellie turns the engine off. I remember the little rocky path we have to go down to reach the river. From where I am, I can hear the water sloshing against the shore. Above me, birds are happily tweeting in the branches of the trees. The sun seems to cast an even yellower light down on the earth and the corners of my lips refuse to go down.
Will smiles at me as we get down, his earlier mood gone. I am happy to have my usual Will back and I grin at him in return. Just as I am about to start talking to him, Ellie calls him and he excuses himself before leaving me with the devil himself.
Yann is walking behind me and despite my promise to Ellie, I do not feel like dealing with him right now. I walk up to my two favorite lovebirds and try to wedge myself between the two of them but they won't let me. I give up and go walk next to Ellie.
"You have a bathing suit?" I ask her, "Cause I don't."
She doesn't answer me. She pretends to not have heard me and starts talking to Will who also pretends not to see me there. Wondering what is up with the two of them, I frown and am about to ask another question when it dawns upon me. They need some alone time.
Quietly backing away, I let them walk ahead of me, feeling a bit left out even though I tell myself I need to give them some space. They could have just said it instead of downright ignoring me like that, or given me a heads-up.
I start to focus on the sounds around me, enjoying the nature when Yann's voice drifts to my ears.
"The fuck am I doing here?" He mutters to himself.
I lift my head and my gaze back at him. His body is hunched forward as he keeps kicking pebbles with the tip of his sneakers. His head is bowed down and his hair is falling and framing his face. His features appear even more masculine in the sunrays and I can't help but wonder – once more – what he would look like without that ridiculous beard eating up most of his handsome face.
For a moment, I don't see Yann but I see Ollie in front of me. Ollie hated going out, hated being anywhere but in his room or mine. I would always tell him he was missing out on the smallest of things in life, that he wasn't living. At first, of course, he didn't agree with me. But when I started pointing out things to him – birdcalls, squirrels munching on nuts, flopping fishes out of the water, all those insignificant things that we think are insignificant and take for granted – he realized I was right. He didn't necessarily enjoy the things I pointed out to him, but he started noticing things on his own. And that's all I wanted for him.
"Living." I say out loud after a while with a shrug. Yann's head raises and I am soon graced by his frown and glare. "I know cavemen hate to go out but I think you need that."
He stops walking and cocks his head slightly to the side. "Are you trying to piss me off?"
I shake my head. Surprisingly, I am not getting mad because I am too saddened by the fact that I feel a little alone right now without Ellie and Will. "No, just stating the truth."
When he doesn't respond, I lift my head at him. He's watching me with that same curious expression he now wears when he's looking at me.
"What?"
"You need to shut that trap of yours."
I roll my eyes. "Do I? You look lonely to me, you could use some company." Actually, I am the lonely one and I could use some company. But that, I would never concede to him.
"Did Ellie set you up to this?" He asks, tone full of mistrust.
I give him a small smile and laugh. "No, actually. She only said that one day I'd realize how much of a great man you are." I scoff at the end absently, totally unaware of my demeaning action. I can't help it.
"You really think the worst of me, don't you?"
It's the tone of his voice that makes me look up once more, not the words. His eyes are searching my face, still with that genuine curiosity in them. I hate the way his eyes are scrutinizing my features, looking for some kind of answer to some question he's probably asking himself right now. I want to open his head and have access to his thoughts in this instant, just so I'd know why he's been looking at me like that all day.
I nod, honest and forthright. "Yes, I do."
"Good."
And with three long strides, he's away from me and walks towards Ellie and Will. Bizarrely, they accept his presence and start chatting with him whereas I am left behind. Ignoring my sad thoughts, I focus on my surroundings and try to recall the good old memories of this place that have remained.
Passing by the trees, I trail my fingers along their rough and sturdy trunks just like I used to do as a kid. My feet scrunch on the ground beneath me and my ears welcome the sound as well as those coming from the nature encompassing me.
A smile creeps onto my lips as some memories rush, vivid and detailed, to the front of my mind. Ellie and I would come here since we were five and spend at least two hours splashing each other, swimming and screaming. The four of our parents would accompany us sometimes and we would have a small picnic by the riverbank. But most of the time, it was just her mom and my father.
I watch as the little group leaves me behind and as they disappear behind the trees, Will casts a glance my way and shoots me an apologetic smile. Frustrated, I don't return the gesture and avert my gaze.
My nostrils are tickled by the sweet scent of damp soil and water. Hastening towards the place that contains myriad of my best childhood moments, I round the same corner as my companions did and find myself right behind them.
There, between and past the trees, is the river: the Gate River. According to the legends of this town, the founder of Harlem – Thomas Gregory – gave this name to the river because it was the place he professed his undying love to his lover and this is how it all began hence the name Gate to symbolize the beginning of a happy and beautiful life ahead them.
At seven when I was first told this story, I had dreamed about it for months, wishing for a guy to bare his soul to me in such a romantic place. Now that I think of it again, I scoff at the mushiness of it all. It's probably some folklore story made up the first residents of the town. I most definitely do not believe it anymore and I don't find it romantic at all.
Too absorbed in my thoughts, I don't notice I am now standing by the shore. I look up. Instantly, the beauty of this place consumes me and I am too mesmerized to see Ellie and Will on my side already discarding their clothes.
The other side of the lake is similar to the side I am on. Trees border the bank and many pebbles are scattered here and there, creating a disorderly yet wonderful image before my eyes. The water is softly singing as it flows down its bed, getting lost many miles away in the ocean somewhere. The ropy liquid is limpid, constantly wallowing in its bed.
I inhale the damp air and, funnily enough, relish in the humidity I breathe in: it's unique, different from the air I breathe in town. I like it.
"Are you coming?"
Will's shout shears off my reverie and I look at him to find him gesturing to Yann. When the latter one shakes his head negatively, Will turns to me and repeats the same gesture. After I too answer no to his tempting answer, he shrugs and dives into the limpidly blue water, playing like a kid with Ellie.
Taking a seat on the soil, I am aware of the risk of ruining my blue jeans but I couldn't be happier to ruin them if it means being here. I stretch my legs out in front of me after taking off my sneakers. Grabbing a few pebbles in my hands, I throw them in the water at Will's head.
"Hey," he screams and rubs the sore place, "why don't you hit Ellie too?"
At this, Ellie pushes him down climbs on top of him, shouting: Drown! Drown! Drown! Drown! A boisterous laugh from me resonates in the quiet place as I watch Will resurface and have fun with Ellie. He climbs on top of her now and forces her to go underwater.
"Sure you don't wanna join?" Will questions in a scream at me.
"No, I prefer to stay dry."
That's a lie. My refusal is based on only one thing: I feel too self-conscious around Yann. If it was only Will and Ellie, I would without a second thought. But the idea of getting undressed in front of Yann makes me uncomfortable. If we were at the beach, it would be different. There are tons of people there. No one would pay attention and I'd find myself blending here. But here, my small chest and buttocks make me very self-conscious and though I wouldn't mind Will making fun of them – though I know he wouldn't – I don't want Yann making fun of them.
Ellie frowns at me as she yells from where she is, "I thought you wanted to come here and have fun."
I shake my head at her with a fake smile. "I'll just sit here and watch."
From my fake smile, she knows that something is up and she drops it. She shrugs at me and dives back in but not before sending me a look that says, "You will tell me later what this is about."
Turning my head to the right, my eyes fall upon Yann who is sitting a few feet away from me. He's silently watching his friends goofing around and is absently playing with pebbles in-between his opened legs.
He has tucked his hair behind his ears. With his profile now facing me, I can see emotions on his face that I haven't seen there before. It seems like something is eating him up from the inside and the look on his face reminds me of the one he sported about twenty minutes ago, when he was having the small staring contest with Will through the rearview mirror.
Ellie's words come back to me. Imagine Yann is Ollie. I had said no that day, but now I can. I can imagine that Yann is Ollie. There is this all-too-familiar look on his face that Ollie used to have in permanence. The look that said, I'm lonely on this earth. And I wonder how Yann could be feeling this way when he has Ellie and Will. Ollie had absolutely no one at all.
As if sensing my gaze on him, Yann lifts his head and as soon as he sees me looking, his face schools in that permanent frown and boredom. With a roll of his eyes I shall remember all my life, he turns his head away. Two seconds later, I see him grab some gravel in his fisted hands. He seems to want to crush them even further into dust and as he obviously cannot, he throws them away, far from him. Probably wishing he could do the same with my head, I think.
Then he says, "By all means, Graham, please keep staring."
I blush fiercely at the reproach and try to hide my embarrassment, "I wasn't staring." Gosh, could I come up with a more obvious lie?
"No, you weren't." He turns to face me and rests his elbows on his knees, his hair falling to the side as his head bends a little. "You were literally looking through me."
I shrug and say mockingly, "Must be because you're that transparent."
Something glints in his eyes – could it just be the sun? – before he says, "Careful, Graham. You don't want to get on my bad side."
My eyebrows raise faintly in surprise at his words. "Am I not already?"
And for the first time, he gives me a smile. But it's not a warm smile. It's a devious one, one that conveys a warning.
"Trust me," he says, "you're far from it."
•••
Chapter 6, more Yann and Tracy moments.
Still the introduction to the story, things are gonna start happening in the upcoming chapters :)