Shayne
Driving back home at 3 in the morning on a Tuesday was hell and it didn't help how upset and tired I was, but I knew once I got home, I wasn't going to bed. I couldn't sleep feeling this way and since I haven't been sleeping well anyway, I knew it would be harder to since Veronica officially left. I had sat in my car and waited to see her plane take off and when it finally did, that's when I officially realized that it was over between us. That whatever we had ended tonight and I still wasn't able to accept it.
It was my-
Fuck, I promised her that I wouldn't keep blaming myself.
I wished that everything that I said made her change her mind and she decided to stay here and be with me, but I would've hated to know that she spent her money on a flight she wasn't even going on. Not to mention all the unnecessary packing and telling everyone bye, but I know that didn't mattered. It's just the fact that I waited too long to tell her I was sorry and that I wanted her to stay, and now I'm having to deal with the consequences. Staying here in Los Angeles without her.
"You mean so much to me."
"You never fail to amaze me, Shayne."
"I know how I feel about you and I know that I do love you, Shayne Topp."
"I want to be with you, Shayne Robert Topp."
"I love you so much more, Shayne."
All of those things she's said to me in the past and then the that last thing just moments ago kept clouding my mind and kept making my eyes water even more. Every time she said my name made me smile, but I could only hear it in my thoughts now since I wouldn't be able to hear it again in person. Veronica was more than just a girl I fooled around with and the girl I had worked with that always had a smile on her face: she was the girl I had fallen in love with because she had the most beautiful heart.
She always put everyone's feelings before herself and made sure that everyone at least had a smile on their face when they were down. She was always full of joy and couldn't help, but to make everyone laugh with her dumb sense of humor. And that smile; god that smile was enough to make everyone smile including myself. Veronica was just everything I wanted in a girl and I let her go. Couldn't hold onto her and now Canada is blessed with an amazing girl.
I pulled up to my apartment building and parked in my usual spot. I turned the car off and sighed, but I got out and shut the door while walking to the door of my building which was already wide open. "That's great. Lets just hold the door for anybody who wants to come in," I said to myself. I walked in and shut the door behind me, then I started walking up the stairs to the building. Crazy to know I've walked up and down these stairs plenty of times, but it felt different this time.
When I made it to my floor, I walked to my front door and unlocked it with my key and opened it instantly. I walked in and shut the door behind me, but looked at my quiet and empty apartment. Suitcases and bags were on the floor since I was getting ready for Summer Games and it was the only thing that kept me occupied at night since I haven't been sleeping. Guess I need to find a new hobby since I have everything I need until the time comes.
I walked in my living room and sat my keys on the coffee table and sat on my couch while letting out the biggest groan. This was the hardest thing I've went through. Even my breakup with Frankie didn't shut me down this way and she cheated on me with a random stranger, but I had to get over all of this. I sat myself up from the couch and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I unlocked it and went to my recent photos and selected all the photos that had Veronica on them (photos from this past month). As I clicked them, I held my finger over the delete button and I sighed.
I needed to do this.
I click delete and they all disappeared. I know they were going to my recently deleted, but at least I know they'll delete on its own. I kept scrolling to the top until I got to the Winter Games photos and I caught my eye on a specific photo. When I clicked the photo, I softly smiled to see it was the photo that Veronica had talked about before. The photo of me hugging Veronica since I was covered in snow and was getting payback. I chuckled and scrolled through the pictures to find a video of her face on it. I clicked play and started to watch it.
"Shayne," she had said to me as she moved the camera to face both of us. I looked at the camera and looked back up since we were walking. "How does it feel to win this years Winter Games with your team, The Spaghetti Yetis?"
"You know, it feels great. I feel like I really accomplished something and everyone was such a great help into making us the best team. You were no help an-"
"Man, shut up," Ronnie said as her and I both started laughing, but then Boze jumped up at the camera and Ronnie moved it down so Boze could be shown.
"That's right y'all. Your boi won her first Winter Games and she's ready for Summer Games. My team is coming at ya!" Boze yelled at the camera. She started laughing as she walked away from us, and Veronica and I shook our heads and laughed at her.
"You excited for Summer Games?" Ronnie asked me.
"Always am. Maybe this time you can join and try to win with us. Or better yet, be on separate teams and I'll kick your ass," Shayne joked.
"Sure you would, but we shall see!" she said smiling into the camera. "By the way, this is you phone. I don't know how you didn't realize I had it."
Ronnie looked at me with the biggest smile on her face and I looked at her and reached over to grab my phone. "You son of a-" and I grabbed my phone and the video ended with the slight giggles of Veronica.
My smile started fading and I locked my phone while feeling a tear go down my cheek. This really did suck and I just wished that I didn't have to feel this way about Veronica. I leaned my head back on my couch and I turned to look over at my bookshelf, but my eyes caught onto one of the books that had something sticking out of it. I got up and left my phone on the couch and walked over to the bookshelf. It was The Great Gatsby book and when I picked it up, not only did the photo of Frankie and I fall out, but two other different things did too.
I squatted down on the floor and sat the book next to me while grabbing the photo of Frankie and I. Her hair was this dirty blonde and she was laughing while burying her face into my chest where my hair was still that brown color and I was just smiling. I smiled and put it back in the book, but my eyes caught onto a Polaroid picture. I grabbed it and my heart sank when I saw it was a photo of Veronica and I. It was a company party celebrating the one year the squad had been there and it was a photo that Courtney had taken of Veronica and I when we were drunk.
Our mouthes were wide open from laughing and my left arm was around her while her left hand was placed on my chest. I remembered this night like it was yesterday since we both were wasted out of our minds and it took us forever to just get this one photo, but Courtney kept laughing and still managed to get this priceless photo. I forgot all about this night and I didn't even think about where this photo was. I picked up the piece of paper that laid on the floor as well and I stood back up and walked back over to the couch.
I sat the picture next to my keys and sat back on the couch while I unfolded the paper. My eyes widen when I noticed it was Veronica's handwriting. She wrote me a letter?
Dear Shayne,
If you're reading this, then Damien is a sweet boy who did me a solid. I know it's a bit old fashioned that I wrote you a letter, but nothing is more unfashioned than having paperback books on a bookshelf. Seriously, Shayne? There's Kindles now. Take advantage of the technology we have.
I chuckled and shook my head. I hated her so much sometimes. I looked back at the letter and kept reading.
Shayne, I'm so sorry for everything. I'm sorry for playing with your heart and giving you false hope of being together when I just made everything worse. I kept holding onto a dead end relationship and now, I'm leaving to move with Elliot and live with the fact I did hurt you. I know we both caused this, but I'm finally able to take responsibility for the shit I've done. I only hope the next girlfriend of yours doesn't hurt you because I know I did and I never wanted to.
Ever since you told me about Frankie, I wanted to be the best girlfriend you'd ever have, but we didn't get together until Anthony and I broke up and then we broke up a few days after that since I decided to throw the offer on you. I don't hate you for telling me to go; I would've told you the same thing if you were in my shoes since I'm known for making excuses, but this was the one time I wasn't and I wanted to know what you thought. And you told me, but I knew it was all bullshit.
I'm leaving because I have too. I'm not leaving you; I'm leaving the person who I've become behind so I can go back to being who I use to be. I want to be the girl who knows what she wants and hopes that in the future, she won't repeat what happened in the past. Shayne, I love you and I'm going to miss you so much. Leaving is the hardest thing I had to do since I've fallen in love with my best friend (yes you, not Tristan. That's gross), but I'll never forget about you. How could I forget those beautiful blue eyes, that insane loud laugh, and that adorable smile?
Because I couldn't.
I only hope that you make a girl even happier than you made me and I hope she treats you right because if not, my ass will be back in seconds and I'll kick her ass. I don't know how I'll find out about it but I will and I'll fight the bitch.
I chuckled and another tear went down my cheek.
This is probably the weirdest letter you've ever gotten, but that's what makes this special. I love you, Shayne. I'll see you soon.
Love, Ron (even though you know I hate this name) aka, your doll face
She ended it with a small heart and I looked up at the ceiling taking deep breaths. She wrote this as her goodbye and it was what I needed for closure, but my thoughts were interrupted when there was a knock at the door. The door opened and Damien walked in. "Hey, man. I just wanted to check up on you," he said.
"At three in the morning?" I asked him.
"I can't sleep," he stated. "It's just hard knowing Ronnie left." He looked at me and I folded the note up and put it in my pocket. "You okay, Shayne?"
I was leaned forward with my arms on my knees and looking down at the floor, but I looked up at Damien and said, "Yeah, I will be."
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