L I L Y
W E D N E S D A Y
As i'm sitting on Mason's bed, which I guess is also my bed now, my mind wanders back to everything that's happened since I met him.
I had my first crush, my first kiss, my first boyfriend.
My first love.
I really do trust Mason, but the thought of telling him what he did to me, terrifies me. What if he doesn't love me once he knows? What if he thinks i'm too...gross. Too used.
When I first got back, I honestly didn't trust anybody, males specifically, besides Mason and my father. I've had time to think, and process everything, which is why I know that Alex, Noah, and even Matt won't hurt me. I also know, that if they tried, Mason would be there to protect me.
I want to tell him so badly, but I don't know how.
The bedroom door is suddenly pushed open, and in walks Mason. He walks over with a smile, before leaning down to kiss my forehead.
"What are you up to?" He takes a seat beside me.
I shrug, as I mess with the edge of the blanket wrapped around me. "Just thinking."
He raises an eyebrow. "About what?"
I stay silent, and he must've somehow figured out exactly what I was thinking of, because he then sighs and pulls me into his lap, asking softly, "Do you wanna talk about it?"
I let out a shaky breath and slowly nod. "I-I think so."
He sends me a reassuring smile when I glance up at him, and despite what i'm about to say, the look on his face allows me to relax into his arms a little more. "Whenever you're ready."
I open my mouth to say it, but nothing comes out. It's like my mind won't let me.
Mason begins to rub my back soothingly, and he kisses the side of my head. "Take your time, love."
"He hurt me...down t-there." I whisper, while nervously wringing my hands together to hide their shakiness.
As soon as I say those words, I feel his whole body tense up. Meanwhile, I can't stop the tears that continuously roll down my cheeks. It takes him a minute to respond, but when he finally breaks the silence, his voice is filled with disbelief and anger. "He-He raped you?"
I refuse to meet his eyes as I nod.
Before I can stop him, he slides me off of his lap to where i'm now standing, and I immediately regret even bringing the topic up.
I knew he would hate me.
He stands up as well, and immediately begins to pace around the room, mumbling things I can't understand under his breath.
"Mason-" I'm cut by the sound of glass breaking.
We had just gotten everything in his room fixed back to normal.
"Mason, please." I beg, watching him throw more stuff around the room, and flinching every time an object meets the wall.
When he still doesn't stop, I hesitantly walk over to stand behind him. I wince when I feel the glass shards pierce into the skin of my feet, but that doesn't stop me from placing my hand on his tense arm.
Mason spins around, as he runs his fingers through his hair over and over, and I notice how heavily he's breathing.
His stare goes straight to the ground, to my bare feet, where he sees the glass i'm stupidly standing in. He sighs with a frown, before suddenly wrapping his arms around my waist to pick me up. "You're bleeding."
He carries me into the bathroom and sets me down onto the counter, right next to the sink, grimacing when he inspects the glass in my foot. "Why?"
I look down at my hands and stay quiet, not necessarily having an answer to why I decided to walk through shards of glass to get to him.
Mason just shakes his head at my lack of response, and continues to clean my injury in silence.
"Masey?" I say quietly, unable to hide the shakiness in my voice.
His jaw remains clenched as he focuses on my cuts. "Yes, Lily."
I watch him carefully for his reaction. "A-Are we still together?"
He pauses his movement, since thankfully he's now finished, and looks up at me. His eyes are soft, though I can tell he's anything but happy right now. How could he be, after what I told him?
"Of course we are."
Even though his answer brings me relief, I can't help but have doubts. "Are you sure? He did bad things to me...a-and you're probably grossed out-"
I'm suddenly cut off by a soft pair of lips being placed onto mine. I react immediately, by returning the kiss, as he wraps his arms around my waist.
Slowly, as if on instinct, his hands begin to slide further back until they're resting on my bottom.
"Don't worry, you'll love this bambi."
My eyes snap open at the sudden voice in my head. The voice that's recently been in all of my nightmares.
He begins to unbuckle his belt as he climbs on top of me. "Struggling only makes me harder, babe."
I gasp and quickly push on Mason's chest, forcing him to step back so I can stand up from the counter.
"What's wrong, baby?" Mason's worried voice stops my mind from revisiting past events any further, and I mentally thank him for that.
My breathing is heavy from the sense of panic that took over me, as I shake my head. "I-I just..." I trail off, unable to form a proper sentence.
Mason wraps his arms around me as a few tears escape. "You're okay." He coos quietly, brushing his fingers through my hair. "Did you...was that a flashback?"
I slowly nod, and rest my head against his chest, tightly gripping his shirt in my hands.
"I'm sorry." He mumbles against the top of my head.
I pull away and glance up at him, only to see see how upset he looks. "But you didn't-"
He cuts me off with nothing but guilt in his brown eyes. "I know, but I must've triggered something when I touched you. I-I should've realized..."
Maybe he's right. I just hope that doesn't happen every time we kiss.
Mason takes a deep breath, before pulling me out of the bathroom and over to the bed. He places me directly on his lap. "Baby...the last thing I could feel towards you is disgust. What he did was not your fault, so I could never hold that against you. Of course i'm angry, though. You didn't deserve what happened to you." He cups my face with his hands, using his thumb to rub my cheekbone. "If you ever have another flashback, please tell me."
I nod, and place my hands on top of his.
"I love you so much, Lily. I always will."
T H U R S D A Y
As I stand in front of the full body mirror, scanning my entire figure, I wonder how long it'll take for the bruises to fade. I hate seeing them every time I step in front of a mirror.
It's a daily reminder of him.
I release a shaky breathe as Mason walks out of the bathroom, only a pair of sweatpants covering his lower half, since he had just finished showering. A smile appears on his face once he spots me, and he walks over.
I turn around and return the smile.
"Do you need any help with your homework? Or did you already finish it?" He asks, as he wraps his arms around my waist.
I quickly nod. "I finished it."
He slowly begins to lean down, until finally his lips are pressed against mine. I close my eyes and follow his lead completely, moving my own lips with his, while placing my hands on his chest.
Mason rests his hands on my hips, as he deepens the kiss. He gently pushes me back against the wall, and that's when I feel him lick my bottom lip, asking for permission to slip his tongue in. I reluctantly allow it. I imagine that when other people try this, it ends up sloppy and not very nice. But when Mason does it, it's almost like he's an expert.
I pull away from the heated kiss, desperately needing to catch my breath.
Instead of stopping, Mason trails soft kisses along my jawline, and then further down to my neck. He must know that neck kisses are my favorite, since he does this so much.
For the first time ever, i'm unable to stop myself from letting out a noise of satisfaction. A quiet moan. My cheeks turn red when I realize that it happened.
Mason freezes, with his lips still placed on my neck, and after a few seconds, he groans, gripping my hips even harder. "Fuck, that was hot." He mumbles huskily against my skin, causing a shiver to run through my body. His words only make my flushed face worse.
He leaves a few more soft kisses along my neck before finally pulling away. Mason catches his breath, as he brings his hand up and traces my cheekbone with his thumb.
"Mason?"
"Hm?" He hums distractedly, continuing to stare at me with a love sick expression.
"Was I your first kiss too?" I ask, when the random thought pops in my head.
His eyebrows furrow and he looks confused. He thinks about it for a minute, before answering with what sounds like an annoyed chuckle. "I like to think of you as my first."
I tilt my head. "What do you mean?"
So I wasn't his first kiss?
He sighs, seemingly reluctant to tell me. "When I was a sophomore, some girl who was weirdly obsessed with me just came up to me one day and kissed me. Of course I pushed her off right away, but I was pissed. Like really fucking pissed. She moved away a couple days later. Not sure why though."
The story is slightly amusing when I imagine it. Mason's look of disgust after getting kissed by someone he didn't like.
"Oh, you think it's funny, huh?" He raises his eyebrows teasingly, and I realize that I must've been giggling.
More escape when I see the fake pout on his face. Though another thought pops into my head. "Are people so afraid of you because you're in a gang? Is that why they were so surprised when you started hanging out with me?"
"Technically." Mason nods. "Before you came, I talked to no one besides Noah. And sometimes I would be so angry at life that I would try to make other people suffer. But then when you came, you changed me. You made me a better person, Lils." He says in a soft voice, adoration in his eyes as he looks at me.
A small smile appears on my face and I blush at the way he's staring. He's the only one who's looked at me like that. Like i'm his world.
We decide that it's about time we go to bed, so once we've both brushed our teeth, we get comfortable under the covers. I cuddle up against Mason, with his arms firmly wrapped around me.
"I love you, baby."
A small smile appears on my face when I feel him kiss the top of my head. "I love you too."
And right here, with him, is where i've decided I feel safest.