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CHAPTER 18
You know that moment described in books where time seemed to stop or the world suddenly stood still? Of all sounds stopping and everything's so silent that you can even hear your own heart beating?
Yep, that happened to me.
Yun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko, hindi makahabol yung lungs ko at biglang ang hirap huminga. Para akong nahulog bigla sa isang napakalalim na hukay with no way out.
Reeve was looking at me expectantly and I know he's waiting for an answer. There was vulnerability in his gaze and that seemed to reach deep inside me, effectively snapping me out of my trance.
"What if I want us to be more than friends? What then, Andreia?"
Pero nanuyo yung lalamunan ko.
Ano nga bang sasabihin ko? Anong isasagot ko sa tanong na yun? Parang napakadali lang sagutin pero sa totoo lang, sobrang hirap.
Pero kung sabihin ko naman yung totoo, it would be me placing my heart on the line. What if he didn't feel the same way? What if yung mga sweet moments na nagpapatalon sa puso ko eh ganun lang talaga si Reeve at wala namang special dun?
Na nag-assume lang pala ako?
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Hindi ako makapagsalita kahit na alam ko na yung sasabihin ko. Reeve didn't deserve my lies. I can lie to myself but not to him. Rule number 2, di ba?
"Honestly? I don't know."
"Don't know what?" Rinig ko sa boses niya yung kaba. Alam ko naman din na nanginginig yung sakin. Napasulyap din ako sa mata niya at nakita ko na parang nasaktan siya. Pero nung kumurap ako, wala na yung expression na yun.
"I valued our friendship so much that when I started feeling something else for you, I pushed it away and told myself to stop. I can't let feelings get in the way of friendship—"
Biglang tumayo si Reeve at nagulat naman ako. I lifted my head to look at him but only for a few seconds because I can't stand the intensity of his gaze. Mali ba yung sagot ko? Sinira ko na ba yung years ng friendship naming dalawa? A friendship that survived and even thrived even over the long distance?
Way to go, Andreia.
You just laid your heart out there in the open where anyone can trample on it. Never wear your heart out on your sleeve, right? Yumuko na lang ako ulit. Ang tagal na hindi nagsalita ni Reeve. Siguro joke lang yung tanong niya. Maybe it was actually a rhetorical question. Tapos eto naman ako parang tanga na sumagot ng buong katotohanan.
I felt his hand on mine and he pulled me to my feet.
He placed his hand under my chin and tilted my head upwards so I could look directly into his compelling blue eyes. He looked into mine as though searching for something. He must've found what he was searching for because he smiled.
"I'm confused as hell with what I'm feeling for you too. But I guess we'd figure this out together," Reeve told me. When he spoke again, his voice was full of emotion.
Natigilan ako nung nagsink-in sakin yung sinabi niya. He said he was also feeling something for me! I closed my eyes as my brain turned to mush and my entire body became jelly in his arms. Kasabay naman nun, napuno ng luha yung mata ko. I tried to look up and blink them away but they were stubborn and a tear fell down my cheek.
Reeve wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "I'm scared too, Andreia. Scared that you didn't feel the same way," he admitted.
"I was scared that I'd be the one to make things awkward between us."
"That's not going to happen. From here on out, things will get better. I promise."
My mind reeled. Lahat na lang ng warnings ng mama ko bumalik. Yung mga sinabi niya na magkaiba kami ng mundo ni Reeve—something that was proven to me every day that we were together.
Reeve moved closer. "What are you thinking about?" he asked with a frown.
I sighed. "Err... How this may never work? We come from two different worlds, Reeve. What will others think? Aside from that, we live a continent apart."
"Distance is just a number, Andreia..." he lifted his hand and tucked my hair under my ears. "...It means nothing. Haven't we proven that for several years now? And to hell with what the world thinks. I only care for what you think and feel about us."
What else can I say to that?
With those few words, all my doubts and insecurities faded away. It was replaced with warmth and what feels like a hundred butterflies in my stomach. Para akong binalik sa high school. Yung feeling na nalaman mo na crush ka din pala nung crush mo? That was actually one of the best feelings in the world.
But what's between Reeve and me? It's different. We're adults now and we've been friends for a really long time.
So there's something much, much more.
I looked straight into his eyes and placed my hand on his heart. "We'll figure this out. But please don't break my heart in the process," I told him.
Reeve smiled. Yung smile na kita yung malalim niyang dimples. Yung smile na parang nagtwinkle yung blue eyes niya at kung possible man, parang mas tumingkad yung kulay.
"I won't," he vowed.
"Good. Or I'll punch you the way you taught me when we were young," sagot ko. Naalala ko yung araw bago umalis si Reeve. Tapos sabi ko sa kanya pano na lang yung mga bullies na umaaway sakin? Sino na lang tutulong sakin pag wala na siya?
His response was to teach me how to throw a mean punch.
I actually used that advice. Nung inaagaw ulit yung bag ko, I followed Reeve's advice and aimed my arm back and punched with all my weight. Tuwang tuwa ako nung bumagsak yung kaaway ko at umiyak. Pero syempre naoffice ako at naguidance counsellor. But it was totally worth it. Never na akong nabully ulit sa buong buhay ko.
"You can't use something I taught you against me," Reeve teased.
"Watch me," sagot ko. I smiled as he threw back his head and laughed. I'm glad we got the tough parts done. I just hope na tama nga si Reeve na magiging mas okay ang lahat mula ngayon. At sana hindi nga ako masaktan ulit.
Kakagaling ko lang sa isang relationship. Alam kong mabilis ang mga pangyayari. But somehow, things didn't feel fast. Tama nga yata sina Ellie na I've felt something for Reeve a long time ago and that I didn't want to acknowledge it to myself.
Being with Reeve right now didn't feel like I was rushing headlong into things. It actually felt as if certain puzzle pieces were finally clicking into place.
But what now?
What happens next?
"I guess I earned this now," Reeve whispered.
"What--?"
Reeve bent his tall frame and his head slowly descended. Just like that, time stood still again. Actually, no. It was as if everything was in slow motion. I watched Reeve close his eyes and I felt his hand pull me closer.
I didn't know what to do so I closed my eyes.
Naalala ko yung words niya nung wedding nung tinutukso kami magkiss. He said he didn't steal kisses and instead earned them.
He was right. He definitely earned this.
Dahil nga parang nag slow motion lahat, feeling ko mamamatay na ako sa anticipation. And closing my eyes even increased that anticipation further. Sabi nga nila, kapag nawawalan ka ng isa sa five senses, nagiging heightened yung iba.
And right now, ganun nga ang nangyayari sakin. I smelled his scent which was unlike any other. Amoy malinis—unique and very hypnotizing. Also, I felt his hand on my waist and his touch sent electricity down my spine.
Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I felt his lips on mine.
They were soft. And the kiss was gentle.
When books describe kisses, it's described as something toe-curling. Something that would make your heart stop. They said you'd hear a chorus of angels or fireworks. And that everything would cease to exist except you and your partner.
But this is reality.
And how did books compare to reality? It was much different. Yes, my toe curled. But I didn't hear angels or see fireworks—that was a gross exaggeration. Instead, I heard the beating of my own heart and felt the fast rhythm of Reeve's heart under my palm.
Lastly, yes... Time definitely stood still.
After a few more seconds, Reeve pulled back and I opened my eyes. He was grinning like there was no tomorrow. Mukhang gago lang. At syempre kalokohan ko lang yun. Never syang magmumukhang gago dahil sobrang gwapo pa din niya.
Grabe yung kabog ng dibdib ko. Para na talaga akong aatakihin sa puso. Pero, must keep cool. Wag masyadong kiligin, Andreia! Konti lang!
To hell with reality muna. Right now, I'm living inside my own fairytale. I'll think about the rest tomorrow morning. Tsaka na muna si Mike, yung parents ko at yung implications ng mga nangyari ngayong gabi.
I'll worry about them later and simply bask in the moment for now.
Nagulat na lang ako when I heard a loud popping sound. Reeve looked up and I followed the direction of his gaze. Nung makita ko yung makukulay na ilaw, hindi ko na napigilan yung tawa ko. Reeve looked at me with an amused and confused expression in his eyes.
I shook my head. Sikreto ko na to no. Hindi naman niya kailangang malaman lahat.
Besides, this was just a little inside joke sa mga iniisip ko kanina.
I held his hand as we stood side by side and looked at the sky.
And there they were... The fireworks I was looking for.
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REEVEting (from the word Riveting)
Definition: completely engrossing; compelling.
Me? I'm Reeveted. <3
OMGGGG. AYAN NAAAA. Thank you pala kay @LadyAireen para sa word na Reeveting. Haha. I died. Ang gondooo. <3
Sana nagustuhan nyo! <3