(1)
10th of April, 1909
It wasn't a day dream...it certainly wasn't a hallucination caused by her high fever.
It was a memory.
Madeleine remembers walking down the hill while her hair was dishevelled, dirt under her fingernails and some on her face,her shoes in her hand..walking through the grass and how it felt good.
One of her sleeves was torn by a branch from a tree on the top of the hill.She remembers thinking how much mamma would mind her hair all over the place and torn sleeve would cause a scandal at her grandfather's house.She remembers imagining her old governess Mrs.McPhearson's face and the look of disapproval on her face.How she would say that this is no way for a lady to behave..walking around like an ape.
But more than that she remembers the feeling of joy and freedom those two hours outside her strict world felt.It made all the scolding and looks of disapproval worth it.
She remembers times like these with great joy because these were the only times when she did not feel miserable and caged.
(2)
'Hurry! Hurry Mrs.Cuthbert! Bring in some more cold water this fever does not seem to go down', shouted Mrs. Van Der Bilt.
At that instance two maids entered the room along with the the housekeeper Mrs.Cuthbert ,bringing in two bowls of cold water.
One of the maids was confused by the fuss and tension in the room as she saw Lady Madeleine pale and in pain.Mrs.Cuthbert ordered the maid with red hair to wash Lady Madeleine's feet with cold water.
After a few seconds Lady Madeleine's stomach pain grew much more than she could handle which made her scream.
'Mamma make it stop! Please I beg of you please make it stop!'.
Screaming was not allowed in the household but Madeleine could not care less because her pain made it impossible for her to breath.She screamed at the top of her lungs till her throat became sore and she broke down.The red haired maid Maria felt sorry for this poor girl..at that moment Madeleine was just a sick girl who needed sympathy and care.
After a few minutes Mathew Van Der Bilt entered with the doctor.
Worry and fear was clearly seen in his eyes as he saw his little sister in such agony.He felt helpless as he could not take away her pain.
Sure there were times when Madeleine and him were at eachother's throat, they would annoy each other and break each other's things.But he did consider her to be his friend at times, his partner in crime.They shared secrets they would not dare to share with their older siblings.They used to have inside jokes.They would sneak out of the house and run around in the estate as kids back home.
As kids they were very close.They would fight but they could not spend time without eachother's company.But all that changed when Madeleine turned 16 ,when their father got a job as an adviser to the British ambassador to Russia.Thats when they moved to Moscow.After that everything changed.Mathew and Madelein started to fight more than ever.She started to keep secrets from him.She hardly ever talked to him.They started to get each other in trouble.There were a few times Mathew had pushed Madeleine, once he almost broke her arm.Mathew too had changed.He hurt her without any thought of consequence.He had no fear of his father or what he had to say.
In short Madelein and his relation has lost its purity and trust it once had.It made him sad and angry and he always blamed Madeleine for changing.
But this never changed the fact that she was his sister and she was in pain.No matter how much their relation was strained he still cared for her.
After the doctor had examined her he started to leave.
He told Mathew that this wasn't just an ordinary flu.It was stomach infection.She had caught something bad which made her sick to this level.
The doctor gave her sedatives and painkillers to relieve her of pain so she could sleep.
As soon as the doctor left Mathew came back to the room.
'Mamma she is sleeping now..you should take a break and eat something and maybe change' he said with a concerned voice.
'No I want to stay with her', she replied.
'Mamma you have to take care of yourself if you want to take care of her'.
'But....'
'No buts...just come with me', he holds her by her shoulders and takes her out of the room.
Mrs.Cuthbert instructs Maria the red haired maid to stay behind with Lady Madeleine and she does so.
(3)
11th of April, 1909
It had been 15 hours since the doctor came and it was 10 in the morning.
Madelein wakes up with her body sore and a heavy head.She felt drowsy and hungry.
The fever was gone but her body was very weak and her mouth tasted terrible.
As she wakes up one of the maids was in her room.She quickly runs for her aid and helps her sit.
'My lady you are awake..oh thank heavens!! Her Ladyship will be thrilled!', she says with excitement.
Her mother walks in with Mrs.Cuthbert.
She is happy to see Madeleine awake and asks Mrs.Cuthbert to bring something to eat.
In all this Madelein feels out of breath and energy.
She feels a ball of fire in her stomach.She feels hungry but cannot find the will to eat.
Her head is pounding and in that moment she feels so much and yet nothing.
One would think that in pain one would be relieved of the burden of the heart but it wasn't so easy to be rid of that.Not anytime soon.
It had been two weeks that she has been taken ill and at this point she felt helpless.
She could see her reflection in the mirror and how pale and unattractive she looked.
Her one solace were letters from her dearest friend Marjorie Cooper.
Although Marjorie was faraway in London but with her letters she could always comfort Madeleine.
Like Madeleine she was also an only daughter.They were eachother's companions through good and bad times.Out of both of them, Madeleine was the sensible one but still there were times when Marjorie was able to give her advice and words that would make everything seem ok for a while.
Madelein and Marjorie had been friends since they were 18.
They met in a library in London.
Marjorie took an immediate shine to Madeleine and Madeleine found Marjorie's thoughts to be refreshing.All though Marjorie was a bit of a brat but Madeleine always kept her grounded and made sure Marjorie knew she was dealing with her and not someone who would tolerate her spoiled behaviour.Since those days Marjorie had been looking upto Madeleine for almost everything and always has been at her side in times of need.
(4)
Madeleine's illness took longer than expected to improve.There were days when she seemed to be getting better but then there were days when she would go through periods of extreme pain and fever.She would be in bed for days.
All this had a drastic effect on her mental health as well.
She stopped talking at all.
Most communication she ever had was with Marjorie and her other friends through letters.Some Russian friends would come visit sometimes which would be the highlight of the week for her.
As if company and words of people who were not her family would make her feel better.
In all this time she became even more aggressive and angry.She would be irritated with the slightest of things.
Then there would be times when she would just be quiet and normal.When she would be patient and kind with her words.She would try to be a better person.
But when nights came...a sudden cloud of sadness would take over her and she would cry herself to sleep.