The next morning, I was eager to find Juliet. It was the first day of our new friendship. I had hot tea and a blueberry muffin in hand as a sign of my determination. I had driven twenty minutes out of the way to go to a bakery she had mentioned to me once. Seeing the look on her face when I presented them to her would make it worth it.
My good mood faltered when I spotted her looking up apprehensively at Harrison. Once again, he was looming over her in front of her locker, turning on his false charm in an attempt to get under my skin.
I approached them slowly, counting to ten in my head in time with my footsteps.
"So, you ditched me yesterday," Harrison was saying when I was a few feet away. "I tried calling you. Did you find another way home?"
Juliet bit her lip as she tried to come up with an excuse. I waited, wondering what she would say. When I tried to come to her rescue in the past, I learned that she didn't really want to be rescued, so I stood back, knowing she could handle this on her own.
"I did, I'm sorry," she replied, sounding sincere. "I guess I missed your call."
"That's a shame," Harrison said with a chuckle, leaning against the locker. "I was going to ask you if you had any plans this weekend. I thought maybe we could go out for dinner on Saturday."
Juliet blinked, her cheeks burning red. My body tensed, but still I waited, as hard as it was.
"Oh, I don't know," she said, lowering her gaze to avoid his heated stare.
"Come on, I'm sure you have nothing better going on," Harrison said, trying to pass it off as a joke. His wide frame towered over her as his fists clenched. "Just say yes."
At that, I couldn't stand by any longer.
"I don't think she wants to, Harrison," I cut in, edging my way in between them. "Why don't you give it a rest?"
Harrison grinned as if extremely happy to see me. He probably was, but not for the right reasons.
"Dash, how's it going?" he asked in his sickeningly phony voice. It was amazing how he could act so innocent despite his sinister intentions.
"Good," I replied, crossing my arms. "It would be better if you left her alone, though."
Harrison looked past me to smile at Juliet. "That's not your call to make, remember?" he sneered, mimicking Juliet's words from a few weeks ago. He was a hell of a mastermind, always knowing exactly what to say to get someone fired up. But I wasn't going to let him enrage me today.
"No, it's my call," Juliet chimed in, standing up straighter and making her presence known. "Harrison, I do not want to go out with you. And Dash will be giving me rides home from now on."
We both gaped down at her, astonished by the boldness in her voice. She knew what she wanted, and she was sick of the two of us trying to control her. All I could do was stand there and beam as Harrison's disgusting plan crumbled down around him. The look of shock and confusion on his face was priceless.
"Are you ready to go to class, Dash?" Juliet said when neither of us uttered a word.
Nodding, I followed her, smirking back at Harrison as he stood there, frozen and dumbfounded. Someone had finally done the impossible – get him to shut the hell up.
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That week was turning out to be one of the best of my high school career. Not only was Harrison out of my life for good, but Juliet was back in it. We were quickly finding our way back to our old friendship. While I had prepared myself to start all over, it seemed like we were simply picking up where we left off. It was better than I could have imagined.
Slowly but surely, thoughts of advancing our relationship began to fade in my mind. When I was with her, all I could think about was how happy I was in the moment. I never wanted to do anything to mess this up again.
We were sitting at lunch together one day when I realized that the little moments were the ones I cherished most with her, even with no clear end goal in mind.
Juliet was hunched over the table with an array of colorful markers and pens in front of her, writing in her planner with precision like I'd never seen before.
Shaking my head, I murmured, "Damn."
Her eyes flickered up, an amused glint shining in them. "What?"
"I never knew there were so many different pen colors," I replied, plucking a bluish green one from the mix. I then leaned over and swiped her planner, signing my name down the margin in sloppy cursive letters.
"Hey!" she said, swatting my hand away. "I work hard to keep this neat and organized, you know."
"Oh, I know," I said, laughing at her frustration. "I just thought you needed something to remember me by."
Juliet rolled her eyes. "How could I ever forget you?"
Her words struck me, reigniting the spark in my heart that I had worked so hard to smother. "Oh, I just meant that it'll probably be worth a lot when I'm famous someday," I joked, hoping to derail the subject.
Juliet's tinkling laughter filled the air. "Oh, of course."
I smiled watching her giggle and shake her head at me. How was it that just a few weeks ago, we weren't speaking at all? Sitting there with her, it felt like no time had gone by. It was October again. I was getting a fresh start. If only that were true. A sudden sadness washed over me as I gazed at her. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't rid myself of the deep feelings I had for this girl.
"What is it?" she asked, noticing the distant look in my eyes.
"Nothing," I lied, desperate to overcome the pain in my chest. "But I just remembered something." I leaned down and rummaged through my backpack until I found a piece of paper.
"What's that?" Juliet asked as I took the only normal black pen she had and started filling out the document.
"Just something I have to fill out for graduation," I answered.
"Graduation?" she repeated, looking over at me curiously. "Is it something we all have to do?"
I shook my head, hoping I could keep dodging her questions. "No, just a special request form. You don't have to worry about it."
"Special request for what?"
Dammit. She wasn't going to let it go.
I sighed and gave in, knowing she would only keep asking. "It's a name announcement request form," I told her begrudgingly. "It's for people who don't go by their real name, if they want something different called at graduation."
Her eyes widened with a hint of excitement. "So, they'll call Dash instead of..."
I knew she was baiting me. "Exactly."
Juliet frowned, giving me the most irresistible puppy dog eyes ever created. Fuck. How could I say no to her?
"It's Ashton," I muttered, barely audible to myself. My head ducked down, feeling heat rise to my face.
"Ashton?" Juliet whispered, trying hard not to laugh for the sake of my pride.
"Yeah, my mom hated me, apparently," I grumbled, tugging at my hair. "And my dad was bitter because he was given a girly name, too."
"What's his name?" she asked on the verge of a hysterical fit.
"Percy."
I thought that would get her going, but she remained collected, sucking in a breath to suffocate her giggles.
"Well, I like Ashton," she said in a definitive tone.
I looked up sheepishly. "You do?" I knew she was lying to make me feel better, but I would take what I could get.
Juliet nodded profusely. "It sounds very classic, romantic."
I rolled my eyes, trying to ignore that last word. "Yeah, right."
"So, how did you get the name Dash?"
As I began filling out the form, I replied, "When I was learning to talk, I couldn't say Ashton. I kept saying 'Dashon' over and over, so my parents decided to give up and cut it down to Dash. And it just stuck, I guess."
"That's cute," Juliet said, smiling widely. "I always wished I had a nickname. Even just Julie or Jules."
"Why's that?" I asked.
She shrugged, twirling a pen between her fingers. "I just never liked Juliet. It never seemed to fit me."
I shook my head so hard it hurt. I'd loved her name ever since I first learned it, feeling like there couldn't be a name that suited her more.
"I think it's perfect."
Juliet held my gaze, her lips parted slightly and her breath faltering. I could feel myself drifting into dangerous territory, and she could definitely tell. I didn't want to rush her into a relationship. She should come to the realization on her own if it was meant to be. But still, I couldn't keep from showing my true feelings sometimes. They were too overwhelming.
She cleared her throat then said, "Well, I guess I've just wondered what my name would have been."
"What do you mean?" I asked, my voice trembling slightly.
"What my birth parents would have chosen," she explained. "I always have this feeling that they did name me. Like there's some perfect name floating around deep in my memory. If I could just remember their voices, I could find the name." Her voice faded out, and she paused for a moment. "I don't know. It's silly."
"That's not silly," I said quickly, reaching out to rest my hand on hers. I touched her too much, I knew. But the force I felt towards her was too strong.
Juliet smiled, briefly glancing down at my hand before returning to my eyes. "Well, I suppose I'll never know." There was a flash of sadness in her glistening blue eyes, but it was gone in a second, replaced by their usual glow.
"Whatever it is, I'm sure it's better than Ashton," I said, hoping to lighten the mood.
Juliet laughed, instantly releasing the tension. Hearing her laugh again was just too good to be true.
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"I have to do something. I don't know how much longer I can go like this. It's torturous, really."
Alia shook her head, both disappointed and amused by my ramblings.
"What changed, Dash?" she asked me. "A few days ago, you said you were content with the way things are. That all you wanted was to be friends again. Why the sudden frustration?"
I slumped down in that leather armchair that had become so familiar. My sessions in Dr. Huang's office were to continue indefinitely. Until the school year ends, until the summer ends, until her career ends. Whatever I felt I needed, she had said. I didn't know. The thought of daily therapy sessions for the rest of my life seemed daunting. They could be cut down to weekly, she had told me, or even monthly. At the moment, they were doing a lot for me. I could talk about school, Juliet, even my father – just speaking my thoughts out into the open made a difference in how I felt inside. I liked it, feeling like I didn't need to carry everything on my own.
I had gone into her office that afternoon in a frenzy. Hell, I'd spent the first five minutes pacing until she begged me to sit down. My feelings for Juliet were becoming too strong to hide. Things were slipping out of my mouth too often that could scare her away. Being friends wasn't enough anymore.
"The more time I spend with her, the harder it becomes to be just friends," I replied, tugging at my hair.
"Have you told her your feelings?" Alia asked.
I almost laughed. "Hell no. I'm worried if I move too fast, I'll scare her away."
Alia nodded slowly. "Well, remember, she's not some timid animal. Yes, there's a chance she'll reject you, but she may respect your honesty nonetheless."
I hummed in agreement. "So, should I move faster then?"
"I can't answer that for you," she replied. "I have no way of knowing how she might react. But I can help you sort out your own feelings."
"Well, I know my own feelings," I rebuked.
She gave me a terse smile. "Do you?"
"Yes," I said with a huff of frustration.
"Then tell me exactly how you feel about her."
I paused, running through the thoughts swarming my head all at once. I felt like she was the most amazing person I'd ever met. I felt like she could brighten my mood in an instant, no matter what I was going through. Like she could change my world with every strange, funny, insightful thing she said. Like my heart pounded harder every time I saw her. Like sparks ran through me when I touched her. Like being near her made all my worries fade away, like we were totally alone in a crowd full of people. Like I wouldn't feel this way about anyone ever again.
I shivered, suddenly overwhelmed with stress and confusion. Why, I didn't know.
"Dash?" Alia's voice drew me out of my mind.
"I'm scared," I said breathlessly. "The feelings I have for her make me scared. That's exactly how I feel about her."
There was a moment of silence as my words hung in the air.
"What makes you scared?" Alia asked with a tenderness in her tone.
I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm scared that this is it. That she's the only girl I'll ever want to be with. That no one will ever compare to her. I'm scared if I tell her how I feel, she'll turn me down, and I'll never come back from that."
I let out a long breath, my whole body feeling heavy. My mental trip was exhausting.
"Do you think maybe," Alia paused, like she was questioning what she was about to say. "Maybe you love her?"
My eyes shot up in alarm. Love? Had I heard her correctly? Alia always seemed skeptical, over-critical. She always wanted to dissect every little thing I said. Never had she stated something so simply as she did then. Like there could be no other explanation. It could only be...
"Think about it, Dash," Alia said, interrupting another train of thought. "If your feelings are as serious as they sound, then maybe it would be worth taking the risk."
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A/N: what do you think? only two chapters left! thank you for reading.