Tuesday was lying a bit in the unknown for Zayn. He had awaken, got himself cleaned up and dressed to go see Harry but for some reason, he wasn't sure that he was invited today. After the way things had happened last time, his face might be the last face Harry wanted to see. Sure he did admit to himself that he liked him when he went home. But that wasn't the same. For all Harry knew, Zayn could be regretting his friendship with him and angry for almost kissing him.
But Zayn didn't regret it, nor was he angry. And he didn't want Harry to think those things either. So despite not knowing the sort of reaction he was going to get, he shimmied himself through the fence into Harry's backyard and knocked on his back door. He had to knock twice before the door opened. He was surprised to see Gemma.
"I thought Harry said not to open the door, Gemma." He stepped inside behind her and closed the door, locking it.
"I know but he didn't hear you knocking."
"He didn't? Where is he?"
"Upstairs. He's sad though."
Zayn's heart beat fast. "Sad?"
"And crying too."
Oh no.
"Harry's crying? Can I... see him?"
She nodded. "He's in his room."
Nervously, Zayn trudged up the stairs to Harry's room. When he reached the door, it was locked so he lightly knocked.
"Gemma, I'm not going to tell you again to leave me alone."
"I'm not Gemma, Harry."
There was a silence.
"Zayn?"
"Yeah it's me. I just wanted to see if you were alright? I was a bit worried because Gemma said... Well, I just wanted to know. Sorry if I'm bothering you."
There was no reply and Zayn was just standing outside his door. He was about to leave when the door opened and revealed Harry standing there with his hair all messy and unkept.
"You're here?"
"Yeah. Um... It's Tuesday. So..."
Harry backed out of the way to let him in and when Zayn came all the way in, he closed the door behind him. At the foot of the bed, was Cocoa. She lifted her head to acknowledge him but she didn't want to get up.
Harry had sat down on his bed but Zayn was just standing in the corner with his arms folded and looking at him.
"So..."
He shrugged. "So?"
"I heard you were... Gemma said you were... sad about something."
Harry scoffed and got under the covers. "Well, she was wrong."
"She was?"
"Yes."
But that answer came out so quickly that Zayn knew he was lying. "So is that why you're crying?"
"I'm not crying. My eyes water when I'm sleepy."
"Of course."
But Harry frowned up at him. "Zayn, why you here today?"
"Because it's Tuesday."
But Harry turned away from him.
"Alright then. Fine. I'll just leave you alone." Zayn told him. And he came over and patted Cocoa's head before exiting the room.
When he came back downstairs, Gemma was lying in the middle of the floor, watching a kids show.
"Did you talk to Harry?" She asked.
He plopped down on the couch with a sigh. "Yeah. I talked to him." That answer caused him to sadly look back towards the entrance of the living room. Everything was so wrong. How did waiting for the right time turn out to be so wrong?
Harry probably wanted him to say something about that almost kiss. But here Zayn was, pointing out that he was crying and not even acknowledging that he was the reason behind those tears. He felt so guilty.
For a while, he just sat there and battled with himself. Should he go up to see Harry or not? Would Harry even want to talk to him? Most likely not. Maybe he should give him some time and wait for Harry to come down. That would tell him whether Harry was ready to talk to him or not.
He sat there and pecked away at his phone until Gemma exclaimed that she was hungry. He didn't want to disturb Harry, so he took it upon himself to go into the kitchen and make her lunch. Thankfully she only wanted peanut butter and crackers. So he made her that and gave her a glass of milk and an orange to go with it.
It wasn't until Gemma had finished eating that Zayn began to realize Harry was never going to come down as long as he was there. So he reasoned there was no point in staying around.
"Gemma."
"Huh?"
"I had a lot of fun sitting with you. But I'm gonna go back home now."
"Why?"
He shrugged. "Just because I should. But can you do me a favor and tell Harry I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?"
"He'll know what I mean. Just tell him I said I'm sorry."
"Oh. Okay. Bye, Zayn." She said sadly.
He opened the back door and sent her a reassuring smile. "See you later."
→→→→→
By the time time Thursday arrived, Harry still hadn't said anything to Zayn. He never called and he didn't send a text either. Zayn figured he must've needed a lot more time than he originally thought. So instead of going to see him again, he stayed at home and stretched across his bed and flipped through an art magazine.
As he was thinking he'd be spending the day alone, the doorbell suddenly rang. His first thought was that it wasn't Harry. If it had been him, he would have come knocking on the back door. But still, with his hopes high, he rushed downstairs. Much to his surprise, he was wrong. It was Harry who was ringing his doorbell and he was there with his backpack draped over his shoulder.
"Oh... Harry."
"Hi, Zayn." He said.
"Hi. Come in." He stepped out of the way and let Harry walk inside. When he came in, Zayn locked the door and looked apprehensively at him. He wondered if Gemma had told him what he said.
"I... I wanted to apologize for what happened on Tuesday. It was mean of me to ignore you like that."
But Zayn waved a hand at him. "Nah. It's okay. I deserved it."
Harry swallowed thickly and looked down. "Gemma told me you made her lunch. That was really nice of you. You didn't have to do that."
"I didn't want to disturb you."
"I know. That's why I knew I needed to come by today. To thank you at least."
"You're welcome."
Harry looked like he wanted to say something else but Zayn had a feeling it might be to excuse himself to leave. So he spoke up to keep him from doing so.
"You should come upstairs."
He seemed unsure. "Really? You still want me up there?"
That hurt. "Yes, of course. I know we don't have anything planned, but I'm sure we can find something to do."
He shrugged shyly. "Okay."
He followed Zayn upstairs to his room and sat at the edge of his bed. Zayn sat down next to him. At first, Zayn thought that the two of them would just be silent. But Harry surprised him when he spoke up first.
"You start school in two weeks."
"Yep."
"Are you ready?"
"Nope."
When Harry laughed quietly at his answer, Zayn knew then that he wasn't completely mad at him. He guessed he was right to give him time to himself.
"You don't really have a choice though."
"Yeah. Too bad. You're lucky to be home schooled though. You can get up whenever you're ready."
"True."
"Plus you don't have to deal with all the annoying kids and pushy teachers."
"Hmm. Yeah. I guess that's a perk."
"It's definitely a perk."
His eyes drifted to Zayn's desk where his sea turtle drawing was lying. "Have you thought about what you're going to do with your talent yet?" He took off his backpack and lay back in Zayn's bed now.
"No. I haven't." Zayn replied.
"Do you think you would be interested in going to school to learn how to use your skills to make a living?"
He thought about that question, then lay down next to Harry. "Yeah. I think I would be interested. I mean, I only do this for fun now. But if I could make money doing what I love, I wouldn't mind it at all."
Harry clasped his hands over his stomach. "Then you'd better go for it. I believe in you."
He smiled at Harry just as Harry faced him and smiled at him. And just like that, the feeling was back again. He missed that smile. It did something to him.
Harry continued talking and soon the topic of the conversation had moved to their mothers and music and celebrities that they'd never want to be. Slowly everything was returning back to normal. It was as if they both forgot how bad things went between them on Monday. They were just back to being Harry and Zayn.
Harry talked.
Zayn listened.
And before long, Zayn was propped up on his elbow and looking at him, admiring the fact that he was here, in his bed again and seemingly comfortable to be there. However, in the blink of an eye when they'd both laughed at something a little too hard and a little too long, everything just changed.
Harry sat up and was clutching tightly to his chest. And not only that, he was gasping for air.
"Harry, are you alright?" Zayn asked with a shaky voice.
But he didn't respond. Instead, he leaped from the the bed and made his way over to his backpack. He was heaving now. He frantically fumbled for the zipper. Zayn was thinking he should probably help him but he was much too in shock to even move.
He watched Harry as he finally opened his bag and pulled out a light blue inhaler. Then Harry put it into his mouth pressing hard onto the button, to get the medicine to come out.
It took about about ten minutes for Harry to fully calm down as he went through little breathing routines of his own, occasionally taking sips of that spring water he always kept in his bag. And that was when Zayn couldn't help but think about all the times that Harry ran off. Was this what he was doing?
Harry sat on the heels of his feet and stared at the wall in front of him. He was too embarrassed to look at Zayn now. "What are you staring at me like that for?" His voice was so different now. It was deeper.
Why was he staring? Zayn didn't know why he was staring. He just didn't know what to do.
Harry took one last a sip of water and wiped his mouth with the back of hand. "I bet I'm probably a weirdo freak to you right now... Aren't I?" He still wouldn't look at Zayn.
"No. You're not. Not at all."
Harry's lips began to tremble. "Yes I am. Look at you. You don't even want to come close to me." He let the tears flow. "I know I am."
Zayn felt so sorry for him. It was not his intention to make him feel that way. "But you're not."
"You're only saying that to try and make me feel better. You know I'm different from everyone. It's so obvious. Just look at me."
Zayn slowly got down off the bed and sat on his knees on the floor in front of Harry. "You say that like I'm not already looking. But I am. And yeah, you are different. But when you're different, it doesn't just make you different. It makes you special." He paused. "I think you're special."
Harry finally looked at him but he was looking at him in way that showed he couldn't believe Zayn came out and said that. "You think I'm special? Why?"
Zayn scooted closer. "Because you are. I've never met anyone like you before. When I first met you, I only wanted to be by myself because I'm not much of a people person and you know that. But then you showed up and honestly, I forget that I prefer to be alone. I really like knowing you."
"You do?"
"Of course."
"Then why did you run out?"
"What?"
"When my mom and sister came home, you ran away like you didn't want to be around me anymore. You ran away like you had realized you didn't really like me. I mean... I know you came back the next day but still... You ran out."
Zayn sighed. "I know I did. But I didn't run out because I didn't like you. I ran out because I did."
"Huh?"
Zayn groaned. He said he would wait for the right time to admit to Harry how he felt. But with Harry inquiring of him, right now just might be that time.
"I don't know what it is, Harry. I don't even like boys. I never have. But for some reason, you make me feel a feeling I've never felt before. And... I can't explain it. I didn't run away because I didn't like you. I ran away because I... I almost kissed you. And I was afraid because we've built something quite nice together over the summer and I came so close to ruining it. I'm so naive, I know. Catching feelings for a boy who just wanted to be friends with me." Now he chuckled. "I even fooled myself into thinking you might even have wanted me to kiss you. I don't know. It's stupid."
But Harry sniffled. "It's not stupid."
"It's not?"
"No. I really did want you to kiss me."
Zayn's lips parted a bit. "You did?"
Harry sighed. "I saw you leaning in. I could've stopped you. But I wanted you to."
"So... It doesn't make you uncomfortable?"
He smiled. "No. It doesn't. I'm glad you admitted it."
"But was it the right time, though? I mean... Look at you. You just had this attack and you're in the middle of the floor and crying... Gosh, I don't know."
"Zayn. Shut up."
"Oh wait. No, no I wasn't trying to be mean. I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry."
Harry furrowed his brow. "I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I'm not saying you offended me. So stop apologizing. I'm saying shut up and breathe. Then kiss me."
The second he said that, Zayn felt something amazing run through him. Kiss him? He wanted that? He really wanted that?
He looked down at Harry's lips and there it was again. His mouth. His pretty, pretty mouth. Oh how he wanted to kiss them so badly.
He leaned forward and before he knew it, their lips were touching in a way that was so unfamiliar, yet so welcomed. Harry was the first to introduce his tongue but Zayn settled into it when he felt one of Harry's hands gently grip his neck to hold him there. When they stopped kissing, he paused to look at Harry. He was smiling up at him with slightly swollen lips and tears were still in his eyes.
"I kissed a boy." Zayn said with a half smile.
"Yeah. You did."
Zayn thought about it. "And I liked it."
"Me too."
And really, that was all Zayn needed to hear before he was cupping Harry's chin and bringing him in for another kiss. Yeah, he was absolutely sure now. These were real feelings he was feeling. And it most definitely was not a silly phase.