Dan's brown eyes stare blankly into the computer screen as it loads and stresses itself into oblivion trying to open the video processing program. The dastardly rainbow spiralling wheel of death spins at the same speed as his consciousness as it goes down the drain. He sips his coffee (black, surprisingly) and returns his eyes to the now loading computer screen with a slight smile. He then realises that the flat is eerily quiet, and yells for Phil.
"Phil-l-l-l!" He exclaims, wheeling his chair into the small corridor, only to get a harsh "shush" in reply, followed by a giggle. He puts his hands up in surrender and grins. "Alright, love you too, babe."
He scoots his way back to the computer and sees himself on the camera. His hair is slightly tousled, and there are bags under his eyes with a slight grey hue to them, but he's feeling energised for the first time in two weeks, so it's time to film something before the angry mob comes and attacks him.
He props the camera up upon his tripod and angles it to best capture his whole essence before clearing his throat and thinking about what he wants to say. He decides to film it all in one take (because god only knows the next time he'll have free time) and to not edit it for the same reason. He's just gonna try to say whatever comes to mind while also making up an excuse for why neither men have uploaded anything in nearly a month.
Dan's slender finger slides over the record button and clicks it, earning a three beep countdown until the red recording light begins to flash. He takes a breath in and tries to be as professional as possible.
"Hey guys! Wait...oh fuck," He says in an over enthusiastic manner before face palming over what he had just said. "Phil has literally attached himself to me like a parasite and is slowly taking over my body."
He laughs quietly and looks into the camera again, fixing his hair with his fingers. "So, uh, I know I look like I got run over by a train. I also know that a mob of you guys are gonna show up outside me and Phil's flat if I don't explain myself soon."
Under the table, he fiddles with his wedding band: a calming distraction to him. "It's been a long ass three weeks, huh? Yeah, I know. And I'm sorry, and so is Mr. Philip who sends his regards from the nur—office."
Already two screwups. Damn he's on a roll tonight.
"I'm so tired so I'm not going to be editing this, but just know that we love you guys and appreciate all the messages we're getting on social media. Phil likes to brag to me that he's getting more memes, so don't let him win this.
My mental health has been whack for the past month and..." a pause catches his tongue as he considers what he's going to say next,"Okay, that's a lie. Sorry, we've become compulsive liars over the past ten years, huh? The truth is...we've just been busy. No spectacular reason, no excuse: we've just been busy."
Dan nearly topples over at the sudden noise erupting from the "office" as he nearly slipped up calling it, and he places a hand on his chest in panic. The wrong hand. He laughs at himself in the camera and holds up one finger to signify that he'll be back in a second, and he hoists himself from his chair and into the hallway.
"Phil, is everything alright?" He yells, because what the hell, right? He gets a mock-annoyed scoff in reply (as he's supposed to be sleeping—it's his shift in an hour) and he hears footsteps upstairs.
Phil sighs and bounces the tiny baby in his arms, only earning more cries. He frowns and looks into his husband's equally exhausted eyes. "He won't stop crying. I'm a shit parent."
"Hey," Dan immediately embraced him, sandwiching their son between them for a moment before pecking him on the lips. He runs his fingers down Phil's stubble coated cheek and smiles. "You are not a shit parent, Phil. You're the best dad ever."
"I think you're confusing yourself and me again, babe, because you're the best dad ever," he holds Dan's hand in his as he cradles the now quieter baby. "Besides, Leo calmed down as soon as you started talking."
"No, that's because you stopped stressing so much. Plus I think he likes the sound of both our voices together," Dan strokes Leo's small amount of ginger hair and looks back up at Phil with a slight sense of anxiety. "Oh, shit, I never turned off the camera."
"You're filming again?" Phil asks.
"Mmhm," he nods in reply. "Wanna share the spotlight, Mr. Lester?"
He looks apprehensively down at Leo, who has fallen asleep again. "I don't know, Dan. I've got Leo, and I am not putting him down again. What'll people think?"
Dan blows air through his closed lips and takes his husband's hand. "Who cares what people think? I've got my two most favourite boys right here, and quite frankly, I'm tired of hiding it."
"Ah, what the hell," Phil giggles and allows himself to be led towards the computer. Dan pulls the desk chair out for him and makes sure Leo is still sleeping before grabbing a kitchen chair and sitting beside him.
Dan reaches up to adjust the camera to capture all three of them instead of just him and turns back to Phil. "We're ready?"
"We're ready." Phil nods, before shifting his attention to the camera and smiling tiredly. "Hey guys. I don't know what Dan has told you yet so I'll let him get on with that."
Dan smiles and places his hand on Phil's knee. "So, when I told you that we had nothing extravagant going on...well, I lied. Our whole lives have become magical over the last ten months—hell, ten years—and we're tired of keeping the magic to ourselves."
"You sound like we're, like, unicorns that shit rainbows or something," Phil giggles.
"Well, we might as well be." He leans his head on the shorter boy's shoulder and gestures to the three of them. "This is what our lives are. We don't need to discover the bloody yeti or Bigfoot to make our lives feel complete."
Phil shifts Leo in his arms a bit and looks into the camera. "Ten years ago, I met this very peculiar boy—you know, a brown fringe, dark eyes, and an existential personality. Ten years ago, I also fell completely and utterly in love with this boy. Nine years and seven months ago, he kissed me for the first time. Five years ago, I proposed, and four years and ten months ago we got married. Eleven months ago, we found out that our family was going to get a bit bigger.
We're sorry we didn't tell you guys. We're also sorry for lying so much since we met, and especially since 2012. No more lying." He adjusts the blankets Leo's swaddled in to show his pale face. He smiles and Dan kisses his cheek, knowing tears welling in his eyes. "Two months ago, we got to meet our baby boy for the first time. And I felt just as ecstatic as I did at that train stop back in 2009."
Dan takes his hand and sniffles. "Audience, meet Leo Martyn Howell—Leo, meet your family."
"If we seem especially emotional right now, it's probably because we haven't slept in three days." Phil laughs quietly. "Also, Dan, why are you still wearing that?"
Dan cocks his head and then looks down at his shoulder. "Oh, that. Yes, guys, I'm wearing a spitrag, and what? I'm a dad, I think I'm entitled."
"You are," he pecks the taller man on the cheek, to which he responds by stroking his cheek.
"I know this is a short video," Dan bites his lip. "But we thought that something tiny makes a big impact."
"Just like Leo," Phil concludes. "We'll be posting pictures from way back in the past on Instagram and Twitter starting tomorrow."
"You know, like grossly domestic couple stuff, so-sweet-you'll-croak baby pictures, and all that jazz." Dan finishes. "So, thank you for watching. Just know that if 'ya say anything rude about my husband or my son, I'm gonna find you, and then I'm gonna block you."
"Same goes for me," the man with formerly jet black hair adds. "Someone called Dan fat on Instagram a few weeks ago and it took everything in me to not start a comment war."
Dan laughs and kisses his cheek. "Anyway...end screen?"
Phil nods and smiles at the camera. "G'bye everyone. See you all soon."
"No, Phil, you gotta do it like this." Dan stands and moves to cover the camera with his hands. "Go-o-o-odbye!"
____________________________________
YES I KNOW ITS SHORT. SHUT UP.
This idea has literally been collecting dust in my reference list since the fucking Mesozoic era and I needed to finish it.