song :: ghost of you - 5 seconds of summer
"Here I am waking up
Still can't sleep on your side"
( MONDAY :: TWO WEEKS AFTER DIRK'S DEATH )
SOPHIA'S POV
Dirk pulls me by the arm. We both fall into a pile of leaves. I feel happiness come over me. We look at each other and grin, we grin so hard.
Then reality sets in and I am now overcomed with nothing but sadness. I look at his beautiful blue eyes, god damn they where beautiful.
I frown and run my hand through his hair, "why'd you have leave me?"
His face is now also filled with sadness. He pulls back a strand of my hair and places it behind me ear.
"I didn't want to leave you." His eyes turn a little glossy, "but it wasn't my decision."
A year runs down my cheek and he wipes it away.
"You'll be just fine, Soph. You'll be just fine." He places a kiss on my forehead.
I place my hand on his cheek and sadly smile, "no I won't."
::
I am rudely awaken by the sound of my alarm going off.
My pillow was wet of my crying. I turn around to face the empty side of the bed; it was his side. I look a little up and there was his coffee cup with my lipstick stain fading. I feel myself crying again.
It has been two weeks. Two long as fuck weeks. Two weeks without him. I have missed school for two weeks, today I was coming back.
I don't think I'm mentally nor physically prepared to go back; but I have to try to move on, even if I don't want to.
We where in love and dumb and young; and he was taken from me.
I slowly find the strength in my body to get off my bed. I've left almost all of his things intact and where he last left them.
I stand in front of the mirror. There was a picture of us in the corner. I wanted to bawl my eyes out but I had to be strong. I had to be strong for me and for him.
I open my closet. I picked the comfiest thing I could find. I didn't care what I wore honestly. I pull on a loose sweatshirt and some sweatpants. I kneel down to tie my Nikes, these where his favorite.
Going into the bathroom I stayed there staring at myself for awhile. My hands hold on tight to the sink. I look at my puffy red eyes. I take out some eyedrops. I squeeze the tiny bottle, letting the liquid hit my eyes.
I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste. Squeezing the toothpaste to reveal a pasty blue-green mint. I slowly brush my teeth taking my time. I twist the knob of cold water. Cupping my hands, the water fills them up. Pulling my hands up to my face the cold water hit me.
I put my hair in a messy bun. I look at myself one more time. I tried to smile, but I couldn't.
I take my time walking down the stairs, remembering all the times he walked through them. My parents had already left for work. I go out the door without even bothering to eat breakfast.
I get into my car gripping tightly on the wheel. Turning on the engine, music from the radio filled the car. I was startled. I haven't heard a loud sound in awhile and wasn't used to it.
- ( AT SCHOOL ) -
I pull up at school. I get out of the car and was glad I was late to when everyone meets up outside. No one was crowded into their little groups. I slowly make my way up the stairs. I now face the doors of the school.
I hesitate in opening them. I find the strength inside me to open those doors. I breath in, then out. I slowly open the door.
When I open the doors it was like everyone's attention had drifted onto me. The halls once filled with chatter was now silent. I start to walk, my head down trying to make eye contact with anyone. Everyone got out of my way as I walked.
I get to my locker after what feels the longest walk of pity. I rapidly insert my code and open it. I stick my face in the locker as I let a few tears slip.
I felt someone lightly place their hand on my shoulder. Looking back I was now facing Luna, my best friend.
She gave me a small smile, "you okay?"
I shake my head, "no."
She pulls me in for a hug and I cried a bit. Khloe then joins in.
We pull away and Luna looks at Khloe and they slightly nod.
Khloe grabs my wrist, reminding me of my dream with Dirk, "come we want to show you something."
They lead me to a memorial for Dirk. I place my hand on my mouth. Khloe and Luna were rubbing my arm with their hands.
"No one know who did it but we've been placing flowers and stuff since." Luna shrugs a bit saying that.
"Yeah, and the football team is going to honor him in their next game." Khloe says trying to cheer me up.
I smile knowing he somehow impacted people's lives. He was a wonderful person and was taken from us way too soon.
- ( LATER ) -
I had survived about half of the school day already; I still wasn't ready for the other half. But for now I had to survive lunch.
Many people have been trying to comfort today but I've been shutting them out. I didn't want to talk about it.
It's really funny how some people start to care about you after something terrible happens. A few people knew him like I did: Benji, Brandon, Ethan, Luna, and Khloe. But only one person knew him better than anyone and that was Grayson.
Grayson and him where inseparable since day one. I always teased him saying he'd leave me one day for Grayson. They literally would've done anything for each other. Kill for each other and die for each other.
I kept on playing with my food, I've lost a lot of my appetite since I found out. Sitting at the table where obviously Luna and Khloe but a few people joined us today. Benji and Brandon joined along with Ethan.
It was killing me inside and I needed to know. I look at Ethan, "where's Grayson?"
He swallows the food in his mouth and faces me, "home. He hasn't been wanting to talk about it."
- ( AFTER SCHOOL ) -
I get into my car not wanting to go home.
I was gonna go visit Grayson.
GRAYSON'S POV
I had skipped school once again. I don't know how I'm going to get through this, it's killing me inside.
I hear the door ring. I figured it was Ethan but it wasn't. My mom gets it.
I was outside sitting next to a warm bonfire. Dirk and I used to do this all the time.
My mom peeks her head out from inside, "Grayson someone's here to see you."
I sigh. It was probably just Benji or Brandon trying to cheer me up to fail, again.
It was like my mom read my mind cause she contradicts what I think, "it's a girl."
A girl?
Sophia them appears from behind her. Her presence hit me like a ton of bricks. She reminded me of Dirk and how much he loved her. I remember him telling me how much he wanted to marry her.
"Hi." Her voice was soft, hurt. She sat next to me.
"Hi." I don't look at her. My attention still focused on the flames.
"I went to school today." She finally let out. I look at her but quickly glide back my attention. She was focused on the flames also.
She was so strong to go back.
"H-how was it?" My nervous voice caused me to stutter.
She swallows a bit of her saliva, "okay."
I look back at her and tilt my head, "really?"
She looks at me and shakes her head, "no, no it was awful." The tears she was trying to hold back had now escaped, "I miss him so much Gray."
I scoot closer to her and pulled her in. She buried her head in my chest and I stroked her hair, "me too."
I understood her but I didn't cry. My face was stone cold like I had no emotions.
We stayed like that for awhile.
She finally pulled away and wiped her tears, "I'm sorry."
I shake my head, "don't."
"When are you coming back?" She questioned. "I mean take your time but we need you and you need us."
I nod kind of agreeing with her, "I'll be there soon enough."
She was right, I needed them but I needed Dirk more and he was gone.
::
a/n - i'm crying just writing this okay.
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