When I wake up I'm in someone's house. Who's? I've no idea. It's hot under these blankets and I try kicking them off but I'm tired and my limbs feel heavy. What happened?
"He's awake" it's niall and I notice now that he's next to me holding my hand. It's nice.
"I'm sorry Liam I'm so sorry I didn't I don't know what happened I'm sorry I got mad it won't happen again I-" I cut louis' rambling off by shaking my head. Which makes my head hurt.
"I don't even know what your going on about but please stop talking" I say closing my eyes again. I'm so tired but I force my eyes open again. Trying to get my thoughts together.
"Where am I?" I ask.
"Zayns house" niall answers.
"Why?"
"You um had a panic attack or something and then you p-passed out in the hallway when we took you out to try and calm you down" he explains.
I just nod not really knowing what else to respond with. It's weird I don't really remember. I remember saying I was gay and we were talking about Danielle and louis .. Getting angry. Oh .. I shake those thoughts away quickly. I don't need another 'panic attack' happening any time soon.. Again. God I can never do anything right.
"Um what about zayn" I ask barely above a whisper.
"Here" he says entering the room with some water.
He walks over and helps me sit up and I drink the water. It feels good going down my scratchy, dry throat. I thank him and lay down again.
"What time is it" I ask no one in particular.
"7:39" niall replies.
"I should ... I should go home" I say hesitantly trying not to think about what awaits at home. Shudder
"Nope you can't your staying here" zayn says instantly. "I already texted your people" he says holding up my phone. My people? Ugh. I don't even argue I just lay down and close my eyes.
"I'm sorry" louis says kissing my forehead softly before moving out of the way.
"We love you Li" it's harry and he presses a kiss to my forehead also before leaving with Lou.
"We love you" niall says doing the same lingering longer than normal but I don't comment on it. It feels good.
"Love you Li" it's zayn and he presses a kiss to my cheek instead before laying down beside me.
He means it in a friendly way just like the lads did don't get your hopes up
For a while I forget that and just relax in his arms. And if I'm being honest it's the best feeling ever. He's on his side with his arms around me and his chin resting on my shoulder.
For a while I just pretend this is what it would be like if we were together.
For a while I pretend that we're happy and together. And then I'm sleeping, still pretending that this is how it's supposed to be.
I wish this is how it was
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[wow this sucked and also I'm really bad at updating I forget things so easily honestly how do you not hate me. Ugh sorry for this crappy chapter]