Thumping.
Just thumping in Joe's ears, his heart racing as fast as it can without breaking his ribcage. The paramedics sound like they're trying to talk to him while he's underwater. They need to know what happened but Joe can't bring himself to tell them. He can't tell them anything because there's so much blood. It's over his hands and covering his hoodie and shirt and jeans and shoes. And there's just so much blood. He remembers in his biology class, learning that there's about five liters of blood in the human body but he didn't really comprehend how much blood that was. That's a lot of blood and there's still more coming.
How does a body have so much blood?
Joe was allowed in the ambulance since he was the only one there with you. He needed a ride and he couldn't leave you. How was he supposed to do? This could have been prevented this and he needed to never leave your side now.
"Y-you can't let them die." Joe whispers, holding your blood-soaked hand in his as the paramedics held the bag mask to your face, pumping air every second.
"We're going to try everything we can." The paramedic reassures but Joe barely hears him.
Joe just softly repeats the phrase, pleading them to help you and not to let you die. You can't die and they're trying. They are really trying their best efforts to keep you hanging on. There's just so much blood and it just keeps coming.
Once at the hospital, Joe is forced to let go of your hand and he tries following the paramedics and doctors that met at the emergency room doors to a room but he was quickly stopped by a nurse. He ran right into her, paying no attention to anything or anyone besides you.
"I'm sorry but you can't go in there." The nurse says as Joe tries to move past her. She grabs his arms softly to stop him. "You need to be out. here and let them work. They're going to try everything they can."
"I-I need...I need to be in there." Joe says with a quivering jaw. "Th-they can't. I-I tried and the-their dad and...this can't be..." Joe's sentences are broken and stammered as his thoughts jumble in his head.
He should have been able to stop this. You two were just walking back to Joe's apartment and then a car just came out of nowhere. Joe can sense when there's forms of dangers but somehow, somehow he missed this. The one fucking time you needed him, he missed it. He wasn't fast enough and the car just hit you. One second you were walking in front of him and he was promising he was going to love you forever and the next you were being thrown over the hood of a car and onto the street.
Joe ran to you and begged for passers-by to call an ambulance, to do something, anything. He cradled you in his lap, his hand caressing your cheek, begging you to be okay. Your jeans were burned to your legs from the grill of the car and a gash split your head open, deep enough for Joe to be able to see white. Glass from the windshield penetrated your abdomen from the impact. Your eyes were closed but your chest was moving up and down. It was labored but moving and all he could do was hope to everything that you'd be okay. Help would get to you soon. That maybe you wouldn't bleed out in his arms.
Now all Joe could do was stare into the window, watching one of the doctors start compressions. You were so frail, limp like a rag doll with every compression. It was like a scene out of a medical drama right when they'd start playing Chasing Cars or How To Save A Life. But, this wasn't a medical drama. It was real and real doctors do extraordinary things to save patients, young patients who have barely begun their lives.
Tears trickled down Joe's face just as the doctor stopped compressions. He looks around the room, looked at Joe, then looked up, presumably to a clock, and back around the room. Joe didn't need to hear what anyone in that room was saying because he knew. He knew those faces. He'd seen that look before.
"No!" Joe screamed, his hand connecting with the glass of the window, your blood smearing across the glass. "No!" Joe yelled again, this time for more broken.
He watched as the doctor mouthed something and started chest compressions again, a nurse sticking something in your IV. They had to keep trying but it was only then that Joe really noticed the blood he'd smeared on the glass. It's your blood. Just, everywhere. He looks at his other hand and he can barely even see the pigment of his own skin. His jeans are dark blue, almost black from the amount of blood and his shirt and hoodie are covered. The fabric of the white t-shirt is starting to stick to his form from being wet.
How does the human body have so much blood?
"Where are they?" A strong voice grabbed Joe's attention, his tears nearly stopping at the sound. "You're going to tell me where the hell they are or I will tear this place to the ground, do you understand? Where the hell is my child?"
Joe moves his stare from his hands and then to the voice. "M-Mr. Paxton.." Joe's voice cracks.
Joe didn't tell them who you were or who to call and he was too in shock to do it himself but, he didn't need to. You're a Paxton. You are the Jason Paxton's child. Everyone knows who you are. The daughter of the most influential man in NYC. The second the paramedics saw you, they were telling the doctors who you were and to get Jason Paxton on the phone. But maybe it was for the best that they called instead of Joe.
Jason's eyes hit Joe and he looks ready to break. "What happened?" Jason demands as he forgets about the nurse he was yelling at while approaching Joe.
"A-a car...I just...I tried and it just...it-" Joe's voice breaks with a lump coming into his throat, tears spill from his eyes. "I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Mr. Paxton. I tried. I tried and I wasn't fast enough and I should have...It shouldn't-I don't." Joe looks down to his hands, palms up and they're shaking. He's shaking and tears just spill onto the stained skin.
Jason moves to look past Joe and into the window just as they stop working. The doctor looks at the window to see a distraught Jason Paxton. The Jason Paxton, just staring at him with his child on the gurney. All he can do is shake his head. Joe looks back just in time to see the doctor mouth 'time of death'.
"No!" Joe yells again and slams his fist against the glass. "No! You have to keep working!" Joe sobs with another slam against the window, the glass cracking under pressure.
Jason stares blankly, eyes wide as he questions how this could have happened and what really happened. Joe is screaming and sobbing right beside him and all he has to look at his dead child's body. What is he supposed to do now? What are either of them supposed to do now?
"Keep going..." Joe's voice drops with a softer hit to the glass. "They can't be..." Joe just sobs and falls to his knees. His head buries into his blood-stained hands and he was supposed to protect you.
He swore he was going to marry you. He had just talked to Jason about it. He asked him the day before he could propose. Jason went and helped him pick out a ring and Joe was going to pop the question when you both got back to the apartment. He wanted it to be nice and intimate, just the two of you. That's why he'd taken you out to your favorite place to eat which happened to just be a corner diner that served the best thin crust in all of New York, in your opinion. He was so ready with the ring in his drawer. How the hell could you have been ripped from him just like that? It's just not fair.
Jason let a few tears slip before he wipes his face and knelt down in front of Joe. "I-I'm sorry...this...it's-it's all my fault." Joe whimpers, blood now smeared across his face.
Jason looks at the boy that should have been becoming his son-in-law. Your blood, his child's, blood is just everywhere and Jason can only imagine the horror Joe actually witnessed to be covered in that much blood. Jason knows first hand what it's like to watch people die in front of him and the impact it can have but this, this is different. You were the love of Joe's life and Joe's forever but now, now you're just stained blood on his clothes.
Jason takes in a deep breath and pushes the lump down. "I need you to listen, okay? It's not your fault." Jason's voice falters, trying to get the words out. You were his world, too.
"It-it is...I'm faster than that...I could have...I should have stopped-"
"Stop." Jason demands. "I know you tried and for that, I thank you but this isn't your fault. Now, get up and call your family. Have them come get you and take you home. You can't be alone. I can handle this from here."
"B-but Mr. Paxton, I-"
"Go home, Mr. Sugg." Jason says as he stands back up, a few tears starting to leak from his eyes. He hasn't called Joe 'Mr. Sugg' in well over two years but it's the only way he can address him right now. He has to dissociate and that's the only way he can think of right now.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm so sorry-"
"Now." Jason says, pulling his suit jacket into place while his eyes stay on the window, your lifeless body laying the bed.
Joe stares at him for a few seconds, his heart heavy and a lump in his throat so large he can't even breathe. He takes another look into the window, the blood shielding part of his view. He couldn't save you and let you down. He let himself down. He let Jason down. Joe can save the entire city but he couldn't save you, his world, his life.
BY: starksparker on tumblr
**I'm still sobbing**