I see the way he looks at me out of the corner of his eyes. I love his nose. I love his eyes. I love his ears. I love his smile. He is the definition of the perfection of imperfection, and it seems, the more I draw him, the more I fall in love.
But ours is no epic love story. It's the sad, phone calls at 2am on a tuesday morning questioning the purpose of life. It's the spontaneous turning up at his house at 10:00pm because I'm excited about wearing a tie. It's kissing him in the rain. It's the conversations about the faults in relationships. It's him reaching for my hand when he's nervous. It's being in his presence. But I can't help it that it hurts me, every time he lets go of my hand, and it's getting so hard to say goodbye and I don't wanna listen to the voices inside my head but they're screaming his name.
My days revolve around him, like the world revolves around the sun. I can't even get away from him in my dreams! My dreams have become littered with images of him, his silly grin and his ridiculous jokes. But we both know this will never last, how could it? We're just teenagers trying to understand the word "love". I can't tell you I'm in love with him, because I wouldn't know. But I know that I love him more than life itself and I'm never going to forgive myself for not being good enough. He will be the boy I drunk text 6 months after we're through. He will be the one that is on my mind, even when half of it is not there itself.
But I will be the one to destroy him. I know that I will want him to be incomplete without me by his side. I pity the girl who loves him next, she will wonder about that awful girl that haunts every corner of his mind. She will compare herself to me, "is she prettier than me? Is she smarter than me?" She will have these non existent wars with the image of me. And she will wonder how any human being could have hurt a boy so sweet. But she will love him more than I ever could, she will treat him right and he will love her more than he ever loved me.