Ramin:
Ramin hadn't been in a Broadway show since Anastasia and now when it was March, he felt that it was time to join something. He had already been to one or two auditions which included doing Evita in Japan but the one musical he really wanted to do was The Secret Garden. The last time he did it he had fallen in love with the character and the whole story. Since it was going to have a Broadway revival he wanted to get the chance to do it. However, he was scared that he maybe wouldn't get the role he wanted to, which was Archibald, and therefore he kept auditioning for other roles.
The day of auditions he was very nervous. He didn't really know why, he usually didn't get this nervous. For him, being nervous was a sign that you weren't prepared and that didn't make him feel much better. Probably it was because he really wanted this role. Also, he had decided not to tell anyone, and especially not Sierra, that he auditioned for the role as Archibald because if he got it he wanted to surprise her. Secret Garden was one of her favorite musicals, so she would become very happy if he got the role and he loved to make her happy. Also, he secretly hoped that she too would audition for it. However, this wish was buried deep within him because he was almost ashamed for hoping such thing. He didn't know why but that was the case.
When it was his turn he felt like throwing up. He hadn't been this nervous since his audition for "Miss Saigon" but that was for a whole different reason and that was some time ago now. But now he was extremely nervous and shaky. He went inside the audition room and walked up to the piano which stood in the middle of the room. Other than the director and the producer, Lucy Simon, the creator of The Secret Garden, was there. This made him both more nervous but also more motivated to make this a good audition. After some small talk with the crew he took his place beside the piano and the audition started.
He came out of the room quite satisfied. Since he had done the show before he remembered most of the songs that was in the musical, so it was quite easy for him. According to him he did it quite well. He hit all notes and everything, but he never wanted to say that he completely nailed it because you could always do it better. However, even if it went well he was still a little worried whether he would get the role or not.
The day after, Mandy and his sons were supposed to come and visit him. After picking them up at the airport they went out to a lunch restaurant and ate lunch together. He was so happy to finally meet his boys again after the long time they were parted. To meet Mandy on the other hand, was weird for him. They talked a lot, but they didn't feel the need to sit next to each other or even hug. It was as if they were only friends. Combining all his feelings and thoughts he finally understood, everything that had happened between them happened because he didn't love her anymore. That explained why he didn't miss her as much as his boys and why the special feeling in the pit of his stomach that came when he saw her was gone. Surprisingly, this feeling didn't make him scared, angry or worried. He felt strangely comfortable in that his love for her was, so to say, gone.
Mandy and the boys sat in the sofa in his apartment that afternoon. He knew that he no longer loved her, even if it was hard to accept and the only solution he thought would be right to do was to divorce. It would be hard for the family, especially for the boys, but over time it would be best. Usually he would be the one who wanted to stay in a relationship just for the boy's sake but not now. It wouldn't be fair to anyone if Mandy and he stayed in a relationship, even if they meant well.
- I need to talk with you about something; Ramin whispered to Mandy, his stomach ached out of nervousness.
- Oh, me too; she answered. Can we take it after the boys has gone to bed?
- Sure; he felt the anxiety as a stone in his stomach.
After he had tucked in his sons in their beds he went out to the kitchen where Mandy had taken a seat at the table. Why was he this nervous? Mandy would understand, she was a cool woman.
- So, what did you wanna talk about? she asked.
- Ummm, it's hard to tell you, but...; he let out a sigh. I've realized during these last weeks, or actually months, that I don't have the same feelings for you as I had when we married.
Ramin did not knew if he had said it too fast, if he was supposed to start with something else. But somehow it felt like it was better to just get it out. He felt horrible, he didn't know that this would hurt this much. Even if he didn't love her anymore he had been married to her a little over 17 years. The love they had shared was gone but Ramin still cared about her, like any responsible person would. Like a friend.
- This is exactly what I wanted to talk to you about too. I... I have noticed that you don't love me anymore. Not only now, it has been for a while and, I kind of feel the same thing. I don't love you the way I did before; Mandy said.
Luckily Amanda did not seem that uncomfortable, not shifting position or turning in her chair. It would be very hard for Ramin if that would have been the case. Mandy did not look sad, but not happy either. Ramin scanned her face, it was hard to tell what she was thinking but something plopped in his head. Was she relieved?
- Okey, well then; he said, knowing this situation was very awkward. Was that it, or?
There was an awkward silence, but both knew what was coming. He had thought of it for some time and they both knew it was the right thing to do. Still, no one dared to speak up and ask about it.
- Should we get a divorce?
- I think that is the best option; Ramin said feeling relieved that he didn't have to bring it up. But the kids?
- We can solve that later. Now, when this is cleared and I'm tired, so then I sleep in the sofa and you take the bed?
- No, you take the bed, I take the sofa. I can't let you sleep on the sofa, you're still kind of a guest; he smiled.
- You have always been such a gentleman; she smiled back and went out of the room.
Oddly, Ramin felt good, very sad, but good. It felt great that Mandy took it so good. But of course, that's why he fell in love with her in the first place. It felt like he had made a good decision which was very satisfying.
Approximately a week after they were officially divorced, and they had half custody of the boys. It was a short and not very public divorce which was good for everyone. Since they were still friends they had already decided everything about the divorce, so they only had to fill out some papers and didn't have to go to court. His family had now gone back to London so the boys to go to school there so now he was sitting at home thinking of what to do. He wanted to talk to someone, but he didn't know who. After two minutes his phone started ringing like someone had read his thoughts;
- Uh, hello? He said.
- Hi Ramin! A female voice he knew very well said.
- Sie! He exclaimed.
- I... I heard about... uhhh, I don't know how to say this, but I heard about the divorce. H-how are you?
When she asked he just felt how all feelings came to him. You know that feeling when you are sad but don't cry? However, when someone asks how you feel you just start crying? That was how he felt. He and Mandy were no longer a couple and would never be again. It was hard to understand that it actually was over. Tears started streaming down his face and he let out sob.
- Ramin! I'm so sorry! Do you want me to come over?
- If you want to.
He felt grateful to have Sierra in his life. She knew exactly what to say and what to do.
Sierra:
Fifteen minutes later Sierra knocked on Ramin's door. She hadn't cared about changing from her sweat-pants and her oversized t-shirt. All she cared about now was to meet Ramin and to comfort him. The door opened, and a red and puffy eyed face looked out. However, even if he was all red eyed and looked like a wreck he somehow still was beautiful. Pushing that thought away she threw herself around his neck and held him tight.
- I'm terribly sorry Ramin, I truly am; she whispered in his ear.
She let go of him and he closed the door behind her. She took off her outdoor clothing and they went inside the living room sitting down in his sofa.
- Sie; he began. You don't have to be sorry. I'm not sad because Mandy and I are not a couple anymore, or, I am. But I don't love her anymore, and she doesn't love me, so it was only for the best. So, I don't even know why I'm crying.
- Okay; she said and looked at him. But you know Ramin, it's okay to be sad and cry sometimes.
She leaned over and hugged him. They sat like that for a long time, Ramin crying into her shoulder and Sierra stroking his back soothingly. When she loosened her grip of him, thinking that he probably didn't want to hug her anymore he held her even tighter and she quickly hugged him again. Feeling that it started to become a little uncomfortable she very nervously jumped up in his knee to not bend her body weirdly. Luckily, he didn't mind and just kept hugging her and she let herself breathe out.
After a long, deep talk, lots of tears from both, and of course some laughs later in the evening, it was time for Sierra to walk home. They stood up and she looked into his warm brown eyes and his handsome face. Thinking about what she just had thought she looked away, feeling her cheeks burning a little. Sierra Boggess, what are you even thinking about? This was not fair to Ramin.
They walked to the door and she put on her outdoor clothes again.
- Bye Sie, and thank you so much for coming; Ramin said and embraced Sierra in a warm hug.
- No problems, I am always here for you; she whispered back.
They let go of each other and she went home. It felt so good to hug him, why? And he's so beautiful, perhaps too beautiful? She didn't know what was wrong with her, but he made her feel happy and as if it was only him and her in the whole world. Trying to stop thinking of him she pressed play on some random Barbra Streisand song on Spotify and kept on walking home from Ramin's flat humming the melodies to herself as she walked in the misty streets.