Things were going on well that Lami felt as though she was finally living again. Everything felt too good to be true, having a homely feeling is truly the best thing one could ever have.
She was even dreaming again, unlike before when she had no ambition, dreaming of days she would be able to have her own children.
She dreamt of being pregnant and going through all the phases other women had gone through. She dreamt of the day she could participate in the women community meetings and all. Most importantly, she had a dream.
She looked at her husband who was seating on the floor, legs crossed and he looked to be deep in thought. Two weeks of being together and Lami completely had no objections that this man were different from all the others.
He treated her with respect, he asked for her opinion and didn't bother if she disagreed with him over anything. She was being really comfortable with him and it terrified her. It's too fast paced, she felt.
"Salamalaikum"
She entered the room and he answered, looking up at her and she paused, not understanding his looks. She set the tray of food down and went out of the room to bring back a bowl of water he would use to clean his hands with.
"Let's eat together"
She was a bit hesitant. Even though they were married, it still didn't change the fact that they were total strangers to each other. She of course kept the truth that she didn't see him as a stranger anymore to herself.
She wasn't ready to loose herself over him and then be disappointed at the end again. Unsure that her heart could bear any more pain or troubles, she'd keep those feeling private and dwell on them when she was alone. Maybe someday she'd be privileged to tell him how she felt, but only until then.
They ate in silence and she took the plates out, then returned and sat close to him. He looked at her again and smile.
"I think we should get to know each other don't you think?"
She nodded. She also thought the same.
"The first step to achieving a happy marriage is communication. I think by now, you should be able to speak to me freely"
She reasoned his words and found them true.
"You are right."
She agreed with him and silence descended again.
"When I was young, I used to wonder why the other kids had fathers but I didn't."
He began and she looked at him. He was telling her things from the past, not just anything. He was opening his own cupboard to her and that made a warm feeling spread through her entire self.
"One day, I overhead the women in the market. I was just returning from school then.
They pointed at me and spoke in hushed tones.
Ahmadu smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. Memories of who he was before running in a circle around his head as he voiced them out the first time.
He wasn't sure why, but he found himself liking her more and more and he consoled himself. The girl didn't seem to have any problems. For now. They had a lot of time to spend together and they could use that to unravel themselves piece by piece.
He shook the mild thoughts away and continued
" Look at him, see how he walks like his father owns the village. He has passed without even a word of greeting.'
One of the women said and I slowed down. I had half a mind to turn back and greet them. I had been in a hurry to return home and didn't greet them but another voice stopped me. She said to the other
'Do you blame him? What do you expect from a child that was conceived on the sheets of prostitution? He has no father to put him through so it is only natural he behaves this way.'
Hearing that, I ran home angrily. When I got home, I was crying. Mother was very disturbed when she saw me and she probed but I refused to answer her.
Later, I couldn't sleep at night and kept tossing in bed, the words still ringing in my ears.
'Conceived on the sheets of prostitution'.
For the first time, I began to doubt my existence. I began to question everything my mother had told me. I was itching to ask her for the truth. Was I really conceived from such acts? But I couldn't ask her. Her actions and words gave me an answer and I also couldn't bring myself to ask her till date.
I used to think that I didn't ask her because I was afraid of how broken she'd feel and that I'd be reminding her of nasty memories but now I know why I can't ask her.
It is because I am afraid. I am afraid of the truth, I do not know what to expect and I don't know what I'd do if I do find the truth and that's why I have decided, it is better to live this way without ever knowing the truth than to learn of a truth that would destroy me forever.
I used to think I was better than you and refused this union at first but now I know that if anything, you should have been the one who refused me. You are stronger and you had the courage to embrace yourself the way you are but I am not that way. This is who I am, this is me Lami and I promise you, if any day should come that you feel you can no longer remain with me, this fatherless person, I will willingly give you your freedom."
He finished talking and looked at her, his eyes filled with guilt and self shame. Her throat felt dry and her chest heavy. Her eyes stung and she did nothing to hold the tears.
He held her hand and embraced her. She was crying everything out.
She was giving up everything because she knew that she loved him now even though it'd be foolish falling for someone this fast.
She was surrendering everything out in her tears, she was giving her life to live again. She felt he was the one piece missing in her life. She never felt that way towards anyone and for the first time, she was willing to face society, to fight all odds.
They'd make it through. A thousand dreams, they'd have and make them come true. They both were victims of fate of destiny. Both of them had no choice in what life had played out for them so why should they take the blame of it all?
She embraced him tighter in her arms, she'd never let go, she knew she wouldn't.
Ahmadu had opened up, he had broken free and she had taken him as he was. He knew then, that he had found peace in his heart. He vowed to himself that no matter what, they would fight back and no longer allow themselves be pushed down by the crushing cruelness of life.
This woman in his arms, she was made for him.
After their talk, they felt closer to each other. Even though Lami hadn't opened up to him, he was willing to wait until she felt comfortable to tell him about her past willingly because only then would she be able to move on forever.
They were walking back home, through the market. Three days after that day and Ahmadu had to return to the city. Though uncertain of what the heaviness in her heart represented, Lami knew it was related to him leaving.
He had assured his mother that soon, he would be back for them and they would return to leaving in the city which Indo refused strongly. She asked him to take his wife if he wanted to but she would live and die in Kurmi even though she wasn't born in Kurmi
She had watched him leaving in the bus and her eyes stung with tears, not from the heavy dust but from hollowness she suddenly felt. To run after the bus, catch it and jump inside beside him, she wished she could but said nothing as they walked home. She was nervous, not being in the market for a very long time ever since the people made it clear that her presence was a nuisance to them.
Eyes followed them as the two women walked. Their slim figures alike just as their fate was.
A young child bumped into Lami and fell on the ground. Once he stood up, he didn't apologize instead he pushed her with his small hands and shouted
"Mama, witch!"
Being used to such treatments, she did nothing and bowed her head to walk away when she felt indo wrap her fingers around her wrist and stopping her. She turned and faced the woman who suddenly gave the child a slap across the mouth.
"Who is your mother?"
Indo asked harshly but there was no need to, for a woman almost the same age as Lami if not younger suddenly appeared and pulled the child behind her, throwing Lami a disgusted look.
"It is not her you need to look at that way but me. I am the one that hit him did I not? Is this what you learnt from your mother to teach your child? Do you teach him to disrespect a woman a woman older than his mother? If so I am disappointed to say, he will grow to be a nuisance to society. Come Lami, let us leave this place. It is not a good sight"
Indo admonished at the same time speaking very gently and calm in a manner that would have you feeling guilty and ashamed. Lami's respect for the woman grew and she raised her head for the first time in a long while in the market. They walked a few meters when a soft voice stopped them.
"Wait! I am sorry"
The mother of the child walked up to them pulling him along. Indo smiled at her
"Why are you apologising to me? Besides, it wasn't you who offended. Let the offender apologise to the right person"
The child walked forward and swallowed hard. His mother pinched on his back painfully, urging him to apologise quickly to save her from further embarrassment as the market women were already staring at the scene.
It had been quite a while since a show took place. Life was pretty boring and the women wouldn't want to miss something to chew on for a few days and she was not willing to be the next hot topic.
He apologised and Lami rubbed his head fondly, smiling at him.
"I am Marka. I live very close to you, I will pay you a visit sometime in the coming days or later in the day if I close early from the market if it is okay with you"
The woman, marka spoke keeping a close look on Lami who turned to look at indo, silently asking what to reply. She was given a very small nod and she took it for a yes then smiled at marka.
She felt a bit happy. She had spent a while without her mate to talk to.
"Of course you can"
They walked back home in silence. Lami's heart was filled with respect for her mother in law and from time to time, she couldn't help stealing a glance at her.
"In this life, people will always look and talk. Even if there is nothing to see, they will always look and so far as they look, the talks will never stop. You're the one giving them a chance to bully you, though I admit I was like that too in the first moments of my rebellion but later, I learnt to steel myself and fight back. If you let people pick on you, they would do that even more. You should be able to show them that you really don't care what they think and that is only when they will grab the fact that their opinions don't matter and you will have peace, even if a little."
Gently, the words flowed out like a peaceful river. Lami looked at the woman walking beside her, noticed how she held her head high and her eyes filled with a spark of determination.
"Mother rebelled too?"
She knew it was not right to ask, but she also didn't wish to stay quiet. She knew a bit about the woman's past but like her son, she was also a mystery, a bigger one.
"Things of the past are not good to remember Lami, not at all but I will tell you the story. Maybe in bits or in broken pieces. Maybe in a full version or maybe I might just never tell you at all. The first thing being I refused an arranged marriage to the father of the man I fancied sometime ago although at that time I didn't learn what love was just yet. When I did, I understood it was merely a childish infatuation and dream of fading clouds, that thing called love, and nothing more yet I do not regret running away from home then."
Lami wanted to probe further but guarded her tongue. It seems her mother in law had a rough past, perhaps a very rough one she might wish she didn't listen to. But someday, she would tell her she disagreed with her own meaning of love.
Love was when you found peace in a person, when that person has the soothing effects on you.
Love is when that person becomes a home, a sanctuary.
Just like Ahmadu was slowly becoming for her.
Indo smiled secretly when the girl did not ask further questions. The more time she spent with her, the more she became impressed with her characterm. She hadn't been wrong to chose her after all.
The rest of the walk home was done in silence, in comfortable silence.
It wasn't until they got home, prayed and ate dinner that indo called her name softly while staring at the dark starless sky.
"Ahmadu spoke to me yesterday night, he wanted to ask some questions but he couldn't ask. Ask you of course. Silly boy! I told him you were his wife so why talk to me instead but he wouldn't. I guess I raised my boy to be shy and reserved"
She laughed gently while speaking with a voiced laced full of emotions only a mother proud of her child could muster and use. Lami felt a bit of jealousy when she said my boy. She wondered if she would ever have the opportunity one day.
The sky growled and the winds howled. The dust smelt of rain. Agreeing with the weather, indo stood up.
"Rest good. It will rain tonight"
As she tossed on the bed, she suddenly missed the other company on the bed yet her mind kept thinking over Indo's words.
Lami wondered,
What questions could those be?