I looked up as Zayn sat down next to me. I wasn’t really in the mood to speak to anyone, but I couldn’t really stop him.
“He’s an idiot.” Zayn stated simply.
If it was who I was thinking of then I already knew that, in fact it was the only thing on my mind.
“Who?” I asked confusedly.
“Don’t be stupid Liam, you know who I mean.” Zayn said, rolling his eyes.
I probably had a good idea of who Zayn was talking about but that didn’t mean I was going to say it. If I did it’d just confirm the fact that I was upset about him and not something stupid (well really it was stupid) or pointless. He wasn’t pointless to me, and that only frustrated me even further.
The fact that Zayn even knew what was going on was even more worrying. The point was that nobody was supposed to know what a mess I was in because if nobody knew I could get over the crazy attraction and move on without it ever being mentioned again.
“Just tell me who you’re talking about, Zayn.” I insisted.
“Weeeell, let’s play twenty questions to figure it out.” he said, smirking.
God, why did he have to be so difficult all the time?
“That’s just ridiculous.” I said, shaking my head.
I wasn’t going to play twenty questions figure out a name I already knew. Zayn said the silliest things sometimes.
“Well so is your pretending.” Zayn retorted.
He was right, my pretending was ridiculous, but it was for an extremely good reason. I huffed and gave in, deciding to humour him.
“Is the person male?” I asked.
I decided to go for very simple, basic questions because I really didn’t want to be in a situation where his name was blindingly obvious.
“Yes, but you already know that and you don’t seem to care.” he said as he grinned.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, glaring at him.
“Nothing, nothing, just stating the fact that attraction to the same gender doesn’t affect you.” Zayn insisted.
The truth was that it did affect me, so much. But even then I wasn’t going to say that because that would have been admitting the simple fact that I had feelings for Niall. I couldn’t even tell myself that, let alone Zayn.
“Whatever. So, is he good looking?” I asked.
Zayn raised his eyebrows and smirked.
“No he’s completely and utterly ugly. My eyes burn every time I look at him, I really have no idea what you see in him. Seriously, he makes me want to stab something because even taking a glance at that horrific face of his hurts.” he said dryly.
I bit my lip, resisting the urge to snap and tell Zayn that Niall was far from ugly, that he was absolutely perfect to me. I wasn’t quite strong enough to resist that urge though.
“You liar, I’m straight and even I can tell he’s not ugly.”
Zayn scoffed.
“I hate to break it to you Liam but you’re far from straight, and besides if you think he’s so,” Zayn paused, “Hot and beautiful and omg those eyes they’re like piercing eyes of perfection oh god someone hold me I’m swooning I can’t even because this boy is so good looking, he’s like a sex god or something I just ugh.”
Zayn clutched his hand over his heart dramatically.
“Then you must know who I’m talking about to come to that judgement.” he finished.
“I-”
“No, don’t bother denying it Liam. All I want you to do is say his name.” Zayn told me.
“But why?” I asked exasperatedly.
“Because then that’ll give you some form of confirmation. Then if you at least say it you’ll know.”
“I’ll know what though?” I asked stupidly.
“That you think he’s I don’t know... supermegafoxyawesomehot? I came to that conclusion about myself long ago.” Zayn suggested as he smirked slightly.
“Well we all know that.”
“Stop avoiding the subject, just look me in the eye and say ‘I find *insert name* to be extremely supermegafoxyawesomehot and I fancy him’ and then maybe you’ll get the courage to hit him for fucking with your emotions and/or snog him senseless. Either way works.” he said bluntly.
I sighed and glanced away nervously. I didn’t have to say anything, but I knew that if I didn’t I’d just be a liar and I didn’t want tell the truth either. Honestly, it was all Niall’s fault. Technically it was Lou’s for starting the whole thing in the first place but I needed to blame him for something, because otherwise he was just sitting there innocent and perfect. He was the reason I was acting like a stupid idiot with no logic and no sense of order.
I was so confused, and it was all his fault.
I took a deep breath.
“I thin-” I stuttered, “I think Niall,”
I bit my lip as soon as I said his name.
“Is supermegafoxyawesomehot and,” I blushed as I said the stupid phrase, “I- I fancy him.”
“You what? Did you just say you think I’m- I’m whatever that ridiculous word was?” I heard a surprised voice ask.
For a split second I froze, and then turned around.
Niall was standing behind me, a bemused expression on his face.
“I- I was talking about Louis. We were,” I searched for the right word, “practicing. For... times. Occasions I mean, when I am- when I need to say, speak about Louis. Louis that is. Louis Tomlinson.”
“The ‘ridiculous word’ is supermegafoxyawesomehot and I don’t find it surprising at all that you have no idea what I’m on about.” Zayn said, saving me from even further embarrassment.
“Whatever Zaynie boy.” Niall said.
“I think I’ll leave you two alone.” Zayn said, grinning as he stood up and started walking towards the door.
“No, don’t go.” I pleaded.
Zayn ignored me and waved as he walked out.
“Right.” I muttered as the door slammed shut.
I sat there for a few seconds in silence, and then everything was just all too unbearable.
“I need to go.” I said desperately as I stood up and walked to the door.
I thought I saw a flicker of hurt in Niall’s eyes, but I quickly realised that it was probably just me seeing things that weren’t real again.
“Fine.” Niall said quietly as I reached for the door handle.
I started to open the door but it didn’t move anywhere, so I frantically turned the handle a few more times to no avail.
“Well are you just going to stand there or?” Niall asked.
“It’s locked.” I said.
“Well then get Harry or Louis or Zayn to come and unlock it then.”
“Zayn!” I shouted as I banged on the door.
There was silence.
“Harry, Louis! Where are you?”
I sighed.
A few seconds later my phone buzzed in my pocket. I sighed and pulled it out.
Me and the boys have gone out, see you later ;D
It was from Zayn, and the fact that he’d put a smiley face at the end frustrated me even more. The stupid idiot had locked me in a room with Niall and then ran away. I had no idea where he’d even got a key but that didn’t matter because he’d locked me in a room with Niall.
“Fantastic.” he said sarcastically.
“Well I’m not exactly happy about the situation either, Niall.” I said.
How was I supposed to control myself - especially after admitting everything to Zayn - when I was in the same room, alone with no way out?
“Why couldn’t we be in the kitchen? At least there’s food in there.” Niall grumbled.
“Just shut up, Niall! Nobody care about how hungry you are!” I snapped.
Niall’s eyes widened in surprise but he didn’t say anything.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?” I asked after a while.
“I- I don’t know.” Niall admitted sadly.
“You don’t know?”
“Yes! That’s what I said, Li.” He insisted.
“Don’t bother calling me Li. Just tell me the truth.” I said as I walked back over and sat down beside him.
“Seriously, Liam, I don’t know why I didn’t tell you anything about her-“
“What’s her name again?” I asked, realising I had no idea who she even was.
That just made it even worse, because even after he hadn’t told me he had a girlfriend, he hadn’t even told me who she was.
“Oh, err, it’s...” he trailed, “Pizza! I mean, that’s her nickname. Obviously her name’s not actually Pizza that would be crazy it’s actually u- It’s Sam.”
I looked at him suspiciously, but he just smiled weakly and shrugged his shoulders.
“Like I was saying, I don’t know. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and I know I should have done but I didn’t and I’m sorry.”
Niall bit his lip nervously.
I glared at him.
“You know you should have done?! You’re sorry?” I asked incredulously.
Niall nodded.
I didn’t normally get angry, and it wasn’t in my nature to want to be angry but this, this was just enough to tip me over the edge.
“I can’t believe you, Niall! You just sit there and give me some sort of stupid half-hearted apology about how you knew what you should have done but you didn’t do it anyway, but everything’s okay because you’re sorry, like that automatically makes everything better. You can’t even give me a proper explanation and you expect me to forgive you!” I shouted angrily.
“Liam I already said I don’t know why, I mean I’m sorry, what more can you want?” Niall asked desperately.
“But that’s not it, is it? You have a girlfriend, but you kissed me, you acted like maybe, maybe-” I stopped mid sentence, angry tears streaming down my face.
“Maybe what, Liam?” Niall asked softly.
“You know what, Niall.” I snapped.
“But none of it was real anyway; you were just playing whatever twisted game you were playing leaving me feeling like a fucking idiot while you were laughing.” I said.
“It wasn’t like that.” Niall insisted. “It really wasn’t like that Liam.”
“Oh really? Explain it to me then because I clearly have no clue. Oh wait, you can’t. You don’t know. Stupid Liam, making yet another mistake.”
“You’re not the stupid one Liam, I am.” he said.
“Don’t you think I know that by now?” I asked.
“But I’m stupid too, for ever believing that you’d actually...” I hesitated.
I didn’t want to say it, I didn’t want Niall to know that he’d fooled me into believing something so ridiculous, but he had to know. I wiped some of my tears furiously with the sleeve of my shirt.
“L-like me.” I finished.
Niall didn’t say anything for a long while. I didn’t say anything either, I didn’t even look at him because foolishly I was scared that I’d upset him or something. I couldn’t believe how I’d acted, but I was still extremely glad, I felt a lot better for shouting at him because at least he knew how I felt, at least he knew how much of an idiot he was.
“I- I don’t have a girlfriend.” he said quietly.
“What?”
“I don’t have one. A girlfriend, that is.” Niall repeated.
“Are you-” I started but he interrupted me.
“I made it up, at that meeting with management I mean, I made it all up.”
“But why?” I asked.
“I was going to tell them,” he paused and looked at me, “I was going to tell them about us.”
I swear that all clichés aside, all of my angry frustrations aside, my heart skipped a beat.
“And then I realised there wasn’t exactly an us yet anyway, despite the fact that I wanted there to be, that I still want there to be. And then it was too late not to say anything because I’d already started talking so I panicked and said the first thing that came to my mind.”
“Really?” I asked stupidly.
“Really. It was crazy but I wanted to tell them, I wanted to tell someone about it because I do like you.” he breathed.
“I’m sorry that I’m such an idiot, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything. I was just scared, Li.”
“Me too.” I said softly.
“I’m sorry I shouted at you, Nialler. I was just angry because I thought that you were just doing everything you did and then it meant nothing to you or something, that I meant nothing to you.” I said.
“It’s okay. I deserved it, really.” Niall laughed.
“I suppose you kind of did.” I teased.
“But it did mean something. It meant everything. Oh and when I said that I had my eye on someone in that interview? I meant you.” he said.
I blushed, and for the first time I didn’t try to hide it.
“There was me thinking you meant Harry.” I murmured.
“Oh well him too.” Niall said as he grinned.
I hit him playfully.
“Niall!”
“No, it’s only you Liam, only you.” he said.
I smiled and Niall smiled back.
It was the simplest action in the world, but it made me feel so much better.
I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care that Niall was supposed to be my friend, that we were both male, that we were in the same band. I didn’t care what anyone else would think because it was Niall, and everything was perfect. He was perfect.
I leaned in slowly and whispered; “By the way, I like you too.”
And then his lips were on mine.