...
"Can you go any faster," I asked as I tried to breathe through the pain.
"Baby. I'm going as fast as I can."
"And so is the baby."
"Alyssa I just need you to hang tight, alright. We're less than ten minutes away."
I managed to whisper a shakey, "Okay."
Six minutes later we pulled into the hospital parking lot. Kevin rushed out of the car and I got out as quickly as my body would allow. Kevin grabbed my hand and guided me inside.
I swiftly approached the front desk with Kevin right behind me. "Hi. My name is Alyssa James. I'm here because I'm four months pregnant and I'm---" I took a painful pause, "I'm experiencing a lot of back and abdominal pain. Can you please page my doctor, Doctor Mackey? She's expecting me."
"Yes ma'am. Right away."
"Thank you."
A few seconds later I heard a nurse call out my name. "Alyssa James!" Me and Kevin stood up quickly. It was the nurse I had met yesterday. "Hi Alyssa," she smiled as she instructed me to sit in the wheelchair she had brought down for me.
"Hi. Makeda right?"
"That's right," she grinned as she pushed me down the hall. Kevin introduced himself. "Hi. I'm Kevin. Alyssa's fiancé."
"Oh okay," she said cheerfully, "Nice to meet you Kevin." She pushed me into my designated room. Room 420. "Here we are." Her and Kevin helped me out of the wheelchair and into the bed. "Dr. Mackey will be in to see you in just a moment, okay." She pointed to me. "Alyssa don't hesitate to page me if you need to."
"Okay," I said trying to offer her a smile.
"Okay girl! I'll be back to check on you shortly," she said as she headed out.
I tried to get comfortable in the bed.
I looked down at my stomach and was instantly brought to tears. "Kevin," I sniffed. He quickly snapped out of his own thoughts. "Yeah babe? You alright?"
"What if I lose our baby? What if my mom was right?"
"Hey. Don't talk like that," he said looking me over. "We're gonna make it through this, okay?"
I nodded my head as he wiped my tears away. He kissed my forehead and held me close.
"Alyssa. Kevin. Hello," Dr. Mackey said as she entered into the room. She looked over my chart and got right to it. "Alyssa the last time we met there were no complications with the pregnancy. Everything looked good. You and the baby had a perfect bill of health. How do you feel right now? Is the pain still persistent?"
"Yeah. I still have pain in my lower back, abdomen, and pelvic area."
"Alyssa those are contractions. I'm afraid you're going into preterm labor," Dr. Mackey said as calmly as possible.
"What," I gasped.
"Now. Try not to panic. Stay calm."
I looked at Kevin, who encouraged me to take deep breaths and exhale slowly.
"How far apart were your contractions before you got here?"
"Eight minutes apart."
"Okay. I'm going to get my nurses in here. We have to prepare you for labor. That baby is coming today." Dr. Mackey paged the nurses and thirty seconds later they were in my room attaching me to machines and pulling me in one direction after another.
I looked around the room frantically. Kevin grabbed my hand. "I'm scared," I said to him fighting back tears. "I know, but I'm right here with you."
..
Two hours later I was pushing out a baby that would never see their first birthday. Our baby didn't make it. We were devastated. Kevin tried his best to console me.
The minutes after slowly rolled by. "How are we gonna tell people about this," I mumbled, almost to myself. Kevin laid beside me and interlocked his hand with mine. "I wish I thought to call your dad, your siblings, somebody. Everything was happening so quickly I couldn't think about anything else."
"I know," I said quietly. "Me either." I sighed softly. "It's okay. We'll figure it out."
"Damn," I heard a voice say somberly from the doorway, "I knew it." I looked up and saw that it was Mya. I sat up a little. I looked at her confused. I formed my lips to ask her a question and the words barely made it across the room. "Mya wha---what are you doing here? How did you---?"
She walked closer to me. "I---I had a bad feeling that I couldn't shake. I called your phone and then Kevin's, but when neither of you answered I figured you were here." She paused a moment and looked at me. "I didn't call anyone else, because I wasn't sure if you'd be ready to see everybody yet. So. I came alone. I hope that's okay."
"Yeah. It's fine. Thank you," I said to her.
She looked between Kevin and I. She was hesitant to speak. "So. Um," she started. I grabbed her hand to tell her it was okay. I had never seen Mya this shaken up before. "The baby," she questioned.
Me and Kevin glanced at each other. "We lost her," I replied slowly.
Mya's face lit up and her eyes began to well. "She?" She questioned in surprise. "It was a girl? I was gonna have another niece?"
I nodded my head yes and gave a small smile. "Yeah. We wanted to wait a little while before we told everyone."
Mya wiped away the tears that were now flowing freely down her face. "Wow," she whispered. "I am so sorry for y'all loss," she said bending down to hug me. "Thank you," I whispered back.
She reached out and grabbed Kevin's hand. "How you feeling," she asked concernedly. Kevin exhaled. "Like it's all too much." Mya walked over to him and gave him a hug. Since she was little she had a calming air about her and always seemed to know the right thing to say or do when things got hard.
Mya looked between the two of us. "Look. During your period of grieving I need you both to remember that a rainbow always follows after the storm." She smiled warmly.
"What does that mean," I asked her.
"You'll see," she grinned.
"Okay young Yoda," Kevin teased.
..
Three days later it was time for me to leave the hospital. Kevin and I were boggled down with balloons and gifts that people gave us when they heard of our loss. Although we wanted nothing more than to rest and get some decent sleep we had our daughter's memorial to prepare for. Janelle, along with my sisters, were helping us plan it.
"Baby you alright," Kevin asked as he slid into the driver's seat.
I looked up at him and smiled. "Yeah. I'm fine," I reassured him. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "Okay," he smiled. "Let's get you home."
When we arrived to our apartment I was greeted by Janelle and my sisters. They were already busy planning the memorial. "I see you've started without me," I said as I looked around the room.
"Yeah. I hope that's okay," Mya asked as she stood up.
I walked over to them. "It's fine. So, what have y'all gotten done so far," I asked as I sat down on the sofa.
"Babe you don't wanna rest first before you go into planning mode," Kevin asked.
"I'll have plenty of time to rest after we plan Aleyah's memorial service. I'll be fine."
"Yeah but---"
I cut him off. "Baby," I smiled, "I'll be fine. This is for our daughter. I want to do this, okay? I need to do this." I smiled at him. "And I want you to help."
"Okay baby," he said nodding his head. "You got it."
"Thank you."
He joined me on the sofa and we got right to work. Thankfully the brainstorming wasn't a hassle and all of our ideas coalesced perfectly. We had everything figured out before Janelle and my sisters left.
I leaned back into the sofa and tried to silence my mind, but with the apartment now quiet it felt like my world was caving in on me. There was no peace here for me today. I fought back tears. My mom was in the hospital fighting for her life, the doctors are doing everything to keep Ángel alive, and I just lost my child. Once the tears started it was hard for them to stop.
"Alyssa," Kevin said walking into the livingroom. "Why are you so quiet?"
I wiped my face. "Everything's beginning to hit me at once," I sniffed. "This is too much. I need you to distract me. Say something."
"Like what?"
"I don't know," I shrugged, "anything."
"Okay," Kevin said plopping down beside me. "Did you know that a Blue Whale's heart is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle?"
I wiped my eyes and looked at him in a state of confusion. "What? Who knows that?"
Kevin grinned. "Also, did you know that you replace every particle in your body every seven years, which means you're literally not the same person you were seven years ago?"
I looked at Kevin and tried not to laugh. "Are you serious?"
"Also, I have a better shot at becoming president than I do at winning the lottery. What should my campaign slogan be?"
No longer able to hold it in, I laughed until my cheeks hurt. When I finally came to, I looked at Kevin and held onto his arm. "Thank you," I said now leaning on his shoulder.
"Don't mention it. I'd do anything to keep that smile on your face."
I looked up at him. "Including making me dinner," I asked, a smile teasing my lips.
"Yes. Including making you dinner," he said looking down at me. He gave me a few pecks on the lips before heading into the kitchen.
"Did you have anything particular in mind," he asked opening up the fridge. "Never mind," he said closing it back. "We gotta go grocery shopping."
I laughed. "So take out it is."
"Baby is that my phone ringing or yours," Kevin asked from the kitchen.
I sat up. "Uh. It's yours."
"Could you grab it for me?"
"Sure," I said as I walked across the room.
"Who is it?"
I looked at the caller ID. "It's T. I wonder why he's calling you."
"Answer it Lys."
I tapped the green button. "Hey T. What's up?"
"Alyssa? Where you at? We've been calling you for the last fifteen minutes."
"Really? I never heard my phone ring. I'm sorry," I said grabbing it off the table. "Damn it," I cursed to myself. "I turned my phone off when I left the hospital. I completely forgot. What's going on?"
"I know you're still recuperating and everything, but it's about ma. We need you down at the hospital."
"Okay. I'm on my way. See you in a few."
"So," Kevin questioned as he walked over to me. "What's going on?"
"I don't know. Terrance just told me that they need me at the hospital. It's something to do with my mom."
"Alright. Let's go."
...