Spencer's POV
We gathered in his room, his parent's and I. I had no more tears left. They were completely dried out. My body was unable to produce at the rate they were falling from my eyes. His parents sat on one side of his bed holding his hand, while I sat on the other. I was given a lot of alone time with him last night, but it never felt like enough. I kissed his lifeless lips until mine were numb. It was hard to feel how lifeless he was.
"Is everyone ready?" Dr. Cavanaugh finally spoke.
We all just simply nodded our heads unable to speak.
"I am just checking one last time, for any changes," he spoke softly. He took a couple minutes to look over his results. "I'm sorry, but there is still no change."
Nobody moved, we were all expecting this.
"Are you ready?" He asked again.
We all nodded. I just wanted to get it over with. It was about five seconds later when I heard the machines shut down. His chest immediately stopped moving up and down. But other than that nothing really changed. It made me realize how gone he already was...
"I'll give you guy's a moment," he said before leaving.
I stood there looking at both of his parents sobbing. They had each other to get through this. I had no one. I was all alone. No one could understand what I was going through. I stood up and walked out of the room. I knew where my legs were taking me and there was no way I was going to stop them. I practically ran when I saw him at the end of the hallway. The tears already escaping my eyes. He opened up his arms when he saw me, knowing what I needed. I practically leaped into his arms. I sobbed into his shoulder as my hands gripped his shirt.
He lightly wrapped one arm around my waist to keep me standing and the other was cradling my head. His one arm rubbed my back trying to soothe me. "Shh... Spence. It's ok. You'll be ok." He kept whispering words of encouragement in my ear.
I could feel all the doctors and nurses staring at us, but I didn't care. I just needed someone who cared, to tell me everything was going to be ok. And even though I knew nothing would be ok, I just needed to hear it.
He pulled me into his office so we weren't causing a big scene. He sat me down as I sobbed. "Do you need something? What can I do? Do you want a glass of water? Do you want to lie down?"
I just shook my head, I couldn't get the words out. I was still holding onto his hands. I'm pretty sure I was breaking his fingers I was squeezing them so hard.
After about twenty minutes of me crying and him just holding me he finally spoke. "Spence my pager is going off. They are looking for me."
I just nodded, knowing he had to leave.
"Do you want me to find you a place to lie down? Or do you want me to walk you back to Adam's room?" He offered.
"I think I need to lie down," I finally said.
"Ok," he pulled me out of the chair. He walked me down a couple of rooms. He found an empty one, "Here, lie down."
I laid down as he covered my with the hospital blanket.
"I'll come check on you when I can... Are you going to be ok without me?" He asked.
I shook my head no. "But I'll try," I whisper.
Toby's POV
After everything calmed down an hour later, I headed back to Spencer. She was still laying in bed. Her eyes were open still but she looked like she had stopped crying. "Feeling any better?"
"Not really," she said honestly.
I walked over to her bed and sat on the side. I picked up my Stethoscope and placed it in my ears. I placed the other end on her heart to listen.
"What are you doing?" she asked confused.
"Take a deep breath," I commanded.
She listened but still looked at me like I was crazy.
I then felt her forehead with my wrist and felt if her hands were cold. "I'm just checking."
"Checking what?" She squinted her eyes.
"Sometime's when people have panic attacks, they will pass out or stop breathing. I just wanted to make sure you weren't getting too worked up."
"How was I?" she asked.
"Your heart was a little bit fast, but nothing to worry about for now," I tell her the truth.
"Did... Is Adam gone?" she asked.
"Yeah," I nod. "They took his... body." I tried not to say it like that. But I didn't know how else to say it.
She just nodded in understanding. "Thank you, for taking care of me."
"I wanted to," I smiled at her.
She looked at me for a long time. I could tell she had something on her mind. "What?" I asked her.
"Nothing," she shook her head. "I should probably go. I have to talk to Adam's parent's about... funeral arrangements," she sat up. "That feels so weird to say."
"So... I guess this goodbye then?" I gulped, trying not to show my emotion.
She looked at me and frowned. "I guess so." She stood up and tried smiling but I could see right through it.
She stood on her toes and gave me a hug. It was that moment where the hug lasted abnormally long, but it didn't feel long enough. I could hear her sigh in sadness, as we pulled away. "Goodbye," her eyes filled with tears again.
"Goodbye," I tried smiling. I watched as she walked out the door.
Spencer's POV
After the funeral I sat in my car. It was so cliché but it was raining outside. It was weird how the weather always seemed to fit my mood. The funeral was exhausting. I had so many people hug me and tell me they were sorry. All I wanted was to be alone. But I had to be there, even though I would have rather been lying in my bed. I sat there with the radio quietly playing in the car. I didn't know where to go from here. Back home? To sit in the silence. Do I go to one of my friends house? So I can bring down their moods. Do I go to my parents? No. That's the last place I wanted to be. But there was one place my mind kept going back to. The hospital. His office. His arms. But wouldn't that be incredibly selfish of me. My fiancée was just put in the ground and I want to go running into the arms of another man. But before I could feel guilty I was already driving there.
I walked straight to his office, but he wasn't in there. I sat in his chair. There wasn't much there. He had a computer, a file cabinet. Some pens, a stapler. He didn't have any pictures or anything. I know he said he was single and had no kids. But I thought he'd have at least one picture. Like of his dog or him and his buddies. Something. I felt like I was waiting for years when it had only been an hour. I started to get antsy. So I started rummaging through his drawers. Mostly it was filled with paperwork and extra pencils and postage notes. I opened the last one. It was a picture frame. Finally! I flipped it over and almost fainted when I saw it. It was a wedding photo. He was smiling looking handsome. His arms were wrapped around her waist. She had her arms over his and she had her head turned to the side looking at him. She was mirroring his smile. Her beautiful brown hair was pinned up in loose messy curls. Her brown eye's were looking into his blue ones. They looked so in love. We looked so in love.
The door opened, "Spencer?" he looked really surprised to see me here. "What are you doin-" He froze when he saw what I was holding. "Spence," He put his hand out cautiously. "Let me explain."
"Explain?" my voice squeaked. "This is a wedding photo. Of you and me."
"I know," he took a step closer, moving slowly.
"What the hell is this?" I could feel the tears filling my eyes.
"We're married," he clarified. "You got in that accident. Your parents told me you were dead and they forbid me to go to the funeral."
"Why did you listen to them?" I was confused. "You could have just gone. You're my husband, you didn't have to listen to them!" I couldn't believe what I was saying. My husband?
"I didn't want to see you like that... Spence. When I thought you were dead. I ran off for a while. I drank for weeks straight. I couldn't even remember my own name I was so broken."
"But why would my parent's lie? Why did they say I died?" I wondered out loud.
"They didn't like me. They forbid that I marry you, but we did anyway. I shouldn't have listened when they told me... But I was sure you were dead. When I saw you lying there in the street, there was so much blood. I just knew you were dead."
"So when you saw me in the hospital... You realized I was alive?" I asked.
"No," he shook his head. "I found out about 7 months ago. I ran into an old friend of ours from college. She told me she was invited to your wedding. I about had a heart attack. I thought I was dreaming when she said you were alive. So I found you online, and I knew it was true. I saw the pictures of you and Adam."
"Toby? You're Toby?" I asked.
He looked at me confused, "You remember?"
"No," I said honestly. "I heard my parents once, when they thought I was sleeping. They said your name a couple times."
"Yeah, they hated me."
"Why?" I wondered. "Why did they hate you so much?"
"Because... they think I'm the reason you dropped out of college," he rolled his eyes.
"I dropped out of college?" I was pretty sure I finished.
"Only for a semester. You needed a break. You went back, the following year," he assured me.
"But you ended up a doctor. They would have loved that!" I was still confused. I don't think my parents would hate him just because of that.
"They didn't believe I would make it that far," he sighed.
"It all makes sense now... The way I wanted you to care so much in the beginning. The feeling I always got, like I wanted to kiss you. The way we kissed like we've kissed before. How you call me Spence... How I'm always wanting to be in your arms even though I don't understand why. The way I felt after my accident... Like something was missing. The way you look at me like... you're in love with me." I looked into his eyes. "It was always there right in front of me, I just never saw it. I walked forward placing a hand on his name tag. "Toby Cavanaugh," I read. "That picture it was always there, and I never saw it. Were you ever planning on telling me?"
"I don't know. Maybe?" He shrugged. "It seemed like too much with Adam's accident."
"I deserved to know. You're my husband!" I sat down. "Holy shit. I'm married. I'm your wife."
He sat down next to me. "What do you want me to do? Should I start filling for divorce papers?"
"I need some time," I admitted. "I'm not ready to date. And I'm certainly not ready to be married. But I like you," I turn to him "I just don't know what to do?"
"I can give you space," he gave me a half smile.
"But I came here for you!" I grab his hand. "I feel like I need you."
"Well I'll be here if that's what you need," he squeezed my hand. "But I think what you need is time. Time to heal and figure out what you want. I'm just going to make things more complicated. When you know, come find me. Besides... whether or not you decide you want to date, we'll have to deal with each other regardless. I mean we have to figure out this marriage thing," he chuckled.
"How can you look at me, a woman you shared your life with and... let me go?" I asked.
"Because I've done it before. And because I made you fall in love with me once, I think I can do it again," he smiled.
I playfully shoved him, "You are something else!" I laughed. He was actually making me laugh. I hadn't laughed or even smiled since Adam passed away. "How do I get a hold of you when I decide?"
"Ill be here," he smiled. "You know where to find me."
"Ok," I stand up.
He follows me to the door. "I'll see you when I see you."
"I guess so," I say, not wanting to leave. I hug him again. "Thank you for everything. For trying to help Adam, and helping me," I whisper in his ear.
"Anytime," he smiles as we pull apart. He pulls me back in. But instead of a hug it's a kiss. It was sweet and passionate, but short. I couldn't help but melt into his lips.
He smiled as he pulled away. "Just in case I can't get you to fall in love with me again."