CHAPTER TWENTY SIX- Promise me.
“And you’re sure,” Dr.Brown repeated for about the fifth time as I stuffed my last bottle of tablets into my messenger bag. “That you’re going to be alright on your own? You will be on your own, won’t you?”
He questioned frowning slightly as he tapped his pen against his ever present clipboard. I sighed inwardly leaning back against the wall and stuffing my hands deep into the pockets of my hoodie. I shook my head chewing on my lower lip as I did so supressing the smile that accompanied the thought of spending the next few days and nights with Niall.
“For the next few nights I’ll be staying with my boyfriend and then I’ll have to fly back out to New York and-“
“Whoa, you’re flying to America?”
He questioned seeming shocked by this, almost as if I had just told him I was planning to bomb down the London Eye or something next week.
“Yeah…I work there. I have to go back to work.”
“Oh no, no no.”
Dr.Brown vigorously shook his head coming forwards he placed his hands on my shoulders gazing down at me.
“There will be no work for you sweetie; did you not read your outpatient summary? You’re on a strict lifestyle plan, love. You’re lucky we’re letting you go this early; normally we’d keep people as critical as you in for at least a week or two. We’re going to have you on one of our strictest and most intense treatment plans and there is no way that can work if you’re in America.”
This, had to be some of the worst news that had come with this whole ordeal. No work? No America? Work and my home in NYC are my life now, besides Niall and there was no way I was going to let this hold me back, was there? I felt so helpless, like whatever I said would be out-ruled because he was a doctor, somebody I couldn’t lie to about my health and convince that I would be fine if I just did this or just went there. It was almost as if now I felt all walls of my eating dis-order caving in on me, folding themselves into each other getting thicker and stronger each time, it was horrible. Frightening even. This was what I hated about it being like this all those years ago and now I was re-living this hell. How restricted you were, how you were told to live your life, you basically had all rights of freedom taken away from you, boxed away and locked with a key that was chucked away and they wouldn’t let you find it until you resolved your issue. I loathed this in fact, control was what kept me held together, I loved being in control and letting someone else take the reins again and give me my set lifestyle was unthinkable. I’d done it once and only a matter of months ago I regained my control. And now I was having it ripped away from me again all because I let myself fall in this far.
“B-But I have to go back to work.”
I retorted already sensing the refusal I was going to receive I felt my heart sink a little. Work was such a good distraction, it kept me occupied and most of all, gave me an excuse for my uneven eating patterns. But I guess now there really is no excuses, it is what it is. He shook his head, still frowning down and me.
“No, you have to concentrate on getting better. I’m sorry Ashley, but your health should come first, always.”
Niall had said this to me so many times but it was always easier with him to distract from the subject and slowly veer him off of his lectures of me working too much and not eating enough. But here, it was so blunt, there was nowhere to hide anymore, but when you’ve been hiding for so long maybe the same old thing gets old, but that doesn’t mean the process to the new one isn’t just as scary.
“When can I go back to work then?”
“When you’re better.”
I didn’t know what to say to this, it wasn’t like I was particularly comfortable with talking about it still. It was always something that was there but never discussed, apart from a few conversations with Niall I never spoke about it with anyone which is probably why now speaking about it so casually and like this should all be familiar but seemed so foreign.
But then again, maybe this could mean I could see a bit more of Niall if he wasn’t too busy. I just hated missing work though, I hated the absence mark being there, so imperfect, a major loose end that would bug me for life.
“Right.”
I grumbled as I slung my bag over my shoulder and shoved my hands in my pockets and just looked at him for a few seconds, silently challenging all the new rules I’d had laid down.
“Well,” He said scribbling something down on his clipboard. “I’ll let you leave when you’re ready and we’ll see you tomorrow evening for another consultation, alright?”
He gave me a small smile but I suddenly wasn’t in the mood.
“Okay.”
I mumbled and he nodded sensing my mood he left his footsteps squeaking against the flooring as he made his way down the hallway walking away from me, to his next patient, maybe someone a little easier than me.
I sighed inwardly taking in the room, I hoped I wouldn’t be back here overnight again for a while. I had endured three nights here now and that was enough by a long shot. Concluding I couldn’t wait to get out I left shutting the door behind me I kept my expression impassive as I crossed the corridors, impatiently waited upon the lifts and walked down several flights of stairs, finally at the exit. It was like a maze this place, the further they put you in, the more severe you were, I guess it was harder to get out then, harder to make a run for it and ignore your problems.
Niall stood up as soon as I entered the waiting room sending me a bright eyed smile it was the first time I had seen him since last night. He hadn’t been anywhere but with me since he flew out here as soon as Ellie called him and last night I was finally able to persuade him to go home and freshen up a bit, get some sleep because I’d be fine on my own for a night. But he ended up only being gone for about two hours but when he got back I was asleep so oblivious to his return I was quite the bit pleasantly surprised by what I found this morning. He had been ushered out of my room in the early hours this morning and I had been unable to see him yet so this was my first time since last night. Upon his arrival last night though he not only returned showered, fed and in a new change of clothes but he had left me some flowers on my bedside table for when I woke up along with a cute note. I guess it had really brightened my day to start off with. Just this one small gesture, meant and had the most effect on me, quite beautiful, really. So now as I approached him in the waiting room I had a bouquet of pink, purple and yellow flowers peeking out of my messenger bag.
I was suddenly feeling extremely under the weather but I tried to push it aside as he immediately engulfed me in his arms folding me into a tight hug while an elderly couple in the corner watched, the women sent me a smile when she saw me looking at them and the older man placed his hand on her knee. I forced a smile back and then looked away closing my eyes as I burrowed my head in Niall’s shoulder and he rubbed my back with his right hand.
“How you feeling love?”
He breathed still hugging me, I wanted to just stay there but people were staring now, most were smiling at us but the elderly women on reception was glaring. It wasn’t like it was anything inappropriate we were hugging.
Pulling back anyway I stared back at him forcing a small and sad smile with a shrug.
“I have a headache, and I feel sick. But otherwise, I guess I’m okay.”
He sighed pulling me back into him and running his fingers through my hair.
“I just…” I sniffed. “I just really want to go to home and shower properly and change into something else and… I just really want to leave here and when I say home I mean with you…”
“I know…I know love. Come on then, let’s get out of here.”
He cooed pressing a kiss to my forehead before wrapping a tight arm around my waist guiding me to the door with him and out into the car park.
“I’m really sorry, you know.”
I breathed quietly and he looked down at me snapping his gaze to mine.
“Why are you sorry?”
He frowned.
“Because…Because this was supposed to be our week together and-“
“It will still be our week together. You have no reason to be sorry, Ash.”
“But I do, you weren’t even supposed to fly out when you did...”
“But I did because I wanted to, it was a choice Ashley, my choice and I chose to because I couldn’t bare to stay in America with you like that, okay? I don’t regret any of the choices I made to be with you these past few days and that’s final, your apologising is invalid.”
It was a choice. I guess now everything was a choice but sometimes people just like to hide the fact that it is. Nobody can physically force you to do or not do something, right? So why did it feel like they could?
“…I’m still sorry…But thank you. I love you.”
I mused giving his hand a squeeze, he smile down at me pulling me into his chest.
“It’s okay love, anything for you, I love you too.”
I just smiled breathing in his scent as he ran his fingers through my hair and pressed his lips to my temple.
“You look tired.”
He commented.
“Gee, thanks.”
I scoffed and he smiled slightly tightening his fingers around mine.
“No, I don’t mean it like that. I just mean that you should probably get a few hours’ sleep today or something, in a comfortable bed.”
“Your lap is comfortable.”
I giggled and he smirked.
“Well I’m very glad to hear that, but I think you’ll be comfier and sleep better in a real bed.”
“So…I’m being evicted?”
I questioned smirking and he shrugged doing that adorable little half smirk and half smile at me his eyes staring straight into mine.
“Yes, yes you are, I am sorry to say Miss Dawson.”
“Oh. Well I suppose I’ll get over it.”
“Mmm hmm, I do hope so.”
I just nodded smiling as I tightened my fingers around his, folding in them closer, like I never wanted to let go, and in reality, I guess I didn’t.
-
Later that day I felt an ironic pounding rising in my temples similar to one I had endured on the day of my collapse last Tuesday. Lifting a hand and pressing it against my forehead I screwed my nose up as I forced my eyes open taking in my surroundings. The room was dark but there was dim light coming from the kitchen and I could hear various banging noises sounding through the house. Relaxing back into the sofa I took the opportunity to let my eyes scan the various pictures and plaques hanging on the walls, and then I guess it all really sunk in how successful Niall and his band mates are at what they do, how huge they are right now and how passionate. Dedicated too, I mean having a sister in the music industry it’s no secret that it’s a fast and furious business, people are blunt and people are harsh, and I suppose you’re just lucky to even get into the business for a few days even at all.
Furrowing my brow I lifted myself from the sofa and crossed the living room hitting my leg on the coffee table as I made my way to the kitchen stopping in the doorway as I heard the soft strum of guitar strings sounding throughout the radius between the kitchen and the living room. The centre light was on giving off a dim cast of light and Niall had his back to me looking out the back door to the garden where the porch lights glowed outside the door. I just stood there and listened for a minute watching his fingers dance over the chords, floating across them with ease and he hummed softly to the tune closing his eyes every now and then.
Suddenly, the kettle began to pour out with steam and made a shrill squealing sound and I caught Niall mutter a “Shit.” Before placing his guitar on the centre island and rushing to the kettle, flicking down the switch more steam poured out as he waved it off and then poured some boiling water into a mug. I smiled as I watched him, easing the lid back on he placed the kettle back on the worktop and began to stir whatever liquid was in the mug with a spoon. Then he turned around noticing me stood there he smiled abandoning the spoon as I made my way further into the kitchen and slid onto the worktop.
“Evening, have a nice nap?”
He smirked pushing the kettle against the tiles he left the mug on the side the steam rising from it as he leant against the counter smiling at me. I rubbed my eyes stifling a yawn, which slightly perplexed me as I wasn’t feeling particularly tired.
“It was okay, I guess. What time is it?”
“Eleven, you still tired?”
I shook my head curling my fingers around the marble worktop and biting down on my lower lip. I didn’t like not doing anything, not revising, not working, just not doing something productive. But I think that was what Niall thought I needed, to have a rest, to take things slow and just do nothing, but I didn’t want to waste our time together not doing anything productive and I intend to get my way, hopefully.
“No, can we do something?”
I asked and he just looked at me for a second, raised his eye-brows and then proceeded to chuck the spoon he was using into the dishwasher and leant against the counter again letting a small smile curl on his lips.
“Oh yeah, like what?”
I shrugged looking around the kitchen as if for inspiration.
“Anything.”
“At eleven o‘clock?”
“Oh come on, it’s not like we’ve got to be up at a particular time tomorrow is it? Eleven o’ clock is early, there’s loads of time left.”
“Okay.” He nodded leaning against the worktop further and smirking at me. “What would you like to do then?”
I shrugged again smiling back at him.
“We could go to the point…”
“The point?”
“Mmm hmm, why not?”
“Okay, to the point it is. Go put something warmer on and we’ll go, yeah?”
He concluded clapping his hands together still smirking at me. I nodded and then slid off the counter tossing my hair over my shoulder as I made my way towards him but he just watched me when I walked straight past him and to the fridge taking out a bottle of Tropicana and sliding it into my back pocket.
“What? I like orange juice.”
I stated and he smiled reaching out a hand and enclosing it around mine pulling me to him.
“Yeah? Well I love you.”
He breathed pulling me into him and placing his hands firmly on my hips. Smiling I stood on my tiptoes slightly resting my forehead on his.
“I love you too.”
I replied brushing his lips with mine. I closed my eyes as his lips covered mine kissing me softly as I slid my arms around his neck and tangling my fingers in his hair. The kiss was slow but still held a lot of heat as it got deeper making my heart race and my whole body come alive. Just then what sounded like a door being opened and slammed filled my ears but Niall didn’t even hesitate so I brushed it off as nothing continuing to kiss him back but then the sound of someone clearing their throat sounded through the all but us silent house and we came to an abrupt stop freezing in place.
“Just what I like to see when I come home…”
Liam commented rolling his eyes and smirking as he shoved his hands into his pockets still smirking at us rather annoyingly. I pushed myself up from Niall as he wrapped an arm around my waist still pulling me close to him.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Niall questioned furrowing his brow and Liam raised his eye-brows looking from me to Niall.
“Well it’s nice to see you too, and I’m glad to see you’re feeling so welcoming. Very well, I’ll just talk to Ashley then…How are you Ashley love?”
He asked nodding at me as he stared straight at me ignoring Niall as if he wasn’t there looking rather bewildered.
“I’m okay, thanks Liam. You?”
Niall rolled his eyes sighing as he shook his head just standing there.
“I’m just wonderful thanks love. I just really wish Niall was feeling the same.”
“Hilarious.” Niall whined. “I just want to know why you’re here, that’s all. I thought you were staying in America, with the other guys?”
Liam smirked now sliding his glance to Niall.
“I was, but I thought I would come back to London so I could spend the next five days with you guys…”
When we both just looked at him narrowing our eyes he let out a loud chuckle slapping his thigh for emphasis.
“I’m joking! You should have seen your faces, I am so funny…Anyway, I’m going home for a few days, no worries you can continue whatever little love fest things you were planning on doing on your own…”
“Oh, well how very considerate of you Liam…Idiot.”
Niall smirked pulling me even closer.
“You are truly hilarious though.”
I chimed in making Liam smile, I rolled my eyes playfully but he just continued to smile.
“I know, I know but please contain yourself Ashley, you have Niall.”
I just looked at him for a few seconds and his smirk, hilarious.
“Yeah,” I said looking up at Niall and placing my finger underneath his chin like he does to me and making him face me. “I do.”
And with that I pressed my lips to his for a few seconds and then turned back to Liam and his eye-rolls.
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. I’m going to bed…This is too much. See you guys tomorrow or something.”
He said waving a hand dismissively and then stalking off back to the living room and up the stairs.
“Such a dickhead.”
Niall chuckled pulling away from me after pressing a kiss to my temple. I just smiled leaning over the counter next to him.
“Niall be nice.”
I scolded and he looked at me raising his eye-brows.
“I’m joking, love.”
“I know, just let me tell you off.”
I enthused and he just smiled pulling me into him again and running his fingers through my hair.
“Stop be so distracting and go and put something warmer on and we’ll go, okay?”
He breathed into my ear then moved his lips to brushing mine again.
“You…Can’t tell me to go and get changed and then kiss me, idiot.”
I breathed and he just smiled pressing his lips to mine.
“Yes I can.”
He chuckled and I rolled my eyes pulling away and then putting appropriate distance between us.
“Whatever, I’m going now.”
I giggled and then without a second glance I ran off upstairs to change.
Flicking on the light of my bedroom I felt a little bit sick at what the current state of this room was going to be. I hadn’t been here since last year and it really dumbfounded me as to what they would do with it. It wasn’t like they could use it for an awful lot but it was so tastefully decorated for me it didn’t exactly provide a lot of…options if you please to make it into something new. It wasn’t like I was going to sleep here in the few days I was spending here this week but I was using it to put my clothes and everything in anyway to take up less space in Niall’s room, although I wasn’t exactly convinced there even was room for all of my clothes.
As the light slowly amerced the room from it’s forever cloaked darkness I had a flash of my time here last year. When Ellie and I arrived at this house to stay here for six and a bit months while our parents made a business trip to America and first we were shown Ellie’s princess pink room and then how everyone was so excited to show me mine and Niall had his hands over my eyes guiding me to the doorway. And then when Harry showcased it to me and I was so struck by how much it was adapted to my own personality. Music, books, workspace and vanity. The four things I looked for in a room was all right there, but very tastefully decorated and ten times more expensive than I expected boys that I didn’t even know that well to spend on me.
My bed was still there, although it was stripped but the mattress and bare pillows were still there. The paint was all the same and the desk was still there too. Although bare, it was still there. So was the vanity mirror that I had and as I looked closer and stepped inside now I noticed that there were pictures stuck around the outside. Furrowing my brow I made my way over and leaning over the table bit I peered at the pictures taking in the smiling faces, the hand holding and the fireworks in one or two of them. Most of were me and Niall, or one of us on our own smiling at the camera, caught in the moment or just a really random shot. There were a few old ones of Faye, Mallory and I and a few of Chanel and I but in all of them, everyone seemed happy. I guess it was last year and last year was happy. For the best part of it anyway.
“Yeah we were gonna rip all this out.”
Liam’s voice came from somewhere behind me, it took a few seconds for me to pry my gaze from the pictures and to turn around to see him leaning in the doorway.
“You were?”
I replied rather curtly and not sure what to make of this remark. He nodded, un-aware of my sudden dis-comfort.
“Mmm hmm. A few weeks before Christmas it was actually, that we started talking about changing it into something else, because we didn’t need it anymore.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
I challenged raising my eye-brows at him. I was still stood by the vanity leaning against it now, the wood was cool and hard against my skin and was seemingly uncomfortable but for some reason I stayed there anyway. I guess dis-comfort was always something I was used to.
“Is it not obvious? Niall wouldn’t let us. Of course he wouldn’t. It was pretty much some of the only proof that you ever spent a lot of time here Ashley, apart from pictures but you know. I know you only got back here today but if you take the time to look around this house you’ll see…There’s still a lot of things that wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t spent so much time here, I’m just saying, that they’re all still here because Niall didn’t want to get rid of them. He had strange ways of dealing with things without you Ashley, I guess that’s it.”
It took me a considerable amount of time to take that all in, to really decipher if this made sense to me or not. He was the same? He went through the same reluctant-to-let-anything-go process? It wasn’t that now I doubted that he did in fact miss me and still have feelings for me after we broke up but I didn’t know or expect him to have gone about it all the same way as I did. Everyone grieves differently and somehow I just never saw Niall doing it in the same way as me. I suppose our situations were slightly different. I got a one way ticket out of that life and to leave all the reminders of him behind me whether as he got locked into it, being forced to stay there with everything a living reminder. Although that didn’t mean I never found a way to make everything I did take with me to New York something to cry about related to Niall, but as I thought about it, I just didn’t expect him to cope with it like that. But then again, a lot of things have been surprising me lately.
“H-He did that?”
I stuttered sounding more fragile then I should be or should be letting on. I was supposed to be happy that I had Niall back but when everyone’s still talking about how long we spent apart thinking the wrong things last year it’s hard to not slip into the past every now and then. And it’s even harder to not show how much it hurts to talk about it.
“Well of course he did, I mean just look around you. This room is living evidence of how strongly he protested Ashley. He was hurt, Ash, he does strange things that even he doesn’t know the reason for when he gets hurt, you know that. You know more than us.”
I just looked at him for a second and then I couldn’t stand to look at his serious and challenging expression for much longer so I pulled my gaze away dropping it to the floor the whole room suddenly seemed smaller. Like everything was caving in on me, and Liam, of all people, was directly hinting at the fact that I had really hurt Niall last year. I could already feel the nausea of guilt churning in my stomach, it had always been lurking but it was just confrontation such as this that brought it back alive properly, awakening it from it’s content sleep. I don’t think I ever will forgive myself for what I did to not only Niall himself last year, but our relationship and everything we had and have together. Hurting myself was something I was used to and could handle but hurting someone else, someone like Niall would haunt me forever. And I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that his band mates felt the need to hint it back up every now and then, of course they probably lost a bit of respect for me, despite however close I got with some of them last year and maybe still now Niall would always be closer, because…Well he just would because they’re all best friends and that’s just how things are. So of course they were going to stick up for him, be mad at me for hurting him and every now and then just remind me that what I did was wrong and that I broke Niall’s heart and it had such a long term effect. I suppose they didn’t exactly know how much I was hurting too, so much, but it wasn’t like I was going to tell them. I wasn’t going to make any excuses anymore, it was what it was and I was the one in the wrong, and I guess I’ll just leave it there and let them have a kick and a punch at me every now and then because I deserve it, a lot.
“I know,” I breathed. “I know he does and I know he was.”
He just stared back at me and then he closed his mouth properly pressing his lips together and then gave me curt nod licking his lower lip he reached a hand up and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Right, well then…What are you doing tonight?”
His sentence perked up a bit at the end but unfortunately how I now felt inside didn’t. Although I attempted to not let this show as I busied myself with pulling a comb through my tangled waves and sifting through a pile of jackets for an appropriate one that would give me enough warmth. I shrugged, even though I did know roughly what we were planning on doing.
“Going up to the point for an hour or two.”
I informed him now shrugging on my cardigan and settling it around my shoulders.
“What, now?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Oh right, well I suppose you always did go out at random times in the morning…Cute, well have a good time, I’m off to bed. Jet lag’s a dick. Night Ashley.”
“Night Liam.”
I echoed pretending to be unfazed by his fresh comment on mine and Niall’s habits.
He nodded at me giving me a small smile before shutting the door to and traipsing back to his room to sleep, or do whatever, it was irrelevant to me.
After pondering over whether this cardigan was warmer enough I ran back down the stairs now fully aware that I had been up there for almost ten minutes. Niall was in the lounge when I got downstairs with his feet on the coffee table he was scrolling through something on his phone. Before I could watch him for any longer he stopped sliding his phone back into his pocket he looked up from his place on the sofa and smiled at me picking himself up and making his way over.
“Alright? You took your time.”
He smirked placing his hand immediately in the small of my back and pressing his lips to my cheek.
“Sorry, I was talking to Liam.”
I apologised but he just continued to smile looking down at me as he brushed some hair from my eyes still looking at me with that look of such content and adoration I wondered for a split second if he was even looking at the same girl that I saw in the mirror, or the same girl at all, in anyone’s eyes.
“You were? What about?”
He questioned and I shrugged trying to look as happy as I stared back up at him.
“Just stuff.”
I replied dismissively and he simply nodded. I don’t think he was even bothered that I was talking to Liam, or that I took too long, it was just polite to question so.
“Okay, well you ready to go then?”
“Sure.”
I nodded as he took his hand in mine and led me to the door and we made our way to the point.
-
“Remember,” Niall breathed into my ear his breath tingling on my neck as he tightened his arms around me hugging me closer. “The first time we came here?”
I smiled snuggling further into him and relaxing into his body as his fingers still continued to run through my hair.
“Mmm hm, but weren’t we with everyone else then?”
I mused and he was silent for a moment before pressing a kiss to my temple and resting his chin in my hair.
“No I mean when it was just us, together.”
“Oh,” I murmured clicking my tongue against the inside of my cheek as I recalled that day. “Yeah, I do…And you took me to see that awful musical.”
He chuckled lightly at this.
“Oh yeah that was funny. We had a good day though.”
“Mmm hm,” I hummed. “We did.”
He just smiled this time kissing my forehead and then I felt him shift himself slightly and begin to plait the end of my hair.
“What are you doing?”
I giggled not even bothering to look up.
“Plaiting your hair because I’m a pro hairdresser.”
“Oh right, cheers then.”
“That’s okay. And you get my expertise free of charge because I love you.”
I rolled my eyes playfully. Reaching a hand up finding his own hair and running my fingers through it, he smirked at this dipping his head down away from my hand.
“I love you too…But how can you even plait it when it’s curly?”
He shrugged now giving up and pulling through any plaits he had completed.
“I can’t.”
“Oh.”
I giggled and he smiled leaning down towards me again his face came inches away from mine his lips lingering on my jaw.
“You never did show me that photo album like you promised…”
He breathed and I snapped my gaze up suddenly detecting that this was in fact true.
“I didn’t…I didn’t promise.”
I reasoned and he was silent for a second, I was suddenly becoming tense about this but he was remaining completely over calm not even fazed.
“No, but you said you would, which to me means you promised.”
“N-Niall. You know how I feel about promises.”
Now he didn’t reply instantly and took this time in between replies to move me to in front of him and shift me onto his lap placing his arms around my waist pulling me into him.
“Yeah, that you hardly ever make them unless you mean it yeah yeah I know. But you made one or two to me once so surely that counts for something…Right?”
He asked smirking at me and I felt my heart beat quicken a little.
“Niall, if you want to see the photos then I’ll show them to you, is that what you want?”
He shrugged looking to his lap before back to me.
“Sure, I would love to see the photos but that’s not really what I’m getting at. I want; I need you to promise me something.”
“O-Okay?”
I stuttered feeling my heart beat a little bit faster but in his demeanour he remained completely calm, or at least he looked it. But we all know looks can be deceiving.
He drew in some air before he began his proposition taking both of my hands and entwining my fingers with his and giving my hand a squeeze he stared straight at me licking his lower lip once.
“I need you to promise…I need you to promise me that you’ll let me, and everyone else help you get better.”
I just looked at him as I watched the words leave his mouth and then process through my brain. I should have seen something like this coming sooner or later. I mean after the past few hospitalised days he’s clearly not going to pretend like it’s not happening anymore and he’s clearly not going to let it go unspoken between us either. If we don’t address issues, I guess we never really will solve them, however much we think we will.
“I…I promise.”
I whispered and a small, very small smile quirked at the corners of his lips and he leant forward ever so lightly resting his forehead on mine.
“Good…I’m glad, Ash. I love you, so much.”
“I love you too.”
I breathed reaching up and moving some hair from his forehead, he smiled now inching his lips onto mine grazing them softly.
At this moment as we were about to close the gap completely between our lips his phone began blaring out This Is Love and we stopped un-sure of whether to continue or not.
“You gonna answer that?”
I breathed staring down at his flashing phone on the ground behind him.
“Nah,” He whispered now leaning forward and shifting me slightly he moved his hands to my shoulders. “They can wait.”
I was about to open my mouth to reply but he was already smashing his lips to mine and with the force I was already slowly leaning back and after about ten more seconds my back finally made contact with the ground all while never breaking or slowing the kiss.
The only thing that kept racing through my mind over and over at this moment was that I could never deal with the absence of this again. It’s funny how I was surviving partially contently, partially not before I met him and then when I did and we fell in love everything else seemed to be dis-regarded and it came to the point where the only thing I really needed was him, and him to just be there. Not doing anything special, not going to extremes, just being there and being him was all that I needed. It’s quite surreal how someone can be that important though, almost like a drug you get addicted to and tell yourself that you can’t live without. And then go out of your mind without, and that was honestly how it was, without him I wouldn’t know my place anymore; I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. It was like all meanings of a productive lifestyle vanished without him and I don’t think I can handle that again, ever, again.
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A/N.
hey baby what's that souund
those lyrics are so catchy urggh
Alright, so I'm proposing a little experiment/poll if you like. Think back to -Picture This, look back through the chapters if you like and decide which one is your all time favourite, not two, not three, just one. Post on my message board, inbox me, chat me, tweet me, whatever just let me know which chapter is your all-time favourite and then by a certain date I'll stop receiving votes and add them all up and announce the winner. Then I'll pick one person who gave me their vote at complete random and they'll get a dedication/fan/shout out/promo/cover/whatever they like (obviously within reason.) Just thought it might be a bit of fun:)! So get going and let me know!:D
I just copy and pasted that for anyone who didn't get the message last night:3
so yeah you know what to do;)
see you tomorrow my lovelies.
byee
-Emily.