He adjusted the large headphones and let himself lie back onto the sofa, crossing his legs at the ankles. Lindsey released a deep breath as his eyes closed and dug into the comfort of the cushions beneath his body. His fingers, mimicking the chords of Samba Pa Ti, moved against the worn cotton of his shirt. With time, he'd realized the conflict had been his fault. His eye had healed, and the fence had been repaired. The scales had been tipped too far, and the events had thrown him out of alignment, turning him into the jealous, man-child tyrant he thought he'd left behind. He should have known better than to stop his sessions with Dr. Wong, but he had cancelled multiple appointments in the weeks before he'd nearly lost an eye to a beaded shawl. Lindsey had resumed sessions twice a week and would have rather walked over hot coals while a scorpion pinched his nose than subjecting himself to the joint session he'd agonized through earlier in the day. He wanted to hole himself up in the room he'd converted into a simple studio and not come out for a day or two. He needed to analyze each confession he had made during the two and a half hours sitting with the psychiatrist and Stevie.
Lindsey gnawed the inside of his cheek and startled at the shift in the cushions. His blue eyes flew open in alarm and fixated on the deep brown globes peering at him. Lindsey wrinkled his brows in confusion, watching her gracelessly climb over him. After all the things he'd said during the combined therapy session, he couldn't imagine her wanting to be near him. He grunted in discomfort as her elbow jabbed into his ribcage, and her body settled in-between him and the back of the sofa. "What are you doing?" he questioned softly, removing the headphones from his head and dropping them onto the Persian rug.
She pushed her golden fringe off her forehead and felt out of breath as she wriggled to get comfortable. The simplest movements were becoming more and more of a chore for her. Stevie rested her head against his chest, pressing her forehead into the crook of his neck. "Am I crushing you?" she asked.
Lindsey shook his head and moved slightly to the left, allowing her more room. "Better?"
Stevie nodded and molded her body to his. She trailed her long, manicured nails over his chest, dawdling circles over his heart. She nuzzled her face against the soft cotton of his v-neck shirt, breathing in the citrus and sandalwood cedar notes of his cologne.
"Steph, what are you doing?"
She didn't answer the question. The visit with Dr. Wong had shaken her to the core. She hadn't been thrilled with the idea of being present for sessions at all. Some had caused yelling matches like when he brought up her ex-lovers, and others had caused tears to be shed like when he talked about his father's death. So far, all the appointments had brought clarity and truth. The last visit had shown her how much harm she had done to Lindsey, and the revelations had left her too stunned to speak as Lindsey poured his heart out. Stevie had withdrawn to the sanctuary depths of her bedroom to put words onto paper after returning home from Beverly Hills. She had let him retreat and hide for over an hour but knew that if he festered in self-analysis for too long that it would be dangerous for him. The worst place Lindsey Buckingham could ever be was in his own head. She licked her lips and lifted her head to stare up at him. "Did you mean it?"
He roughly scrubbed his hand over his face and sighed. Lindsey was afraid to ask, but his heart had a suspicion about what had bothered her the most. He cleared his throat and rubbed his foot against his calf.
Her fingers pressed against the side of his chin, applying pressure until his head turned. She met his eyes, intensely gaping at him. "Did you mean it?" she repeated.
Her eyes spoke volumes to him and confirmed his inkling. Lindsey broke eye contact and sighed, dipping his head. He didn't want to rehash what had been discussed. The session had peeled back several layers of deep seated acrimony and insecurity the man had long compartmentalized and repressed. He wanted to leave it in the wooden paneled office, but Dr. Wong had encouraged the couple to continue the exchange at home. Lindsey breathed in and out slowly, avoiding her powerful gaze and hearing the hesitation in her husky voice as she spoke his name. "I meant it," he admitted in a murmur.
"It wasn't done to hurt you," she whispered, delicately touching his jaw. "Please believe me."
"It felt like it was at the time."
"I didn't start a solo career to hurt you, Lindsey. I did it for me."
He looked down at her. "It was supposed to be me and you. I was supposed to be the one to always take your songs and work magic on them. That was my job, Stevie."
"It was...I know, but I wanted to show you that I didn't have to depend on you. It was clear you hated listening and working on songs that were about you. I wanted to let you be free of that burden, and I wanted you to be proud of me, Lindsey. Bella Donna wasn't a betrayal to you. It wasn't meant to be a competition either."
Lindsey swallowed hard, replaying her words in his mind. He wanted to find a rock and crawl under it to hide from the heavy cloud of shame hanging over him. His fingers tensely plucked at the fabric of the couch. "I made it into one," he griped, shaking his head. He had to show her that he could be more popular than her, but he'd failed on surpassing the popularity and sales of her solo albums. Looking back, he shouldn't have been blinded by his resentment. She'd always wanted him to be content and successful with his music.
"Can I tell you a secret?"
He cocked an eyebrow as a quizzical expression passed over his features. "What?"
"I bought every one of your albums," she confessed.
He chuckled, picturing her in a disguise and purchasing Law and Order and Go Insane. Lindsey rested his hand on her side. "I don't believe you. I want to, but I don't."
"Baby, I did. I loved every song. I wanted to call you and tell you how amazing everything was. You did it all," Stevie praised with a genuine smile. "Want to know one of my favorite lyrics?" she inquired, scratching her nails against his scalp.
Lindsey barely nodded his curly head. Her tone sent a chill up his spine, and he felt the air become charged with electricity.
She pushed herself up his physique and whispered into his ear, "I come up fast, but I go down slow."
He felt her warm breath against his neck, and he gulped in anticipation. Her hands roamed over his chest, and she nipped at the sensitive skin behind his ear.
"So tell me darlin'," she lowered her voice and sucked on his earlobe. "Do you want to go?"
"All night," he answered.
Stevie peppered kisses along his jaw and down to his neck. Stevie sat up and lifted her dress, raking it up her body. Lindsey helped her pull the garment off and tossed it to a far corner. His eyes scanned over the changes to her body, and all he wanted was to touch her ivory skin. His hand drifted to her swollen breasts, fondling and teasing. A smile crept over his face as he felt her react to his ministrations. She grazed her lips over his throat and slid her hand down his stomach, unzipping his pants and feeling his hardness. She whimpered against his lips before kissing him ardently. Lindsey fumbled and pushed his jeans down, struggling and fighting to get them completely off. He kicked the Levi's onto the floor. Stevie brazenly straddled him, shocked by the intensity of her desire for him. She'd missed him in this way. Lindsey rubbed her thighs and glanced at her with a gleam in his eye. She drew her bottom lip in between her teeth and lifted her hips as he positioned himself at her entrance. Stevie took his arousal in her hand and guided him towards her. She met his eyes as his hand covered hers.
"Together," he whispered.
"Together," she replied in a silky murmur, moaning as he filled her. Stevie wanted him to feel the evidence of her yearning for him, but her patience wore thin. Tension hummed through her body as she began to move. Lindsey caught her hands in his, steadying her and guiding her movements. He stroked her palms with his thumbs. Her head fell back, surrendering to the pleasure. She felt her body quiver, and his unrelenting lips and tongue caressing her breasts. Stevie gripped his hands and felt the pleasure ebb and break like a wave on the shore. Lindsey opened his eyes, witnessing her beautiful, heated rhythm, her parted lips, her hair falling wildly around her shoulders, and her close to the edge of losing herself. He let that image burn into his mind, shutting his eyes and gently thrusting counterpoint to her efforts. She cried out at the added intensity, soaring over the edge with him. She fell forward, meeting his lips in a fiery kiss. Lindsey hooked his hands around her hips, squeezing and lifting. He groaned at the separation, the broken connection. Stevie curled beside him and caught her breath. Lindsey rubbed his chin against her hair, encircling her in his arms. He pressed his lips against her temple and held her.
Stevie shivered and tugged a basket weave chenille throw blanket over their naked bodies. She kissed his nipple and tilted her head to stare at him in the dim light. He was handsome - more so since his face was free of stress and tension. She smiled and draped her arm over him, bathing in the afterglow until she noticed a sly, satisfied grin curl upon his lips as he hugged her closer to him. "What?"
"I always enjoyed that song," he disclosed, winking at her as he hummed a few bars.
She laughed and nudged him playfully. "I love you."
"I love you too," Lindsey replied and kissed her lips lovingly. He pulled the blanket up to her shoulders and watched her eyes fight to stay open. Within minutes, Stevie gave into sleep and snuggled deeper into him. He chuckled to himself. She never could pace herself.