Monday. Today is Monday. Which means school. The one thing I hate more than the actual day.
I groaned as my alarm clock sounded through the room, but I was quick to shut it off before folding the white, puffy comforter back over my head and burying my body back inside.
It's been two days that I've been here, and so far I have yet to come out of Niall's room, unless I have to use the restroom or shower. I feel bad because he's been sleeping on the couch, but he said that he wants to give me my space. So for the past forty eight hours, I have been curled up on this bed in nothing but a sports bra, a tank top, and my underwear (Which I have changed), with the door locked and the blinds mainly shut.
I haven't really ate anything because just looking at food makes me want to vomit, and besides the frequent water bottles that Niall sets by the door every hour, I haven't drank anything either. I mean, yeah it might be a little unhealthy, but hey, at least I'm becoming skinny now. That's always good... I guess..
I have yet to really talk to anyone, either. My phone sits on the nightstand, where it's stayed, buzzing about a hundred times a day with everyone asking questions and seeing if I'm okay, with the occasional rings from Gemma or El. Yes, I'm fine, but I just don't want to talk to them. I just want some space. Like Niall said.
And as for Niall and Liam, I have yet to say boo to Liam since he left to go meet Sophia the other day. Where as Niall, we don't talk that much. Just the occasional, "Are you hungry?" "No.", "Thirty?" "No.". Otherwise, he'll just knock if he needs his clothes and he comes in, gets them, and walks out with a small smile, or to tell me they're going somewhere.
"Khlo?" There was a knock on the door as Niall's voice sounded through the wood. I didn't answer, instead just poked me head out of the blankets. "You have to get up. We have class."
"I'm not going." I stated bluntly, curling back up into the blanket.
Why should I have to go? I mean, the professors don't give a shit if I'm there or not. It's my grade. And really all that's going to happen is people are going to start asking me questions about what was wrong and it's just going to be déja vú of what happened at the party on Friday. That is way too much for me. It's too overwhelming.
I get that Niall's trying to help me. I get that he's only doing everything he is for my own good, but maybe I don't need that! He's been basically babysitting me like I'm a five-year old on watch down.
Trust me, though. I am thankful for him. I'm thankful that he's trying to be my friend. I'm thankful that he's helping me out by making sure I'm taken care of and that I have a place to stay, and all of that, but I just wish he would tone it down a notch.
I'm perfectly fine. I just don't want to go out and see everyone yet because I'm not ready to face the questions that only bring back memories of what Luke did to me. I mean, it still has just barely yet to click with me.
"Fine, but at least open the door so I can come in." I groaned, but got up anyways. I opened it slightly before jumping back into the bed and cuddling myself again. "Khloe." Niall stated sternly before concealing us back into darkness.
"Leave me alone, Niall." Please, don't really.
He didn't say anything, but he must have read my mind as he slowly sat on the edge of the mattress and tucked himself under his covers, before pulling me by my hips so that way my back was pressed to his front.
"I'm not going to make you go." I snuggled into him futher, feeling as his head rested in the crook of my neck. "But, please stop shutting me out."
"You don't understand, Niall." I could hear my voice crack, even in the most quiet of whispers. His fingers were feathers against my skin as he lightly ran them over my arm. "I don't want to shut anyone out, let alone you. But, I can't help it." Don't cry. Don't cry.
"I...I fucking hate myself." I couldn't help it as the build up behind my mask became too weak and a tear slowly slid down out of the corner of my eye.
"Hey, no. Shhh." Niall tightened his grip on me, holding me even closer, as if in fear that if he let me go I would disappear. The scary thing is that I was afraid of that too.
"No, Niall, that's the truth!" My voice raised as well as the temper that was running through me, striking every nerve. "I hate myself. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way Luke made me feel. I hate going to sleep every night with the memory on ny mind. I hate knowing that it's my fault. I am just so stupid! I hate knowing that I was so fucking stupid to not listen to what everyone was telling me!"
"Khloe, please stop." He whispered, snugging his head closer to my neck as he nudged the fallen hair away with his nose in order to place a kiss there. "You cannot blame yourself for whatever Luke did."
I wish it was easier than that. But, it's not. That's not something I can just forget. Because the reality is that it did happen and it happened to me.
"Niall, everyone told me. You even told me. And I just... I can't." I took a deep breath trying to calm myself. I just wanted to let it all out, tears and everything, but I wouldn't. I'm not going to cry about this. "Being there, and being the person with the lower hand.. you just wouldn't even imagine what it's like."
I tried to make it a little easier for him to understand with out actually saying what happened because one, I don't want to revisit what happened, and two, I'm too embarrassed to say what actually happened.
He didn't say anything for a few minutes, so instead we sat in a somewhat comfortable silence. I just stared out the window, watching as the sun peered through the halfbopen blinds and began to lighten the dark room.
I love how each morning the sun still rises no matter how much it's been put through. I wish I could be like that.
Unfortunately, I'm only me, and when I'm knocked down, I usually end up staying down. That's why I have my barrier built. The barrier of being a bitch and being in control of my own actions because then I usually have the upper hand. I'm stronger that way. We'll except in this case, where Luke took advantage of me. He finally knocked it down, leaving me out in the open, where I'm vulnerable, as he took advantage of me. At the time I was just too blind to actually see it.
"Remember.." Niall's soft and fragile voice broke my thoughts as his fingers started to trace my own. He paused, and I turned onto my back so I was able to see him better. He was staring at the ceiling before he looked down to me where his deep, royal blue eyes met my brown ones. "Do you remember when I told you about my dad?"
He was drunk. We sat in his old room that night cuddled up to eachother in complete silence. His family is a very touchy subject, so it took me by surprise a little for him to mention them.
I slowly nodded, focusing my eyes to our hands that he was still playing with. His fingers were like silk as they lightly slid between mine then down the back of my hand and then back up to my fingertips. I smiled as he continued. "Khloe, I do know what it's like to be the lower hand and have no control. I dealt with it from the age of five until I was sixteen. Hell, I still do now at
the age of twenty one, it's just not as bad because I don't live there." Niall shook his head slightly as if clearing the memories before looking back to our hands as well.
Eleven years. Eleven years that Niall had to put up with his alcoholic father. Well, fuck, I feel even worse than I did before. I turned to him fully, removing my hand from his, to place on his cheek. His eyes met mine again, a distant look filling them.
"I'm sorry." He pushed some of the hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear.
"You have nothing to be sorry about, Khloe. We all have baggage."
"But,-"
"Khloe-"
"Niall, your dad-"
"Drop it, Khlo." His voice like arrows as he quickly rolled out of the bed, standing up. He made his way to his closest, pulling on a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt that had a black design on it.
I sighed and cuddled back into the comforter, feeling the warmth that he once filled start to disappear.
"Nope. C'mon." He yanked the blanket away from me, pulling it to the end of the bed. I groaned as goosebumps already began to fill my bare skin. "You need to eat. You've not touch food in days and you're getting too bone-y."
"Niall, give the blankets back." I mumbled into my pillows as my arms wrapped themselves under them and I pulled my legs to my side to lay in fetal position.
"No, you're eating." He pulled the pillows from under my head, tossing them about. "Let's go."
"I will personally beat the shit out of you if you make me get up. Now leave." I pointed towards the door, pulling my legs even closer to myself in order to keep warm. Niall just chuckled, causing me to glance at him. "W-w-what-" Before I even had time to process what was happening, he had flipped the mattress up, making me fall onto the box spring. "Niall!" I screamed, then squealed but still layed there.
When I still didn't move, he walked to the end of the bed and began to pull on my ankle. "Let's go, Khloe. It's been two days, too long."
"Fine!" I yelled, kicking his hand off me. He let go, staring down at me with a smirk. "I will get up, but you have to get out!"
"I will give you two minutes, and if you're not out by then-"
"I will, just go!" I groaned loudly as the door shut behind him. For fuck sakes!
Pulling my hair from my hair tie, I sat up and finally stood up off the bed. I couldn't help but to crack a smile as I glanced around the room.
The mattress was half off the bed, half on it, the pillows were thrown around the room, the white comforter was tossed across the desk and desk chair on the other side of the small room, and another smaller blanket was draped onto the floor at the end of the bed. All in all, you could probably see about only .5% of the actual carpeted floor.
I slowly made my way to my bag, almost tripping, and found my hair brush before running that through my knotted mess of hair. Just casually taking as long as I possibly could. After that, I made myself even more comfortable as I dug through Niall's closet, grabbing a pair of white boxers.
"Khloe! Get out here!" I groaned and stomped out of the room, making sure to slam the door behind me.
"Happy?" I scoffed, placing my hands on my hips.
He turned around to grab the milk out of the fridge before his eyes landed on me.
"Those aren't yours." He smirked.
"Nope." I walked around him to the counter, placing myself up on it. There were strawberries sitting in a bowl next to me that I had grabbed, placing them in my lap as I crossed my ankles. "What are you making?" He watched me eat a berry, glaring at me, which only caused me to smile.
"Pancakes, and those are for the top." He stood infront of me as he pulled the bowl away and I frowned. "Now, butt off the counter and into a chair over there." I glared at him but slowly slid down, fulfilling the space between us, full on teasing him.
I noticed him swallow hard as his eyes glanced down to my cleavage that I made sure to push out. My full body rubbed along his as I moved to the side with a smirk.
I felt a sudden grip on my hip as I was thrown towards the counter again. Niall's lips immediately attached themselves onto mine. It startled me for a second and I almost didn't even have time to kiss him back before he pulled away.
"Don't test me, Khloe." The harshness in his voice made me shrink back, and bite my lip as Luke's face came into mine. He must have noticed as his dark eyes immediately softened, and his head bowed. "I'm sorry, I didn't.."
"I Know. I'm sorry, too." An awkward silence grew around us before I pushed him back a little, moving to go sit down at the small wooden table.
"Here you are. Eat up. I expect the whole plate to be gone, too." Niall stated as he walked over to me and set the plate down.
"So demanding." I mumbled. I stared down at the food, my eyes instantly widening. How does he expect me to eat all of this!? There were four giant pancakes drenched in butter an syrup, stacked with fruit on top, a small dish of yogurt to the side, and a plate of cheese.
"Niall, I can't eat all of this." Let alone a bite.
"You haven't ate in almost three days. So you can and you will." I sighed, feeling the bile already starting to rise in my throat. Oh gosh.
I took one small fork full, trying to force myself to eat the small, spongy substance. After about four bites, I gave up and decided to start on the fruit. It wasn't a pleasant taste, however. I mean, it wasn't bad, but it would have been much better if I had an actual appetite.
Niall glared at me as I pushed the plate away. He was almost done, just having the yogurt and cheese left. "Niall, I can't. Really."
"Khloe, you're going to get sick."
"I am not! I'm perfectly fine!" My voice started to raise, as did his.
"No, you're not! You have sat in that damn room for over two days now, barely talking to anyone! You don't eat. You drink maybe four ounces of water every day out of the dozens of water bottles I set there! Khloe, you are not okay!" He slammed his hand on the table, making me jump.
He's right. Always so right, but I can't help it!
"No matter how mad I get or how disgusted, I demand you to tell me everything, Khloe." What does he mean? "What the fuck actually happened in that bedroom between you and Luke? I want the full truth."
Here it is guys! Hope you like it. Kind of a filler, but there's some important stuff, so yeah! haha
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