The Deputy
A year had passed and life was balanced between you. Your bitterness towards Joseph had subsided as your affection grew. Whether it was because he hadn't experienced unconditional affection before or because you were his supposed destiny, he showered you with affection and wasn't afraid to tell you his feelings. Yet, even after months of affirmation, he would become a mess when you told him of your affections and become shy. He had explained how it was new for him and you took it upon yourself to prove what genuine love was like.
He had even begun to approach talking about God and his beliefs once more. You both challenged each other regularly but you were both too stubborn to yield. But occasionally, when the mood took you, you would listen to his sermons to his small flock and get lost in the fervour of his passion. His loud ostentatious display of faith replaced by quiet, introspective intimacy and reverence. Those that survived were special and he made sure they felt like that.
The other Bunkers seemed to be managing well and there had yet to be a death which you were thankful for. However nearing the end of the second year you received word of the first pregnancy. A new hope in the barren world. You and Joseph had used some of your precious alcohol store to celebrate and he even sent his own congratulations. He would show kindness and follow the Lord's golden rule of doing to others how you have them do to you.
However the talk of pregnancy awoke something new in Joseph. You noticed him staring more and during sex he would often rest his hand over your abdomen. You had already inferred by his actions the talk of babies had made him broody, but it took him a few months to admit it was something he desired. You were curled up on the sofa scribbling poetry in your ragged journal, when he sat across in the arm chair looking serious.
"What's wrong Joseph?" You asked not looking up at him.
He didn't reply straight away but you could see he was nervous. He rarely showed his fear or anxiety to you. He was so confident in God's plan that he wasn't afraid. But, you he couldn't predict and this was often when you'd find him worrying. You sighed and closed your book leaving it on the pillow so you could straddle his lap. His hands gripped your hips which anchored him and helped him calm down.
"I promise I won't be angry."
"I want us to have a child." He said as if he couldn't contain the idea much longer. "I want us to have a child and raise it together with love."
"I see."
"Well you're not screaming so this is going better than I thought."
You chuckled and stroked his cheek. Up until now you had been pretty insistent on using protection. You had been prudent enough to stock up on condoms in the bunker for the future and as an emergency survival tool. You hadn't fancied facing the post apocalypse diseases if you chose to take a lover. Yet you didn't know how you could bring a child into the world not knowing what lay beyond the bunker doors or the horror they would face.
"What are you thinking Rook?" He asked looking concerned.
"I don't know if we should." You replied honestly. "We don't know what's out there. What if there is nothing left even after 7 years? How can we bring them into a world without hope? Besides, the thought of keeping both of us alive terrifies me. Keeping us and a child alive? Terrifying."
"But while we're in here is the best time. We can raise them safely through their first years and they'll be strong enough to survive. You are so strong my angel, and think how stubborn we are, that should count for something?" He smiled.
"True...but what if something went wrong during the pregnancy...what if...?" You sighed resting your forehead on his. "I want to, I would. I've always wanted a family Joseph but I'm scared. Scared it will change us both or break us apart."
"Nothing we make together would ever be a curse." He replied. "You're not angry for me asking?"
"No, I could tell you were thinking about it." You smiled warmly. "Besides, we're not even married! Isn't that a sin for you?"
"You've been mine from the start. Marriage would be a formality for an already acknowledged truth." He replied confidently.
"What truth is that?" You kissed you way down his jaw.
"That we are soulmates. That we complete each other."
He tugged you forward so he could kiss you sweetly which quickly became heated.
"It's not a no Joseph. Just let me think about it ok?"
"Of course my love."
"We can always keep practicing right?" You chuckled.
" Definitely."
Joseph
Joseph could not deny the idea of creating new life had begun to become an obsession. There was always the idea within the Project about procreation and he had imagined taking a wife but more because it was a duty. There had been none who had challenged and supported him in the way you had. Yet since finding you he thought of it less as duty but desire.
Some nights while you were asleep he watched you and imagined the family you would have. A faceless boy or girl who called him Father and who looked at him with the adoration he once held for his. He imagined you round with his child and glowing as he cared for you both. He would never be the man his Father was.
"Daydreaming again?" You teased sitting on his lap still.
"Sorry." He replied.
"Perhaps I should distract you?"
"Distract me? You have my full attention."
"Good," you replied with a cheeky smile "Then perhaps you can help me with something in the bedroom?"
He smirked as you climbed off him and left the room. At the doorway you removed your shirt revealing your bare form underneath before walking away. You always called him the tease but you were naughty in your own way. A flirtatious glance here, a soft touch there even your smile teased him.
He followed you and found you waiting for him reclined like a goddess on your shared bed. You beckoned him over and he followed like a puppy ready for his treat.
The Deputy - 6 months later.
"Hey Deputy! We got our first bunker born baby!" Called Kim over the radio. "My little girl is gonna have herself a new friend."
"Let's cut the shit. Boy or Girl?"
"What the fuck? It's a joyous occasion."
"Oh...yay? A baby!" You responded with false cheer. "Look I've had a bet with Joseph for 6 months and since she went into Labour it has been intense!"
"What the fuck you two?"
"She started it, I joined in so she'd stop asking.". Added Joseph.
"Just. What the fuck? You're as bad as Nick. I had to confiscate his winnings from the betting pool he had. What was the bet?"
"That is personal. Just fucking tell us!" You snapped.
"Fucking Christ! Oops, sorry Joseph. It's a boy!"
Joseph smiled.
"Are you sure? Maybe you didn't cut the umbilical cord properly?" You asked.
"I'm pretty sure it's a boy Dep. I'm guessing you lost."
"Yeah, dammit!"
"Well hopefully it isn't too bad!"
You hung up the receiver and turned to face Joseph. "Alright you win, Joseph"
"Sorry what was that."
"Alright you win, Father." You emphasised.
"Finally." He smirked. "I'm going to enjoy the next month."
"Well I'm not doing it in bed. Father." You teased.
Joseph took full advantage of his bet refusing to acknowledge you until you used his title. He was such a stubborn shit. As dinner heated up on the stove you noticed the calendar and realised it had been almost two years since you were buried underground. You had missed your birthday. Not that time was clear down here.
"Hey we missed our birthdays." You said. "It's been two years..." Joseph didn't reply.
As part of your weekly routine you exercised together and you had taught Joseph how to defend himself better. Since your revalation about time you had felt your melancholy about the end of the world return and how long you had left still to hide. You were so trapped in your head that Joseph easily pinned you.
"Where's your head at? You seem lost."
"Just...it's only been two years. It feels like more and I've missed so much."
"Perhaps you should pray with me? Even if you meditate it may give you a focus. I find it comforts me."
"You know Father, that may not be a bad idea."
When it came to evening prayers, Joseph encouraged you to sit with him and close your eyes. He whispered his prayers as if having a private conversation. You however, found it difficult to cope with the quiet. What were you hoping for? A miracle? Or perhaps a vision like Joseph had.
At the end of the session you still felt no clearer but it had given you time to think.
"How was it?"
"It was...quiet." you replied. "In honesty Father, I envy you. Envy how you have this big plan and know your place and that, that's enough for you. But I just don't have that kind of faith. I never have. The unknown scares me."
"True the Lord spoke to me but there were many times he didn't. I realised that the strength I sought and the reassurance I needed could only come from within myself. He can show us the path, but it is up to us to take it."
"So I need to take control?"
"In a manner of speaking. Surviving has been our goal for so long and now that we have achieved that we find there is more to life and a difference between surviving and living."
"I suppose you're right. What am I surviving for?"
"Something only you can answer or perhaps the Lord will answer."
That night while you slept wrapped in Joseph's warm embrace you dreamt of happier days above ground. Of simpler times and ice cream. Of hope and happiness. Of family.
You awoke with a clarity and a sense of peace. Family gave you purpose. You fought and clawed your way to survival without direction. You had always wanted a family but buried in a bunker with a religious leader was not what you expected. But he loved you didn't he? You watched Joseph as he slumbered. The tension in his face melted away as he slept and he was unburdened. You were scared. So very scared.
"What's wrong my angel?" Mumbled Joseph sleepily.
"I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't. What is wrong?"
"I had an epiphany of sorts but it left me more afraid."
"I'll protect you." He mumbled. "The Lord will guide us to Eden's Gate."
You smiled realising he was still half asleep. "I have faith in you Joseph."
"I have faith in you too." He replied. "My angel."
He held you close and you drifted to sleep once more. The next morning you woke up refreshed and although you were still afraid you had a renewed sense of hope. You joined Joseph again during his prayers and through his sermon. He spoke about family and the joy of new life as another child had been born in Bunker 2. Kim had clearly not to told you to prevent you from gambling again. As Joseph listened to the fears of his flock you knew what you wanted.
"How was the sermon?" He asked.
"Peaceful and hopeful."
"Hope is all we want and new life always brings the greatest hope. One day I hope we can share in that hope as well."
"I'd like that." You replied. "I'd like to try, if you still want to that is?"
"Nothing would make me happier." He smiled. "A child would be the greatest gift that we could be blessed with. Are you sure?"
"I am. I'm scared but I am gonna trust in you that we will be alright. I want to try."
"Thank you," he replied kissing you softly. "Such a precious gift you are."
"You say that now but when. I have cravings and what I want is incinerated remember that."
"We'll find a way... together."
"Together." You agreed.