*new version available,
w/ more in depth scenes*
Closed off from love, I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough, but it was all in vain
Stiles had been trying so hard.
He promised himself he'd sit and listen to scott incessantly whine about everything wrong with his life; how annoying his mom was being this day; how Isaac couldn't spend the night that day; how he got a goddamn b- on that chemistry test he swore he spent more than thirty minutes studying for on Tuesday night before his 'much needed' study break Isaac. He promised himself he wouldn't snap and scream that at least Scott had a mom and there were worse things than that mom saying no to her teenage son's boyfriend spending the night; or a boyfriend to spend the night with; and at least he didn't get a D on that chemistry test that stiles had spent 6 hours each day studying for.
He promised himself he would hold his head high and give the best, snarkiest comeback when Jackson stood beside his locker and started being rude and invasive. 'Yes Jackson it does bother me that most people think I'm a useless, 5 foot 8 bag of bones, it also bothers me that your mom keeps calling me at midnight telling me to come over, would you mind telling her to keep it in her pants? Thanks'
He promised himself he wouldn't be sad when Scott told him he couldn't come over and play that new video game because his mom had him on lock down, studying for the rest of the night. And he promised himself he wouldn't cry when he saw Scott twenty minutes later across the street from his favorite take out place with Isaac hanging from his neck, wide smiles etched on their faces. He told himself to be happy that his best friends were happy. He told himself that Scott hadn't meant to lie to him.
He promised himself it was okay that the only person that truly loved him was across the country and he didn't call because he was finally picking himself back up and taking care of his health.
Stiles promised himself he wouldn't take it hard if his dad called to cancel their Friday night dinner at Octavia's Diner again because Mrs Martin got off work early and called him to come over. And he promised himself he wouldn't cry when his father didn't apologize for standing him up and leaving him to wait for three hours in an empty booth for the fifth Friday in a row.
He promised himself it didn't break his heart every time he tried to ask for help and no one was listening. 'Scott can I tell you something?' 'Give me a second bro, Isaac just texted me'. Scott never spared him that second and stiles promised himself he wouldn't let that hurt him. 'Dad I-' 'stiles, I just got done with a shift, is it important?' Stiles promised himself it was just heart burn and not his heart actually, physically in pain when his dad grabbed the bottle of whiskey and a glass and left the room without waiting for stiles to answer.
Stiles promised himself that the werewolves didn't smell the depression and desperation wafting off of him because they were simply distracted, not because they couldn't care less. He told himself that he's just good at hiding it.
Stiles was trying so damn hard.
But he's broken so many promises to himself.
Time starts to pass, before you know it, you're frozen
It has been seven months. Seven months of waking up screaming in an empty house and fading into the school walls. His eyes were heavy with the lack of sleep and his skin was clinging to his bones from every meal that he pushed to the side because the silence was gnawing at him again. It was mid October and everyone was getting ready for Halloween, Stiles told himself it didn't hurt when all of the people he called his friends were in a tight group across the hall discussing costumes and the party Lydia was throwing.
He wanted to pretend he was just a stellar actor with an amazing 'I'm fine' face but he knew his face was screaming 'someone for the love of god please help me!'. On Monday, sometime earlier that month, no one noticed when he showed up with a black eyes, a heavily bruised cheek and bruises littering his arms and stomach. He just wanted to feel something again, pain was the most reasonable option that he could think of and if he wore that pain on his skin, someone was sure to worry or notice. But all he got was a worried glance from Miss Morrell.
It was mid October and the most he'd gotten from Scott in the past five months were acknowledging nods from across the hall as he was walking Isaac to class and a 'bro, you're in my way' when stiles was leaning against his locker during a particularly hard day and seeking comfort from his best friend. It didn't hurt as much anymore when Scott was slowly surrounded by friends, stiles slowly being pushed a few feet back, disregarded.
He wanted to believe it was because of the infamous 'growing apart' phase of high school. But as Scott was smiling at Isaac; Kira; Lydia; Liam; or even Jackson, stiles knew it wasn't because of some stupid high school distancing. He thought after the nogistune was defeated that he'd be free of the demon, but after everything it had done, Stiles' face was a reminder of all the pain they were put through. Stiles knew that when Scott looked at him, he saw the man that killed his first love. Stiles promised himself that didn't hurt; even though it did.
But something happened, for the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground, found something true
His dad hadn't been home in four days. He was left half-hearted, 'sleeping at Natalie's tonight' without an answer to his usual 'when are you coming home?'. Although, even when he did manage to come home, it wasn't for more than an hour before heading off to work or back to Natalie's.
It stopped surprising him when he couldn't sleep at night and it stopped hurting when he looked at Scott or Isaac or Lydia and no one looked at him. He almost missed Jackson teasing him but even the bully had forgotten about his presence. He had hope it would elicit some sort of reaction when he managed to enroll himself in an independent study program and stopped showing up at school. He thought he would get at least a halfhearted text from someone, anyone, but no one seemed to notice. There was nothing but radio silence.
It was late February and Stiles didn't care if he got hypothermia from laying on the roof in the middle of the rain, like he had been doing all month since they started getting this blissful miracle people called rain. His pajamas were already soaked through and his bones were rattling from the cold nipping at his delicate skin but he couldn't care less. His eyes were closed and he could feel the rain against his flushed cheeks; it was the first time in weeks that he felt the slightest bit content. His heart still hurt and his thoughts were hammering inside of his head but the sound of the rain beating against he roof was drowning out that incessant voice in his head and he wanted to savor this moment before he dragged himself inside and forced a couple bites of a sandwich down his throat.
He didn't know when everything went so wrong. He knew he shouldn't be thinking about it and he should just focus on the sound of the rain but everything was so quiet and his thoughts were prevailing to be stronger than auditory faculty. He knew the nogitsune screwed him over royally, but that can't be the only thing that went wrong. At some point his annoying rambling became too much or his uselessness in fighting supernaturals became apparent, whatever is was, he couldn't pin point the exact moment everything started going downhill; snowballing, if you will.
Stiles was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't even hear the soft footsteps approaching him, splashing puddles of water in their wake that he was oblivious to.
"Stiles, what the hell are you doing up here?" The boy jerked, a gasp leaving his lips as he lost his balance and started sliding down the roof. Imminent death didn't seem so scary anymore, the cement looked more comforting than scary and that thought scared the shit out of him. But, before he could meet deaths warm, open arms, strong hands were gripping at him and pulling him up against a firm, wet chest. Stiles looked up with a shaky breath, meeting the eyes he could never assign a color to. He wanted to spend the rest of his life debating whether or not it was a mix of green and blue with speckles of grey or a warm hazel that simply held the entire universe and all the colors it contained.
"Derek?" His voice sounded foreign to his own ears. He only spoke when he was turning in work to Miss Terry at the homeschooling office and it was only ever a 'hi', 'thank you' or 'goodbye'. His voice was scratchy and hoarse from spending so many nights in the rain and reaping the consequences the next day when he was coughing up his lungs and sneezing every ten seconds.
"Come on, let's get you inside" Derek picked the boy up like he weighed nothing and his heart skipped a beat when he could feel stiles' ribs poking at his fingers from beneath his sticky wet tee shirt. Stiles was in no position to argue, shock settling deep inside of him as he pondered whether or not all of his sadness and desperation had transformed into a Derek shaped hallucination and he'd wake up any minute cold and alone in his bed. But the man didn't falter as he jumped down from the top of the roof to the part of it that was directly in front of stiles' window. Derek gently sat stiles down on the bench in front of the window and slipped inside, shutting the it with a small sigh, the rain muffled through the glass. Stiles stared down at the carpet, trying to find words to offer Derek as an explanation, but he couldn't search his brain for more than a second without his eyes and his temples starting to ache. Derek seemed to sense his struggle as he moved towards the bed and grabbed stiles' biggest blanket. He draped it around the boy's shoulders and ran his hand softly against the boy's jaw. Thats was when Stiles realized his teeth were chattering and there were tears steaming down his cheeks that Derek was wiping away with a benevolent thumb.
Derek didn't attempt to speak or force stiles to speak as he moved around the room, searching through drawers and cabinets for clean clothes and a soft towel. He didn't make stiles look up from the carpet as he helped him out of his dripping wet clothes, wiping his skin gingerly with the towel and keeping his eyes comfortably on Stiles' face when he helped him exchange his soaking wet boxers for a dry pair. He helped bony legs into comfortable sweatpants and paper thin arms into a sweatshirt before he was gently pushing the entire skeleton like eighteen year old into his bed, tucking him into the sheets.
"I'm going to go make you a cup of tea and find something soft for you to eat without hurting your throat" Derek whispered, running his fingers softly through Stiles' damp hair before standing from the bed.
"Der" Stiles' voice was nothing above a whisper, broken and hoarse with the tears he was holding back and the cold that was creeping up on him. Derek froze, sitting back down on the bed with attentive eyes, his hand falling against stiles cheek and cupping the cold flesh softly. Stiles leaned into the warm touch as he allowed a tear to fall from his breaking whiskey colored eyes. "Will you come back?" Neither were exactly sure if Stiles meant come back to beacon hills or come back to the bedroom but both were implied behind the shaky words. Derek leaned down and pressed a kiss to the boy's forehead.
"Of course I will. I'll always come back to you" he assured in a firm but gentle tone, stroking his thumb against stiles' cheek for a moment before standing up again. He watched Stiles curl into himself, pulling the blankets tighter and pressing his head into the pillow desperately. Derek's senses were overwhelmed by the smell of deep sadness and thick abandonment laced with terror and anxiety, but buried deep down he could almost sniff out the beginnings of relief and comfort.
It only took Derek ten minutes to have a steaming cup of mint and lemon tea in one hand and a cup of strawberry applesauce in the other. He balanced
the two as he walked into Stiles' room, the boy exactly right where he left him ten minutes ago. Derek set the mug and the applesauce on the bedside table before peeling the blanket slowly from stiles' head. The boy's eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping but his heartbeat told Derek otherwise. Stiles looked like he hadn't had a good nights sleep in months and Derek wouldn't be surprised if that was absolutely the case. Insomnia was a recurring problem for the teen but the heavy stench of dark depression that surrounded him was more than a little bit of insomnia.
Derek ran his fingers along the boy's cheek, feeling him twitch slightly under the touch before relaxing again. Beneath the boy's eyes were a dark, cruel shade of purple that gave away his insomnia and ribs and bones that protruded behind his skin spoiled the fact that he hadn't been eating. Derek could feel his stomach clenching and his teeth gritting. He was angry with himself that while he ran away to New York on some sort of self discovery/ healing mission, he had left the boy he loved to waste away in his own depression and his friends' failures.
"You want to sit up and drink this tea for me?" Derek asked, rubbing his hand down the boy's back, over the blanket. Stiles slowly opened his eyes again and struggled to make himself sit up. Derek helped with hesitant, gentle hands, guiding the boy to sit against the headboard. Derek blew on the tea and stirred it to make sure it wasn't too hot before guiding it up to stiles' lips and making sure the boy was drinking it. Stiles could barely keep his eyes open anymore, they were drooping dangerously low as Derek was feeding him applesauce, his own hands lifeless and numb in his lap.
"Stiles" Derek's voice was so soft, softer than Stiles had ever heard it before. The applesauce was gone and there was only an inch of tea left, Stiles' stomach warmer than it had been in months. The boy slowly looked up, his tired, hurt brown eyes meeting Derek's in a silent plea that he wasn't aware he was giving. "You can either talk to me now or you can talk to me in the morning but you are going to tell me what happened. I am not going anywhere unless you explicitly tell me you want me to go, stiles" Derek ran his hand through Stiles' hair and down his cheek, watching his sigh and lean into the touch.
"I missed you" the boy whispered brokenly. Derek sighed, moving closer and pulling the boy into his chest.
"I missed you too Chipmunk" Stiles sobbed out a laugh at the old nickname that he hadn't heard in just under a year, his frail hands coming up to wrap Derek's tee shirt in weak fists. Derek cradled Stiles' head against his chest as the boy sobbed into his tee shirt, weeping painfully on and off for an hour before his body slumped with sleep and Derek's eyes finally allowing themselves to shed tears for his miserable love.
My heart's crippled by the vein, that I keep on closing. You cut me open and I keep bleeding love
Stiles gasped himself awake, panic surging through him when all he felt beside him were cold sheets and a bare mattress. Tears welled in his eyes as he clutched his pillow to his chest, his breaths coming to him in short, wavering bursts, terror and panic clawing up his spine. But before the harsh horror set in, the door flew open and a warm body was pressing against his side. He would have thought it was his father but then the warm scent of the woods and an unknown but comforting cologne was filling his nose.
"Stiles breathe, I'm right here, breathe" Derek's voice was soft and reassuring in his ear, slowly bringing him back down to earth with soothing words and soft touches of a palm against his back and gentle fingers in his hair.
"I thought it was a dream" he whimpered, gripping the material of Derek's tee shirt for dear life as he used all of what little strength he had to push himself into Derek's chest, breathing the older man in. "I thought I woke up and you were gone again" stiles whispered, burying his face in Derek's neck.
"I'm right here stiles, I'm not going anywhere. Breath for me, babe" relief flooded his nose all at once, his ears attentively listening until Stiles' heart was beating at a normal pace again and his body slumped against him again. "I just went downstairs to make you some coffee and toast" Derek informed, running his fingers through stiles' hair. Stiles hummed, rubbing his nose against Derek's throat before laying his head in the mans shoulder.
"When did you become an old English woman?" It was the first time in months that he allowed himself to joke and it made his stomach unclench when derek laughed softly and looked down at him with an amused and almost relived smile.
"There's my sarcastic boy, I've been looking for him" Derek said, running his finger along the boy's jutting collarbone. Stiles closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, allowing himself to enjoy Derek's warmth. "Do you want to talk about it over coffee or do you want to tell me right here?" Derek asked, leaving no room in his tone for an ulterior option. Stiles groaned but leaned back enough to where he was still almost completely on Derek's lap but he could also see the mans face. Stiles stared down at Derek's tee shirt, playing mindlessly with the bottom hem, twisting in his fingers and getting distracted for a second by a loose string. Derek watched patiently while the boy built up the courage, watching his face and listening to his heart pick up a bit of speed every time he attempted to open his mouth to speak. Derek simple ran his hands up and down the boy's arms, warming his seemingly always cold skin.
"It started a month after you left" stiles whispered, pressing himself against Derek again, heaving a sigh when Derek wrapped his arms around the boy's shoulders and pulled him closer. He spread his thighs and let the boy sink further into him, his tall, skinny body completely curled into his lap.
"What did, babe?" Derek promoted softly, running his fingers up and down his back. Stiles bit down harshly on his bottom lip, gnawing on it for a moment.
"The ignoring. The pushing aside" stiles gripped tightly to Derek's shirt to keep himself grounded, to keep himself from floating away into that dense cloud of darkness. Derek seemed to sense this, tightening his grip around the boy's delicate body. "Scott spent more time with Isaac and I told myself it didn't hurt when he blew me off or lied to me but it did. I lost my brother and that hurt more than I could comprehend, so I just pushed it aside. I told myself he didn't know he was hurting me and he just wasn't listening when I lied and said I was okay" Derek could feel the fire in his stomach growing, but he pushed it down, he didn't want to tense or get angry when stiles was opening up. "Then my dad started spending more time at Miss Martins house and he was missing our Friday night dinners and I kept telling myself that I was overreacting or I was being self absorbed, so I pushed that aside too. I mean, I'm eighteen, I should know how to live my life outside of my best friend and my father" Stiles' voice was strained with the tears that were falling down his cheeks.
"Just because your eighteen, doesn't give anyone the right to abandon you. You're still a person who needs- no, deserves all the love in the world. Scott should have heard the jump in your heartbeat or smelled that something was off and I'm sure he did, but he was selfish and decided to ignore it. You don't have to go through anything alone no matter how old you are" Derek teeth were grinding with how much anger he was pushing down for later.
"It's not Scott's fault. He had his own life to worry about" stiles whispered. Derek chuckled, running his fingers through stiles' hair again as he kissed his forehead.
"Even after being completely wronged and treated like crap by your best friend, you still have it in your heart to defend him, I will never stop being amazed by how fucking wonderful you are" Derek kissed the boy's forehead again, catching the pleasing scent of an ounce of happiness at the praise.
"After Scott and dad, everyone else just followed suit. Even Jackson stopped harassing me and forgot I existed. It all just stopped hurting so much after I called Scott for the hundredth time and he didn't answer" stiles shrugged, picking at the little button on the top of Derek's Henley. "After that all I got was a nod in the hall and no one talked to me anymore. I tried asking for help but no one gave me the time of day anymore. It's like, after you left, I disappeared. You weren't here to make sure I was at pack meeting or to call me first when there was a new threat. You were always the one to insist I would know what to do and when you were gone, Scott didn't see why I was useful and silently pushed me out"
"Why didn't you call me?" Derek asked, cupping the back of the boy head and looking down at him. Stiles breathed out heavily, unable to looked away from Derek's eyes.
"You were in New York" he whispered. "You were finally focusing on letting yourself heal and I didn't want to be another reason for you to worry that pretty head of yours" stiles offered a tiny smile as he ran his hand against Derek's stubbled cheek. The man leaned into the touch, shaking his head.
"It hurts more knowing that you've been going through all of this alone. I would have dropped anything to come and help you" Derek said confidently, his eyes shining with pained tears.
"I know" stiles nodded with a fresh stream of tears falling from his eyes. "But I wanted you to come back because you wanted to not because I wanted you to" Derek nodded, understanding completely. The man leaned down and softly caught stiles' bottom lip between his lips, swallowing down the soft gasp he elicited.
"I missed you every second of every day" Derek whispered softly against the boy's lips.
"I missed you so much more, Sourwolf" stiles whimpered, pushing his head up to catch Derek's lips again. Stiles' lips were cold and his face had sunken in slightly from neglecting his own health, but those beautiful moles were still dotting his skin, his nose was still a cute upturned button, and his eyes were still that wondrous hazel color. He was still Stiles.
I keep bleeding love
It stared slowly.
The house became warmer, Derek's scent lingering on everything he touched. Stiles chased it even when Derek was there, which was almost always, and he clung to it when the man left to go to the store or to get them take out.
Stiles skin became more vibrant with every drop of sun he got when Derek dragged out of the house, if not to sit in the back yard and talk, then to walk around the woods for a while. His skin no longer clung to his bones due to every meal or little snack Derek ate with him. And when his shrunken appetite couldn't handle the food, Derek rubbed his back when he couldn't help but throw it up.
It all started to make him feel better. He allowed himself to smile without feeling guilty about it and he was getting comfortable with rambling again. When he went of a rant about The Hobbit and stopped abruptly, realizing how annoying he must sound, he looked towards Derek and the man only smiled and told him to keep going.
The scent of depression and the sourness of what Derek could only label as insecurity was still thick in the air but it wasn't as heavy than it had been when he arrived more than 4 weeks ago. It still angered him deeply that no one had reached out to Stiles, no one asked if he was okay or where he was and the thought made Derek fume. It angered him that the boy's father didn't even notice his presence when he came home, changed his clothes, ate, then left again. But Derek never let that anger be noticed when he was with stiles, he kept it bay when his arms were wrapped around him, or the boy's head was laying in his lap, as it was when Derek said:
"I'm thinking about buying an apartment in Pennsylvania" stiles sat up so fast his eyes went black for a brief second before focusing on Derek again.
"What? You're- you're leaving? You're leaving again? You- y-you can't- I can't- I won't-" His voice broke, his fingers itching to grip at Derek's clothes, to feel him beneath his fingers. Derek hushed the boy soothingly, pulling him into his lap and running his hand along his back.
"Stiles I'm not leaving you again" he assured, running his hand against the younger boy's cheek, going up into his hair then coming back down again, soothing his thumb over his cheekbone.
"But you just said-"
"Stiles listen to me" Derek cut him off, the scent of worry and anxiety coming off of the boy in thick waves. "I want to buy an apartment close to the University of Pennsylvania where I have no doubt that you got accepted to. I want to buy an apartment and get you as far from this town as you'll let me" Stiles' eyebrows furrowed but his body relaxed against Derek again, his head falling against the mans shoulder. "Only if that's something that you would want" Derek quickly added. Stiles lifted his head again, an incredulous taking over his features.
"Are you kidding me? I would go to Antarctica as long as your with me" stiles looked down, that sour scent of insecurity hitting Derek all at once. "I'm just not sure why you would want that with me. I'm so broken right now, I can't even leave the house to go to the store" Stiles stared down at Derek's lap, fiddling with the strings on his sweatpants.
"Stiles" the firm tone in Derek's voice had stiles lifting his head. Derek cupped the boy's cheek and pulled him down for a soft, chaste kiss, that had stiles melting in his lap. "I don't want you to ever think about yourself like that. I would do anything with or for you, no matter what it is. You deserve to be happy and it doesn't matter how broken you are, you're still you and you still deserve the entire universe and more" stiles smiled a small, genuine smile, his cheeks growing pink. "You are more important to me than you will ever know"
"You're so sappy" he laughed softly, burying his face in Derek's neck.
"I just poured my heart out to you, you little shit" Derek chuckled, throwing stiles onto the couch and climbing on top of his. Stiles shrieked as he landed softly on the cushions, laughing as Derek started pressing kiss after kiss to his face, biting playfully at his neck and cheeks.
"I love you, chipmunk" Derek whispered, kissing the boy's lips sweetly. Stiles wrapped his arms and legs around Derek, essentially resembling a koala as he buried his face in the mans neck again.
"I love you too, wolf boy"
Trying hard not to hear, but they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears, try to fill me with doubt. Yet I know that the goal, is to keep me from falling. But nothings greater, than the rush that comes with your embrace
Stiles hummed softly to himself as he debated whether or not he wanted rocky road or chocolate malted crunch and if Derek would tease him if he were to get both. He tapped his chin and pursed his lips, just now realizing that they had chocolate brownie ice cream with raspberries and he really had to think about whether or not he could shamelessly buy three pints of ice cream.
"Stiles?" The voice made him flinch, his body freezing in front of the coolers. He didn't want to turn around. Fear and anxiety, the deep, cruel grips of terror that he hadn't felt in over three months, was climbing up his spine, clawing harshly at his skin and demanding to be felt. A hand settled itself on his shoulder and he flinched back, spinning on his heels and facing the chocolate brown eyes of Scott McCall.
"Stiles, why the hell do you reek of Derek?" Was his first question. Stiles' heart was beating rapidly, his eyebrows furrowing in deep confusion. After over a year old nothing but silence and abandonment, his first question wasn't even about him. Stiles gulped, trying to scrounge up a neat sentence of hopefully eloquent words that would explain his situation and make Scott understand. But nothing was coming out the way he wanted it to.
"I- what? He- I-" stiles shook his head, his back pressed tightly against the freezer as Scott stared at him with narrowed eyes, blatantly sniffing Derek on Stiles' clothes, on his skin. And obviously the smell of depression and utter terror were being masked by it as well because Scott didn't seem all too fazed by his steadily rising anxiety.
"Of course you would be sleeping with Derek" Scott scoffed. "Did you even think about how that would make me feel? Derek left town the moment things got hard and you just let him come back and sleep in your bed, of course that's something you would do. I knew you had a bit of a need for attention but I didn't think you'd be desperate enough to actually allow yourself to be manipulated by Derek. His uncle is the one that bit me, stiles! His uncle is the one that ruined my life and Derek is the one that bit three innocent high school students then abandoned them at the first chance he got. I thought you were my brother but I don't know who you are anymore. All you are is one of Derek's conquests" stiles wanted to scream at Scott, tell him where to shove his ignorant words, but he couldn't find his breath. Scott was still staring at him with fire in his eyes and it weighed down on Stiles' chest. His hands trembled horribly at his sides as his heart pounded harshly inside of his chest, everything around blurring slightly as his head spun.
"No- I- you don't- I- I- I- Derek" stiles whimpered the name like a silent please.
"Jesus stiles, when did you become so pathetic?" Scott asked, completely oblivious to the panic surging through Stiles' veins. Stiles breathed out shakily, trying draw in breaths as fast as he was letting them go. But it felt like everything was either going to close in on him or collapse on top of him at any moment and he needed to get out of there. His little basket fell from his arms and all of the contents scattered around them, Scott's eyebrows furrowing as stiles pushed past him and stumbled into a run.
"Wait, Stiles? Shit, Stiles wait!" The voice faded as he barreled out of the little corner store. He couldn't breathe and he couldn't stand still for more than a moment to pull out his keys, but his head was spinning far too much for him to be driving anyways. His instincts were taking over, forcing his feet to start moving in a fast sprint. A voice was calling his name but he was trying to focus enough to draw in enough air to keep running. At some point he tripped over his own feet and fell against the cement, his entire arm burning and something warm trickling down his forehead as he forced himself to get up and keep running. Just keep running Stiles, you're almost there. He tripped once more trying to climb the porch before he was falling through the front door, tears painting his cheeks as he kneeled on the floor, gasping for air that he couldn't find.
"Stiles? Stiles, breathe" Derek was kneeling in front of him within the same second that the door opened, cupping his face and forcing his eyes to stay on his. "Stiles, you're with me. You're safe. Close your eyes and listen to my voice, focus" Derek's voice was calm and consistent, it never wavered and his focus never shifted in the slightest. Stiles obeyed, shutting his eyes and allowing Derek to take his hand and place it on his stomach. He could feel Derek's stomach contract and expand with each deep breath he took and it took him a good few minutes before he could match the pace exactly, his heart soothing in his chest once he pushed himself into Derek and buried his face in the mans neck. Everything felt at ease once Derek's arms were wrapped around him, grounding him back down to earth.
"You left the house for five minutes, chipmunk" Derek whispered with tiny chuckle, his veins blackening with the extraction of some of his mates pain.
"I ran into Scott" stiles whispered breathlessly. Derek rolled his eyes at the name, peppering gentle kisses along stiles shoulder and up the side of his neck, comforting the boy.
"What did he say to you? That was the worst panic attack you've had in weeks" Derek asked, running his hands through the boy's hair as he sat back slightly, his hands gripping Derek's tee shirt with what little strength he had. Derek moved the boy to the couch, sitting him on his lap and keeping him close to his chest as he recounted every detail from when Scott touched his shoulder until he was stumbling through the front door. He told Derek how terrified and helpless he felt running home and how he felt like he was losing control over his body and his emotions. Derek held him through it, gripping his arms when he started talking too fast and losing control over his breathing. Derek let stiles dig his nails into his chest when he was trying to keep a desperate grip on his tee shirt, like any moment Derek would start to fade away and he'd be left alone again. Stiles told Derek almost word for word what Scott has said to him, each word fueling the fire that already lived inside of Derek's stomach.
"I don't want to be here anymore" stiles mumbled, his head resting on Derek's chest as the man was laid out on the couch, rubbing fingers up and down stiles' back.
"We are leaving the moment you graduate, babe. Just two more weeks and we'll be on our to Pennsylvania" Derek comforted, kissing stiles' forehead. Stiles sat up with pursed lips and his knees adjusting on either side of Derek's hips, excitement spilling from his pores in soft waves, making Derek raise his eyebrows curiously.
"What if I told you I've been working extra hard to get all my school work down early?" Stiles asked, running his hands along Derek's chest.
"How early?" Derek asked with the hint of a smile on his lips.
"Two weeks early?" Stiles bit his lip, trying to contain the smile that threatened his lips. Derek sat up on his elbows, his hands gripping stiles' thighs softly. "I finished my last assignment this morning, I was going to tell you tonight after ordering from that Italian place you love" Derek sat up with a wide, genuine smile that made stiles' stomach flutter with a lightness he hadn't felt in over a year.
"I think we're wasting time sitting on this couch when we could be packing your bags and turning in your papers. We could be out of town in less than two hours" Derek asked, sliding his hand along Stiles' neck.
"Yeah?" Stiles asked, barely containing his happiness.
"You go pack and I'll go drop off your papers for you" Derek said. Stiles couldn't contain the excited shout that left his lips when he jumped off of Derek's lap to run upstairs. Derek's teeth grinded together as he gathered stiles' schoolwork and grabbed his keys.
"I'll be right back, chipmunk" Derek shouted from the front door.
"I'll be ready" Derek smiled at the obvious lightness in the boy's voice, knowing that he'd be okay as soon as they left this god forsaken town.
Derek did turn in stiles' work, he even gave the woman the address of the apartment he and stiles had meticulously picked close to Penn State. But that's not all he did. He had to make a slight detour.
Derek didn't bother knocking on the McCalls front door, he knew Scott must have heard him coming.
"Derek what the hell-" Scott didn't get He chance to finish his sentence before he was gripping the front of Scott's shirt and slamming him against the door, his eyes bleeding red.
"Derek!" Melissa shouted, standing up confusedly from the couch.
"Maybe you should hear this too Ms McCall" Derek spared her a glance before turning back to her son. "For the entirety of this past year you have pushed stiles aside and made him feel like he was nothing. You chose to ignore how he was feeling because I know you were able to smell the depression and the fear and utter desperation coming off of him every single day. It would have been impossible not to notice his skin clinging to his bones or his stomach growling with every meal he decided not to eat because his friends made him feel like he didn't deserve it, if his friends were actually paying attention. You were supposed to be his brother, Scott, but instead you were the reason he spent the last year in misery. You pushed him out of your pack like he was nothing to you and I hope you're proud of your decision because you will never see him again" Derek growled low in his chest, his face contorted in anger and his breathing giving away just how much he's trying to control himself from shifting. Scott's eyebrows were furrowed, his body tense beneath Derek's firm grip.
"He didn't reach out" Scott croaked out. Melissa was standing beside them now, with her arms crossed over her chest and a firm, disappointed mom stare directed at Scott.
"Yes he did, Scott. You were just too self absorbed to listen to your best friends plea for help" Derek growled, pushed against Scott's chest. "I'm here to make sure you never hurt him again, so don't call and don't reach out. Not unless you absolutely know what you did and why he is the best thing that has ever happened to anyone in this town" Derek left without giving Scott a chance to respond. His chest was significantly lighter when he returned to stiles' house, honking the horn twice. Stiles came barreling out of the house with his arms full of bags and a wide smile making his eyes crinkle.
"I can have the jeep sent over once we get settled in, that sound good?" Derek asked once he got out of the car in order to help stiles in the bags. Stiles threw his arms around Derek's shoulders and kissed him deeply in response.
"That sounds perfect. You're perfect" stiles mumbled messily against Derek's lips. The man chuckled, cupping stiles' cheek softly.
"You're perfect, chipmunk" Derek kissed stiles slowly this time, savoring the taste of his mouth. "Let's get the hell out of here"
I keep, keep bleeding love