Don't get me wrong. Not that I can't tell between reality and dream. Also not that I can't accept the fact that when I finally woke up, instead of warm and cozy sunlight, it's faint moonlight that's been piercing my back intensely. And instead of my bedroom back in my house, I was still in the infirmary I last remembered lying my head down on one side of its bed. But, still, I have to say it.
This afternoon, even before I could make it to the library, a homo harassed me. Again. It's nothing new, seeing my golden right earring. But he's really insistent that I'm tempted, really really tempted, to just come out (as a demigod!). For the record, throughout sixteen years of my life I've lost count of how many times I wonder what's on the gods' mind when deciding rules to identify sun delegacies with golden right earring and moon delegacies with silver left earring. Not that big of a problem for moon race, but obviously endless torture for us straight sun males!)
Before this, I at most got the flirty if not judging look. Love letters inside my locker and messages from unknown numbers are already my most horrific experiences. So, you'll have to excuse me if I snapped when that guy abruptly placed his arm around my shoulders and shouted, "Finally, I found you!" all dramatic like long lost star-crossed soulmates. And not letting me go even after my repeatedly explanation of my, unfortunately, straight orientation. He even went as far to deem me shy, and left a series of numbers under the name Britney (with a tiny little heart at the end) inside my palm, said something like we homos must come together as one!
...Jesus. What kind of Britney has deeper voice than me? I bet his name is Bryan. Delirious human pulp.
As if that wasn't enough, when I finally succeeded in getting away from him (after two-hours torture haunted by masculine Britney through the whole orientation in library), another weird human came in sight, this time of drama queen species (I considered calling her the cheers type, seeing her face and her makeup, but then again she'd be too arrogant to cheer for arrogant boys). I don't know how or why, she chose me to be her bully target (only later after some bickering I found out that she's actually Lucille's new human friend).
I mean, come on! It'd been only a day Lucille left me and my human problems already skyrocketed this much? Like I have this human magnet in my forehead of something! I honestly can't imagine how my remaining six hundred and thirty six days in Sinlui would turn out. (Yes, I counted it from the academic calendar that hasn't even been distributed yet. Yes, I am that maniac, is there a problem?!) I'm so going to have early depression!
"You awake?"
I jump feeling a soft touch on the still-folded back of my hand. And see her: lied in the same bed my hands rested, my last (and I bet, won't be over in the near future) human problem: pale girl with melting smile.
This is an exception, I guess, as my current problem doesn't tempt me into flipping tables. Or infirmary beds. Whichever supports my point most.
"Uh, yeah. You okay?"
"Thanks to you." She tries to sit up, and before I realized my hand has moved to her back, supporting her small, rigid body. "And sorry, for making you stay until this late."
"N-not a problem," is what I said, while I curse inside.
What kind of prince charming being saved by his princess?
Now that I've said it to mock Greyson, I can't possibly ask Lucille to come and fetch me, can I? Ugh, when my energy's already drained for the day to help Lucille and Greyson and... whatever the name of this fragile girl.
"My name is Ariana." As if hearing me talking to myself, the girl gestures her hand forward. "But you can call me Ari."
I wince, then shake her hand groggily. "Keenan." Home.
Ariana takes a look at my uniform and says, "First year? What class?"
Wanna go home. "H."
Her face lights up a little hearing it. "Then, hope we can be friends, Keenan."
Home. Home. Home. "Uh, sure. You go home by yourself? Somebody picks you up?"
"Relax, my driver is waiting. Anyway, you haven't eaten yet, have you?" She smiles, literally dazzling. "As a thank-you, may I buy you dinner?"
Wanna go home. "Ah. If you insist."
Moonlight. Must be the moonlight that makes my mind lose its reasoning.
She laughs, the sound of Disney's orchestra, and my mind goes blank right away. "Sure. Come on."
One hand grasped inside her frail fingers following her, I make myself swear to never again stay outside this late.
*)
So this is how it feels like to walk directly under sunlight for moon race, I think while summoning what little energy I have last to walk home. A pang of guilt that's long been suppressed reappears, realizing I'm the reason Lucille goes through such torture everyday. The walk home drags slowly and tiringly, never ending. I'm not sure I should be thankful or regretful to lend my car to Lucille–driving with an on-and-off conscious doesn't sound too good. Though I must be grateful tonight's cloudy–with my current condition, being exposed to direct moonlight would definitely result in instant blackout.
Ah, come to think of it, I would blackout anyway if it isn't for seeing Lucille rushing to my side from a park just outside our alley. Is she worried about me? Ah, how cute. Thinking about it gives me a little extra energy, just enough to make me trip and end up in her embrace.
Damn. Look at how strong she is under the moonlight. Just look at her sweat-free face and tense-free muscles–as if the one she holds isn't a tall guy twice her weight.
"Where have you been to come home this late?!"
Of course she greets like middle-aged women with the tendency to bark at meowing hungry straw cats. Though her hands never missed a second as she slings me over her, and half-dragging she leads us to our adjoined houses.
"Look at you, can't even walk in a straight line. I know you just want to help, but this is already crossing the line!"
I chuckle weakly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize to me. It's not me that you make fun of this afternoon."
I take back my words–not cute. Talking about Greyson, now that he's finally off-vicinity, that's so not sweet.
I wait until I have enough energy to walk in a straight line before countering back, "Ah, but how to apologize to someone that isn't even conscious?"
Lucille growls, annoyed, but decides not to respond back. She continues her nagging instead, "What was on your mind, really? Trying to be a hero? And for moon's sake, answer me!"
I massage my temple while trying to hold back. It's been a while since my body feels like being hit by a train. And she just wouldn't shut up? "It's nothing, really. I fell asleep. Woke up and went home–she bought me dinner on the way." I watch her frowning face and go on, "Anyway, what were you doing at the park?"
"Nothing," responds her a little too quick.
"Hm?" I look at her with a can't-be-helped face. Yeah, can't be helped, we've known each other long before we learned to lie. Or even to hide any small, trivial things. So it's impossible, really, not to notice.
She grumbles under her breath. "If you really want to know–"
"But of course, why would I ask if I don't?"
"–just not in the mood to see Grey's face. He's going home tomorrow. And, I don't know," Lucille looks up, stares sadly at me, "...maybe won't come back for a while. Maybe not, forever."
Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Not cute at all. And here I thought she's worried about me...!
"Isn't that great," I snap, sharper than I intended. But, I'm too annoyed to think straight. "No more intruder."
"Keenan!" She stares at me wide-eyed in disbelief. "He canceled his stay and that's the only thing you care about??"
"Well, what do you expect? Last I checked, he's still the same prick that takes away my best friend!"
"He doesn't!" For the first time, Lucille screams, uncontrolled. Maybe the cancellation of Greyson's stay hits her hard, whatever–I don't care anymore. "If our friendship is what you care about, I swear, your place is irreplaceable, K! But, for the first time, I have someone with the same fate... Don't you understand how much Grey means to me, K?"
Oh, wow. "Do I ever complain about our different fate, Luce?"
"Easy for you to say. You're never there for me at night!"
I growl. She'd bring that up, after all this time?! "I also never need anyone except you at noon!"
Lucille places her hands on hips, then looks up to me with her pair of already wet eyes. "Yeah? What about that human girl?"
I want to counter, but no words manage to come out.
*)
I lost count on how many times I changed positions before I finally give up and get up. I mean, come on! I'm the perfect epitome of the so-called sleepyhead that doesn't take more than a minute to fall asleep in broad daylight. And look now: even when my body at my limit, my consciousness swaying on-and-off, and heavy drowsiness, my brain still refuses to rest. Does it ask for a disowning?!
Annoyed, I grab my phone on my nightstand and punch a short line of a question to the first person that comes to my mind. Well, technically, second, but–for the first time ever–I don't talk to the first one, so.
'Which is worse: moon girl or human girl?'
I wait for a short while, change about several positions, and would've already made a call when the answer arrives.
'Shit, K, it's four in the morning.'
'Two, here. And answer my question.'
'Can this wait until I'm done with my beauty sleep? For sun's sake, I'm a celeb–I must take utmost care of my appearance!'
Without bothering to counter back I press the call button.
"Gah, Keenan! You would just ignore my words, huh?" Sunny swears at the other end of the line. "I'm still counted as your elder, okay?"
"Five years are too close for seniority, Celeb-wannabe," I comment flatly. "And answer my question."
"What's with you? Finally came to your sense and realizing your feelings for Lucille? What's with that 'human girl', then? You desperate or what? Still not too late to snatch her back, if you ask me–"
"I don't." I stop only to hear him swears again. "And you haven't answered my question."
Again with the swearing. And this is the one supposed to be charming, warm and loving oppa? I say just pray a lot for the future of those South Korean girls. "...And I thought you're anti-human! Whatever! Go ahead and make imaginary relationships with those human girls as you please, at least that way I won't have to lose one of my brothers!"
The connection dies the second he finishes speaking. If it was my usual self, I'd call him back for sure, again and again, until I'm content with the answer–to hell with his beauty sleep or celeb career for all I care. But, his last line hits me hard.
Damn, even when I finally stop denying my feelings for Lucille. Still not too late, his a$$.
Since the beginning, I know full well why I can't sleep: because right next door, there's a certain girl weeping alone. I know full well why I don't want to talk to her: because it isn't me she weeps about. As I know full well why it's so hard to open up about my feelings: because even when my feelings were to be reciprocated, there's no future for us. Never.
As a heir of sun delegacy family, I–and especially Lucille, who's an only child, has no choice but to marry the same race, the thicker the blood the better. To marry humans? At most dismissed as a delegacy which, by the way, is not as grand as it sounds. But to marry opposite race? Not only us, our family would also be exiled, stripped of lineage and put on blacklist for eternity.
So, just be logic: why start something that would definitely end in the first place?
...Or so I said, as my thumbs dance around my touchpad, typing make-up attempt disguised as instant noodles to the girl that gave me the name sleepyhead and now ruins it.