From my old room in the Igarashi house, I can hear Ryuu and Sakura whispering in their room. I do not believe that they realize that I overheard many a conversation this way when I was younger.
"Who would be left for Taro to wed his daughter to if she refuses Kazuhiko?" Sakura asks, genuine curiosity coloring her voice.
Ryuu sighs. "If he is looking for a clan leader that is somewhat nearby and has a degree of influence, I fear that he will try to coerce someone like Neji Raiden or Aikawa Shigeru into marrying Amaya. I fear that Emi would have a better idea of what Taro is planning for his daughter, and I also fear that she would likely not tell us at this time."
"Are you still bitter about the fact that she did not tell us about the traitor sooner?"
"No, not bitter," he answers. "Just struggling to understand why she kept such information to herself especially when she probably knew that it would cost Jun and Rika their lives as well as risk our own. Even now we do not know who was working with him and whether he actually had a hand in killing them or if someone else carried out the deed."
"Something tells me that the shinobi and Amaya's future are not the most prominent things on your mind," Sakura whispers. "What else is troubling you, Ryuu?"
Another sigh escapes him. "You have not been eating, Sakura, and you have been ill these last few days. Is something wrong?"
A long silence stretches before Sakura's voice rises to answer his question. "I have not decided if there is something wrong yet. I am suspended on the edge between terror and elation, yet nothing has managed to sway me definitively to one side or the other. The future has begun to take a new shape, Ryuu, and I have not sure that I am ready for it."
Whatever Ryuu says to her is too low for me to make out, and I roll onto my side, sleep tugging at the edges of my vision. And what little I heard concerning Amaya's future if she did not marry me makes me all the more determined to make her my wife.
Amaya looks startled to see me sitting out in the garden when she arrives with her mother. I wait for her to whisper to her mother before she makes her way towards me. A slightly uncomfortable silence falls over the two of us after she sits down.
"Why did you make such a deal with my father, Kazuhiko? By agreeing, you have given him more power over you as he knows how much that I mean to you now. You should have just left the matter as it was and not said anything," she says at last, her eyes fixed upon where Sakura and Yori are bent over a worn book.
I cross my arms, taking a deep breath as I shove the hurt that her words conjure down until my chest no longer aches. "I told you that I was going to marry you, Amaya. I would have thought that at some point your father would have considered me as a suitable match, yet six years have passed and it seems as if he has not even given a thought to me.
"Yes, it was impulsive and stupid of me to agree to your father's terms, but I refuse to wait any longer. I do not want to see if he manages to dig up someone who is only interested in a woman to give him an heir and therefore does not care what flaws she may possess."
Amaya looks at me, and her brown eyes simmer with barely restrained anger. "Who says that I want to marry you, Kazuhiko? You made the assumption that I was going to hold you to a vow six years old and made at a time when we were two children."
"I made that vow as a man."
"I do not need you to rescue me!" She says, and I see the women's attention shift to us from across the garden. "I do not need you to drive away suitors. I do not need you to sweep in to marry me. I do not need you to act so noble and self-sacrificing."
Instinctively, I reach for her hand even though her entire body stiffens when my fingers touch hers. "I am not trying to rescue you, Motome Amaya. You are more than capable of taking care of yourself if it came to that, but I am trying to make sure that you do not have to look over your shoulder every time that your father has a new man come to vie for your hand.
"When I was younger, I loved you with the innocent love of a friend and an almost brother. Now that I have grown up and seen a bit more of the world and had young women begin to look towards me as a marriage prospect, I realize that my love for you has matured and become the love of someone that wants to hold you for the rest of your life. I want a love like Ryuu and Sakura, one that only seems to burn brighter with the passage of time. And you are the only person that I can imagine having a love like that with."
Amaya shakes her head slightly before she shuts her eyes and leans back against the tree with a sigh. "And what will happen when someone ridicules you for marrying a woman that limps and insinuates that you were unable to find another? What will happen if I cannot give you a child? Will you grow to resent me and the vow you made?"
"I care not if others believe that I am a fool for marrying you, for they are looking only at the apparent flaws. And I refuse to worry about something that may not come to pass. Yes, my grandparents and your parents had trouble conceiving, but it does not mean that we will have the same problems. If I resent you for events beyond your control and my control, I hope that you direct my attention back to the fact that I am not master of everything and that regardless, I love you."
She shifts her head until our gazes meet. A thousand unspoken words shift through her brown eyes, but at the end, only one remains prominent, and it is one that I recognize.
Love.
Carefully, I stand and reach a hand down to her, which she accepts. I can feel the other women's eyes staring at the two of us, but I ignore them in favor to look at the woman in front of me. "Where do we go from here, Amaya?"
A smile touches her lips. "I will marry you, Amachi Kazuhiko, in spite of my fears of what will come. However, hold off on telling my father until closer to the end of the time you have set for your agreement. I wish to see how he will react once he finds out that you have won my hand."
I study her for a moment, wondering what prompted such a strange request. However, I do not press Amaya for a better answer, choosing to wrap an arm about her waist as she lays her head against my shoulder.
Sakura and Yori wisely say nothing as we join them, though the latter's eyes sparkle with joy as she notes the arm that I feel instinctively tighten around Amaya's waist at the scrutiny. If anyone is going to stand in the way of the two of us getting married, it would not be Motome Yori, who understands what it meant to fight for love.
Once we have sat down with the women, Amaya leans away from my side to study the passage that they had been looking at before we had joined them. I recognize the book as the one that Sakura says that Emi had given her before Ryuu and she were married.
I have not seen the shinobi for years though I know that Sakura and Emi exchange letters quite frequently. My visits to their village had ended around the time that I had begun to train.
I always felt that there was something strange about Emi and her husband Masumo, something that originated with the book that Sakura treasured so much. Whatever peace that the shinobi had gained from the words in that book had never quite resonated with me especially since those words had done nothing to keep my parents alive.
However, Amaya and Yori have joined Sakura for as long as I can remember, seeming to gain true hope from the book. I am content to sit back and listen to their conversations flow around me, not necessarily absorbing any of it.
Instead, I think about the conversation that I had overheard the night before. Clearly, Ryuu thought that there was something wrong with Sakura, but she had brushed his concerns away almost effortlessly. And it likely did not help Ryuu's worries when Taro kept him away from home as often as he possibly could.
I know that my being here this morning had lessened the former general's distress, for Sakura would not be alone as long as I stayed. He had pulled me aside and asked me to keep a close eye on her in case something happened.
So I keep an eye on Sakura even as the three women continue to talk, noting that she seems thinner than the last time that I had seen her. That affirms that Ryuu is not wrong to express concern, regardless of how much she tried to brush it aside.
She notices me studying her as the conversation begins to come to end, and I see melancholy drift across her features before she turns towards Yori. I don't have a chance to think about the strange display of emotion as Amaya settles against my side again.
"Father thinks that there is going to be a battle again soon," she says quietly. "There is talk that it will likely be one of the bloodiest that we have seen in the past decade. The Neji clan's alliances have become stronger, and Shogun Fujioka seems to grow wearier with each passing year."
"Ryuu says that it is likely that he will step down for Fujioka Ichirou to become shogun soon. There are only so many battles you can fight and only so many lives you can lose before you can no longer handle the pain," I answer, running my fingers through her hair. "The shinobi are a major part of why those allied beneath the shogun continue to win battles. Without their help, it is likely that none of us would still be here."
Amaya turns to look at me. "Father would disagree with you. Whatever happened around the time of our births involved the shinobi, and it is the reason that they are no longer welcome here. And it is part of why your parents are both dead, and Sakura and Ryuu are both in disgrace."
"Do you ever wonder what truly happened?"
"Well, as long as no one who was involved does not want to talk about it, we will never know the truth," she says, "for there seems to be no true record."
I notice that Yori and Sakura have returned inside, and reluctantly, I stand up, knowing that the time has come for Amaya to go back to the fortress with her mother. I help her up again, not releasing her hand until we reach the door leading to the road outside.
She slowly lets go of my hand, peeling her fingers away one by one until only our palms are touching. Then, with a slight smile, Amaya leans over and kisses my cheek.
Without another word, she allows her palm to drift off mine, and I watch her as she follows her mother out of sight.