CHAPTER 5
It was a cold and wet Friday morning when Emile returned to work the next day. The sky was gray and the trees were bare. The snowy weather cloaked a layer of sadness on Emile. Everything was dormant and lifeless. Emile grabbed his laptop from the passenger seat and walked out of his car. He hung his head low as he walked across the parking lot. His brows pulled together, as if he was in some kind of contemplation.
The atmosphere inside the building was a contrast, however. The heat blew strongly from the vent, warming up everyone as they walked through the entrance. Christmas decorations were hung up high, signifying Christmas was just around the corner. Perhaps everyone was looking forward to the weekend, or the Christmas holidays in two weeks, they were chit-chatting with a cup of cappuccino in their hands, brewed from the very sophisticated all-in-one coffee machine in the kitchen. The sales executives were in their "dress-down-Friday" look, rather than suits and ties. Some of them were even humming along with the Christmas Pop Songs playing in the radio, by the receptionist. The mood was relaxed and light spirited.
"Morning, Emile," the receptionist, who was wearing a Santa's hat, greeted Emile with a smile. Her body was swaying along with the music playing softly from the radio.
"Morning," Emile replied with a nod, without looking at her. He rubbed his feet on the carpet, trying to rub off the snow and melting salt from the shoes, and ran one of his hands through his hair, dusting off the snowflakes collected on his head. He walked straight to his office without addressing anyone along his way.
He put down his laptop and removed his coat. He expertly set up his laptop, grabbed the mug from his desk and walked into the kitchen. He started brewing a cup of cappuccino just like everyone else. He kept his eyes on the coffee machine, waiting for his cup of drink, but his mind was miles away. He did not sleep well. Even though he shut his eyes tight last night, he was replaying scenes from the meetings in Boston over and over again in his head. The greed on Ryan's and Marcus's faces was ugly. The way they worshipped Venus Inc., the potential acquirer, was revolting. He did not want Alena to know about the ugliness. That would only worry her. He sighed.
"Morning, Emile." It was Mason, Emile's right-hand man. He walked into the kitchen, lining up behind Emile, waiting for his turn to make a cup of cappuccino. "How was the trip? Are we going to be bought out soon?" Mason smiled.
"It was productive. You want to tell me what I have missed in the last few days?" Emile replied with a faint smile, and cleverly diverted the subject.
"Oh, it was peaceful and quiet. Everyone was so relaxed and laid back. Can't blame them, you know? They have been working like dogs for the last several months, meeting crazy deadlines. It's only fair for them to slow down now. There is no point to start any new jobs anyway. It soon will be the Christmas holidays. They can go crazy again after the New Year." Mason replied and walked up to the coffee machine, as Emile finished brewing his cup of cappuccino.
"You are such as softie, Mason. Don't you ever crack the whip?" Emile took a sip of his hot drink and his eyes darted away from Mason, as if Mason's words annoyed him. But Mason was totally oblivious with such gesture.
"Cracking whip? That's Alena's talent. Not mine. How's she been anyway? I sure have missed her around here." Mason chuckled. He would never crack any whip. He was a guy with a kind heart.
"She's good. Thanks. Listen, Mason. I have a meeting with Marcus in an hour. I still have a few things to finish before meeting with him. You want to catch up over lunch?" Emile wanted to end the chit-chat. He wanted to prepare himself for the dog fight in an hour.
"Lunch is good. I will see you then." Mason replied.
"Lunch is it then." Emile parted with his cappuccino.
He walked back into his office and stood by the windows. The view outside was no longer the fall coloured valley he enjoyed looking at. It was now gray and colourless, mirroring his moods. The relaxed atmosphere in the office annoyed him. The causal chit-chats were like nuisance, totally meaningless and waste of time. Everyone was fooled by their fat pay cheques and the rosy business, he concluded. They were totally unprepared for the sharp turn the company was about to take.
He sat on his chair and started working. He needed a few more data points for the meeting.
****
"Morning, Emile. Ready for the meeting?" Marcus greeted as Emile walked into his office. "Have a seat. Ryan is on the line already." Marcus gestured Emile to take a seat across his desk.
"You hear us, Ryan? Emile is here." Marcus spoke to the speaker phone on his desk and Ryan was calling in from the west coast over the latest conferencing technology.
"Loud and clear. Did you guys sleep well last night? How was the flight from Boston?" Ryan asked from miles away.
"Get on with it Ryan. I don't think Sleep and Flights are on the agenda." Emile replied and his voice was tight.
"What's the matter, Emile? You don't like our plans?" Ryan heard the hardness in Emile's voice. He did not anticipate that Emile would be a difficult one to convince. "Haven't you figured out how much your shares will worth?" Ryan threw the bait up high, expecting Emile would catch on.
"It can worth multi-millions or nothing, that I know," Emile's voice was now cold as ice. He would not be fooled by the bait. The plan just did not make sense.
"Spill, Emile. What's wrong with our plan?" Marcus finally joined the conversation.
"It is too risky. I looked at the recent acquisitions in the market and some of the competitive technologies out there. It does not make sense for us to create new products. That space is already very crowded and it is not our core competence. But we now have clients lining up for our consulting services and we are good at it. Our technology in that space is top notched. That's where we should put our bets." Emile tried hard to lay out all the facts, to win the battle.
"But you know the return on investment for these two options differs drastically. If we get acquired by Venus Inc. with new products, all three of us can retire in the Caribbean. Whereas betting on the consulting services will only generate us good income." Marcus countered.
"Look, Emile. I want a big return on my investment. I don't want tiny bit of cash flowing into my bank account every month. I want trophies." Ryan was obviously running out of patience. "Now go and execute our plan. Meeting adjourned." With a click, the line went dead.
Emile clenched his teeth and then huffed out a frustrated breath of air. He covered his face with both of his hands. He could not believe greed could make a smart person so dumb.
Marcus walked to Emile and patted on his shoulder. They had been working together for the last six years. He had never seen Emile so frustrated. Emile was well known with his ability to remain calm even during the most catastrophic crisis.
"Worried about Mason?" Marcus cautiously suggested.
"Hah! You remember Mason?" Emile glared at Marcus. Emile and Mason had forged a special kind of friendship over the last ten years. They may not be friends outside the building, but they watched out for each other in the office. "But apart from that, the plan just does not make sense, Marcus! You know it." Emile continued.
"Come on, Emile. I am not a heartless person. You know me. But it is my job to manage this company for the investors' benefits. Ryan holds the stakes," Marcus retorted.
"I am not letting Mason go until we have completely steered the boat. We still have clients to serve, remember? He has to stay till the lights are out in the consulting business." Emile replied, totally defeated.
"Deal." Marcus agreed. "You are not going to tell him now, are you?"
"I am not an idiot. I know what confidential means." Emile stormed out the office, raging.
Yes, the potential upside could be very lucrative, but they could also lose everything with the new plan. It was a gamble and Emile was not a gambler. The plan would cut deep in the company and he sure was fighting a losing battle, all alone, no Mason, no Alena.
****
The weekend came and went in a blinked of an eye. Emile and Alena did their usual weekend drill. They cleaned and tidied up the house, bought some grocery which would last till mid of the following week. They went to church on Sunday, followed by a play date and dinner with another family. The other couple had two little girls. One of them was just a year older than Candy while the other was just a year younger. The three little girls had a blast all afternoon. They were running around the house and filled it with giggles and laughter. The parents watched happily as the little kids played together and they casually chatted among themselves about nothing in particular. Adults had their adult time while the kids had their play time.
Alena loved seeing Candy playing with her little friends. Candy showed the other girls her treasured toys and played dress-up in play-high-heels. She draped them with whatever faux jewelleries she could find in the play room. They even put up a Christmas fashion show for their parents too. Alena could not help but imagined how it would be like if Candy had a little sister. She could play dress up with them all day. Alena smiled as the image drifted right in front of her eyes, two little princesses and a queen. Alena giggled.
Alena also noticed Emile's mood had lightened up over the weekend. Though he still did not mentioned much about his trip to Boston, he was not as tense as he was on Friday and Saturday. Perhaps having friends over had distracted him and playing with Candy had brightened him up. Would he also want another child? Alena secretly thought. She did not have the guts to discuss family planning with him in the last two days. He was distanced as if he was hiding something from her. She did not dare to probe about the Boston meetings as if there were landmines, avoiding them seemed to be a safer bet. After all, she had no confidence in giving any advice on company strategy. She seriously had no clue what the company and the market were up to these days.
To his surprise, being away from the office was like a timeout for Emile. Quiet prayers in the church, hanging out with friends and family, allowed him to enjoy the other dimensions in his life. For the moment, the difficult situations in the office were being shut tight in a drawer. He would deal with them tomorrow. For now, he would enjoy the fruit of his hard work.
When the other family left, it was already dark. Candy was exhausted. Alena quickly bathed her, put on her pyjamas and put her to bed. Emile and Alena, as usual, gave Candy a good night kiss and gently shut the bedroom door. Emile and Alena walked hand-in-hand back to their bedroom, for the first time in many weeks. They looked at each other with sparks in their eyes let alone the sparks transmitted between hands. They sure had a great time today.
"You want to share a bath with me?" Alena shyly suggested. Her face blushed. They used to do that a lot before Candy arrived. They would soak in a hot bath, while the scent of soap mixed with that of burning candles relaxed them after a long day of work. In this moment, holding hands with Emile, she yearned for intimacy, a sacred moment between husband and wife....to make a baby. She secretly hid her smile.
"What's on your mind?" Emile's lips pulled up a little and he asked mischievously. He wanted to wrap his arms around his woman too. He needed to enjoy the fruit of his hard work. He deserved it.
"Same as what's on your mind," Alena replied with a sly smile.
"So you know what's on my mind?" Emile chuckled.
"Always do." Alena looked up to him. Her lips were slightly parted, luring him to kiss on them.
"My mind is blank now, so is your mind blank too?" Emile responded to her invitation and kissed on her lips.
"As blank as it can be." Alena returned his kiss with passion.
"Let me get the tub ready." Alena walked to the ensuite bathroom and began filling the tub with hot water.
Emile, as a habit, picked up his blackberry and quickly glanced through his emails.
"Hey, the water is ready now." Alena walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"Why don't you go in first? Ryan needs me to send him something now. I will be back in a couple of minutes." He turned around and kissed her lips one more time, before walking down the stairs to the study.
Alena slipped out of her clothes and soaked herself in the hot water. She felt good, thinking the beautiful baby they would make in a moment.
Minutes later Emile joined her but he looked different now. The mischievous grin and the sparks in his eyes were gone. He took off his clothes and stepped into the tub.
"It's not Monday yet, honey. I think I still deserve a few more hours of your attention." Alena slipped herself next to Emile, wrapping her arms around his torso.
"I am always yours." Emile wrapped one of his arms over her shoulder and kissed her hair.
"Did you notice Candy was having so much fun today with the other girls?" Alena began to probe.
"Yeah. The girls had a blast today. We should invite them over more often. It was fun for us too, don't you think?" Emile gently stroke her thighs with his other hand. He would not let the office issues he just dealt with, ruin the moment. His shut his eyes and took a deep breath. The soapy scent of the bubble bath filled his nose.
Alena tightened her grip around his waist. "Wouldn't it be great if we have another child? Two kids helping each other, loving each other?" Alena finally let the cat out of the bag. She needed to know if he would work with her tonight.
Emile did not say a word. He froze like a statue. Alena's heart, at the same time, dropped like a stone. She dared not to lift her eyes to him. Her biggest worry was turning into reality. He did not want another child. Now, she knew.
Emile gently kissed her on the forehead and got out of the tub. He dried himself with a towel and put on his shorts.
"I want to get a drink. You want anything?" Emile asked as he turned towards Alena.
"No. I am fine." Alena felt so defeated and alone in the tub.
As soon as Emile walked out of the bathroom, Alena quickly got out of the tub and changed into a clean set of clothes. She followed Emile to the kitchen. No, she could not just give up like that. She was not young anymore. The window of opportunity to have another child was closing on her. She knew that Emile wanted her to restart her career, but if they ever going to be a family of four, they'd better get it started now. If being romantic was not working, she would be rational. She would discuss it by listing the pros and cons.
"You still have not answered me yet." Alena quietly said. She wanted this to be a calm and rational discussion. She opened the fridge and grabbed herself a cold drink.
"What was your question again?" Emile carefully replied. He did not know how to convey his feelings without having her misunderstanding him. Asking questions appeared to be a better approach.
"You don't want another kid." Alena stated the fact from what she gathered.
"That is not a question," Emile shook his head, "and that's not what I have ever said."
"So? Do you want another kid or not? Just give me an answer." Alena's emotions slowly kicked into an overdrive but she did not notice a tiny bit.
"There is no simple answer to that question, Alena. I don't know if I want another child. It's something I don't spend much thought on." Emile sensed the change in her mood. He tried to remain calm, but his own emotion reared its ugly head.
"Well, think about it now. Do you want to have another child? I am not in my twenties anymore. I don't want to push for any medical miracle in the future. Besides, you don't want to have another child when Candy turns ten. They won't be able to play together if they have such a huge age gap." Alena could not hold it any longer. She needed to spell out the pros and cons.
"I know all that. But what about your studies, your career? You planned for only a year of mat leave when Candy was born. It turns out to be almost three years now. Another child will just add another three years time. How will you ever restart your career after six years of absence in the workforce?" Emile felt a pang in his heart as he imagined his smart and attractive wife, turning into a housewife who knew nothing about HIS world, the ugly corporate world he faced every day.
Alena had no words for that question. She knew how Emile thought of her. She knew how he cherished her role as a partner, his right hand woman. The guilt began to bubble up her throat. She was a disappointment to him and she hated that feeling.
"I honestly don't know what God has planned for me, Emile. I am as confused as I can ever be. I wish I can answer your question." Alena replied with her head hung low. She tried hard to not let the water spill from her eyes.
Crap! He hated seeing her cry. He vowed to love her by the altar. Looked at what he had done to her just now. He needed to fix it. Being the man of the house, he needed to remedy the situation.
"What are you confused about?" He asked softly as he walked up to her, making sure his emotion was intact. He did not touch her, knowing that she would flinch. Asking question would be the best approach to diffuse any conflicts.
"Everything!" She sobbed loudly, "I have no idea what I would be like in three years, in five years or in ten years. You remember our favourite question when we interview job candidates, 'how do you see yourself in three years? Five years?' I have no clue how to answer the question myself. I used to have goals. I used to be so sure of myself. But now...." She grabbed a piece of tissue and blew her nose. "I...I wish God can show me EXACTLY what he has planned for me and I don't have to guess. If I am destined to be a stayed home mom forever, then I will just stay home and have kids. If I am destined to be a career woman then I would go find a job right after I graduate and no more kids." She sobbed louder as she said the last words.
Emile stood beside her, not knowing what to say, because that was how he felt as well. He too was lost in the heaps of issues he faced in the office. Just as confused as Alena in her world, he did not know what role he should play in his world, when the boat was about to be rocked severely in the office.
"Things will eventually turn out fine," he finally managed to say that, though he might not have totally convinced himself.
"You want a piece of chocolate?" He opened the pantry and grabbed the box of assorted chocolate that the other family brought to them today. He opened it and grabbed a heart shaped piece, trying to convey his love to her.
Alena took it from him. She finally managed to control her crying. She looked at the heart shaped chocolate. She knew he was calling truce.
"Thank you." She popped the chocolate to her mouth as her lips pulled up a little. But then, her eyes went wide within a few seconds, and her lips turned down immediately. Her face cringed as if the chocolate was poisonous.
"What now?" Emile was baffled.
"It's filled with wine!" Alena could not take it anymore. She hated the taste of wine. She was not a drinker. She rushed to the sink and spit out the chocolate. She rinsed her mouth with water.
What an irony! A gesture of love turned out to be something she disliked.
"Let's go to bed". Emile sighed. He too felt defeated. He held her hand and walked up the stairs. The air between them was very different from the last time he held her hand and it was only an hour or so ago.
Tonight ended in a way neither of them had anticipated. No doubt that their love was genuine. But a thin wall was slowly being erected between them. Would their love be strong enough to bring that wall down? Their vows at the altar, if they could ever remember.....