Him..
"Please calm down." I said gently.
"Go to hell, Dean." She wiped her face again and walked past me to the bedroom. She got in and locked the door after her and started sobbing again.
I didn't know she held that much pain inside. I had no idea that that bastard cheated because she wouldn't sleep with him. I also knew nothing about her mother and that she gives her a hard time.
Ten minutes had passed and she still hadn't unlocked the door or come out.
"Emma?" I knocked on the bedroom's door. She didn't answer but I could still hear her crying.
What am I supposed to do now? This is all new to me and I'm fucking it up. I never fought or argued with a woman before. I never got jealous or possessive before. This is all new to me and I don't know what to do.. but from what I see I obviously am not doing the right thing.
It's just that it honestly hurt me that she thought I wouldn't have run to her if she had called. I mean, I may be a dick but I'm fucking trying to be better for her. I just never imagined that was actually what she thought of me. A coward. A selfish asshole who wouldn't give a shit about her being in a hospital or not. I'm going out of my fucking way trying to show her how much I care about her and how good I wanna be for her, yet that's what she still thinks of me.
Fuck, I must be doing this wrong.
"Emma, open the door. Let's talk about this, please." When she didn't answer again I sighed and sat back on the couch.
She's ignoring me and I hate that. Also, she said she would walk away from me. Why did she say something like that? I'm not going to let her walk away. It's not even a chance. She's not walking away from me, not now, not ever.
I will try to stop fighting with her if that'swhat it takes, but sometimes she needs to know that what she'd done is wrong, like right now. She is going to drive me insane being this careless about her wellbeing. She was tired and dizzy and she knew where I was yet she didn't call me. Let's say she was pissed as fuck at me for leaving, even though she didn't really try to stop me, she still could have called dad or Jake.
I must have somehow done something to imply that I don't care for her, but I have no idea what. Fuck, why is this so fucking hard? Why am I doing this so damn wrong? I hated that look in her eyes when she said that she's not going to change and I should stop trying. I'm not trying to change her. Yes, I'm trying to make her a little more careful, but I don't need to change a damn thing about her. I love her the way she is with every single detail, and I wouldn't want her to change a fucking thing.
Yes, I love her. I do love her. I fucking do.
I love her when she's mad, when she's sweet, when she's feisty, when she's cute. I love her when she babbles, when she says things out loud unintentionally, when she cries in my chest, when she giggles bashfully. I even love her when she challenges me and argues with me. But again, now what? What the fuck am I going to do? She's more hurt than I would've ever known. I must think of something...
I kept thinking almost all night till I fell asleep around four in the morning, on the couch, patiently waiting for her to come out. She had stopped crying and taken a showet but still hadn't unlocked the door by the time I dozed off.
Her...
"You know you can tell me, right?" Jake tried again when we got in his car.
"I-I don't want to talk about it." I sighed and looked out of the window.
"Oka-"
"No, I actually do." I shifted in my seat to face him.
"I don't know what to do with him. I mean, every time I do anything I find myself thinking first what Dean is going to say and how Dean is going to react. I didn't want to admit it at first, but I'm scared of him. I'm scared of what he thinks, and I hate that feeling. He wants someone else, not me. He wants someone perfect. Someone trained enough to listen to whatever he says and does exactly so. Someone who never does anything wrong." I shook my head.
"That's not me, okay? I do stupid things and I make wrong decisions, but I'm fine with myself that way. If he's not then he should just leave.. I mean, in this case, I'm the one who has to leave here. That's why I called you, to help me find a place that's good enough for him to like because I swear I can't take another fight. I'm fed up with all the fighting and shouting and of the way I'm trying to make him approve of me. That's actually the fight I'm truly done with. I'm not going to fight for getting his approval of me anymore. I don't have to and I definitely don't want to."
"You don't need his approval, Emma." Jake shook his head.
"Damn right, I don't." I agreed.
"No, not that. I mean, you don't need it. You already have it, and he doesn't want perfection, he wants you. I know that pretty damn well." Jake glanced at me then back at the road.
"No, Jake. He doesn't want me for me; he wants the idea of me but with different characteristics, different ways of thinking, of behaving. Different decisions, and a different personality altogether. That's not me. I'm not what he's looking for." I shook my head.
"He's not looking for anything, Emma. And I'm more than sure that he wasn't looking the night you met." He let out a sarcastic laugh.
"You came out of nowhere, and since he first laid eyes on you--" Jake continued but I interrupted him.
"He disapproved of me. We fought." I waved my hands.
"--you became his without even knowing it." He smiled at me and stopped the car. My stomach knotted at the though.
I became his. I love that! Am I his? I really want to be. I want to be his so much. And he did say that he wants me to be his too. But he didn't ask me yet. God, I so want him to ask. I mean, he's not perfect, I know that, but neither am I. He's driving me insane.
I let out a deep breath.
"Why did you stop the car?" I frowned.
"You know this will get him mad. He wants to find you the place himself." Jake explained.
"And you know that right now I don't really care what he wants." I crossed my arms.
"Emma, don't be stubborn. Pick up your cellphone. He hates it when you don't pick up on him." Jake tried once more.
"Fine! I will but only because I know that he hates it. I don't want to pick up but I don't want to do something he hates either." I pouted.
"He's driving you insane, isn't he?" Jake chuckled.
"More than you think." I picked up the cell phone and placed it on my ear.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Emma, where the fu--" he took a deep breath and let it out.
"Where are you?" He asked, trying to remain calm.
"I'm with Jake." I replied.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I couldn't miss the worried tone in his words. I knew he must have been worried. After I was done crying I found him asleep on the couch and as much as I wanted to have him gather me in his arms, I only covered him with a blanket then went to the bedroom. Three hours later, I asked Jake to come pick me up while Dean was still asleep, because I had absolutely no energy to deal with him. I cried my eyes out and didn't get much sleep, I was pretty worn out.
"Emma?" He shouted through the phone, causing me to jump in my seat.
"Yes. Yes, I'm here. I'm fine." He let out a breath and my heart started warming up.
"Why are you with Jake?" He asked.
"I needed him to help me look for a place." I said. Jake glared at me and I shrugged one shoulder.
I'm not going to lie to him. He'll get mad either way.
"I told you I'll find you a place, Emma." He stated and the hurt laced through his voice twisted at my heart.
"I know you did." I simply replied.
I hate being this cold to him. It makes my heart ache, but I can't do anything about it. I am mad at him and he should know that.
"When are you coming home?" He sounded sad.
Home. He asked me when I am coming home.
Okay, I need to stop being a lovesick puppy.
"We're heading there now." I cleared my throat and looked awkwardly at Jake who noticed my blush.
"Don't be late." He said.
"You have work, Dean. You need to go to the company." I reminded him.
"Fuck work. Just come back, okay?" He sounded really desperate and my heart ached again.
"Dean, don't do that. Your father would hate me if you do that." I sighed.
"He won't hate you. I'll call him and tell him that I'll be a little late. Don't worry about it, just get here already." He demanded.
"Okay." I said and hung up.
"See? I told you you'll sort it out." Jake started the car again.
"Sort what out, Jake? Why do you think he wants me home? To fight with me again. I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't fight with him anymore. I don't have the energy to do it again." I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning back in my seat.
God, please don't make him fight me again.. or at least give me the patience to stay. I don't want to leave just yet. I really don't.
Him..
She went to Jake. She didn't utter a word to me all night and she didn't even wake me up. I woke up to find the bed perfectly made and she was no where to be found. I thought she left again and I found myself running through the bedroom and yanking the walk-in closet open to see if she took her clothes or not.
Well, she's coming back up now which means that I have one more chance to take my head out of my ass and make things right. I must be patient, easy going with her, calm and considerate. I must do everything I can to show her that I care about her deeply and that I'm actually a good person at heart. I have to show her that she can trust me, that I would never intentionally hurt her, and that she can always depend on me, even if we were mad at each other or on a stupid fight. She's been hurt enough and I did add a lot to the pile. This time she'll be happy with me. I will make her happy.
She's fed up. She deserves to be happy a little and I will do that. I mean, after last night I knew how much she is hurt and I am gonna take that pain away. I will try my hardest.
The door's bell rang and I opened it for her.
"Hey, get in." She did and I closed the door after her.
"Are you alright?" I asked her when she went and sat on the couch.
"Yes. I'm fine. You?" She looked anywhere but at me.
"Yeah. I'm good." I replied.
"Okay, look, can we just not fight about this now? I know you want to but please, Dean, not now." She stood up.
"No, wait." I stood up as well and held her arm carefully.
"Dean, please, can't you just at least wait till I'm feeling a little better?" She shook her head in anger.
"I'm not going to fight, okay? I just want to talk to you." I looked down at her beautiful blue eyes.
"Well, I don't, so..." She turned towards the bedroom but I turned her back again.
"You don't need to. You just have to listen, okay? Please." I did sound desperate. She slightly nodded and I started on the speech I had well rehearsed.
"First of all, I'm sorry about everything you said last night. I didn't know that you held that much agony inside. We'll talk about it all later, if you want to, but now I need you to know something. I'm not trying to change you, Emma. You may be careless, naïve, provocative, aggressive, and sometimes do really wrong things--"
"Way to make a girl feel better, Dean." She glared at me.
"--but I love all these things about you." Her glare fell and she looked confused when I held her hand.
"I love how scared you make me. How protective and possessive of you I get. How jealous and mad you drive me. I love seeing you smile when I say something nice. I love seeing you blush every time I come close. I love seeing you cry and your eyes get all watery and cute, even though it drives me mad beyond belief. I love everything about you, the bad and the good. So even if I lose it and get mad at you a lot, I still wouldn't change a single thing about you, Emma. I swear, I fucking love you just the way you are."
-------
Please vote if you liked the chapter and comment your thoughts!
Oh, and check out my new story! it's called "Cupid's Perfect Choice" It's romantic comedy
You're gonna love it!